


Dads (full)

by Toad_Town



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: AU, Adoption, Anxiety, Autistic Satya "Symmetra" Vaswani, Baking, Budding Romance, Bullying, Canon Autistic Character, Car Accidents, Comfort, Dad 76, Dad Reaper, Daddy Jeff, Disassociation, Exploration, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gay, Gender Dysphoria, Halloween episode, High Functioning Autism, Highschool AU, Hospitals, I just wanted to write OW kids with gay dads, Identity Issues, Insomnia, M/M, Mental Injuries, Music, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Party, Past Child Abuse, Picnics, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Skipping School, Suburban AU, Suburban Exploration, Trans Sombra (Overwatch), Trespassing, Young Love, adopted family, appearance transformation, bastion as a puppy, disassociating, kinda anthology at first, lowkey gay crushes, mental health, none shown, not weed I mean literally making baked goods, obviously nothing shown, physical injuries, pretty much everyone is here even if they only get a mention or two, relationships/tags/characters updated as I go, shimada house, tw: mentioned rape, wholesome father/daughter relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-03-18 04:37:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 42
Words: 106,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13674414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toad_Town/pseuds/Toad_Town
Summary: Jack Morrison and Gabriel Reyes do their best to guide Sombra, Jesse, and Hana Reyes-Morrison through high schoolI started writing this as a series of separate works in July and got 24 chapters in before I realized it had to be its own work, so I polished them up and posted them all here.As of 2/18, regular updates will resume here.





	1. Please Report to the Principal's Office

4/4/2017

The blade of the cuisinart mixer whirs along softly as Gabe slowly pours in the flour, baking soda, and salt, a fine white mist rising off the bowl as the dough thickens. When the measuring cup is empty he refills it with chocolate chips, but the phone rings right as he’s about to dump it in. His mouth automatically goes dry when he sees it’s the school. This is probably not something he wants to deal with on his day off.

“Hello?” 

“Hello, this is Principal Kaplan speaking.” He’s relieved it’s not the nurse. “We have two of your kids and a very angry teacher here—”

“What happened?” he asks, not sure whether to be worried or angry.

“Their precalculus substitute, Mr. Seilor, says they caused a major disruption in class, but your kids refuse to speak until you get here. Jesse’s exact words were something along the lines of ‘I reserve the right to speak without my father present’. Would it be possible for you or your husband to come by now and we can get this sorted out?”

Gabe sighs. “I’ll be right over.”

He drives to school, vaguely annoyed at how much principal Kaplan seemed to intentionally keep hidden. His mind’s in overdrive, trying to figure out what happened. It must’ve been Jesse and Sombra, Hana wouldn’t be in precalc for another two years, but they have two very different brands of troublemaking. He wouldn’t put it past one of them to get the other involved in a scheme, yes, but he can’t imagine either of them coordinating something bad enough to get them in major trouble.

He pulls into the parking lot after a five minute drive, walks through the front doors, and enters the office.

Jesse, seeming to be literally biting his tongue, stares at the sub. He uses the couple inches the teacher has on him to deliver a special kind of insolence in his gaze. Mr. Seilor stares back, trying to intimidate him. Sombra looks at the floor, visibly upset. Seeing that look on his daughter’s face immediately angers him.

“What happened?” he asks.

Kaplan opens his mouth, but Seilor interrupts. “Your children repeatedly spoke out and interrupted class, despite my requests to let me teach. After I politely asked them to settle down, many other students joined in. These two were the ringleaders, so I brought them here. I would not hesitate, however, to bring in the other students.”

Both of his kids seem to get angrier. It looks like Jesse’s contemplating spitting in his face. Sombra clenches her fist and narrows her eyes, not looking up.

“Sombra, can you tell me what happened?”

A look that really scared Gabe crosses her face, one that looked like fear and shame. She shakes her head.

_ That’s really not like her, _ Gabe thinks. “Jesse? Care to enlighten me?”

“Gladly. So Sielor here was taking roll…”

“

“Reyes-Morrison, Jesse?”

“Here.”

“Reyes-Morisson, Marcello?”

“My name is Sombra,” she says.

“It says Marcello on the attendance list.”

“But I go by Sombra now. I’d prefer if you didn’t call me Marcello.”

He rolled his eyes and moved on with the roll. Then he told them to open their textbooks, and wrote a problem on the board. When he asked who could answer it, Sombra raised her hand.

“Yes, Marcello.”

“Please call me Sombra. The answer is—”

“Your name on the sheet is Marcello.”

“Dude, just call her Sombra,” I said.

“I assume you are his brother?”

“No, I’m  _ her _ brother.”

“Well, Mr. Reyes, I’m going to have to ask you to stop interrupting me. Now, Marcello…”

Sombra was visibly upset at this point.

“What’s your problem? She asked you to call her Sombra!” a guy with red headphones around his neck said.

“You’re the one making this a big deal, not them,” said a girl with blue hair.

“Class, you are interrupting my lesson, and if this continues—”

“What, you’ll make wrong names for ALL of us?” said a tall girl with short red hair.

“Mrs. Seilor, may I use the bathroom?” a boy with goofy hair asked. He got varied responses, the girl next to him shot him a glare, but mostly people laughed.

“It’s  _ Mr. _ Seilor—”

“And she’s Ms. Reyes!” I shouted. “What the hell’s your problem?”

”

“And then he yelled for a while and now we’re here,” Jesse says. Sombra seems to be on the verge of tearing up.

“Well, I think I heard enough,” Kaplan says, standing. “Sombra, we’ll get the attendance problem fixed immediately so this doesn’t happen again. Mr. Seilor,” the family can see the defeat in Seilor’s eyes and delight in it, “you will not be invited back to our school. Please leave the premises, and may I give you a bit of advice? Don’t bring students to the office when  _ you’re _ violating school policy.”

Jesse and Sombra look at him smugly, and it’s Gabe’s turn to glare at him. He mutters something offensive and stalks off.

“I’ll be taking care of your class today,” Kaplan says.

“They’ll be with you in just a minute,” Gabe says. Kaplan nods and leaves towards the office.

“Jesse, I’m very proud of you for sticking up to your sister. And your classmates as well. You were very noble.”  _ Jack picked the right town to move to, _ he thinks to himself.

Jesse shrugs. “Guy was an asshole.”

“Alright, go to class.”

“See ya, dad,” he says, and walks away.

He leans down to Sombra. “Are you ok?”

“I’m fine,” she says. He sees that her eyes are wet.

“Hey, listen to me. Don’t think about that asshole. He’s old. He’ll be dead soon.” she can’t help but cough out a laugh. “Think about your classmates who all stood up for you. Idiots like him are gonna be replaced by people like your friends.”

“But dad, how can you be sure?” she asks, sniffling.

“I’m openly gay and raising three children. If I wasn’t sure of that, then I wouldn’t have been able to even ask your dad on that first date. I know people like Seilor are scary. But you’ll always have your family and you’ll always have your friends. You can count on us.”

He pulls her into a tight hug, and she squeezes back, tears smudging her makeup. They stay like that for a little bit, then they pull away.

“Now run back to class. I’ll have cookies will be ready when you get home.”


	2. Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hana goes to a party and decides she doesn't like it much

4/28/2017

The music’s too loud and the flashing lights pound against her eyes. Cigarette and marijuana smoke mingle in the air, forcing her to breathe through her mouth. She’s dying for something to drink, but she’s nervous about whatever anyone might’ve put in the few non-alcoholic options.

_ I’m a freshman in a junior’s party _ , she realizes. She checks the time, and it’s barely 9:30.  _ God, how late is this gonna go? _ She doesn’t think she can even stand another half hour of this.

She pulls out her phone.  _ Dad, can you come get me? _ The four minutes it takes for a response go agonizingly slow. One lifeless EDM song fades into a terrible rap song one of the juniors made. This would be the last time in her life she makes the mistake of not bringing headphones.

_ COP DAD: Why? Did something happen? _

Right after sending the text, Jack gets up to leave. “Hana wants me to pick her up,” he tells his husband.

“What’s wrong?”

Just before admitting he has no idea, his phone buzzes. “She says she just doesn’t want to be there. Apparently there’s a bunch of alcohol and some drugs.”

Jack sends a quick text back and Gabe sighs. “I knew we shouldn’t have let her go. She’s in ninth grade, Jack!”

“I doubt she’ll want to, next time.” he grabs the keys, takes something from the windowsill, and goes out the door.

_ COP DAD: Want me to take the cruiser, really give them a scare? _

_ Hana: Lol no, just the minivan please _

Her phone immediately buzzes after sending it, her dad’s car giving her an automated response.  _ I’m driving right now. I’ll get back to you later. _

She breathes a sigh of relief. Just ten minutes and she can escape.

A couple minutes before he arrives, she starts getting ready to head out, but she’s stopped at the door by a sophomore she recognizes from one of her classes. He’s on the football team, he’s barely passing the class they’re in together, and he reeks of axe and alcohol. And his name’s Scott. Hana knows nothing else about him.

“Hey, pretty great party, huh?”

“If you say so.”

He seems to realize she’s trying to get out of the door. “Hey, you’re not leaving already, are you?”

“Yeah, I was.”

He grabs her arm, and she starts to panic. “Come on downstairs, we’re gonna play spin the bottle.”

_ No no no no nonononono _

“Don’t touch me!” she pulls herself away.

“Ah, you’re no fun.”

He walks off, and she sprints out the door, shuddering at his touch. Jack is just getting out the door, and she runs to hug him. “Dad! Thank you!”

He hugs her back, chuckling softly. “What’s funny?” she asks.

“Nothing, really. Just that for most girls your age, if their dad took them from a party at ten at night, she definitely wouldn’t run and hug them.”

He opens her door for her, and she climbs in. “I wasn’t a party kid when I was in high school, either. I just liked hanging with a small group.”

He turns on his playlist of music that she dubbed “dad music,” and she can’t help but roll her eyes.

“Open the glove compartment.” she does, and her headphones are inside.

“Dad, did I ever tell you you’re the best?”

“Maybe when you were a kid,” he chuckles. Her headphones are already on, and he hears faint K-pop.

She logs into discord from her phone, deciding that the rest of her night should be spent with people she actually likes.

_ D.Va: heya _

_ Lúcio: hello! _

_ Lúcio: weren’t you supposed to be busy tonight? _

_ D.Va: yeah there was this party _

_ D.Va: it sucked _

_ Lúcio: aw damn :( _

_ D.Va: where is everyone? _

_ Lúcio: Europe squad’s already asleep, probably _

_ Lúcio: No idea about Efi _

_ Lúcio: Rest of my bandmates are out _

_ Lúcio: I don’t know where the hell the Junkers are _

_ Lúcio: A bunch of people are just offline _

_ Lúcio: And it looks like the rest of your squad is playing starcraft _

_ D.Va: Without their star player? _

_ D.Va: lol how’s that going? _

_ Cobra: NOT WELL, HANA _

_ Cobra: COME BACK _

_ D.Va: lol I’m on my way. _

_ Lúcio: So what made the party suck so bad? _

_ D.Va: I just didn’t want to be there. Music sucked and everyone was drunk and there was this creep. _

_ D.Va: IDK guess I’m just not a “party” girl. _

_ Lúcio: aw man ): _

_ D.Va: it’s ok I like you guys better anyway _

_ Lúcio: :D _

The car stops. Hana looks around, confused as to where they are and why it isn’t home.

She pulls one of her headphones to the side and turns to her dad.

“I know you wanted a fun night, so I didn’t want to bring you home just yet.” Her face lights up when she realizes they’re outside an ice cream parlor. She runs up to the window, where the smiling face of the owner greets her.

“Hi Ms. Zhou!”

“Good evening,” she says with a cantonese accent. “And hello, Mr. Morrison. I missed you two over the winter.”

“I was glad to see you’ve finally reopened,” Jack says. He orders a small milkshake, and Hana gets a large cup of bubblegum ice cream.

Her phone buzzes again.

_ Cobra: HANA WHERE ARE YOU? _

_ D.Va: I’m having ice cream with my dad _

_ D.Va: Fuck off _

_ D.Va: :) _

She pockets her phone and digs in to her ice cream. Jack is reminded of when she was a kid, and smiles with nostalgia.


	3. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse gets ran around, and his sisters try to cheer him up

5/13/2017

“This one?” Gabe asks, holding up a black suit jacket.

“Nope.”

“This one?”

“Hmm… nope.”

Hana sighs as they move down the Uniqlo aisles. She’d agreed to go to the mall with them so she could take a look around Gamestop and Box Lunch, but their trip through the endless clothing stores is enough to make her regret it. Yes, she’s happy that her brother is celebrating his one year anniversary with his girlfriend, but she sees no reason for them to waste an afternoon in the mall. Her fingers twitch in beat with her headphones as she waits impatiently for the next—

“Hana?”

She pulls one earphone off to the side. “Yeah?”

“There’s nothing here, we’re moving on.” she sighs and follows.

Jesse’s insistent on making the night perfect, and to him that started with looking perfect. He’d already gotten a brand new razor; he wouldn’t be able to grow a nice looking beard in a week in a half at age 17, so he’s going clean shaven. Gabe fortunately convinced him to skip the cologne, and he’s got a haircut scheduled for three days before the date, one day to make sure it looked right, one day to get it fixed, and a third to make sure he wouldn’t find stray hairs the night of. The quest for the right suit also involves the quest for the right shoes, which he knows Hana will hate just enough to be entertaining to him.

By the time they’re home, the pizza Jack ordered was already halfway gone. Hana stares at Jesse, pissed off from being made to miss dinner. He pretends to not notice, so she grabs her food and retreats to her room.

 

Before the date, Jesse’s clean, well dressed, and almost bouncing with excitement. He can’t seem to stop smiling, and he even puts his sisters in a good mood. He heads off in Jack’s car in the early evening, right when the day cools to a crisp and the sky becomes romantic.

When he comes back, it’s close to midnight and the stars are covered by clouds. The suburbs are overcome with the silence of crickets, the occasional car, and not much else. His dads are both up to ask him how it went, but they back off when he walks in with a slouch and eyes that refuse to make contact. His feet drag and he insists on going off to his room.

“You want to talk to him or should I?” Jack asks.

“I’ll take this one. I don’t have to open the bakery tomorrow morning, you get some rest.”

“I doubt I’ll be able to.”

“Try.” Gabe walks down the hall and knocks on Jesse’s door. When he doesn’t hear an answer, he walks in. The lights are off, but he can tell that Jesse’s new jacket was thrown messily on the floor. He picks it up and hangs it over a chair before going to sit on his bed.

“What happened, hijo?”

He shakes his head against his pillow. Gabe places a hand on his back. When he doesn’t push him away immediately, he tries again. “What’s the matter?”

“She cheated on me,” he says, the drawl he normally tries so hard to maintain gone from his voice. “For two months!”

“Oh, Jesse,” he says, starting to rub his back. He feels him trying to choke back sobs, refusing to let himself cry. Gabe chooses not to tell him it’s ok to. “Did she tell you?”

“She told me she’d rather be with him,” he says, tears in his voice.

“You shouldn’t be with a girl like that anyway. She did you a favor.”

“But I want to be with her!”

“I know. I’ve been there before. But it’ll go away. Jesse, look at me.”

He rolls over, his eyes wet and hurt. Gabe recognizes him as his son, but only barely. He’s lost his bravado and ever-present half-smiling charm. “Everyone gets hurt like this. It’s part of life. I wish I could tell you that it won’t happen again, but I can’t. But one day you’ll find someone that makes all the pain worth it. Someone who would never dream of anyone but you. Someone who would happily spend the rest of their life with you, and you’ll happily spend the rest of your life with. Whenever someone hurts you, just think about them. They’re waiting for you.”

“How do you know?”

“I’ve been in the same place you are now. Before and even after I met Jack. I know it hurts, but I know it gets better.”

“But how do you know I’ll find someone?”

“Everyone does. You just have to have faith and patience.” He starts to get up. “Can I get you anything?”

“No.”

“Get some sleep. Sleep through tomorrow if you need to.” Gabe closes the door behind him, sighs, and walks upstairs to fill in his husband.

 

_ Hana: I overheard dads talking _

_ Hana: Jesse are you ok? _

_ Sombra: What happened? _

_ Jesse: Nothing _

_ Jesse: Let me sleep _

_ Hana: Haha no way _

_ Hana: We’re vandalising this bitch’s house. _

_ Jesse: No _

_ Sombra: why what’d she do?? _

_ Hana: Jesse tell her _

_ Jesse: NO _

_ Hana: Can I tell her _

_ Hana: Bitch had a side boy for 2 months and dumped Jesse tonight _

_ Hana: Let’s get some eggs _

_ Hana: And spray paint _

_ Hana: And tp _

_ Hana: And Lena _

_ Jesse: Fuck now we’re dragging Lena into this? _

_ Hana: Let’s gooooooo _

_ Hana: Sombra you with me? _

_ Sombra: Can’t sleep anyways. _

_ Hana: K ill text Lena _

_ Jesse: Don’t _

_ Hana: Jesse you’re coming with me even if we have to drag you along _

His door opens as soon as he receives the message. He groans and stuffs his feet in his shoes, then silently follows his sisters out the door.

They walk a few blocks when a blue car with an orange stripe rolls up alongside them. “Cheers, love!” Hana quickly jumps in shotgun, and her siblings climb in the back.

“Got ran around, didja?” Lena asks. Jesse groans. “Good thing I had spray paint already, the 24 hour convenience store doesn’t sell it. We can get eggs and paper there, though.”

It’s painfully obvious to the cashier what they’re doing, but he just tells them it’s a perfect night for some mayhem and rings them up without a problem. Jesse drags his feet as the girls race back to the car. Lena drives like a maniac to the cheater’s house, parking a block away. They unload the trunk and sneak over to the lavish house with a big tree on the lawn.

“They’re not even home!” Hana squeals. There are no cars in the driveway, and a quick peek shows that the garage is empty too. All the lights are off in the house, and no noise comes from it.

She hands Jesse an egg. “You get the first throw, man.”

“No. I didn’t want to do this in the first place.”

“You totally did,” Hana says. “You could’ve just kicked me out of your room and went to sleep, but you came with us. Barely even put up a fight. Throw it. Right at her window!”

He takes the egg and looks up to the second floor. Recognizing her window, he grunts and hurls the egg up. It smashes against the glass, slowly dribbling down the side.

“Again!” Hana urges. He takes another egg and tosses it. They cheer quietly and he stares up at her window, anger and disbelief on his face.

Lena tosses Hana a roll of toilet paper and keeps one for herself. Hana starts on the tree and Lena on the house.

“Be right back,” Sombra says, and disappears around back. She returns a minute later, grinning.

“What’d you do?” Hana asks.

“The one thing I’m going to miss when I don’t have a penis.”

“Eww, did you—”

“Jeez, no! I just peed on their porch.”

“You know, that makes it yours now,” Lena comments. “Wanna mark your territory, cowboy?”

He groans which she takes as a no. She shrugs and tosses Sombra a can of spray paint. Jesse takes another egg and throws it at the door.

Jesse paces around anxiously, occasionally throwing an egg. Hana and Lena finish up their toilet paper art.

“Really, Sombra?” Hana asks. “A peace sign?”

She shrugs. “Figured a skull was too far. Couldn’t think of anything else.”

A light shines on them, and they freeze. A muscular young woman with short pink hair stands on the neighboring porch with a flashlight.

“Uh… Hi, Aleks,” Lena manages.

“I do not have to worry about my house, do I?” she asks, her accent thick.

“No, just theirs,” she responds, returning to chipperness.

“Good. They are… not nice. But I suggest you leave soon.”

“Alright, we will. Have a good night, Aleks.”

“You as well.” She closes the door.

Lena gets the rest of the eggs. “Well, you heard her. Let’s unload and head off.”

There’s 4 eggs left, so each of them take one. They reach back and throw them in unison. They arc gloriously through the air until splattering unceremoniously on the house. With one last work at their masterpiece, they pile back into her car and drive back home.

As his sisters exit of the car, Lena stops Jesse before he can get out. “It’s gonna be alright, cowboy. It’s gonna be alright.”


	4. Welcome to the Neighborhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two new boys move into the neighborhood, and one of them catches Jesse's eye

6/9/2017

_ Jesse: SOS _

_ Lena: What’s up? _

_ Jesse: One of the new boys is the prettiest guy I’ve ever seen _

_ Lena: New boys? _

_ Lena: It’s June! _

_ Lena: Who are they? _

_ Jesse: They’re from Japan. The hot one is Hanzo and his brother Genji kinda looks like a geek _

_ Lena: Which grade are they in? _

_ Jesse: Ours _

_ Jesse: God, can you imagine moving to a new school 3 weeks before graduation? _

_ Jesse: Good thing they’re here for another year _

_ Lena: So are you gonna ask him out? _

_ Jesse: I think I’m gonna invite both of them to the dinner _

_ Lena: Aw sweet, we’ll all get to meet them. _

_ Jesse: Just gotta ask dads permission first _

He pockets his phone as his physics teacher walks in. She sits at her desk and opens her laptop wordlessly.

Jesse turns to the girl sitting at the lab bench with him. “Thought they’d at least get an introduction.” She shrugs and turns back to her phone. He turns to the new boys.

“Howdy.”

“Hello,” Genji says. Hanzo nods respectfully.

“Y’all can put your notebooks away. She hasn’t taught us anything since the AP test.”

“Sounds wasteful,” Hanzo says.

“Yeah, it is.” He lowers his voice to a whisper. “We got a betting pool going on whether or not she’ll get hired back for next year.”

“Was she a good teacher before the test?”

“Not in the slightest. Doubt any of us got higher than a 3.”

The conversation pauses after that, so Jesse asks another question. “So why’d you guys change schools at the end of the year?”

“We lived in New York since the beginning of the year, but our dad got relocated” Hanzo says lying about the last part with rehearsed ease, “so we moved here as soon as possible. Due to a couple school policies, if we didn’t enroll for the last few weeks, we would have lost credit in most classes. So we needed to stick around.”

Jesse sighs. “Wouldn’t be missing much if you didn’t. My sister Sombra’s having dad sign her out after lunch today because she thinks she could get more work done at home than she could here.”

“Work?” Genji asks.

“She’s a programmer. Working mostly as a freelance web designer nowadays.”

“Is she our age?”

“Three months older than me.”

Hanzo’s brow furrows, confused. “We’re adopted,” he explains.

“Ah.”

“Can I see your schedules?” he asks.

The brother procure them, and Jesse looks them over. “Looks like I’m in AP lang with you,” he looks at Hanzo, “and gym and precalc with you. For the rest of the month, at least.”

After a while of small talk, the bell rings and they head to lunch. “Alright, I’m at the cool kids table. You can sit with us, maybe stick around if people like you.”

He leads them to a round table near the back, where Lena and Amelie already sit with their food. Jesse steals a couple chairs from the nearby table so they can sit.

“Look who I found,” he says.

“Aw, nice, you got the new kids!”

“Wow, who’s this loser?” Efi asks, grinning. She’d met Genji during study hall earlier, and they’d already befriended each other. He smiles and waves at her.

Angela’s right behind her. “Jesse, dinner’s tonight, right?”

“Dinner’s every night,” he grins. “Yeah, of course. Lena, you’re still on probation. Behave.”

She giggles at the memory, slightly guilty.

“Remember, don’t eat much at lunch, gotta save room.” He looks at his sister right before she sits down. “Not you, Sombra. Eat.”

“I’m eating.” She rolls her eyes.

He spends all of his next class teaching himself how to fold paper airplanes, which he plans to let loose in gym. He stuffs them in his backpack and heads off to lang.

He pulls out his phone.

_ Jesse: Dad _

_ Jesse: We got two new kids today, can we invite them to dinner? _

_ Baker Dad: Sure. Any allergies? _

_ Jesse: Let me check _

He turns behind him. “Hey Hanzo, every month my dads have this dinner for me and my sisters’ friends and they’re having one tonight, you wanna come?”

“Your… dads?”

“Yeah. We have two dads. That’s why we’re all adopted. You don’t have, like, a problem with that, do you?”

“I do not, and Genji wouldn’t either. However I think it might be best to not tell my parents. They’re very… old fashioned.”

“Oh. But are you in?”

“I do not see why not. Thank you.”

 

Lena bounds over the gate leading to the backyard just as Jesse, Sombra, and Gabe finish setting up the awning over the table. The scent of the feast wafts from inside as Jack and Hana manage three dishes at a time, starting a new one just as they finish another.

“Lena, just in time!” Gabe says. “You can help us carry the food out.”

“Damn! I’ll get the timing right eventually,” she says. Jesse smirks.

Efi and her little sister Orisa show up next, a few minutes early as always. Hana runs to greet her and show of the Switch she just got. Sombra joins them in the living room as the larger crowd starts trickling in, and then out to the backyard.

Jesse checks the clock as the minutes count down, and finally sees a ridiculously fancy car pull in down the street. He nudges Hana, who whistles fondly when she sees it.

“Damn, I’d love to ride in that. I’d want to  _ touch _ that.”

“Wonder what it’s doing down h— oh my god.”

They stare stunned as Hanzo and Genji climb out of the backseat and onto the sidewalk. Genji waves as the car pulls away, and they walk towards the Morrison-Reyes house.

“No way. No fucking way.”

Jesse opens the door once they’re on the sidewalk. “Hey guys, glad you could make it.”

“Yo!” Genji greets.

Hanzo nods respectfully. “Thank you for having us.”

He leads them to the backyard, where their friends are either seated or milling around. He introduces them around until Genji breaks off and starts chatting up Angela.

“Hey dads, this is the new kid. Hanzo Shimada.”

Jack pauses for a second, and his face clouds. “Shimada?”

Hanzo meets his gaze, something in his eyes Jesse can’t quite make out. “Yes, Shimada.”

Jack breaks out of his little trance. “Well, great to meet you. Welcome to the neighborhood.” They shake hands.

Gabe starts corralling everyone over to the table. Jesse sits down with Hanzo on one side of him and Lena on the other. They pass the plates around the table, piling their plates high with chicken and potatoes and rolls and anything they can get their hands on.

“Bathroom’s right off the kitchen if you eat too much,” Jesse whispers. To his surprise he gets a light chuckle out of Hanzo. For the next hour, the table buzzes with conversation, banter and catch up, jokes sprinkled into occasionally serious conversation. Dessert comes out, cakes and pies and cookies, and all too soon the sun sets and people start heading out.

“Thank you very much for having us,” Hanzo says.

“The food was excellent,” Genji adds.

“Thank you boys for coming, it was great having you,” Gabe says.

As they’re leaving, Jesse gestures for Lena to come with him. He stops them just as they’re about to leave the property.

“Hey, since you’re new here, want us to show you around the neighborhood?” Jesse offers. “We could show you some pretty cool stuff.”

“Sounds awesome!” Genji says.

“I’ll cancel the driver,” Hanzo says as he pulls out his phone.

“Awesome. Follow us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's gonna be all for tonight, I'll get the rest of them up here ASAP  
> To new readers, welcome, I hope you're liking it so far. If you're taking this opportunity to reread, thank you! Hope these old chapters hold up, I've improved a lot while writing these and IMO these older ones don't really compare to the newer ones.


	5. Exploring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While out with Lena, Genji, and Hanzo, Jesse makes his move

6/9/2017

“Crafts building?” Lena suggests.

“Not dark enough,” Jesse answers. “Sun’s barely set. Let’s just go to the park for a little bit first.”

He leads them down main street, pointing out stores or restaurants he thought they should know, as well as a bit of commentary on what they should avoid.

“So as you go up Main Street, the Italian places get better and better. We have shit like Papa Johns and knockoff crap like that by my house, then we have some decent chains over in the middle of town, and on the other side we have the really good family owned places. It’s the opposite for mexican food. On the other side of town we have the greasy wannabe crap, then in the middle of town we have some decent stuff like Moe’s, then over by our house we have the  _ really _ good stuff.”

While Jesse talks to Hanzo one on one, Genji defaults to talking to Lena. “So that Angela girl, she’s really cute.”

“Oh, she’s  _ gorgeous _ . Really smart too, she’s in the first aid squad and she says she’s gonna get an M.D and a Ph.D. I’d be more surprised if she didn’t do it.”

He whistles, impressed. “Do you know what in?”

“For a while it was physics, but recently she’s been really into biotech.”

“Biotech, huh? I could get into that… does she have a boyfriend?”

“You know, I’m not really sure what’s up with her. She told me she liked girls more than boys, but I don’t think she’s had a girlfriend ever. She is single, though, so if you like her you might as well ask her out.”

“So you and your, uh, sisters are all adopted?” Hanzo asks.

“Yep. I once overheard them talking about adopting a fourth, but they haven’t brought it up since.”

“Do you ever wonder about your birth parents?”

“Wonder, sure, but I’ve never wanted to meet them. They told me that they were friends with Sombra’s parents before and during her pregnancy and they were really nice people who just couldn’t afford a child, but for me they might as well have dropped me on the doorstep.” He pauses. “Sorry, got a little deep there. Tell me about your parents. What do they do?”

“My father’s a businessman, that’s why he gets transferred around every few years. To be completely honest, I don’t like my mother or father much. I’d rather not get too into it, but they have a lot of ideals that I disagree with.”

“Oh yeah, you said they probably wouldn’t like that I have two dads.”

“Yes. They’re very… backwards. Genji and I are very much looking forwards to going to college.”

“Where are you thinking of going?”

“I had planned on going to school back in Japan, but now I think I’d rather stay in the states. I’m not sure where to go yet.”

“Most of my friends are thinking of just going to Oasis. It’s a pretty good school and it’s real close. A lot of people are obsessed with getting out of town, going somewhere bigger, but I like it here. I don’t think I could stand the city.”

They enter the park, where they regularly kill time before sunset.

“What about you, Lena? Do you have a boyfriend?”

Jesse turns and laughs. “You’re pretty clueless, aren’t you?” Lena’s giggling as well.

“What? What is it?”

“She’s super gay, man,” Jesse says.

“Oh. Then do you have a girlfriend?”

“Not at the moment.”

“I’ve been trying to convince her to ask out this girl Emily for the past couple weeks, but she won’t do it.”

“Dude, she’s so much hotter than me.”

“That’s just not true.” He shakes his head. “What about you boys? You got any guys or girls back home?”

“There were a couple girls I was seeing, but no one serious.” Genji says. Hanzo just shakes his head.

“Lena, where were you thinking of going to college?” Hanzo asks.

“I’m not. I’m turning 18 the July after senior year, then I’m going Air Force.”

“Impressive.”

“What about you, Genji?”

“I don’t think college is for me. I might go military or I might try to get a career right after high school.”

“If you can bake, my dad can probably get you a job at his bakery. They like helping out the high school kids over there.”

“Which dad?”

“Gabe. Jack’s the cop.”

After a full lap around the park, the sun’s almost fully below the horizon. “Alright, crafts building. Let’s go,” Lena says.

“What’s the crafts building?” Genji asks.

“It’s an abandoned store that’s been rotting for a couple years since it closed. I think they were trying to sell it for a while, but there’s no way anyone’s gonna by the piece of shit.”

The streetlights turn on as they walk back into town.

“So you’re not sure what’s after college?”

Hanzo shakes his head. “Not a clue.”

“Do you know what you want to do when you’re older?”

He sighs. “Don’t know that either.”

Jesse grins. “Me neither. When I was little I really wanted to be a cowboy, maybe I could give that a shot.”

He smirks. “A cowboy?”

“Of course. Still dress up as one every other Halloween.”

“Oh God,” Lena interjects. “That’ll be this year, won’t it?”

Jesse grins again. “Sure will!”

“You still dress up for Halloween?”

“My family takes Halloween  _ very _ seriously. Hana’s had a cardboard mech suit last year, it was really cool.”

“It’s insane, they spend all of October decorating the house.”

“I’m looking forward to seeing it.”

They arrive in an abandoned blue building just off the main road. Jesse jogs up to the door and tries to open it. “Damn, they locked it again.”

Lena nods and walks around the side. She forces the window open and climbs through it, and unlocks the door from the inside.

“Why here?” Hanzo asks.

“It’s just a fun place to check out. We used to chill in the basement but it’s been flooded for a couple months, and we’re pretty sure there’s an attic but we haven’t found a stairway up or anything. It’s also a pretty nice place to go if you need a quiet place to think.”

Jesse and Lena give them a quick tour of the building, then head out. “If a bunch of us want to hang out, a lot of the time we’ll just say ‘meet at the crafts building’, so that’s here,” Lena explains. “Oh! We can climb that hipster cafe place! There’s a ladder in the back that can take you to the roof if you can jump up to it.”

Genji once again readily agrees, so they trek out once more.

Lena whispers to Jesse. “You ask out Hanzo and I’ll ask out Emily.”

“Partner, you got yourself a deal. Just get yourself and Genji off the roof before Hanzo and I leave.”

A short walk few failed running jumps later, the four teenages crouch on the roof of their local overpriced cafe, watching the light flow of traffic and pedestrians below, looking at the parks and larger cities surrounding the suburb. They’re quiet for a minute, and when Jesse looks behind him, Lena and Genji are gone.

“So, how did you like your first day in town?”

“I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would. You have my thanks.”

“Think you’re gonna be hanging with us the rest of the summer? We didn’t scare you off?”

“I’ll definitely be with you guys. This is the most fun I’ve had in a while.”

“Awesome!” He locks eyes with Hanzo. “I’m glad to hear that. I really like you.” He leans a little closer. “I’m glad you came.” Hanzo moves a little closer. “I—”

Their lips touch, and Jesse feels something he hadn’t felt for the last eight months with his old girlfriend. The electricity between them keeps them together for almost a minute before pulling apart, and they both already want each other back.

“Guess we can’t tell your parents about this.”

“I guess we’ll have to spend a lot of time at your house,” Hanzo answers.

They climb off the roof. “Your move, cowgirl,” he whispers to Lena.


	6. I Need Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hana does everything in her power to get Lúcio out of a tough spot

6/15/2017

_ Sombra: Hana _

_ Sombra: HOLY SHIT _

_ Hana: what _

_ Sombra: DID GROWING BOOBS HURT THIS MUCH FOR YOU FUCKING HELL _

_ Hana: oh yeah you’re on estrogen now _

_ Hana: welcome to hell _

_ Hana: and go to the nurse _

_ Sombra: already did _

_ Hana: enjoy your free bag of ice and nap _

_ Sombra: SHE ACTUALLY GAVE ME A BAG OF ICE _

_ Sombra: WTF AM I GONNA DO WITH IT _

_ Hana: lol _

_ Hana: g2g teacher’s getting sus _

_ Sombra: THIS ISN’T A LAUGHING MATTER I’M IN PAIN _

_ Hana: gl feel better _

 

Less than an hour away, Lúcio lies in his bed with music on high. His mother’s in a screaming match with his aunt, who lives with them. He tries to focus on the melodies, thinking what instruments could make it better, what chords could change the feel, how he could twist the notes around and make the song his own. It repeats over and over, restarting the song as soon as it ends, just like his caretakers restarting the argument whenever it might be ending. His computer whines as it struggles to load up the cracked copy of FL Studio he managed to find, slowed by the virus that came with it.

The screaming stops and the door slams. His aunt marches up to his room. “This is your fault, you know.”

“Mm.”

“Listen to me!”

“I’m listening.”

“We weren’t happy about living together, but we could deal with it until  _ you _ showed up fifteen years ago! And then your father went and got shot, and it got even worse!”

“Mhm.”

“Listen to me!”

“I’ve heard this a million times!”

“Don’t talk back to me!”

_ She’s actually insane _ , he thinks to himself.

“We try to provide for you, we got you that computer you so wanted and your phone and headphones, and you’d think you could be  _ just a little grateful _ —”

He remembers almost breaking down in tears of joy when he saw the computer, but clearly his aunt doesn’t have that memory.

“Maybe show us a little damn respect—”

He made the mistake of asking when exactly he’d acted disrespectful in the past, and although tempted, he doesn’t ask again. She continues ranting as his eyes glaze over.

By the time Hana’s out of school, Lúcio’s aunt has left the house, probably to the same bar his mom went to. He tries to focus on the music, but he’s far too distracted. As tempted as he is to go outside for a walk, if they come home and find out he left without permission they’ll definitely unload on him again.

_ Fuck it, _ he thinks. He makes sure his phone is over 90% and leaves the apartment. He almost smiles when he feels the heat and the sun hit his face, picks a direction, and starts walking.

 

_ D.Va: sup nerds _

_ D.Va: … _

_ D.Va: Really? No one’s here? _

_ Bigger drummer boy: Hey _

_ Bigger drummer boy: sorry I was working on something _

_ D.Va: Hey man _

_ D.Va: I was gonna stream later tonight and wanted to see if anyone wanted to join in. _

_ D.Va: Yo Johnny I see you’re online _

_ D O G B O I: Hey _

_ D O G B O I: Sorry, can’t stream, it’s a really nice night so my friends and I are gonna adventure _

_ D O G B O I: Have fun though _

_ D.Va: lame _

_ D.Va: Lúcio hbu? _

_ D.Va: @F R O G B O I _

_ Bigger Drummer Boy: haven’t seen him online all day _

_ D.Va: aww :( _

When she gets home, she makes a half-hearted attempt on the only homework assignment she was assigned (from the only teacher cruel enough to assign homework this late in the year), and boots up her computer. She plays a few games to warm herself up before dinner, checking the discord to see if anyone responded. She sighs when she sees that they’ve completely changed topics to some sport that’s on in a few hours.

“Hana! Dinner in ten!” Gabe calls. He gives her that warning nightly so she has time to finish a game and doesn’t queue up for another. She’s already done, so she hops out of her chair and heads downstairs.

“Where’s Sombra?”

“She’s feeling sick,” Jack answers. “Hopefully she’ll be up to eating something later.”

Throughout dinner, Hana feels her phone buzzing almost nonstop, and has to struggle against the temptation to see what’s up. Dinner seems to take longer, and she rushes through eating and doing the dishes.

 

_ Lúcio: Hana _

_ Lúcio: You’re not too far from me, right? _

_ Lúcio: I guess you’re eating dinner or something _

_ Lúcio: I’m really sorry to ask this but I need help _

_ Lúcio: My mom flipped out at me _

_ Lúcio: I don’t have a place to stay and it’s getting dark _

_ Lúcio: Do you think there’s any way you could help? _

Her face goes pale and her heart starts thrumming against her chest. “Dad!”

 

Jack and Hana pull out of the driveway as fast and possible and drive north. “Who is this boy?”

“His name’s Lúcio, he’s about a year older than me, and we met because we’re in this discord group together. He’s just on the other side of Oasis campus, on the north side.”

“That’s not the best area,” Jack comments.

“Yeah, it’s not.”

“And you said his mom kicked him out?”

“He said he lives with his mom and aunt, and they’re both a little abusive from what I heard. And yeah, I guess she… kicked him out tonight.”

He can tell she’s clearly upset, so he’s quiet for a while.

Once they’re halfway through Oasis campus, he has to ask more. “Do you know if he has anywhere to go?”

She shifts in her seat. “Um… I don’t think so. I guess I should’ve asked.”

He waits for her to ask if he can stay with them for a while, ready to say yes if she does, but she can’t work up the nerve.

After fifteen minutes of driving through Lúcio’s neighborhood, Hana sees him sitting outside a cafe with his face in his hands. Her dad parks and she jumps out the door.

“Lúcio!”

“Hana! Oh my god, I’m so glad you’re here.”

She pulls him into a hug, which he happily returns. “It’s so good to finally meet you!”

“Yeah, you too! Wish it could have been under better circumstances…” he trails off. “You sure your dads are fine with letting me stay for the night?”

“Yeah, it’s all good. They’re glad to help. Come on.”

They climb into the car.

“Evening,” Jack says.

“Hello, sir. Thanks so much for helping me out.”

“Not a problem,” he says, starting to pull away. “We can put you up for the month if you need, no problem. If you need to stay longer we’ll have to talk about long term plans, but we’ll do what we can to help you out.”

Lúcio’s speechless for a second. “A-are you sure?”

“Of course. Anything to help a friend of our kids.”

“Thank you, thank you so much.” Relief and gratitude thicken his words.

“If you don’t mind me asking, why didn’t you go to the police?”

“I don’t like cops.”

Hana grimaces for a second. Jack just chuckles. “I’m a cop.”

“Oh… um…”

“It’s understandable,” he sighs. “A bunch of us give us all a bad reputation.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No big deal. I know why people feel like that. Just makes me more determined to make it better.”

“I don’t think I’ll need to stay too long. I tried asking my dad’s parents but I couldn’t reach them, I’m gonna try again in the morning.”

“As long as it takes.”

They pull into the parking lot of a CVS. “You need anything? Toothbrush, deodorant, anything?”

“Um, just about everything actually. All left with was my phone and headphones.”

The three of them head into the store and get him everything he’ll need for about a week. Lúcio makes a note of how much it cost so he can pay them back as soon as he can.

They pull into the driveway after half an hour. Hana gave her other dad and siblings a heads up so they wouldn’t be too surprised when they got home. She opens the door for Lúcio and her dad and they step in. Gabe’s waiting for them in the living room.

“Evening.”

“Hi.”

“Lúcio, this is my dad Gabe. Dad, this is Lúcio.”

“Figured,” he chuckles. “Welcome. The couch opens up, and you can use those pillows and blankets over there. I usually have to get up pretty early for work, so I’ll do my best not to wake you. The kids still have school until Tuesday—”

“Can I skip tomorrow to keep him company?”

“No.”

“I have plenty absences saved up!”

“No.”

“It’s alright, Hana. School’s important. I’ll go for a walk tomorrow, check out the town. We can hang later.”

“Alright.”

Her dads show him the bathroom and how to open the bed, then head upstairs themselves.

“So… are you alright?” Hana asks.

“Wouldn’t be if it weren’t for you. You’re a lifesaver, Hana, I don’t know how to thank you enough.”

He’s sent a couple pictures to the server, but now that the rush died down, Hana can actually see him for the first time. He’s always been smiling in his pictures, but even with the serious expression he still has a face that radiates kindness and geniality. He’s a lot shorter than she was expecting, and he’s a lot more attractive than she’d noticed from his pictures…  _ slow down there, Hana _ , she thinks to herself.

“No need. You sure you’ll be fine on your own tomorrow?”

“Yeah, it’s no big deal. I’ll just go for a walk.”

“Okay! Maybe you can walk me to school tomorrow and we’ll meet there once it lets out.”

“Sounds good.”

“Okay! I should go to bed, I guess. See you in the morning!”

“See ya!”

She’s struck with an image of him giving her a goodnight kiss on the forehead and how happy it would make her, but pushes it out of her mind. She’s just tired.

Jack and Gabe lie awake in their bed. “Jack, I know we’ve discussed adopting a fourth, but to be honest, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”

Jack chuckles. “I know. I won’t adopt this one, I promise.”

“So we don’t know how long he’s staying?”

“Not yet. He said he’s trying to get in touch with his grandparents. I told him that if he needs to stay more than a month we’d start discussing long term plans. I guess that could be anything from moving him into a real bed to trying to get him emancipated.”

“Jack, you know I love how you try to go out of your way to help anyone you can, but we don’t know this kid.”

“I know. Maybe not the smartest idea. But if you saw Hana’s face when she came up and told me…”

“I know. I like to think I’d do the same. But still, maybe I should stay home tomorrow, just to keep an eye on him. I want to trust him, I really do, but we just don’t know him. At all.”

“Maybe we should let Hana skip and spend the day with him.”

“Jack, every time we let one of them skip for something that’s not school, the other two try to get out to.”

“So let them. It’s almost the last day of school, they won’t be doing anything anyway.”

“Alright, you’re clearly sleep deprived,” Gabe chuckles. “Let’s just sleep on it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That'll be it for now, I'll try to knock out a few more this evening. Hoping to finish editing the old stuff and get back to new updates by the end of next week.


	7. Day Off pt 1: A House, Haunted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot yesterday was Valentine's day and that the section titled "Young Love" might've benefited from being posted then. Oops.

6/16/2017

“Alright. Thank you, thank you so much. I’ll talk to you then. Love you.”

Gabe walks downstairs at the tail end of the conversation. “Morning,” he says.

Lúcio jumps, mildly startled. “Morning. Uh, I was just on the phone with my grandparents, they can take me off your hands in about a week. They’re out of the country right now, but they can move me in once they get back.”

“Sounds good. You’re fine on the couch for a week?”

“I’m fine with anything that keeps me out of the rain.”

Lúcio takes a quick shower while Gabe starts breakfast. The rest of the kids shuffle out of bed and start getting ready.

“Dad, I’m feeling really sick,” Hana says, walking out of her room fully dressed and even lightly made-up, a rarity for her. “I don’t think I should go to school today.”

“Alright. Sounds good.”

“Oh come on, dad, she’s not even trying,” Jesse complains.

“You want to stay home too?”

“Yeah I do!”

“Go ahead. Tell Sombra she can too. I’ll call you all in.”

It’s very clear that the secretary doesn’t believe him when he tells her that all his children have fallen ill since yesterday, but she plays along. Gabe gives Hana and Sombra money for lunch at their request and sends them on their way.

“You skipping too?” Jesse asks.

“Figured I might as well. What’ll you be doing today?”

“Not sure. Going back to bed’s the first thing, though.”

Gabe shrugs and turns on one of his favorite Mexican soap operas while Jesse heads back to his room.

_ Lena: well I heard about the illness that struck your entire family _

_ Lena: hope it’s not serious _

_ Jesse: it’s probably early-onset senioritis _

_ Lena: lol _

_ Lena: what about Hana? _

_ Jesse: I think Hana might be a bit in love _

_ Lena: ooooh who’s the guy? _

_ Lena: or gal _

_ Jesse: nah she’s settled on just guys _

_ Jesse: let me tell you the whole story _

_ Jesse: so there’s this guy on that discord server she chills on _

_ Jesse: a musician, I think _

_ Jesse: and I guess his parents hate him or something and they kicked him out _

_ Lena: holy shit what _

_ Jesse: so he hits up Hana and she gets dad down there to pick him up _

_ Jesse: he’s gonna be staying with us for about a week until his grandparents can take him _

_ Jesse: and I’m pretty sure she’s hardcore crushing on him _

_ Lena: woah damn _

_ Lena: is that why you’re all getting the day off? _

_ Jesse: probably _

_ Jesse: Hana apparently wanted to take the day off and I guess they let her _

_ Jesse: and then the rest of us because they knew we’d complain lol _

_ Lena: damn, wish I could take off today _

_ Lena: so what are you gonna do? _

_ Jesse: probably nothing lol _

_ Jesse: hopefully hang with Hanzo once he gets back _

_ Lena: OOH YOU SHOULD MAKE A PICNIC _

_ Jesse: what? _

_ Lena: make him a picnic today and take him to the park this evening! _

_ Jesse: that’s actually a pretty good idea _

_ Jesse: so, made a move with Emily yet? _

_ Lena: uh _

_ Lena: teacher’s coming gotta go bye _

Jesse chuckles and lies back in his bed. A picnic could be pretty nice. He could ask dad to help him cook, then head out a little before sunset…

_ Jesse: hey man _

_ Jesse: you like picnics? _

_ Hanzo: I have never been on one. _

_ Hanzo: Is that not just eating on the ground? _

_ Jesse: Yeah but it’s fun _

_ Jesse: I was thinking we could have one tonight at the park _

_ Jesse: I could make all the food you just meet me there. _

_ Hanzo: Normally I would not be interested, but since you’re asking I will agree. See you there. _

He smiles at his phone for a little bit, then starts getting ready.

 

At Hanzo and Genji’s insistence, their driver meets them a couple blocks away from school. They climb into the limousine and he takes them back to their new house, just out of town. Neither of the boys like their house at all, it doesn’t have the nostalgia that their house in Japan had and it’s much less homely than their previous house across the country. It’s big and intimidating and cold, not unlike their father, who’s never there to greet them when they get home. Their mother’s home more often than not, but she rarely talks to the boys. They have warmer memories of the woman who nannied them 10 years ago back in Japan.

Genji, as usual, goes straight to his room. He barely leaves, all the anime and video games he could desire are in there. Hanzo’s not one to judge, he doesn’t leave his room much either. With little family he’d like to talk to, there’s not much to do but read and draw in his room.

He opens a sketchbook to a blank page and taps the eraser against it, waiting for inspiration to strike. One face appears in his mind: Jesse Reyes-Morrison. He starts drawing.

For a few days, he was worried that his father would find out about his budding relationship with the boy. But he quickly realized that would not be an issue. He could elope with him that instant and have a two week honeymoon in his childhood home and his father wouldn’t be around to notice.

Soon enough, he’s finished with Jesse’s face and shoulders. He remembers mentioning his affinity for cowboys, so he gives him a stetson, serape, and a five o’clock shadow. He can’t help but chuckle at his creation.

Jesse asked him to meet him at about six thirty. It’s almost five fifteen. He sighs, and gets out of his room.

“Good afternoon, master Hanzo,” a voice says, startling him. It’s one of the butlers. “The chef was wondering what you wanted for dinner.”

“Nothing, thank you. I was planning on meeting up with some friends.”

“Very well.” The butler stalks down that hallway in that eerie way he has, and disappears.

Hanzo knocks on his brother’s door. “Just a minute!” he hears, and he sighs and waits for his brother to put his pants back on (as he’s unfortunately learned from experience).

He opens the door. “What do you want?”

“We’re turning eighteen soon.”

“I’ll talk to you later.”

He tries to close the door, but Hanzo puts his foot in the way. “We need to discuss this, brother!”

“Not now!”

“Genji!” Hanzo forces his way into his room. “Once we are eighteen, we are expected to join the family business.”

“I refuse.”

“I do not wish to either, brother, which is why we need to think of what we can do.”

“The only thing I can think of is enlisting. And that’s not very appealing either.”

“Our family knows you will not want to join them. To be honest, I fear for your safety.”

“I don’t want to think about this right now!”

“We are running out of time!”

“I know!” he shouts back. He gives himself a second to calm down. “I’ve been trying to think of something for months, but I just can’t.”

“I know. But we do not have much longer.” he sighs. “I’ve never wished so badly I was part of another family. I fear for your life and my future. I can’t tell my parents that I’m dating a man. His parents know about us. I told him my last name and there was something in his eyes. He doesn’t want me around his son.”

“I’m sure he isn’t—”

“He is a police officer! Should I be forced to join the family business, he will become my enemy!”

“Hanzo. I know you feel like you have to stress out about this, but we have until the winter. Please, enjoy the summer with your boyfriend. For your sanity.”

 

At six thirty exactly, Hanzo arrives at the park. Jesse’s there to greet him, traditional picnic basket in hand and with a goofy smile. “Howdy.”

“Hello.”

“Glad you could make it. Come on, we can set up right over here.”


	8. Day Off, pt. 2: Wandering

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's just PRETEND it's still Valentine's day, alright? Just for another few chapters.

6/16/17

“It’s really cool that we finally get to hang out in person,” Hana says.

“Definitely! I’ve wished we could for a while. Where we headed?”

“I need to pick up something at Rite Aid, then I’ll show you around a bit.”   
“What do you need?”

“You’ll see.”

She leads him into the store, picking up a bottle of lemon iced tea (she refuses to fall into the Mountain Dew and Doritos stereotype) and then heads over to the electronics section.

“Getting a new pair of headphones?”

“Nah, I have plenty of backups from my birthday a couple months ago.” She looks around a bit more. “I know it’s here… there we go!” She takes a headphone splitter off the rack.

“Oh, awesome idea!”

She takes her stuff over to checkout. “Not sure how much you’ll like my playlist though, I’ve got a really niche music taste.”

“I’ve got a good solution. There’s a site I found where you can link to a couple playlists on youtube, spotify, whatever, and it’ll combine them into a superplaylist.”

“Ooh, that’s so cool!”

He gives her the URL, and she dumps the youtube playlist she usually listens to into it. He dumps his own, and they plug in their headphones. They turn the music down a bit so they can talk but still listen. Hana’s odd indie genre mashups and video game soundtracks blend surprisingly well with Lúcio’s eclectic modern rock and older jazz tunes.

“It’s really weird to me,” Lúcio starts, “my mom gave birth to me and she can’t stand me. Your dads aren’t even related and they love you.”

“I guess I’m lucky.” It occurs to her that she never really thought about where she might’ve ended up, who could’ve adopted her… if anyone. If it weren’t for her dads, she could be in the Korean foster care system right now. “Really lucky.”

“You alright?”

“Yeah, just… thinking. I really could’ve ended up with anyone.”

“When I get older and marry someone, I’m definitely adopting. Or fostering. I don’t want anyone growing up like I did, and I got off comparatively easily.”

She leads him to the park. “So do you have any plans like that?” he asks. “If you’re gonna get married, have kids?”

“No, I haven’t thought much about it,” she says.

“Makes sense. We’re still kids ourselves.”

“You know what you want, though.”

“Most people my age don’t, I imagine. There’s no rush, we don’t need to be thinking about this for probably ten years. Even if you did have a plan, it would probably change by then.”

He’s quiet for a little bit. A soft orchestral atmospheric track whispers through their ears. “It’s beautiful here.”

“I know. If I was at all artistic I’d try drawing it.”

“I wish I grew up around here. The city’s really not for me.”

Hana would much rather prefer to live in a city than a suburb, but opts not to mention it. “Yeah, it’s pretty nice here.”

She smiles suddenly. “Oh, I love this song. Is this one yours? I don’t think I put it on mine.”

“Yep! Game remixes aren’t just your turf.” Their heads nod in sync as they walk around.

“Wanna get some lunch?”

“Course! What do you have around here?”

“Just about anything. Pizza, Chinese, burgers, cafes, we can find just about anything.”

“Burgers sounds great.”

“Awesome! Follow me.”

She leads him into a burger place just off main street and they place their orders. Lúcio adds the price of his to the tab he’s keeping for himself. They toast each other with their meals and chow down.

“Heya!” A familiar voice greets them. “Playing hooky, I see.”

“Oh! Hey, Lena.”

“Who’s the guy?”

“This is my friend Lúcio. Lúcio, this is Lena, she’s in Jesse and Sombra’s grade.”

“Hey! Good to meet you.”

“You too. Why haven’t I met you before?”

“I’m just visiting. We were friends online for a while and we wanted to finally meet up.”

“So is this why you’re out sick today?”

“Yep.”

“Alright, I’d love to stay and chat, but I’ve gotta get all this food back to the choir room. You know how choir kids are.”

“A bit too well.”

“They’re even worse when they’re hungry. See ya!”

“I’ve been in choir since fourth grade and I  _ can _ confirm that we’re all a bit too much,” Lúcio chuckles.

“Sombra said she’s probably joining next year once she finishes voice therapy, so I’m gonna be living with one of those freaks.”

“I’d highly recommend becoming one of those freaks.”

She nods noncommittally. “I’ll consider it.”

Her phone buzzes.

_ Lena: Your “friend” huh?  _ _ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) _

_ Hana: oh god, get that thing away from me _

_ Hana: and yeah, we’ve just been talking online for a while and wanted to hang out _

_ Lena: Jesse tells me you loooooove him _

_ Hana: He’s way off _

_ Lena: heh _

_ Lena: sure Jan _

“Sorry about that. How’re you liking the burger?”

“It’s not bad. Fries are amazing, though.”

“Yeah, that’s the real reason people come here. Jesse walked over just to get some one night.”

“I see why.”

“Wanna get ice cream?”

“Maybe after walking around a little more. Got anything really interesting around here?”

“Oh, you want Lena and Jesse’s tour. It involves a lot of climbing buildings and trespassing.”   
“That sounds perfect! Any chance you got something like a roller rink around here?”

“A couple miles away, it’s just a ten minute drive. I haven’t been in a while, maybe we could go while you’re still here.”

“Sounds awesome!”

“Let’s head back out.”

They leave their trays on top of the trash can and head back outside. Hana takes him behind the grocery store and to the manmade depression behind it. “So I’m not entirely sure why this is here, but there’s never anything in it and it’s a cool place to chill if you need to go somewhere quiet. But take a shower after because it usually smells like weed.”

She leads him down a side road full of decently sized houses, and they eventually loop back around to main street. She points out what the best item at each restaurant is, and which place is the best to get a specific kind of food, and eventually they reach a humble little ice cream parlor on the far side of town.

“Good afternoon, Miss Zhou!”

“Hana! Did summer break start already?”

“Nope! Just playing hooky to hang out with my friend here.”

“Ah, I remember back when my boyfriend would visit in high school and my mother would let me skip,” she smiles nostalgically.

“Oh, um, we’re not together,” Lúcio explains. Hana shakes her head in agreement.

“Sorry! My mistake. So, what can I get you both?”

“Large chocolate cone with rainbow sprinkles, please.”

“And I’ll have a cup of strawberry sorbet.”

“Coming right up!”

They eat as they walk along the other side of main street. “Town’s pretty small, I think I’m running out of places to show you.”

“Looks like that dance studio is having a promotion for the week,” he points out.

“Yeah, first lesson free, apparently. Why, you want to learn?”

“A little. Something I’ve always wanted to do, but couldn’t.”

“Maybe we could do it at some point while you’re here. We have you for the rest of the week.”

“Yeah, that would be fun!”

 

Hana finishes their tour and leads them back to her house for video games.

“Woah, dinner smells good!” she announces.

“ _ My _ dinner smells good, yours smells like leftovers from the week,” Jesse responds.

“Damn. Anyway, what do you want to play? I have a switch up here, PS4 downstairs, and there’s a couple couch co-op games on my computer.”

“Hm… got any racing games?”

“Of course!”

Much to her surprise, Lúcio beats her soundly in every single race in the grand prix. Sombra walks through the door right in the middle of a cluster of particularly nasty swear words.

“Damn, Hana, we’re gonna have to wash your mouth out with soap,” she teases, then heads straight for the bathroom.

“She’s not actually going to get soap, is she?” Lúcio asks, half joking.

“She’d better not.”

After she’s locked in the bathroom for over an hour minutes, Gabe starts to get a little worried. “Sombra, are you alright?”

“Yep! Be out soon!”

Hana and Lucio both frown at the door, a little worried, but turn back to their game. They both look up as soon as she emerges.

“Woah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That cliffhanger worked a bit better when I wasn't about to post the next chapter in ~15 minutes


	9. Day Off pt. 3: Transformations

6/16/2017

The state’s Pride Center just outside town is hosting a meetup that day, so Sombra decides to take the opportunity to check it out. She doesn’t go often, mostly because it’s not especially convenient to and she’s usually bogged down with schoolwork, but she’d wanted to go more over the summer and takes the opportunity.

She crams a couple protein and candy bars into her pockets, says bye to her dads, and heads across the bridge. She passes by the school and makes a point of waving tauntingly at Lena when she sees her. She makes a face, and Sombra smiles back and walks straight past the school.

Even though it’s hot out, Sombra still wears a thin sweatshirt and long pants. She knows she’ll start getting overheated in August, but she hopes that by then she’ll start looking more comfortably feminine. For now she’s more comfortable the more covered she is.

The pride center’s set up so there’s snacks and soda in some rooms, games in others, and some just for hanging out. The entrance hall has pins with gay, bisexual, ace, trans, and ally flags on them. She takes the blue, pink, and white pin and sticks it on her shirt, then heads immediately for the food. She looks around for anyone she recognizes, but most people that would be there that she knows are in school at the moment. She sighs and sits down by herself.

“Hi there. Mind if I sit here?” someone asks.

“Go ahead.” He’s fairly short, with shaggy black hair and a similar trans pin on his shirt.

“I don’t think I recognize you. Is this your first time here?”

“No, but I haven’t been here for a while. My name’s Sombra.”

“Winston,” he extends his hand.

“You here a lot?”

“Yeah, I live just down the road, so I usually spend the afternoon here. Especially since my parents are in that awkward ‘trying too hard to prove they’re comfortable with this’ thing when they’re clearly not.”

“Ouch.”

“So how’d your parents take the news?”

“I have two dads, so better than most.”

“Damn, that’s lucky.”

“Damn right it is. How far are you into transitioning, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Not very. Just barely started voice therapy, as you could probably tell, and in terms of presentation all I’ve got is my wardrobe and binders.”

“Think your parents will let you get hormone therapy or surgery?”

“Hormone therapy, probably, I’m not sure about surgery. At the moment I just want a mastectomy, though, I don’t really want bottom surgery, personally. You?”

“We’ve in gotten almost everything planned, and it took forever. But I should hopefully be a fully functioning girl by the end of summer. Which can’t come soon enough.”

“What do you mean?”

She sighs. “I’ve been presenting as a girl, starting hormone therapy, and everyone… almost… calls me she. But it still doesn’t feel right. It’s like I’m just holding out for the next step, hoping it’ll make me feel better, but it’s never enough.”

“I’ve noticed something helps a lot of trans people, women especially, is radically changing their look. Getting something like tattoos or piercings or hair dye that fully removes them from their previous body. Not sure if that’ll help, but it could be worth a shot.”

“Hm… I might give it a try when I’m done here.”

“You’re staying longer though, right?”

“Yeah, of course. Basically just got here. How old are you, Winston?”

“Seventeen, going into senior year. You?”

“Sixteen, junior for today and tomorrow. Where are you planning on going to school?”

“MIT. I’m gonna be an engineer.”

“Probably Oasis to study comp sci.”

“Yeah, Oasis is pretty close. I guess you don’t really feel like you have to go as far as I do.”

“Yeah, a lot of people seem desperate to escape and go far away, but I never got that. I like my town. Think my siblings feel the same way.”

“Siblings?”

“Yeah, Jesse’s sort of like my twin but we’re three months apart, and Hana’s two years younger than us. We’re all adopted.”

“What did your siblings say when you came out to them?”

“They were both pretty cool with it. It took them a little while to adjust to the right pronouns but that was pretty much the only problem. Do you have siblings?”

“A bunch of brothers, but they’re all older than me. I think my parents just had a bunch of boys and kept trying to get a daughter.” He grins. “Oops.”

Sombra chuckles. “They’re all at college?”

“Most of them on football scholarships.”

“How’d they take you coming out?”

“Some are supportive and some just didn’t seem to care,” he shrugs. “No one’s mean or hateful about it, though, and I guess that’s all I can ask for.”

The hours pass as they talk, and eventually Winston has to get home. Sombra has them exchange numbers. “If you ever need to get out of the house for a bit, just let me know. I’m sure my dads will be glad to have you over.”

“Thanks, Sombra. Talk to you later.”

She heads home, stopping at Rite Aid on her way. She gets a razor and hair dye, and then stops to get bleach elsewhere. She teases Hana once she gets inside, and then goes straight into the bathroom.

She steps into the bathtub and plugs in the razor. She makes sure her hair is evenly parted in the middle, and cuts down that line. She removes half the hair from her head, shaving one side and leaving the other long. Then she opens the bleach, reads some instructions off her phone, and starts to dip-dye her hair.

She can’t help but chuckle at how she looks with half her hair gone and the remainder part black and park blonde, but a knocking at the door snaps her back.

“Sombra, are you alright?”

“Yep! Be out in soon!”

She takes the purple hair dye out of the bag. Soon enough, she has half a head of hair with purple highlights. It’s a bit bright, but she can wash it out a bit later. She looks at herself in the mirror, and smiles a little when she runs her fingers over the freshly buzzed side.

Last step is some simple lipstick. She carefully applies the purple over her lips, rubbing them together and carefully using a paper towel to wipe off any overflow.

She packs everything back into the bag, takes one last glance at herself in the mirror, and steps outside.

“Woah.”

 

Later that night she texts a picture of her new style to Winston.

_ Sombra: Like it? _

_ Winston: That looks really cool! _

_ Winston: More importantly, do YOU like it? _

_ Sombra: Definitely. _

_ Sombra: Gonna be keeping it like this for a while. _

_ Winston: Did it help? _

_ Sombra: I feel like a whole new person. _

_ Sombra: Thanks so much for the advice. _

_ Winston: Glad to hear it! _

_ Winston: Talk to you soon. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tbh I kind of forgot about Winston after introducing him here. Might try to find a way to work him back in in the future, just not sure exactly how.


	10. Beach Day

6/24/2017

Sombra shakes Hana awake shortly after getting out of bed herself. After increasingly louder whispers and gentle nudging, she quickly finds and air horn app for her phone, turns the volume up, and blasts it at her.

“Sombra, what the fuck?”

“Morning.”

She checks the clock. “It’s not even seven! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“It’s Lucio’s last day here, his grandparents are picking him up later.”

Hana sighs. “Yeah, I know.”

“They live in a beach house.”

“Cool. Why the hell did you wake me up to tell me this?”

“So you can ask dad to take us all to the beach and we can drop him off later tonight so you can hang out for a few hours together.”

“Man, I hate the beach.”

“But you love Lúcio.”

“I  _ don’t _ —”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Find your swimsuit.”

Three hours later, they’ve all crowded into Jack’s minivan and have started driving down to the beach. Hana and Lucio sit quietly next to each other, nodding their heads in time to their music. Hana spends most of the time staring out the window, trying not to nod off after she was woken up with only four hours of sleep.

Her phone buzzes. It’s Lena.

_ Lena: Last day with your boy, make it count! _

_ Lena: Ask him out! _

_ Lena: Kiss him or something. _

_ Hana: On that topic, how are things going with Emily? _

_ Lena: Thought you’d get me there, huh? _

_ Lena: I already bragged about this to Jesse but we’re going out for dinner and a movie tomorrow! _

_ Lena: Your move, Hana! _

_ Hana: It doesn’t matter. I don’t like him like that. _

_ Lena: Oh Hana _

_ Lena: Sweet, innocent Hana _

_ Lena: You’ve got the rest of the day to think about it. _

_ Lena: I think you’ll realize that you do, in fact, like him like that. _

_ Lena: Later! _

Hana almost groans with frustration. This is the kind of crap she and her friends did in middle school, insisting that two kids had crushes on another.

_ Lena: I wanna clarify, not trying to be immature here. Just think about it! _

Scary, how she did that sometimes. Almost felt like she could read minds.

_ Hana: Why are you pushing this so hard?? _

_ Lena: We’re friends. You’re clearly into this guy and I want you to be happy with him. _

_ Hana: What makes you think I’m so into him? _

_ Lena: You skipped school to hang out with him _

_ Lena: You’ve been streaming less to hang out with him _

_ Lena: You tell me about him at least once a day _

_ Lena: You dream about him _

Hana’s taken aback. Yes, she’d had  _ a _ dream about him… where he was in her bed, and he held her… but it was just a dream, probably fueled by stress or hormones.

_ Hana: ??? _

_ Lena: I’m just assuming that last one. _

_ Hana: Alright, let’s SAY I’m into him _

_ Lena: I KNEW IT _

_ Hana: What makes you think he’d like me back? _

_ Lena: Why wouldn’t he? _

_ Lena: You basically saved his life _

_ Lena: He’s been hanging out with you for a week _

_ Lena: You’re pretty cute _

_ Lena: GO FOR IT _

_ Lena: I actually have to leave now see you later _

The song switches to “Romance” from Skyward Sword, making Hana roll her eyes.

Soon enough, they’re at the beach. It’s fairly crowded, so they take the first spot to set up that they see. The kids help their dads set up the blankets, then Hana and Lúcio break off while Jesse and Sombra run for the ocean.

“Not much of a beach girl, are you?” Lúcio asks.

“Nope. It turns out my swimsuit doesn’t even fit anymore.”

“Why’d you ask to go then?”

“Wanted to hang out with you for longer.”

He smiles. “Haven’t gotten sick of me yet?”

“Not quite.”

“You wanna stay out here or check out the town?” he points.

“Town, please.”

“As you wish.”

Hana texts her dads to let them know where they’re going, then they leave the beach and explore the nearby town.

“So this is where you’re going to be living?”

“Looks like it. Seems a lot nicer than the city.”

“Let’s check out what there is to eat.”

After a quick sweep of what appears to be the main road, they settle on a small brick-oven pizzeria.

“So, last day,” Lúcio says.

“I wish you could stay longer.”

“Yeah, it would’ve been nice if we could hang more. But still, it was awesome finally getting to meet you.”

“Promise you’ll still remember me when you’re famous?”

“No way I could forget! And hey, we’ve still got a couple hours. No need to say goodbye yet.”

_ Lena: Did you tell him you love him yet? _

_ Hana: S T O P _

“You alright? You look a little annoyed.”

“It’s just Lena. She gets a little overexcited sometimes.”

“What about?”

“Ah, nothing.”

He shrugs and, they finish eating. “Wanna head back out?”

She nods, and they go back outside. “Let’s see what else is around,” he says.

_ Jesse: Lena says you’re still in denial _

_ Jesse: Or afraid or something _

_ Jesse: Just go for it, it’s always better to try. _

_ Hana: Oh my god, you all need to stop _

_ Jesse: Do it, Hana, it’s so worth it. _

_ Hana: I _

_ Hana: DO _

_ Hana: NOT _

_ Hana: LIKE _

_ Hana: HIM _

“Lena again?”

She sighs. “Nope, but she got Jesse in on it too.”

“Well, I think I found something to get your mind off of it.” He points to a store with a sign declaring “Lindholm’s retro games buy/sell/trade”.

“Oh, yes!” She almost drags him to the building, where they see an old man working on some kind of electronic at the checkout desk.

Hana immediately starts browsing the games, and Lúcio goes to talk to the man.

“What are you working on?”

“I’m trying to modify the PS4 to play any playstation game.” He has a thick swedish accent.

“How’s it going?”

“Too early to say, I’ve just started. Just finished up the combo NES-SNES-N64 hybrid last week.”

“Fancy.”

Hana shows up with a small pile of rare PS1 and N64 games. Lucio finishes the conversation with the engineer when Hana’s phone buzzes again.

_ Sombra: Hey _

_ Sombra: Only a couple hours left _

_ Sombra: Better make your move _

Hana ignores her and puts her phone away as they leave.

“Wanna head back to the beach?”

“Yeah, might as well. Ice cream first?”

“Oh, of course!”

Their stop for ice cream is enough time for someone else to bother her.

_ Angela: Jesse told me to text you _

_ Hana: AOWGHJQRWPOIUGHOAJERG _

_ Hana: fuck _

_ Hana: no _

_ Angela: He didn’t tell me why, he just said “tell Hana I told you to text her” _

_ Angela: I’ll be off _

_ Hana: I hate him _

Fortunately, Lúcio doesn’t notice her keyspamming at Angela, so he doesn’t ask. She happily takes her ice cream and leads him back to the beach.

 

All too soon, the sun is starting to set, and it’s time for Lúcio to go to his new home. He’s said goodbye to his caretakers and thanked them profusely. They’ve wished him good luck, and Hana begged to walk him back.

“You’ve been kinda quiet, are you alright?”  
  
“Yeah, just thinking.” It’s true, after being spammed all day by people insisting that she was into him, she’d started to seriously think about it. Maybe they were right.  _ Maybe _ . But she has to figure it out fast, because they’re coming up on his house soon.

She gives herself a simple question: would she rather be holding his hand? And then… can she be holding his hand?

She angles herself to wind up closer to him, and grabs his hand with hers. A little awkward, but it could be worse. He seems a little surprised, but doesn’t say anything, just wraps his fingers around her hand.

They’re almost at his house. It’s now or never, but she’s too scared and unsure. She’s ready to let him go and worry about what might have been.

“One last song,” he says. He lets go of her hand and scrolls through the playlist. When he turns it off, they hear a simple piano melody. It dances through her ears and makes her soul light and her heart dance.

Violins kick in, and she can’t help but smile a little. “Can I kiss you?” he asks.

“Please,” she breathes.

He cups her cheek with his hand and slowly approaches. They close their eyes as their lips gently touch, and Hana feels crackles of soft electricity where they meet. He pulls away and they’re both smiling.

“I’m gonna miss you. Thank you so much.”

“We’ll talk every day,” she says.

“Of course! Can’t wait to see you again.”

She smiles a big goofy grin as he runs inside and waves from the window. She waves back and almost skips back to her family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thus ends our Valentine's Day special. Next up is a personal favorite section of mine, the heavy and depressing stuff. Or at least the part where it STARTS to get heavy and depressing.


	11. The Accident

7/1/2017

It’s a late summer evening, and a group of friends sit outside Mei’s ice cream shop trying to figure out what to do. Jesse’s adamant that they explore the construction site at the edge of town, but Efi refuses. Hana suggests game night, but there’s one too many of them to fit on most consoles. They turn to Genji for suggestions, but he just shrugs.

“You wanna just go back to my place and watch some movies?” Lena suggests. They can all agree on something this simple, and pile into Lena’s car.

“Shotgun!” Genji calls.

“I’m already at the door,” Jesse says. He sighs and gets into the back.

Lena always drives a bit too fast for the comfort of most people, but there’s a specific set of songs that drive her to insane limits. A grin of mischievous excitement appears on her face when a familiar guitar riff starts to blast from the speakers.

_ Do you like…. My car?! _

Her foot turns to lead and anxiously waits for the red light to turn. The song turns to eleven just as it goes green, and they blast off, singing along excitedly to the song.   
“GUESS! YOU’RE! READY! CAUSE I’M WAITING FOR YOU!”

“It’s gonna be SO EXCITING!”

She races along the streets, purposely taking side roads with less cars so no one will interrupt her. Both the driver and passengers belt out the chorus with ecstasy. This is why they nominated Lena to be their driver, none of the rest of them are this adept at driving this quickly.

“I’m gonna run as a flash TONIGHT! And FLY!”

_ God, I hate this turn, _ she thinks to herself, slowing down. The bushes block her view of the road, so despite there being a stop sign telling her to look both ways, she can’t really see one of them.

_ Fuck it, it’s late _ . She gets ready to blast across the street.

“I’M GONNA STEP ON THE GAS!”

“AND YOU’LL SEE THE BIG SHOW!”

 

Angela, on duty for the next twelve hours, sits in the First Aid Squad building in front of a textbook, studying for the college physics course she’s taking. It’s been a fairly quiet night, which she’s grateful for, but some of the more experienced workers warn her that this is just the calm before the storm.

As it turns out, they’re right.

 

All Hana can do for a few seconds is scream. The one side of the car is buried in a now toppled brick wall, and the other side is in pieces. She’s in too much shock to register how much pain she’s in. The door doesn’t budge, so she wails for help through the shattered window.

 

Tekhartha, a fifty year old man who’s lived alone since he was eighteen, is jolted out of his meditative state by a crash followed by almost inhuman screaming. He calmly goes to the window and notes the crash that’s happened outside. Seemingly unfazed by this, he calls 911 without even a hint of worry in his voice.

 

Angela and the other EMTs arrive within minutes, and Angela immediately recognizes the car. “No…” An otherworldly chill courses through her when she realizes the screams must belong to someone she knows. “No…”

She and one of the others force the door open, and help her out of the car.

Once she’s free, she manages to stop herself screaming, but she’s still sobbing hysterically. “Get her on a stretcher,” someone calls, “I’ll help the others out.”

She places Hana’s less injured arm around her shoulder and helps walk her to the ambulance. Hana’s sobs rack her body and Angela’s soul.

She lays her down and goes to help someone else.

“Don’t leave me!”

“I’ll be right back. I won’t leave you.”

She closes her eyes, unable to stop crying, and feels the blood and tears running down her face.

“Who was in the other car?”

“Don’t know. Couldn’t find anyone.”

When Angela overhears the conversation her blood boils. Someone, likely drunk, hit a car full of children and ran away. She shakes her head. There’s time for anger later. She can’t get to the other side of the car, and her heart falls when she sees Jesse. He’s barely conscious, but still breathing. His handsome face will be heavily bruised and scarred for a while. She helps him out, and he starts rousing as she puts him on a stretcher.

“Wha’ happnd?” his mouth is full of blood and he can’t speak properly.

“Someone hit you. You’ll be alright.”

She turns one of the other EMTs. “Was there someone in the middle seat?”

He nods. “Young woman. Unconscious, but she started to come to when we got her in the ambulance.”

The other ambulance arrives, and they opt to put Jesse in that one. Hana hasn’t calmed down yet, and they didn’t want her to distress him.

Her heart drops when she sees Genji. He’s by far the worst, his body will be heavily scarred if he manages to survive at all. They had to cut him free of the door, and there’s glass in his face. He hasn’t regained consciousness yet.

They have to wait for the fire department to get Lena out. Angela sits in the bloodstained passenger seat to comfort her.

She turns to her, fear etched in her face. Her nose is bleeding heavily where the airbag hit it, and she can tell there’s a gash on the other side of her head. “Angela…” is all she can manage.

The hand close to her is uninjured. She squeezes it tightly. “I know. You’ll be okay.”

“I- I’m…” she trails off.

“Scared? That’s normal. That’s okay. We’ll get you out of this just fine.”

She shakes her head. “Sorry.”

“Angela,” someone else says. “Hana says she needs you and we need to get back.”

“I have to go now. You’ll be fine. I’ll see you as soon as you’re in the hospital.”

Lena nods, silently crying. Angela hears the fire truck siren as she gets in the ambulance and they take off.

Hana’s much quieter now, but still clearly distraught. Angela takes her hand and strokes the parts of her hair that aren’t sticky with blood. She’s never seen Hana like this, she’s usually cheerful and ready to take on the world. It distresses her deeply to see her like this. She looks over to Efi, but can’t decode her face. She notices her breathing lightly and wincing with each breath, and she’s reminded of the conversation she overheard.

_ Don’t know. Couldn’t find anyone. _

She rarely wishes harm on anyone, but now she hopes the driver will be found dead in a ditch.

 

Jack, Gabe, and Sombra are in the middle of  _ Jeopardy! _ when the phone rings. Jack picks it up. “Hello?”

“Hello, are you Gabriel Reyes or Jack Morrison?”

“I’m Mr. Morrison.”

“This is the Michael Chu hospital, you’re the emergency contact number for Jesse and Hana Reyes-Morrison…” the blood drains from his face when the operator supplies him with the details.

“We’re on our way.”

 

_ Sombra: Hey _

_ Sombra: Dad said to tell you that Genji and Jesse were in an accident _

_ Sombra: Even though shouldn’t your dad have told you that? _

_ Sombra: He also said to tell you that we can give you a ride if you need _

_ Hanzo: What happened?? _

_ Sombra: Even though, again, that should be your dad’s job _

_ Sombra: He said they got in a car crash and they’re in the hospital _

_ Hanzo: Are they alright? _

_ Sombra: Don’t know. _

_ Sombra: Dad says text us where we should meet you (I assume your house?) _

_ Hanzo: No _

_ Hanzo: The pizzeria a few blocks away. _

_ Sombra: Be right there _

 

Lena, Hana, Jesse, and Efi are all in the same room, but Genji’s in the ICU. Hanzo asks to see him, but gets turned away, so he joins three other families in his boyfriend’s room. By the time they’ve all arrived, everyone’s been stitched up, had glass picked out of them, and x-ray’d. Hana’s finally calmed down from hysterical to upset but able to talk. Jack talks to her first while his husband and daughter find Jesse.

“You alright, kiddo?”

“I- I think.”

“Hurt bad?”

She nods. “I was… I was so scared,” she starts to tear up again. “I felt so trapped, and everyone else was unconscious, and—” she’s cut off by her own sobs.

Jack wants so badly to hug her, but doesn’t want to hurt her. He grabs her hand and squeezes. “It’s alright, sweetheart. You’re here now. Everything’s alright.”

Meanwhile, Lena stares straight at the wall. Her parents try to make sure she’s ok, but she can barely answer.

“Are you hurt?”

She mumbles in response.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong? You can tell us.”

She mumbles in response.

Efi’s parents and Orisa crowd around her bed. Orisa’s too young to properly understand mortality, but she can tell her sister’s in pain.

“What exactly happened?” her dad asks.

“Lena was driving and someone hit us. That’s all I know.” Breathing hurts, so she speaks quietly and keeps her answers short.

“Does it hurt?” Orisa asks.

“Yeah.”

“Do you need a hug?”

Efi smiles. “Yes. Gentle.”

Their mom lifts her onto the bed, and she gently embraces her older sister. Efi smiles and uses her free arm to hug her back. “Thank you.”

“You alright, cowboy?” Sombra asks.

“Should be soon. Not sure about this arm, though.” His left arm is heavily bandaged, and will probably need a cast. “And I guess my modeling career is over,” he jokes. “More worried about Hana, to be honest. They put us in a different ambulance because she couldn’t stop screaming.” He looks over to her, and can see her crying. “I’d go check on her, if I was you guys. I’ll be fine.”

He has a similar conversation with his other dad, then sees Hanzo approach. Jack gives Hanzo the usual distrusting look he gives, but gives the two boys some alone time.

They talk for a little, but then a group of doctors come in to take them away to get fixed up and transferred to room better suited for their needs. The families start to clear out.

“Sir, can I talk to you minute?” Hanzo asks. “Alone.”

Jack nods and silently leads him away.

“I know you don’t trust me or my brother,” he says.

“I don’t trust your family. We’ve had to deal with them enough before they moved here.”

“I know. But I am not following in their footsteps, and neither is Genji. Neither of us wish to be like our father. I hope you can grow to trust me, because I’m not going anywhere.”

Jack sighs. “I do have to admit, so far you strike me as a fine kid. But you have to understand, I’ve dealt with your family and people like it for far too long, and now you’re tangling my son up with it.”

Hanzo shakes his head “Nothing could be further from the truth. Genji and I are trying to untangle ourselves.”

 

Angela planned on going back to the first aid squad building, but she had to check in Genji first.

“Is he going to be alright? Please tell me he’ll be alright.”

The doctor sighs. “Miss, I wish I could, but there’s a blood shortage. Not enough people donating to make up for the amount of accidents. He desperately needs a blood transfusion, but it’ll be difficult to get enough blood for him to recover.

“Take mine,” she insists.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m O negative, I can donate to anybody.”

“Miss, this is highly unorthodox, we can’t just—”

She cuts him off. They argue for a while, but Angela’s persistent and soon enough, she’s sitting with a needle in her arm and the hope of relief on her face.

 

Jack and Gabe lie awake in their bed. As far as they can tell, Jesse and Hana will be fine, they suffered some breaks and lacerations, but for the most part they’ll heal with little complications. They’re most worried about Jesse’s arm and Hana’s mental state.

“I’ve never seen her like that,” Jack says. “She was so scared, even though she was in the hospital it was like she was still trapped in the car.”

“I know what you mean. But she’s a trooper. Give her a couple days and she’ll be fine.”

“I hope you’re right.”

Gabe realizes something. “Jack… do you think we should call Dr. Harold? Tell him that maybe we’re not ready yet?”

Dr. Harold is a social worker. They’d visited him the day after their beach trip to talk to him about how they’d been considering adopting another child. He’d told them about “stork-drop” adoptions, where if a child of any age’s parents were no longer available to take care of them, a social worker would place the child in their care.

“Yes, first thing in the morning. We need to make sure Hana and Jesse recover first.”

 

Much later that night, after visiting hours are over, the four kids lie awake in their room. Lena stews in her own guilt, with every painful breath from Efi or whimper from Hana as she jars her ribs leaving marks on her soul.

“Guys… I’m so sorry,” she whispers.

“For what?” Jesse asks.

“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have been driving that fast.”

“Don’t be stupid. It was some drunk asshole that hit us, not you.”

_ If it weren’t for me everyone would be home right now, _ she thinks, but doesn’t say. She doesn’t sleep that night, just waits for the sun to come up.

As soon as visitor hours start, Angela’s there to see them. Everyone else managed to get to sleep, so she goes to talk to Lena, who’s been staring at the same wall with the same dead expression on her face. “Is everything alright?”

“It was my fault.”

“You hit your own car? I must say, that’s quite a feat.” Normally this would get a laugh out of her, but she just shakes her head.

“I was driving too fast.”

“But they hit your car, not the other way around. I’ve been telling you to drive slower since you got your license, but this is in no way your fault.”

“If I was driving the speed limit I wouldn’t have been there. It would’ve been gone before we got there.”

“Lena, that’s ridiculous. You can apply that logic to anything. If one driver had been driving faster or slower, just about any accident wouldn’t have happened. They were probably drunk, if they hadn’t been drinking, they wouldn’t have hit you, and drunk driving is much more illegal than speeding.”

Lena says nothing.

“You have to recover from this psychologically too, and you won’t be able to until you realize this isn’t your fault. And I’m sure our friends here would agree with me on this.”

“Is Genji going to be okay?”

“We don’t know yet.”

Angela reads her face. She can tell there’s still soul-burdening guilt in her, but there’s nothing else she can think to do.

“Angela,” Hana says.

Angela gets up and goes to her. “Feeling alright?”

She shakes her head. Angela checks her board. Glass lacerations on her face and chest, as well as one broken rib and three fractured.

“Yeah, looks like you’ll feel like crap for a bit, but you’ll be better in no time. Sleep well?” she asks.

She shakes her head.

“Need me to get you anything? Your dads will probably be here soon, but until then I can help with anything.”

She shakes her head. “Just stay with me,” she whispers.

“Of course.”

Efi wakes up shortly after. “Good morning,” Angela says.

“Hey,” she whispers.

“I’ll be right back.” she gently pats Hana’s uninjured hand and checks Efi’s chart.

“Windpipe trauma,” she mutters. Efi looks worried. “No need to be concerned, it’ll heal. I was just curious why you were breathing like that.”

“Anything really bad on there?”

“No, you got out relatively unscathed. Mild concussion and a few fractures, you’ll be perfectly fine.”

She goes to sit down next to Hana. Efi turns to Lena. “You’ve been quiet, are you alright?”

Lena shakes her head somberly.

“She’s wasting energy feeling guilty for no reason,” Angela says.

“What do you mean?”

“It was my fault,” she says. “I shouldn’t have been driving so fast.”

“But we were telling you to go fast. We were cheering you on. So that would also make it our fault.”

“I didn’t have to listen.”

“And whoever hit you didn’t have to get drunk and drive a car,” Angela says.

“Exactly. We would’ve been just fine if it weren’t for that guy. Besides, you weren’t even  _ going _ fast when we got hit. You were accelerating from a stop.”

Lena doesn’t say anything. Efi turns to Hana. “Hana, you’re with us, right? It’s not Lena’s fault? Shake your head if it isn’t, nod if it is.” The last three words are barely audible, but Hana gets the gist of it. She shakes her head. 

“Alright, that’s enough talking for you, Efi, I can hear it straining your voice. Lena, no one in this room thinks you’re at fault, except for maybe Jesse but I  _ highly _ doubt it. If you want to blame yourself, no one can stop you, but it’s a waste and you’re wrong.”

“Jeez, what’s with all the noise?” Jesse asks.

“Morning, cowboy. Glad to see you’re awake. Does your arm hurt?”

“Horrifically. Can’t wait to start my decline into morphine addiction.”

“You know, that’s really not funny.”

“It was a little bit.”

Angela sighs.

“Lena, we should tell Emily you’re here,” Jesse suggests. “And Lúcio,” he says to Hana.

“Want me to text him?” Angela asks. Hana nods. “How about you, Lena?” she shakes her head.

“Damn, Lena, what’s so interesting about that wall? You’ve been staring at it since last night.”

“Jesse, you don’t think it’s Lena’s fault that we’re here, do you?” Efi asks.

“Oh yeah, she mentioned that last night. ‘Course I don’t. It was that drunk jackass. Hope they find him soon, that fucker’s gonna be paying all of our tuitions. Sombra and Orisa too, maybe.”

 

Over the next few hours, everyone’s families are in and out of the hospital room. Lena’s parents try to get her to say more than a few words, but she refuses. Jesse’s heartbroken, he feels like his best friend is gone and he doesn’t know how to get her back.

“Angela, we really need to cheer her up,” he whispers to her.

“There’s nothing we can do, especially not here.”

“We need to figure something out,” he insists. “I hate seeing her like this. It’s like some ghost in Lena’s body.”

“I don’t like it either, but I think we just have to wait it out.”

“Can’t do that. She helped cheer me up when my ex cheated on me a few months ago, I need to return the favor. Lena!”

“Hm?”

“Wanna play a game?”

“No.”

He’s a little but relieved, he hadn’t thought of anything, but still disappointed.

“Come on, look around. We’re all okay here.”

“We’re all okay here?” she echoes. “Your arm is fucking  _ ruined _ , your sister can barely talk, Efi can barely  _ breathe _ , and lord knows what’s going to happen to Genji.”

“What, this old thing?” he asks, pointing to his arm. “I like it better this way. Maybe I’ll get a sick metal arm or something.” This gets a giggle Efi and a smile from Hana, but nothing from Lena.

“Alright. I’ve said it before, but I don’t think this was your fault in the slightest. But if it was, and it’s not, but if it was, I’d forgive you. But there’s nothing to forgive anyway.”

“Really? You got in a car accident and you’d just say ‘oh it’s fine, no big deal’?” she asks, her voice heavy with sarcasm.

“No, I’m still suing the crap out of that drunk shithead once we find him. But I  _ would _ forgive you if you needed forgiving.”

“I’m with Jesse here,” Efi says. “Please stop hating yourself for this.”

“Hana…”

Hana holds out her hand with her thumb, index, and pinky extended, sign language for “I love you.”

 

Lúcio almost sprints into the hospital once he arrives. After several stern warnings from various employees, he makes it to their room. “Hana!”

When she sees him, the same song they were playing when he kissed her for the first time starts in her head. Just like then, it makes her smile. “Hey,” she whispers.

“Can I hug you?”

She shakes her head, disappointed. “Broken ribs. Kiss me?”

He presses his lips against her forehead, cheeks, and lips.

“Yuck! Get a room!” Efi grins.

“Yeah, guess I should introduce you,” Hana says. “You know Jesse and Lena, we have Efi over there, and…” the rest trails off into inaudible whispers. Angela shakes his hand. “I’m Angela, I’m one of the paramedics that helped them.”

“Oh, then it is awesome to meet you. Thanks so much for what you do.”

Angela moves herself next to Lena so Lúcio can be next to Hana.

“Excuse me, partner,” Jesse says. “What exactly are your intentions with my sister?”

“Excuse me?”

“Just ignore him, he’s screwing around.”

“I’m only gonna warn you once, if you dishonor—”

“Oh my God, that’s not even what cowboys do,” Hana interrupts. “Leave him alone.”

“I’m telling Emily to come.”

“Don’t.”   
“Lena, you need cheering up. Emily’s just the one to do it. I’m telling her what happened.”

Lena groans but doesn’t protest further.

“I don’t look… too bad, do I?” Hana asks.

“Even prettier than the day I met you.”

“That says more about the day he first met you, though,” Jesse interrupts.

“Jesse, go over there so Efi can hit you.”

“I’ll do it, too.”

 

“Father,” Hanzo starts. “Do we know what will happen to Genji?”

“There is an experimental procedure where much of the injured parts of his body can be replaced with cybernetics. It increases his likelihood of survival by a lot, but costs a fortune.”

“You will pay though, right?”

“For you or your cousins, definitely. Genji, though, has shown that he will not support the family in its empire. There is no point in saving him.”

“Father, I beg you to reconsider. I’m sure we have more than enough to afford it, and Genji will owe you his life. You could form an agreement where you will only pay to save him if he vows to join our empire.”  
He pauses. “I will consider it.”

 

“Lena?” Emily asks, finding the right room.

“Hey.”

“Oh my God, are you alright?” she asks.

“She will be,” Angela promises. She relocates herself again so Emily can sit with her.

“How’re you feeling?”

“Terrible.”

“Aww. Don’t worry, I’m here for you. If you need anything, I’ve got you covered.”

_ I don’t deserve it, _ she wants to say, but doesn’t.


	12. Night

Efi’s the first to get checked out, leaving before the day is done. She says goodbye to her friends and promises to visit them the next day, hugging who she can. Then she asks if she can see Genji. They say he’s still in the ICU and will soon be undergoing intensive surgery.

 

“I feel I owe it to you to tell you this,” Mr. Shimada says to his son. “Originally, we did not intend to save you. We knew you did not intend to join the family business, so you were of no worth to us. However, your brother has made a proposal. We will pay to save your life if you swear loyalty to our family and vow to join the family business.”

“I… promise,” he lies. Keeping promises means nothing to his father, why should Genji bother keeping up his end of the deal?

“Very good. I’m glad this ended well for the both of us.”

 

For a little while that afternoon, it’s just the three of them. “I can’t get it out of my head,” Hana whispers.

“What?” her brother asks.

“The crash. I just keep seeing the window fly out at me.” It’s quiet for a few moments, no one’s exactly sure what to say. “I hate it here,” Hana says. “Can’t do anything but think about the crash.”

“Alright, let’s do something to take our minds off it.”

“Like what?”

“Not sure.”

Defeated, they sit quietly in their beds. Jesse’s struck with an onslaught of memories of all the times when they were younger and he just wished Hana would stop talking because she annoyed the crap out of him.

_ Careful what you wish for _ , he thinks, and almost spits out a bitter laugh. He looks over at her. It’s very likely that her face will end up moderately scarred into adulthood. He remembers her desire to be a streamer, and knows that how a streamer looks can influence their audience. Hopefully they’d see it as a sign of her being a badass. Hopefully. He does.

He looks at Lena. Neither of the girls have been the same since the accident. If either of their new personalities are permanent he’d probably cry. Cheery, energetic, “Cheers, loves!” Lena was his best friend for years. It’s almost like she died and the self-loathing shell only serves to remind him of her.

 

An hour before Jesse’s surgery, his family comes to visit. His dads reassure him that everything will be alright, but of the three people in the room, he’s least worried about himself. Sombra sits next to Hana.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Feeling better?”

“A little.”

“You’re gonna be alright. You might even be out of here by tonight.”

“How do you know?”

“A magician never reveals her secrets,” she grins.

“Wish I could go home now. I hate it here.”

“Yeah, I can see why. Don’t worry, we’ll get you home soon.”

 

A couple hours later, Jesse returns from surgery. “How’d it go?” Hana asks.

“Left arm is officially paralyzed,” he says. He doesn’t quite sound cheerful, but he seems a lot more positive than most people would be when reporting that.

“They’re gonna keep him here overnight and figure out a plan in the morning,” Jack says. “Hana, the doctors are planning on discharging you within a few hours, they’re just waiting on a few tests to make sure your lungs are alright.”

Sure enough, she’s out before nightfall. Her dads have already set up her bed so she could sleep sitting up, and got her a doctor-recommended pillow for comfort. She has to walk very slowly, and her dads patiently take her to the car. She feels her heart pounding when she gets into the backseat, but tells herself she’ll be alright.

She uses one hand to clutch the pillow to her chest and the other to grab onto the door so tight her knuckles are white. She glances around anxiously, making sure there’s nothing that can hit them. Fortunately, Gabe’s a careful driver, and goes especially slowly on the drive home.

By the time they pull into the driveway, Hana’s sweating and her heart’s pounding so hard it’s making her nauseous. Jack helps her out of the car and into the house.

After being in the hospital so long, she decides she needs a shower. She looks up at the stairs, and is suddenly very glad they have a backup shower downstairs. She gets a change of clothes and gets into the downstairs bathroom, locking the door behind her, and turns the shower on hot.

She tries taking off her shirt, but not long into the process a flash of pain strikes her ribs. She struggles for a while, trying to get her shirt off in a way that wouldn’t hurt her. She tries to muffle the automatic cries of pain and frustration so as not to draw any attention from outside.

When she finally succeeds, her face is bright red. She discards the shirt and looks at herself in the mirror. She caught glimpses of herself in mirrors and windows, but never actually  _ looked _ at herself since the accident. Her right side sports a massive colorful bruise. Red scars run along her face and chest, most of the larger ones stitched shut. The deepest one runs across her cheek, stopping a few centimeters short of her mouth. She runs her fingers across them sadly.

Hana’d always seen herself as moderately attractive, but she thinks the scars completely ruin her. Lúcio or her friends might tell her she’s still beautiful, but she’d think they’re lying. In her eyes, the accident ruined her. She pulls herself away from the mirror before she cries yet again, and finishes undressing so she can shower.

 

“Lena, please talk to me.”

“About what?”

“Anything. A week ago you could lock us in a room together and we wouldn’t shut up. What’ve you been thinking about this whole time?”

“You don’t want me to answer that. What’ve you been thinking about?”

“Mostly fantasizing about all the fun things I could do when I track down the guy who hit us.”

“You’re not actually going to try to find him, are you?” Lena asks, worry heavy in her voice.

“Nah. That’s better left to the professionals. Just something to think about while bored out of my mind. Your turn.”

“I told you, you don’t want to hear the answer.”

“Yeah, I do. You can tell me anything.”

“I’ve been trying to figure out ways to blame myself.”

“Lena—”

“I  _ know _ . Deep inside, I know it wasn’t me. But for some reason I just keep trying to blame myself and I don’t know why. It’s just all I can think about.”

He can hear her about to cry. After the last two days, he can’t take any more of that.

“Whenever me or my sisters got anxious or worried about something, my dads always told us that the best way to escape the monsters in our heads was to go outside of them. So let’s talk about something else. Tell me about Emily.”

“She’s just really sweet, you know? Whenever someone has a problem she’s always on top of it, and if she can’t fix it she’ll make sure you feel like everything’s ok. She can sing really well, she’s been in choir forever, when she opens her mouth she’s like an angel.” Through the darkness, Jesse can tell she’s finally smiling.

“She’s really pretty, too.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“Way out of my league—”

“Haven’t noticed that.”

“What? You’re crazy.”

“Come on, you’re adorable. Would’ve asked you on a date in tenth grade if you weren’t already out.”

“Really?”

“Of course. Would’ve had to wait in line too, but I know you would’ve picked me,” he flashes her a grin.

“You’re mad!”

They talk well into the night, before Lena’s exhaustion catches up to her and she eventually passes out. Jesse celebrates internally, and he finally feels like she’ll be ok.

The next morning, he’s up before she is. He picks up the western novel Gabe left with him after surgery and reads until visitor hours start. He sees Angela approaching his room, and quickly flips the book upside down in his hands.

“Mornin’,” he says.

“Hello. I didn’t know you could read,” she jokes.

“Yeah, it’s not going very well.”

“May I suggest…” she takes the book and turns it rightside up.

“Yeah, that’s not helping much. I think I’m a lost cause in this department.”

“It happens,” she says, the corners of her mouth turning slightly upwards. “How’re you feeling?”

“I’m alright. They said they’re gonna try to figure out what to do about my arm this morning and hopefully get me out of here today.”

“And how’s Lena doing?”

“A little better. She told me that she knows it wasn’t her fault we got into the accident but she keeps trying to blame herself anyway, so I tried to take her mind off of it and we talked until she fell asleep.”

“You got her to talk  _ and _ fall asleep?”

“I’m good, I know.”

“That’s impressive.”

 

Nine PM. Hana tries to get to sleep. Ten PM. She’s still awake. Eleven PM. She finally drifts off. Twelve AM. The car hits her again. She wakes up, terrified. One AM. She lies awake with her eyes open. Two AM. She’s forced asleep again. She’s standing over her bloody corpse, screaming. Three AM. She’s playing Pokemon to try to stay awake. Four AM. She’s passed out, DS fallen from her hands onto her lap. Five AM. She’s still asleep. Six AM. The car hits her again. Dawn breaks in the window. She’s dead tired, but tries to get up.

Standing up again is a long and arduous process, but she eventually manages to stand and stabilize herself without getting hurt.

_ Might as well practice Starcraft _ , she thinks. She’s about to turn on her computer, but she realizes she doesn’t  _ want _ to play Starcraft. She doesn’t really want to play anything. Even the Pokemon game she was playing hours ago doesn’t seem that appealing now that she doesn’t need to force herself to stay awake.

She gets her phone and headphones, but before starting the music deletes  _ Gas, Gas, Gas _ and the rest of the Initial D soundtrack off of her phone.

She stares at her computer. She doesn’t want to play games and she doesn’t want to sleep.

_ Netflix it is _ . She sits on her desk chair and turns on her computer. After a couple episodes, Jack taps on her door.

“Hana? You awake?”

“Yeah. Come in.”

He can’t help but notice the dark circles under her eyes. “You haven’t been up all night, have you?”

“Nope. I slept.”  _ About two hours _ , she doesn’t add.

“Alright, well, dad and I are leaving to have a meeting with Jesse’s doctors. We’ll bring back bagels, and there are some leftovers to tide you over.”

“Awesome. Thanks.”

 

Just before Jesse’s meeting, Lena gets discharged. She makes sure to give Jesse a tight hug and thank him before leaving. “Good luck, cowboy.”

“See you soon, Lena. Keep busy to distract yourself. Hang out with Emily.”

“I will. See ya on the other side!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'know, a couple weeks ago Michael Chu confirmed on twitter that D.Va's not actually a Starcraft pro, she's top on the leaderboards of some other games but not SC.  
> Of course, just WHAT those games were weren't confirmed IIRC, so Starcraft it is.  
> Also if I'm writing anything about PTSD wrong (or really ANY mental illness or abnormal behavior that was or will be in here), PLEASE let me know, I want to get this right.


	13. Another Shit Party

7/13/2017

_ Hana: Hey _

_ Hana: Wanna talk? _

_ Lúcio: I was just about to go to sleep _

_ Lúcio: But I’ll stay up for you :) _

_ Lúcio: What’s up? _

_ Hana: Nothing much, just don’t feel like sleeping tonight. _

_ Lúcio: What do you mean? _

_ Hana: I slept last night, so I’m good. _

_ Lúcio: …that’s not how that works _

_ Hana: It’s worked for the past week and a half, it’s all good. _

_ Lúcio: Hana, what’s wrong? _

_ Hana: Nothing. _

_ Lúcio: Hana, no one sleeps only every other night because nothing’s wrong. Why aren’t you sleeping? _

_ Hana: Sleeping sucks, I could be playing games. _

_ Lúcio: Your starcraft team has been bugging you since you got back from the hospital to play and you haven’t logged in once. _

_ Lúcio: And on that topic, you’re barely on the server at all anymore. _

_ Hana: Can we talk about something else? _

_ Lúcio: Once you tell me what’s wrong! _

_ Hana: Why do you care??? _

_ Lúcio: What do I care??? _

_ Lúcio: I’m supposed to be your *boyfriend*, Hana! I’m worried about you, and I can only hope you’d be worried about me too. _

He sees the typing notification appear, then it goes away. She’s quiet for a few moments.

_ Lúcio: Wouldn’t you? _

She goes offline.

He stares half-broken at his phone, then shuts it off and angrily turns over in his bed, trying to get some sleep.

Hana stares at her computer, almost as upset. She makes a promise to herself to apologize once she’s thinking straight, then sneaks downstairs to get more coffee.

She looks at her computer. The array of games coating her desktop still doesn’t appeal to her, so she spends the night on reddit and twitter. A few of her followers ask when she’ll be streaming next, and she makes a vague, empty promise of “soon”.

It’s barely midnight. The worst part about staying up all night is just how long it takes. She finds a playlist of old AVGN videos and settles on that.

Around two, she has trouble keeping her eyes open. She struggles and drinks more coffee, but her brain pulls her into her own unconscious.

She’s in the car accident again, screaming. Her scars feel like they’re on fire. Lúcio stands a couple feet away, shouting “I’m supposed to be your boyfriend, Hana!”

She’s jolted awake when the AVGN starts screaming obscenities through her headphones. She pauses the video and switches back to messenger.

_ Hana: Of course I would. _

_ Hana: I’m so sorry, if you were acting like this I’d be worried and I’m glad you’re worried about me. _

Lúcio only managed to get half asleep, and jolts awake when he hears his phone go off.

_ Lúcio: It’s ok _

_ Lúcio: Can we talk about it? _

_ Hana: Ever since I got home, when I try to go to sleep I have nightmares, so I only sleep every other night, and when I do it’s only for a couple hours. _

_ Lúcio: Jesus _

_ Lúcio: Have you told your dads about it yet? _

_ Hana: Not yet. _

_ Hana: I can deal with it for now, there’s no need to get them worried. _

_ Lúcio: If you say so. _

_ Lúcio: Just promise me you’ll go to them if you need to. _

_ Hana: I will. _

_ Lúcio: Are you going to go to sleep now? _

_ Hana: Just woke up. Fuck no. _

_ Hana: Wanna watch some movies on rabbit? _

_ Lúcio: Sure! _

_ Lúcio: Just tonight though, I’m not encouraging this. _

 

It’s the next evening, and Hana’s dreading going to sleep again. She tries to argue with herself that technically she slept last night, but a half-hour nightmare session doesn’t count.

She goes incognito on her phone and looks up medicine that causes dreamless sleep. One of the names sounds familiar. She pockets her phone and works her way up to the upstairs bathroom. After locking herself in, she opens the medicine cabinet, and sure enough, she sees one of her dads’ pill bottles from the VA with the same name she just found.

_ Recommended use: For persons 18 and older, take one to two pills before going to sleep. Do not exceed 3 pills in a 24 hour period. For persons 18 and under, consult a doctor before use. _

She shrugs, deciding it’ll probably be fine. She’ll only take one. She pockets it, makes her way down the stairs, and wraps it in a gum wrapper in her room. By ten thirty, she’s completely exhausted. She takes the sleeping pill without a second thought and prepares to drift off.

She wakes up almost twelve hours later. For the first time in almost two weeks, she’s completely rested. She eases herself out of bed and onto the floor, and heads downstairs for breakfast.

“Finally sleeping in again?” Jack asks.

“Yeah, looks like it.”

“Good. Genji’s finally getting out of the hospital today, so Jesse and Sombra are going to visit them, if you want to tag along.”

“I think I’m just going to stay home.”

“Alright. But you really should get out of the house for a little bit soon. You’ve been looking really pale lately.”

“Moving around kinda hurts lately, dad,” she says, with a bit more attitude than either of them would have liked.

“I’m not saying to go out for a jog or anything. At least go sit outside for a bit or go out with your friends. We’re worried about you.”

She offers a noncommittal “Hm.”

 

As Lena still refuses to drive, Jack drives her and his kids over to the park where they’re celebrating Genji’s return.

“Why not do it at your house?” Jesse asks.

Hanzo shrugs. “Genji likes it here,” he says, which isn’t strictly a lie, but he feels guilty as if he told one.

For the time being, Genji’s wheelchair-bound, but undergoing physical therapy so he can eventually walk on his own. His face is heavily scarred, but still recognizable. One of his arms has been amputated and replaced with a metal prosthetic, and many of his shattered bones were replaced with metal.

“So, you’re a cyborg now, huh?” Jesse asks.

“Looks like it,” Genji replies, his face contorted into as close to a grin as it can get at the moment.

“Pretty badass.”

Lena comes sprinting up. She’d recently gotten her stitches out, leaving only a scar and a bruise on her head. “You’re okay!” she cheers.

“New and improved! Getting through airport security will be a chore now, I suppose. What’s been happening while I was away?”

“Nothing much, really,” Jesse says. “Lena, Emily, Hanzo, and I have been hanging out a lot, going on some adventures. Hana hasn’t been holding up that well, I don’t think she’s sleeping. Or gaming.”

Angela can’t help but overhear. “Hana hasn’t been gaming?”

“Nope. Actually, let me check real quick.” He pulls out the steam app on his phone, finds his sister’s profile, and checks the “recently played” tab. “Yeah, it says just a couple hours in the last two weeks, and most of them were before the accident.”

“And she hasn’t been sleeping either?”

“Yeah, she’s not looking so good. Got dark circles under her eyes, real bad.”

Angela frowns. “I should probably talk to her soon.”

Genji’s having a hard time hearing her words. He’s had a minor crush on her since he moved here, but since she saved his life he’s having a hard time not seeing her with wings and a halo and heavenly light shining behind her.

Sombra appears as if from nowhere. “Apparently uncle Rein might be moving to town,” she says as Angela turns away.

“Where’d you hear that?” Jesse asks.

“Overheard dads talking about it the other night.”

“And you said moving?”

“Yep. So we’ll probably be going to school with Fareeha next year.”

Jesse groans. “What’s the matter?” Lena asks.

“We couldn’t stand her growing up,” Sombra explains. “We haven’t seen her in a while, though, so you never know, maybe she’s cool now.”

 

That night, Hana sneaks upstairs to get another sleeping pill from the medicine cabinet. Just as she’s starting to leave, Gabriel calls everyone downstairs, and she almost jumps three feet in the air. She calms herself down, realizing he couldn’t possibly have any idea she was taking his medicine, and breathes as deep as she can manage on her way downstairs. She pockets the pill and joins her siblings on the couch. Her dads sit on their recliners, facing them.

“Okay,” Jack starts. “Hana, can you take the headphones off?” She obliges. “All of you probably know by now, but dad and I have been wanting to adopt another kid. Jesse and Sombra, you’re going off to college next year, and quite frankly, we’re not ready to be empty-nesters yet.”

Gabe picks up from there. “Now, instead of going through the standard adoption process like we did with Hana and Sombra, we’re going with shortlist adoption, like we did with Jesse. What shortlist means is that we have to be ready for an adoption at a moment’s notice. With Jesse, we got him within a few hours of his birth, but there’s a chance that we’ll get an older child who’s been emancipated or taken from a parent for one reason or another.”

“So we could get someone our age?” Sombra asks.

“It’s very unlikely,” Gabe answers.

“Most shortlist adoptions occur when a mother wants their child to be adopted right after their birth, and it’s less likely for a child to be put into shortlist the older they get.”

“Why now?” Sombra asks. “These two were just in a car accident.”

“But we’re fine now,” Jesse interjects.

“Exactly,” Jack says. “We had actually just finished meeting with a social worker a couple of hours before the accident, and were planning on telling you when you all got home. Clearly that couldn’t happen, so we waited until you’ve all recovered. We know we’re all ready now.”

The pill in Hana’s pocket feels like it weighs a thousand pounds and burns a thousand degrees.

“Where are they going to sleep?” Sombra asks.

“If they’re a boy, Jesse’s room, and if they’re a girl, Hana’s room.”

“Wait, what?” Hana asks.

“You have the bigger room,” Sombra gloats.

“We put ourself back on the shortlist this morning,” Jack says. “So we could have to wait a couple weeks or this could happen very soon.”

 

“Genji, are you drunk?” Hanzo asks. “You’re on painkillers, you can’t be drinking!”

“Of course I’m not drunk!”

Hanzo suddenly recognizes the smell filling his room. “Ah.”

“Dad said he didn’t want to save my life. He said it was too expensive and I wasn’t going to be of use to the family.”

“I know, brother.”

“But you convinced him otherwise?”

“I did my best.”

“He made me promise to join the family business.”

“I know. I made the suggestion.”

“We’re not joining the family business, are we?”

“Of course not.”

“We’re running away, aren’t we?”

Hanzo sighs. “That is looking like the best option.”

“What about Jesse?”

 

A couple days later, a beat up station wagon parks outside the Reyes-Morrison household. Sombra watches her hulking beast of an uncle unfold himself out of the car, and open the door for his wife.

“Oh shit, check this out.” She waves her brother over as Fareeha gets out of the car. She’s radically different from her last visit, she now sports a short, almost spiky haircut not too different from Lena’s. She wears an  _ Imagine Dragons _ t-shirt with the sleeves torn off, and jean shorts cut a little too far up her thigh.

“Dad, Reinhardt’s here!” Sombra calls.

A few minutes later, Jack’s happily wrapped in a bear hug from his brother that would easily crush a lesser man. “It has been too long, Jack!” he roars in a way that makes the kids wonder how their aunt isn’t deaf yet.

“Definitely! Glad you’re coming here. Want to come in for breakfast, or just head out now?”

“Early bird gets the worm! Let’s get started now.”

Jack joins Reinhardt and Ana in their search for a house, leaving Fareeha with his kids.

“You’re cool with me hanging around, right? I know we annoyed the crap out of each other when we were younger.”

“It’s all good,” Jesse says. “I’ll get my friend Lena, we’ll give you the grand tour.”

“Sounds good.”

Sombra knocks on Hana’s room, where she’s sitting at her computer with purple semicircles embedded under her eyelids. “Did you sleep?”

“No.”

“Wanna come give Fareeha the special Lena and Jesse tour?”

“No.”

“Lame. You should get some sleep. Or at least eat something.”

“Maybe.”

When she walks back into the living room, Jesse’s coordinating a decently sized exploration group.

“You go by Sombra now, right?”

“Yep.”

“Cool.”

“Alright, we’re meeting up at Dunkin so everyone can get coffee to wake up and then we’ll give you the grand tour.”

“Who’s coming?” Sombra asks.

“Definitely Lena and Hanzo, probably Efi, Angela, and Amelie, and Genji’s going to try to come out but he probably can’t.”

By the time they make it to Dunkin, Lena’s already there and in the middle of her second coffee. Jesse notes this. “Lena, you’re starting to have a serious problem,” he jokes.

“I don’t have a problem with caffeine. In fact, I love the stuff. So, this is your cousin?”

“Hey,” Fareeha waves.

Angela shows up next, and is almost instantly enamored with the girl hanging around her friends. In the two and a half minutes it takes for her to order her coffee, she’s already imagined falling in love, going to college, getting married, and buying a house with her.

Fareeha, meanwhile, is pleasantly surprised that the pretty girl is apparently going to be spending the day with them. She introduces herself, and swears she feels something when their hands touch.

 

The next night, Jesse’s watching a Clint Eastwood marathon on TV when he gets a text from Genji. It’s a screenshotted snap from one of the junkers of what seems to be a pretty intense party. He immediately receives another, this one zoomed in on the corner of the picture. He can see his sister’s blurry face and blank expression in the background.

_ Jesse: Where is that? _

_ Weeb: A party _

_ Jesse: Which one?? _

_ Weeb: Androxus, I think _

_ Jesse: ewww _

He texts Hana to confirm.

_ Jesse: Hana _

_ Jesse: Where are you? _

_ Hana: I tolf uu _

_ Hana: Wnnt 4  wlk _

Jesse’s first instinct is to drive straight over to Androxus’s house, but his dads are out shopping for kid stuff and said that either him or Sombra had to stay in the house in case a social worker came by. Naturally, Sombra had ran off as soon as he said that, trapping Jesse in the house. He tries texting Sombra a few times, but remembers that she’s at a movie. He racks his brain, trying to think of who else he could reach.

 

Angela and Fareeha are both very much enjoying exploring each others mouths, only to be interrupted by an annoying vibration from Angela’s phone.

_ Jesse: Angela!! _

_ Jesse: You’re at the Androxus party, right? _

“You should probably take that,” Fareeha says, trying to mask how much she doesn’t want her to take that.

_ Angela: Yeah, what’s up _

_ Jesse: Can you check to see if Hana’s there? _

“It’s your cousin,” Angela says. “Apparently Hana’s here somewhere.”

“Yeah, make sure she’s ok,” Fareeha says. “Hurry back.”

“I will.” She hurries out of the room, asking partygoers if they’d seen an out of place Korean sophomore anywhere.

She eventually finds her alone in the backyard, leaning against a tree with her knees pressed to her chest. She kneels down to talk to her.

“Hana, are you alright?”

She shakes her head but doesn’t answer. Her face is splotchy red, and pale where it isn’t.

“Why are you here?”

“Wanted to get drunk,” she says, and when she opens her mouth she can smell the beers she drank.

“Why?”

“I’ve been a mess ever since the crash, and I thought this would help.”

“Did it?”

“It’s so much worse.” Her voice wavers, foretelling the incoming tears. “I don’t want to be here anymore.”

“That’s ok, I can take you home.”

She shakes her head violently and the tears start to fall. “I don’t want to be… I don’t…” She struggles. “What if I…” she shakes her head. “I thought alcohol was supposed to make you feel better.”

“No. It just makes you not like you.”

“That’s what I wanted… but it’s just worse.”

“Can you tell me how you’ve been feeling since the crash?”

“I haven’t been sleeping… I haven’t been wanting to do anything… I’ve barely talked to Lúcio… I’m  _ so _ scared to go back to school…” a brief sob falls from her lips, “I almost turned back on the walk over here three times.” It’s hard for Angela to understand her between the tears and the way she’s slurring her words.

“Come on, I’ll take you home.” As she helps Hana to her feet, she finds Fareeha on messenger.

_ Angela: Need to take Hana home _

_ Angela: I’ll be back soon _

_ Fareeha: My balls are fucking blue, Zeigler _

_ Fareeha: You’d better make this up to me _

_ Fareeha: ;) _

_ Angela: Whatever you’d like, my dear. _

_ Fareeha:  _ _ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) _

“I don’t want to drive,” Hana slurs.

“You’re in no state to walk,” she says, opening the door for her.

Hana slowly lowers herself into the passenger’s seat. If she wasn’t drunk she’d be far too terrified to let anyone but her dads drive her anywhere.

“I’ll drive slow.”

“My dads are adopting another kid,” she says abruptly.

“Really?”

“They’ve wanted to for a while and they’re doing it now because they think we’re all ok. But I’m not.”

“You haven’t told them any of this?”

She shakes her head. “I thought I could handle it.”

“You can handle it. Just not on your own. You’ll be ok.”   
“How do you know?”

“Because your friends and family love you and we all want to help you get better. The first step is telling your dads. And not sneaking off to parties and getting drunk.”

They’re home way sooner than Hana thinks they should be, and Angela walks her to the door. Jesse quickly answers it.

“Angela, thank you so much,” he says.

“Anytime.”   
“What was she doing there?”

“I think she should be the one to tell you. I have to get going.”

“Alright, anything I can do to make this up to you?”

_ I think your cousin’s got it covered _ , she wants to say, but instead tells him there’s no need.

 

Hana sits across from her dads at the kitchen table, feeling like she’s being interrogated. She tells her dads about how she hasn’t been sleeping, about the nightmares, about how she’s barely been talking to any of her friends, about how anxious she’s been, about going and getting drunk at the party. She doesn’t tell them about stealing Gabe’s sleeping pills or how depressed the alcohol made her.

Her dads take turns hugging her with one arm and she starts to cry again. This time, though, she’s not crying out of fear or sadness, but for the first time in too long, in relief.

 

“Alright, we’ve received recommendations from several people that doctor Zenyatta—” Gabe starts.

“Zenyatta?” Hana asks, incredulous.

“Yes, Zenyatta. He’s apparently the best therapist in the area, and dad and I want you to meet with him privately once a week.”

“Fine by me.”

“I’m also going to pretend not to notice that almost a week’s worth of sleeping pills have vanished from the medicine cabinet.” Hana’s insides freeze. “However, if more start to disappear, I just might start to wonder where they’ve been going.”

“Okay,” she says as nonchalantly as possible.

“And no more going to parties.”

“Wasn’t planning on it.”

Their conversation is cut short by a rapping at the door. Gabe answers it, and immediately calls for Jack to come downstairs. Jesse and Sombra also come to see what the commotion is.

The family steps onto the porch in the warm July evening to greet a well dressed social worker outside a black car.

“—CPS took her from her father after repeated abuse, and her mother emancipated her to keep her out of the foster care system. Before we can make anything official, I need both of your verbal confirmation that you want to do this.”

Gabe and Jack both look at Hana, who nods. Both of them say yes as soon as she does, and the social worker unlocks the car. A scared looking Indian seven year old emerges from the car. There’s a bruise on her face and scars running down her arm.

“This is Satya,” she says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Symmetra's here yaaaaaay  
> Also it's the weekend so I think I might just power through and get (almost?) everything up here by Sunday night so I can work on a *new* chapter over the week.


	14. First Night

7/23/2017

While the kids work on making Hana’s room suitable for Satya to live in, the dads give her a tour of the house and get her fed. The three of them sit around the table, eating the pizza they’d ordered earlier.

“Why are you two men?” Satya asks.

“Well, most parents are men and women, but sometimes parents are two men or two women,” Gabe explains.

“But why?”

“It’s just the way some people are,” Jack says. “Like Hana’s a girl that likes boys and Jesse’s a boy that likes girls and boys, and their friend Lena’s a girl that likes girls.”

“Oh.” she takes a bite. “My dad said that men shouldn’t get married to other men.”

The two men share a look. “Well, what do you think?”

She shrugs. “I dunno. I guess it’s too late anyway since you’re already married.”

“Well around here, most people don’t really mind who you’re married to. We think love is love no matter who you’re with.”

She nods, as if she understands but hasn’t decided whether or not to agree yet.

 

“So,” Jesse says, “bet you weren’t expecting your new roommate to be seven.”

“As long as she doesn’t wake up crying at the worst hours of the night, I can deal.”

When they finish up in her room, she crashes down on her bed and takes out her phone.

_Hana: New kid’s here_

_Lúcio: ???_

_Hana: Oh shit_

_Hana: Did I not tell you?_

_Lúcio: If it happened in the last couple days, probably not_

_Hana: Okay_

_Hana: One, I’m really sorry about going off the radar lately_

_Hana: Two,_

She tells him everything from stealing her dad’s medicine, getting drunk at the party, her cousin moving, and finally the new arrival at their house.

_Lúcio: Wait_

_Lúcio: Your cousin’s here?_

_Hana: …_

_Lúcio: But seriously, that’s a lot of information._

_Hana: I know_

_Hana: I wish I told you earlier._

_Lúcio: Why didn’t you?_

_Hana: I don’t know. I’m sorry._

She hears a tapping at the door, and it opens slightly. She sees the little girl peeking through. “Come on in.”

“Jack said I’m sharing your room.”

“Yep, this is it.” She walks in, cautiously observing it and her.

 

_Listen here you little shits (Jesse, Lena, Hanzo, Angela, Fareeha --Active four hours ago)_

_Cowman: Looks like we’ve got a little sister_

_Lena the Hedgehog: Already?_

_Cowman: We haven’t formally adopted her yet, but she got dropped off a little while ago. Apparently she’s going to be living with us for a little while first._

_Cowman: Also she’s seven_

_Cowman: Probably should’ve mentioned that._

_Fareeha: You’re adopting a seven year old?_

_Cowman: Yeah_

_Cowman: Social Worker said she was abused by her dad and they had to take her away._

_Handsoap: What’s she like?_

_Cowman: Not sure yet._

 

For about forty minutes, Hana sits in her room, unsure of exactly what to do. Satya’s been engrossed in a book Gabe gave her, not exactly giving Hana an opening to meet her new sister. Fortunately, a familiar smell starts to fill the house.

“Dad baked cookies, come with me,” Hana says.

“My mom says I’m not supposed to leave my room past eight thirty.”

“Well my dad says ‘I baked cookies, come and get them’. You’ll be fine.”

“Promise?” Satya asks. She doesn’t make eye contact, but from what Hana can tell there’s a sort of worry in her face.

“Of course. Now come on.” She gets off her bed and follows Hana downstairs, where the rest of the family’s already eating chocolate chip cookies and watching game shows in the living room.

“There you are,” Jack says. He offers her the tupperware they filled with cookies.

Satya takes one and studies it. “I’ve never had one of these before.”

“Never?” Jesse asks.

She shakes her head. “Mom said I couldn’t.”

She and Hana sit down on the couch. “What happened to your arm?” she asks Jesse, noticing the brace covering the limb.

“Hana and I were in a car accident earlier this month,” he says.

She turns to Hana. “Is that why your face is like that? And why you have that thing in your bed to make you sit up?”

“Yup, that’s it.”

“What about your arm?” Jesse asks.

She looks at her arm. It’s covered in scars and bent a bit weird. She shrugs. “I don’t remember. Mom and dad won’t tell me. When you were in the accident, did you guys hit the car or did the other car hit you?”

Jesse and Hana are speechless for a second, surprised by how unfazed she was and how easily she changed topic. “We got hit,” Jesse says.

“Were you driving?”

“No, our friend Lena was.”

“Is that the girl that likes other girls?”

Jesse can’t help but smile and suppress a chuckle. “Yeah, that’s her. Where’d you hear that?”

“Jack told me. He was explaining about how not all boys like girls and not all girls like boys.” She turns to Hana. “And since both of them like each other and Jesse likes girls and boys, does that make you the weird one?” Before she can answer, she turns to Sombra. “Although I’m not sure about you yet.”  
“I’m definitely weird, trust me,” she laughs.

“How so?”

“I was born a boy.”

“But you’re a girl now?”

“Sure am.”

“How?”

“Sometimes your mind doesn’t feel the same way your body is.”

“So you changed it?”

“I’m in the middle of it.”

Satya nods. “Good.”

“Good?”

“Good,” she confirms, refusing to elaborate. Then she turns to Hana. “So since you’re a girl that’s always been a girl who doesn’t like girls, you’re the weird one here?”

“Guess so.”

She looks like she’s writing the information down in her head, and nods slightly when she finishes. “May I have another cookie?”

“Of course.”

When everyone winds down and goes to bed, Hana opens her desk drawer and unfolds a piece of paper. In it are the last two pills she took from her father’s medicine cabinet. She makes sure Satya isn’t looking, and takes one. She’s aware that in a few short nights she’ll have to face the nightmares again, but shoves that thought away.

“Are most nights like this?” Satya asks.

“Sometimes.”

“Are they ever really bad?”

“Almost never.”

“When have they been?”

“Well, if one of us comes home having done something really bad, dads will get mad, obviously. And since we’re siblings and kinda have to live together we’ll annoy each other a lot and sometimes we’ll get really angry, but we usually don’t, and we always get over it quickly.”

“Would you ever want to live anywhere else?”

“When I’m an adult and ready to move out, yeah. But now, I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Satya logs the information. “Okay.”

“Good night.”

Satya’s aware of the phrase, but this is the first time she can remember it being said to her. “Thank you.”


	15. First Nightmare

7/24/2017

Satya wakes up on her first morning, briefly confused. She’s woken up by gentle sunlight instead of someone shouting, and the only thing she can hear is birds, cars, and gentle breathing. She finds her book and waits for someone to tell her she can leave the room.

After a couple minutes, she looks over to the girl whose room she’s sharing. Her face is apparently scared from the car accident, but she’s seen her neighbors or even her siblings get similar scars in much more violent ways. She seems to love her parents a lot, even though she’s not related to them. She supposes she could understand that, and if she finds Hana trustworthy then she could probably trust Jack and Gabe.

She hasn’t found any reason not to trust Hana, she seems nice so far, but she’s met a lot of people that seemed nice at first who would then just hurt her. She very much wants to trust her, but makes herself wait until she shows her true colors.

Then there’s Jesse. She hasn’t really talked to him much, but he seems friendly. She can’t imagine her real brother talking and laughing with someone he just met. She’ll wait a bit longer to decide if he’s genuine.

Sombra seems like the biggest mystery. She’s never met anyone who became a girl in the middle of their life. She also couldn’t really get a read on her. So the jury’s still out on all of them.

Then there’s the new house. Normally she hates big changes like this, but considering what happened at her old house, she feels a lot safer here. As long as she doesn’t get moved around too much, she’ll probably like it.

Hana wakes up not too long after. “Morning,” she says.

“Morning,” Satya replies.

“How’d you sleep?”

“Fine. Why are you asking?”

Hana shrugs. “It’s your first night here, wanted to make sure you slept well. How’re you feeling?”

“Hungry, I guess.”

“Alright, then, let’s go find something to eat.” She starts pulling herself out of bed.  
“Can we? Are we allowed?”

“Yeah, of course.” She stands up, and Satya follows her.

“I was never allowed to leave my room until my mom let me out. Sometimes I couldn’t leave until noon.”

Once again, Hana’s shocked by how nonchalantly she can talk about stuff like that. She leads her to the kitchen and looks in the fridge and freezer. “Want frozen waffles?”

“I’ve never had them.”

“Want to try?”

“Sure.” Hana sticks two in the toaster and they sit at the table.

“How old were you when you got adopted?” Satya asks.

“A couple hours.”

“Was anyone else adopted as a kid?”

“No, we were all babies. Do you want to get adopted?”

“I don’t know yet. I don’t think I want to go home, though.”

“I’m sure you won’t have to.”

“Promise?”

“Well, I can’t promise, it’s all up to dads. I can’t imagine they’d send you back there though.”

The toaster goes off, and Hana pulls herself back up to get the waffles.

 

That afternoon, Hana has her first therapy session with Doctor Zenyatta.

“So, you say you were in a car crash?” His voice is soothingly monotone and has a strangely mechanical quality to it.

“Yeah, a couple weeks ago.”

“Corner of Numbani and Dorado streets?”

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“It was right outside my house, I was the one who called 911.”

“Oh. Wow.”

“Were you the one screaming?”

“Yeah, that was me.” She looks slightly ashamed by this.

“Good. I’ve always believed things like that… screaming, crying, and the like… to be nature’s way of letting out the things trapped inside you.” He lets out a single chuckle. “And, of course, it makes sure other people can find and help you.”

Hana nods, unsure of how to respond.

“There were several people in the crash, correct?”

“Yeah.”

“Tell me about them.”  
“Okay.” She starts with Jesse.

Describing her friends takes up two thirds of the session, and when she’s done she’s not entirely sure why she did it.

“So you’re here because the crash changed you?” the doctor asks.

“Yeah, I guess you could put it like that. The day I came home I was just generally depressed, but that kinda came and went. That night I had really bad nightmares, so I spent a week and a half sleeping every other night. Even when I did sleep, it was only for a couple hours at a time. I kinda neglected my boyfriend for a while and got really anxious from time to time. I also haven’t been playing games as much as I did. After I couldn’t stand not sleeping anymore, I found some of my dad’s pills that he got from the VA that were supposed to cause dreamless sleep and I’ve been using them for a little while, but I got caught and I’m stopping after tonight.”

Zenyatta scribbles all of this down. “Have you noticed any avoidance to cars or anything involved in the crash?”

“Yeah, for a while I got kinda anxious when I thought about leaving the house so I didn’t do it for a while, but I’ve definitely been avoiding riding in cars in general. I don’t think I can ride in a car unless one of my dads is driving, and even then I feel like I’m gonna be sick the whole time. Oh, I also deleted the song we were singing during the crash and a bunch of others like it from my playlist, and I haven’t been to the corner where the crash happened.”

She ends the session talking about the horrible experience she had at the party, as well as Satya’s recent appearance. Zenyatta says he wants to talk more next week privately hoping to confirm his hypothesis.

 

One night later, Hana’s walk to her room feels like the walk to her execution. She’s tempted to stay up all night, but she doesn’t want to keep Satya up or set a bad example for her. Her only choice is to try to go to sleep and take it.

Satya’s already in bed, but awake. “Whenever I asked my dad where babies come from, he told me that it’s not something girls should be asking about,” she says abruptly. “Which never made much sense to me because my mom must’ve known the answer, but when I asked her she wouldn’t tell me.”

“Yeah, it’s definitely something girls should know about,” Hana says, a little worried about where the conversation is going.

“So I asked Jack and Gabe, and they explained it, but I still have some questions. Can I ask you?”

 _Oh jeez, here we go,_ she thinks. “Yeah, go ahead.”

“So they said men have penises where girls have vaginas, and women can get pregnant when men put their penis in the vagina. And then they told me I shouldn’t do that until I’m an adult or even older, and then Gabe said something about kicking something, not me, and Jack told him not to say that but that he was right.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“So if a guy stuck their penis in one of our vaginas, we’d get pregnant.”

“I might. You’re too young.”

“Why?”

She does her best to try to explain periods.

“So because you get your period, you can get pregnant, but I don’t have mine yet, so I can’t?”

“Exactly.”

“What’s getting your period like?”  
“Awful.”

“Okay, so people have sex by putting penises in vaginas, but what about Jesse’s friend Lena? If only boys have penises, and she doesn’t like boys, how does she have sex? Can she?”

She tries to find the right answer, and gives up. “You’ll find out when you’re older.”

“I’ll just ask her.”

Hana tries not to burst out laughing. “Definitely don’t do that.”

“Why?”

She does her best to explain that sex is a private and taboo thing that you definitely don’t just ask someone about.

“Do you have sex?”  
“Man, what did I _just_ say?”

“Sorry. Do you?”

“Not yet.”

“Because you’re not an adult and one of your dads would kick something?”

“Pretty much.”

“What about two men? How do Jack and Gabe—”

“Okay, this conversation is over! Good night.”

Satya shrugs. “Good night.”

Hana turns off the lamp and steels herself for the nightmares.

 

She wakes up at about one in the morning, but not from her nightmare. She hears sniffling and whimpering, and turns to her side. Satya’s sitting up in bed, and through the darkness she can make out tears streaming down her face and a blanket shoved in her mouth.

“Satya?” she whispers. “What’s wrong?”

She shakes her head.

“I’m getting dad.”

“No!”

“Why not? What happened?”

“Promise you won’t tell?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“I had a nightmare.”

“Aww, poor baby. Come here.” She gently pulls Satya into a hug. She places her on her legs and wraps her arms around her, gently rubbing her back, the way her dads always did when she was younger. “What happened in it?”

“My dad found me here and dragged me back home. He turned into a monster and burned me.”

“Oh, that’s scary. Don’t worry, you’re safe with me. It was just a dream.”

She holds her silently for a few seconds, feeling her body wrack with crying breaths. “Why can’t I tell dad?”  
“When I had a nightmare back home and woke someone up my mom would yell and dad would hit.”

“Sweetie, my dad isn’t going to hurt you. He’ll hold you and tell you it’s all ok. Both of them will.”

“Just like you are?”

“I learned it from them.”

“It’s ok if I have nightmares?”

“Of course. I still have nightmares. A lot, actually.”

“You do? About what?”

“The car crash, mostly.”

“Do you wake up in the middle of the night crying?”

“Not crying, usually, but I get pretty scared sometimes.”

“And your dads don’t care?”

“They care a lot. They’re doing their best to make sure I don’t have them anymore.”

Satya sits with her for a couple more seconds before speaking. “Can I stay here?”

“As long as you want.”

She climbs off her and back into her bed. “I thought you wanted to stay,” Hana says.

“I meant in the house.”

“Oh. Of course you can.”

“What you did before, that was a hug, right?”

“Yeah…”

“Okay. I thought so. I read about it.”

Combined with the few hours of sleep she got, that comment’s enough to make her start tearing up again. “You haven’t been hugged before?”

“Maybe when I was really little.”

Her voice cracks. “Come back, I need to give you another one.”

“Okay.” she climbs back into her bed. “Why?”

“You’re seven and could barely recognize a hug.” She sniffles. “We need to make up for lost time.”

Hana embraces her again. Her ribs complain, but she doesn’t care.

“Are you crying?”

“A little.”

“Why?”

“I just can’t believe no one’s hugged you! I can’t imagine not being hugged for so long.”

“I like it. It feels nice.” They sit for a couple seconds. “Can I go back now?”

Hana lets her go.

“I like you a lot. You’re nicer than my real sister.”

Hana can’t help but smile, even though that comment also saddens her. “I like you a lot too.” Her voice is wet with restrained tears.

“You’re sure I can stay here?”

“Of course I’m sure. I can make you feel better when you have nightmares and you can make me feel better when I do.”

“Okay. Good night, Hana.”

“Good night, Satya.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Other than the accident, I think the post-nightmare scene was the one I'd planned out the most. From the moment I decided I wanted to add Satya to the family (which was REALLY early on, I think around chapter 4) I was planning this scene.


	16. Adoption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Satya becomes a full member of the Reyes-Morrison family

8/2/2017

After Satya’s been in the house for ten days, Jack and Gabe take her out to breakfast by themselves. They sit across from her, and wait for their food to arrive before they broach their intended topic. When it does, they can’t help but notice that there are sever motor issues with her injured arm. She can still use it, but she has trouble even holding the fork properly.  _ We’ll have to get that taken care of, _ Gabe notes.

Jack starts the conversation. “Kiddo, do you know what adoption is?”

Her heart lurches, but she tries not to get too excited. “I think so. It’s when someone becomes the parent of a child that isn’t theirs, right? Like with Hana and Jesse and Sombra.”

“Exactly. Now, you’ve been living with us for a little while now. How’ve you liked it?” Gabe asks.

“A lot better than home.”

“You don’t mind sharing a room with Hana?”

“I really like her. She’s a lot nicer than my real sister.”

“You like Jesse and Sombra?”

“Yeah.”

“How about us?”

“Yeah.”

“Well that’s good. Satya, we want to adopt you,” Jack says.

“Really?” she forces herself to remain skeptical, but her face betrays her excitement.

“Really. We want you to be our daughter.”

“Forever?”

“Forever,” Gabe promises.

Her face falls. “Why?”

Both men frown. “What do you mean, why?” Jack asks.

“My dad always told me I was a freak. My mom told me how useless I was. Why would you want me?”

Worry lines start to appear in Jack’s forehead. Gabe takes her hands and looks into her eyes. She stares at the table. “Whatever your old dad said, ignore it. We haven’t even known you two weeks and we know you’re an awesome kid. We want to be your dads now, if you’ll take us.”

“You can’t take it back?”

“No,” Jack says. “And we wouldn’t ever want to.”

“And you’ll take care of me until I’m an adult?”

“As long as you need us to,” Jack promises.

“You won’t hit me?”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Gabe says.

“You won’t starve me?”

“Were they starving you over there?” Jack asks, getting riled up.

“Sometimes when I did something they didn’t like.”

“We would never.”

“Even if I did something bad?”

“The worst we’ve ever done is grounding, I think,” Gabe says. Jack nods in confirmation.

“Do… do you love me?”

“We’re starting to.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay. I want you to adopt me.”

Both men hug her, elated. As soon as they get home, they call a judge to schedule her adoption a week from that day.

 

Hana and Satya sit in their room on a lazy Sunday, neither of them bothering to leave the room before lunch. At about eleven, Hana’s cell phone rings.

“Hey!” she excitedly greets her boyfriend.

“Morning. How’ve you been doing?”

“Awesome, you?”

“Great. Did you get the song I sent you?”

“I’ve listened to it like twelve times already.”

“So you like it?”

“Love it.”

“Good, I wrote it for you.”

He smiles as she squeals excitedly into her phone. “So what are you doing today?” he asks.

“Nothing. Why? Rabbit movie binge? Gaming session?”

“Something like that. Look outside.”

_ No way… _ she looks out the window and her face lights up. She quickly changes out of her pajamas and tells Satya to come with her.

“I thought the whole point of a lazy Sunday was staying inside?”

“Change of plans, come on.” She gets up and follows her out onto the front lawn.

Lúcio stands outside his car, smiling at her. She runs up and hugs her, careful not to squeeze to hard and hurt her ribs. “What are you doing here?”

“Thought it would be fun to visit and finally hang out again.” He notices Satya. “Is this your new sister?”

“She will be soon!”

“Awesome! I’m Lúcio, nice to meet you.” he extends his fist for a fist bump. She eyes it warily. “Come on, don’t leave me hanging.”

She turns to Hana. “I don’t understand.”

“It’s a fist bump. You bump your fist with his, like this.” she fist bumps him.

“Why?”

“It’s like a high five.”

She stares at her blankly. “I’ll explain later,” she says.

“Okay. See you tonight,” she says, and goes back inside.

“Weird kid,” Lúcio notes.

“She’s really sweet, though.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that. Come on, let’s go.”

She slides into the passenger’s seat. “Where are we headed?”

“Well, I drove past that dance studio on the way in, and they had a sign that said ‘walk-ins welcome’, if you’re interested. Maybe we could finally do that.”

“Yeah, let’s!”

He drives up main street and parks in the back, and they walk in and meet with an instructor. They spend a good two hours trying to learn to dance. Both of them are terrible, tripping over each other and often getting off beat, but they laugh and have fun nonetheless.

Since they can’t see each other that often, the couple makes sure they enjoy the day to the fullest. After leaving the studio, they go out to eat, then run off to the park for a while. It starts raining, so they get in his car and just drive around, listening to music and talking. When the rain starts to get unbearable, they find a movie theatre, and run inside under the pouring cascade. It’s even worse when the movie ends now, thundering loudly, so they sprint back into his car and find a cafe to wait out the storm in.

 

“Alright, dad and I are going in for the last meeting with a social worker before the adoption. After this we’ll be good to go,” Jack says. “You two going to be alright alone with Satya?”

“Yeah, of course,” Sombra says.

“Alright. See you in a few hours.”

They are fine, for a little while, until the thunder starts. Satya’s eyes widen when she sees the lightning, and she whimpers a little when the thunder starts. It’s still far away, though, so she puts on the pair of headphones Hana gave her and tries to ignore it.

It takes about an hour, but soon the storm’s right above them. The lightning illuminates the whole sky, and the thunder shouts at her as if sick of her ignoring it.

“You alright?” Sombra asks. Satya shakes her head, afraid to speak. “What’s wrong?”

_ This isn’t my old home, this isn’t my old home, this isn’t my old home _ , she repeats in her head. They don’t punish fear here. “I’m scared,” she confesses, forcing the words out.

“Aww, come here,” Sombra says. “It’s just noise.”

She walks over and cuddles up to Sombra. Her whole body tenses and she whimpers. Sombra rubs her back. “It’s gonna be ok.”

“I want Hana.”

“She’ll be back soon. We’re here for you.”

“No, I need Hana,” she repeats.

“Hana’s not here.”

“But… but… I need her!”

Blood tints her face behind her cheeks and she looks ready to cry.

“It’ll be fine, Jesse and I are here for you.”

“No!”

Satya removes herself from Sombra and throws herself on the couch.

“Satya—”

“No!”

Jesse sighs. “I’m got it.” He calls Hana.

Within a couple minutes, Lúcio and Hana are outside her house. “Sorry about this,” she says.

“It’s fine. It was an awesome day.”

“Definitely! Have to do this again soon.”

She kisses him, then opens the door and sprints inside through the rain.

“Hana!” Satya shouts, and runs for her. Hana picks her up and hugs her. “It’s okay, I got you.” She feels her shudder when thunder claps overhead. “I got you.”

 

_ Hana: Hey _

_ Hana: I just realized _

_ Hana: I wasn’t afraid to get in a car with you _

_ Lúcio: I assume you knew I wasn’t going to kidnap you? _

_ Hana: lol _

_ Hana: No but even when dad’s driving I still hate to be in cars since the accident _

_ Hana: But I didn’t even think about it with you! _

 

It’s a sunny Friday afternoon. Satya’s new dads, siblings, aunt, uncle, and cousin meet outside the courthouse, all dressed up. “Fuckin’ hate formal wear,” Fareeha whispers. She’d much rather be in torn shorts than a dress.

“Hear you there,” Jesse says. “Not much longer, though.”

Their name is called, and they crowd inside. A judge sits behind a desk, and Satya and her dads stand in front. The rest of their party stands behind, watching. The judge asks Jack and Gabe to agree to take care of Satya until she becomes an adult, and they happily agree to. He reads off a little while longer (until Satya and Reinhardt and even some of the older kids become impatient), and finally, he gives the men a paper to sign.

“Congratulations, Mister Reyes and Mister Morrison, you are now the legal guardians of Satya Reyes-Morrison.”

Both men hug her, and the rest of the room gets their turn. Hana’s last. “I love you, Satya. I’m so glad you’re with us.”

“I love you too.”

“Come on!” Hana turns around to give Satya a piggyback ride out of the building. She hops on and they sprint out towards the car.


	17. The Barbeque/Reminiscing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So back when I was posting this as a new story for each section, in between this chapter and the one before it I posted a chapter that took place five years out of sequence. Because of it's odd timeline placement I'm not gonna put it here, and I probably won't post it again at all because it would make a shit epilogue, but if you're interested you can read it here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12224100

8/18/2017

As usual, Lena arrives at the Reyes-Morrison residence a good two hours before their traditional late-summer barbecue. She sits in the living room with the Hana, Jesse, Sombra, and Satya, playing Smash Melee and Mario Kart Double Dash.

“Hana, we have a Switch,” Jesse says. “We’re a good three generations past the gamecube.”

“Nothing’s better than the gamecube,” she insists. She’s about to start up a new match, but Jesse goes back to the character select screen. He sets them up as a three vs. one team against Hana.

“I’ll still win,” she says. She does.

“It’s been a really long summer,” Lena comments.

“Wish it was longer, can’t believe school starts in ten days,” Hana replies.

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Jesse says.

“No, think about it. You started dating Lúcio, I started dating Emily, we got into a car crash, you all got a new sister, and in a few days Sombra’s gonna be a full-on girl.”

“Hell yeah!” Sombra adds.

“Yeah, you’re right, it’s been a long one,” Jesse says. “Wouldn’t surprise me if there was one last curveball before it ended.”

“Like the school burns down and they have to delay it an extra month?” Hana asks.

“That’d be a good one.”

“Be the change you wish to see in the world, Hana.” Lena grins.

“I mean, we’ve got charcoal, lighter fluid, and matches all set for tonight, it wouldn’t really be a problem if some of it went missing.”

“Yes, it would!” Gabe calls from the kitchen.

“So Satya, you’ve been quiet,” Lena says. Satya turns to look at her. “How’ve you been liking it here?”

“It’s really good, I like it a lot.”

“Wouldn’t go back?”

“I would never go back.” She scooches over to Hana, who wraps her in a one-armed hug.

A couple hours later and a good chunk of the neighborhood is in their backyard. Among them are the Shimada boys (as usual, their parents aren’t present); the Zieglers; Ana, Reinhardt, and Fareeha Amari; Efi, Orisa, and their father, and almost a dozen other families. Satya, however, sits alone in her room with a book and a sandwich. Hana, noticing her absence, quickly finds her.

“Hey.”

“Hello.”

“What’s wrong? Why aren’t you outside?”

“It’s bright and loud and it smells. I don’t like it, it hurts my head. I don’t want to go back out there.”   
“Alright, you don’t have to. Mind if I eat in here with you?”

“It’s your room.”

“ _ Our _ room.” She sits on her bed and finishes her two burgers and chips.

Meanwhile, Jesse and Hanzo try to find privacy in the living room, only to find that Sombra’s already there.

“Not hanging out outside?” he asks, hoping she’ll leave and he can spend some time with his boyfriend.

“Ugh, no. Everyone just keeps asking me about the surgery. Because for some reason it’s ok to talk to a seventeen year old about her genitals.”

“Well, Hanzo and I were—”

“Hanzo, there you are,” Genji says, wheeling himself in. “Thought I lost you for a minute there.”

“That was the idea.”

“Some guy I didn’t even know came up and started asking me about me being in a wheelchair. He didn’t even know my name!”

“Yeah, join the party,” Sombra says.

“Oh yeah, you’ve got the surgery soon. Nervous?”

“See, that’s an appropriate question! Just a little bit.”

“What the hell were they asking you out there?” Jesse asks.

“You don’t even want to know.”

“Alright, Hanzo, let’s try another room,” Jesse mutters. They start heading for the door, but are met with Angela and Fareeha.

“Oh, you guys are already here,” the former says, a little disappointed.

“We wanted to get away,” Fareeha says. “Way too many people outside.”

“Yeah, all of us wanted some alone time,” Jesse answers.

“We’re going into senior year, so all  _ anyone _ cares about is ‘where are you going to college?’ ‘are you thinking about college yet?’.”

“Oh my god, if I hear the word ‘college’ again I’m going to bomb someone,” Lena says, entering. “There you guys are. I was wondering where everyone cool went.”

“I fucking hate so many of these people,” Sombra says. “They’re friendly with dads so when they come here they try to seem nice to the kids. They don’t care. They just want dads to like them so they keep inviting them for free food.”

“Yeah, and because we’re teenagers we don’t even have a personality to them,” Lena adds. “I’m not the kid who likes physics and wants to join the air force, I’m ‘the gay one’. Genji here’s not the anime fan who’s got a weird interest in eastern philosophies, he’s ‘wheelchair kid’. And for a while we were all ‘those kids who got hit by a car’. Now we’re just ‘seniors off to college soon’.”

“You ever notice that these people tend to not have kids?” Angela asks, getting a few chuckles.

“Sorry about our alone time,” Jesse says to Hanzo.

“It’s fine. We’ll have plenty of time soon enough,” he says, and it hurts because he knows they won’t.

When Hana and Satya eventually go downstairs, they see Angela and Fareeha cuddling in Jack’s chair, Hanzo and Jesse leaning on each other on the floor, Sombra, Efi, and Orisa lined up on the couch, Lena stretched out on the bench, and Genji next to her.

“There they are!” Lena says.

“Hi,” Hana says, a little surprised to see so many people.

“We were wondering where you guys were,” Hanzo says.

Satya peeks out from behind Hana. Hana takes her hand and Lena sits up to let them sit next to her on the bench. Satya sits on Hana’s lap and Hana gently strokes her back.

“So what’re you all doing in here?” Hana asks.

“Well, we decided we hated everyone else, so we’re in here now,” Angela says.

“Why?”

“Well, take a look outside. Of all the people out there who aren’t related to any of us, have you ever had a conversation that wasn’t completely superficial?” Sombra asks.

“I guess not.”

“They try to be friendly to us but they really just want to look good to dads so they keep getting free food,” Jesse says.

“See, your parents are awesome,” Fareeha says. “Mine are badass war veterans. I want to be like Angela’s mom when I grow up. Efi and Orisa’s are super nice.  _ Maybe _ there are a couple other people out there who are nice enough. Most of them suck.”

“Alright, let’s stop complaining about fake conversations and have a real conversation,” Angela says. “Satya, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

“An architect.”

“Really? Why?”

“I like seeing how all the separate parts come together to form something as solid as a building.”

“That’s… weirdly deep for a seven year old,” Genji says.

“What about you, Genji? What do you want to be?” Angela asks.

“Aw, dude, I don’t know,” he says.

“Okay, if you could be absolutely anything, something completely unrealistic, what would it be?” Hana asks.

“Well, I’m already part of the way there, maybe… cyborg ninja?” A couple people laugh. “Come on, tell me that wouldn’t be awesome.”

“Well, my dream is ‘cowboy’,” Jesse says.

“Man you’ve wanted to be a cowboy since I was a baby,” Hana says.

“Some things you just don’t grow out of,” he shrugs.

“Got a realistic dream?” Fareeha asks.

“Nope.”

“Me neither.”

“A little ironic that the one with the most time to figure her life out already has it, and the rest of us are just lost,” Hanzo says.

“You don’t have anything either?” Angela asks. He shakes his head.

“Sombra?” Genji asks.

“Major in Comp Sci at Oasis and become a programmer, probably.”

“So that makes two,” Fareeha says. “Efi? Orisa?”

“I don’t know yet,” Orisa says.

“Something with robotics, of course,” Efi answers.

“How about you, Hana?”

“Streamer, hopefully. Probably not though. I had some momentum before the accident, but I haven’t really done anything since.” She absentmindedly brushes over the scars on her cheeks.

“Tonight’s a good a night as any,” Jesse says.

“What’s streaming?” Satya asks.

“It’s when people play video games and broadcast them so other people can watch and interact and even play with them sometimes.”

“Are you good at it?”

“The best.”

“I know we’re all sick of talking about college,” Jesse says. “But I don’t think I’m at all ready to go.”   
“We still got one year left, man,” Sombra reminds him.

“And it’s the best one, allegedly,” Angela says.

“Why?” Satya asks.

“Senioritis. After you get accepted into college, high school officially doesn’t matter. You just have to graduate,” Lena says.

“Good opportunity to join the clubs you wanted but didn’t have time before,” Jesse says.

“Good time to sleep, you mean,” Fareeha corrects him.

“Man, you guys get to go be seniors, Hana and I are stuck in sophomore year,” Efi says.

“I’m not ready to go back,” Hana says.

“Let’s just not,” Fareeha says. “Let’s all drop out and start a band and tour the country. We’ll come back and get Hana and Efi next year when they can drop out.”

“I think exactly two of us are at all musically inclined,” Genji says.

“I think we will have to go finish school,” Efi says.

“Boo!” Hana calls back.

“Alright, come on. It’s the end of summer, it’s a beautiful evening, let’s go out and enjoy it,” Jesse says.

“I’m  _ not _ going back out there,” Sombra says.

“Not out  _ there _ ,” he says, pointing to the backyard. “There,” he gestures to the front door. “Let’s go find something to do.”

Everyone starts pulling themselves to their feet and finding their shoes.

_ Jesse: We’re going out for a bit _

_ Baker dad: Who’s we? _

They’re all on the porch. Wait, wait, I need a group picture of all of us.” He pulls out his phone, and stretches out his arm to get a picture of everyone.

_ Jesse: MMS message _

Gabe pulls out his phone, and smiles when he sees the picture of Lena making a goofy face over Jesse’s shoulder, Sombra and Efi holding up Orisa so she can fit in the picture, Satya and Hana beaming as she gives her a piggyback ride, Hanzo breaking his serious facade just for a second with a goofy half-grin, Genji peering over the corner of the photo looking as ridiculous as possible, Fareeha and Angela with their arms around each other.

_ Gabe: Have fun, don’t stay out too late. _

 

A couple hours later, everyone’s finally cleared out. Jack and Gabe crash down on their respective chairs.

“Why do we keep doing this?” Jack asks.

“No idea.”

“It used to make the kids happy.”

“They’re happy, they’re just not here.”

“Used to make  _ us _ happy. What happened?”

“I think it’s time to say it. We are too old for this shit.”

“Come on, we’re only in our fifties,” Jack complains.

“Getting afraid of getting old?”

“It’s not that. I just—” he sighs. “I can’t think of how to word it.”

“One second.” He pulls out his phone and a couple seconds later music comes from down the hall. “No, that’s Hana’s room…” he mutters. It turns off and then starts from the living room speakers. “There we go.”

Jack smiles as he hums along to the song that played over 15 years ago, on the first dance at their wedding. Gabe stands and offers him a hand.

“May I have this dance?”

“For as long as my joints allow it.” He groans as he gets up, placing one hand on his husband’s shoulder and the other on his waist. The strings and keyboard rise as they step through the living room with moderate grace.

_ “Ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to present for the first time as a married couple, Jack and Gabriel Reyes-Morrison! Gentlemen, please come to the floor for the first dance.” The two men step onto the floor to applause from their friends as the music starts. They step in well-practiced time to the music, the rhythm of their shoes on the floor adding an extra beat to the song. _

_ “Now if you’re in love, I welcome you to join the happy couple on the dance floor!” Ana smiles as her husband ushers her to the dance floor, already populated by old army buddies with their wives and girlfriends. _

_ The song ends far too soon for anyone’s liking, but the next one immediately picks up. For the next hour, people ebb and flow from the dance floor most stopping for a bite or a breather before coming back on. Whenever a high energy song comes on, the early-20s and late teens crowd take some of the younger kids to the dance floor, link hands, and jump around in a circle. The men can’t help but smile whenever they see it. _

_ “Excuse me sir,” a squeaky voice says. The men look down to see Gabriel’s cousin’s six year old looking up at them. _

_ “Me or him?” Gabe asks. _

_ “You. May I have this dance? Did I ask that right?” _

_ Gabriel chuckles. “Gotta ask him if you can cut in.” _

_ “May I cut in?” _

_ “Go right ahead,” Jack smiles. “Could use a break.” _

_ “Alright, you just stand on my feet, right like that…” Gabe starts as Jack walks across the room. He spots a young Mexican woman sipping water at a table by herself. _

_ “Glad you could make it,” Jack says, sitting next to her. _

_ “Thanks for inviting me, never been to a wedding before. Shame I’m too big to dance.” _

_ “You’ll be dancing soon, I’m sure of it.” _

_ “Yeah, one more month! A little less, actually.” She pauses to take another sip. “I’m… really glad you two are going to take care of my kid. I wish I could do it myself, but out of everyone else, I’m really glad it’s going to be you two.” _

_ “Well… thank you. We’re honored you picked us.” _

_ “To tell you the truth, back in high school I was bullied a lot because I was bisexual, so part of the reason I picked you two was because I figured you’d love them, whoever they are.” _

_ “I’m… sorry to hear that. Can’t believe I didn’t know. And don’t worry, your kid will be in good hands.” _

Their reverie breaks when the door opens. “Wait, stay out for a little bit, dads are being weird again,” Hana says.

“Love you too,” Jack says. His legs groan as he and his husband sit back down on the couch. Sombra, Jesse, Hana, and Satya spill into the house.

“What’cha got there?” Jack asks, gesturing to a bag Sombra’s holding.

“Let’s see… LEGOs,” which she hands to Satya, “a guide on how to be a rancher, that’s for this weirdo,” she hands it to Jesse, “face paint,” she hands to Hana, “and the rest is makeup and hair dye.”

“Jesse, are you actually trying to be a cowboy?”

“It’s my destiny. There’s nothing else I’d want to do with my life.”

 

Hana looks at her face in the mirror, running her fingers over the twin scars that run down her right cheek. She covers up them both with pink paint, and smiles when they’re completely obscured. She matches them on the other side, shaping them into rabbit whiskers. “Perfect,” she whispers.

She tweets out a notification that she’ll be going live in a few minutes, including a picture of her new look. She settles down in her desk chair and loads up Starcraft. “Welcome home,” she says to herself. “It’s been way too long.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, only four chapters left to port over. Might even finish tonight.  
> Of course, I also might not.


	18. Return to School

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm illiterate and there's actually five chapters left, not four  
> They'll be posted throughout the day so unless I get supremely ~~lazy~~ busy they will be up by tonight.

8/28/2017

“Jesus, y’all suck at this,” Hana says into her headset.

“It’s fucking hard, man!” she hears Yoon shout in her ears.

“Seriously, I think Starcraft is more our speed,” Jia concurs.

“Lawbreakers is  _ life _ !” She shouts back. Checking the scoreboard at the end of the game, she and Ian are basically carrying the team.

“Yeah, I’m loving this,” Ian says. “What I’m not loving are the queue times, though.”

“Yeah, no one plays this game,” Leon says.

“ _ We _ play this game!” Hana insists.

Jesse and Sombra hear her shouts from upstairs. “You know, it’s nice to see she’s getting better after the crash,” Jesse says. “But was she always this loud?”

“Trust me, she’s definitely been louder.” Sombra’s been curled up on the couch in a blanket for the past couple hours, drinking tea that Gabe’s been refilling every couple hours. Satya sits in the triangle created by her thighs, calves, and the couch cushions.

“I don’t know why she likes games so much,” Satya says.

“You tried them?” Jesse asks.

“Some of them. A few are okay but I don’t like a lot of them.”

“They’re kinda fun from time to time,” Jesse says. “Hana’s on a whole other level of liking games though.”

“I’d rather make them than play them,” Sombra says. She takes another sip of tea. “Help me up, I have to dilate again.”

“God  _ dammit _ , I just got the image out of my head from last time.”

Before his sister’s surgery, he’d done some reading about the specifics of SRS and the recovery afterwards. Once he was done he started to wish that he hadn’t. Sombra grips his hand and he helps her to her feet and helps her to her room. She’s gotten a bit better at walking since she’d first come home, but moving her legs still hurts quite a bit. He helps her to her bed and leaves the room, shutting the door behind him. Trying to keep the mental picture out of his head, he waits for her to be done so he can walk her back.

 

“Hana, I’m nervous,” Satya confesses. The last week of summer wasted away far too quickly, and they’re down to the last night. In less than 10 hours it’ll be time to get up and go to school.

“Why’s that?”

“I haven’t been to this school before.”

“That’s fine. There’s a few new kids every year, it’s no big deal.”

“What if they don’t like me?”

“Their loss. Everyone gets worried before their first day at a new school, it always goes fine. Just… don’t be as candid as you are around here.”

“What does that mean?”

She pauses to choose her words. “Well, I appreciate that you trust me enough to talk about all the terrible things your last family did to you, you probably shouldn’t use it as an icebreaker when trying to make friends.”

“Do you not want me to talk to you about it?”

“No, that’s not what I mean! There’s a difference between what you talk about with your sister and what you talk about with a classmate you just met.”

“So you’re saying that kind of stuff is stuff you only talk about with people close to you?”

“Exactly.”

“But what if I want to be close to someone? Wouldn’t talking about things that close people talk about make us close?”

“That’s backwards.”

“So how do I make friends?”

“Say hi to whoever’s next to you and introduce yourself. I dunno, there’s no real answer to this, friendship just kind of happens. Worrying about it won’t do anything.”

“I guess. Good night.”

“Night.”

Hana wakes up in a classroom in front of a test she hasn’t prepared for in a language she doesn’t understand. Her mouth goes dry and her thighs start sweating in that uncomfortable way that makes her pants stick to her. She feels vaguely like she’s about to throw up, and she tries to stand but her legs are trembling too badly.

Just as the teacher’s about to collect their test, a car plows through the window and strikes them. She can’t get back to sleep after that. She lies awake in her bed until the morning comes, shivering like it’s freezing and sweating like it’s broiling.

She gets up in the morning with the far too familiar dark circles under her eyes.  _ What a fucking perfect way to start the year _ , she thinks. She puts on her headphones and blasts something loud to try to wake herself up.

Sombra’s already awake once she gets to the living room. She raises the cup of tea she’s drinking when Hana arrives. “Morning.”

“Hey.”

“You alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“I will be.”

“Alright,” she shrugs.

Jesse walks out of the kitchen with a cup of coffee and sits in Gabe’s usual chair. “Jeez, you look like ass,” he comments.

“Fuck you,” she groans.

“Did you stay up playing games all night or something?”

She stomps off to the bathroom.

“Oh, what?” he asks. Sombra glares at him. “What??”

She sighs. “Just drink your coffee.” He rolls his eyes and takes a sip.

 

Satya’s nervous, but she lets Jack walk her into her new school. Hana feels a very similar trepidation as she walks through her halls, almost zombie-like from sleep deprivation. Overlapping conversation distorts as she walks to class.  _ It’s obvious you’re sleep deprived, and they’re all wondering what you’d even spend the night doing. Couldn’t possibly be going out with friends, no, you’re the loser kid who just stays in all night. Or maybe they’re not looking at the bags under your eyes, it’s all the makeup you used to try and cover it. You look like a whore. And while you were going overboard with the makeup this morning (your brother was totally judging you for that outburst by the way), you couldn’t have tried to cover up that ugly scar while you were at it? I mean, you TRIED, but now you’re just drawing more attention to it. And now you’re self conscious and touching it. _

Her chest feels tight and she’s having trouble breathing as she walks into her first class. It’s Algebra II with a teacher she recognizes but hasn’t met before. Efi sits on the other side of the room near the window and waves her over, an invitation that she readily accepts. Halfway across the room she’s hit with a sudden dizziness, and almost crashes down in her seat.

“You alright?” Efi asks, mildly amused.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she says, trying to match the lightness on her face. “Didn’t sleep much.” As if to punctuate her statement, her lungs force a yawn, trying to draw in the air they can’t seem to get normally. They still don’t feel full.

“End of summer gaming session run too late?” she grins.

“Something like that.”

Efi squints at her, making her self-conscious. “Are you wearing makeup?”

“Uh… yeah.”

“You don’t usually.”

She shrugs. “Figured I’d try it out, I guess.”

“Have you ever done it before?” Hana watches her eyes scan across the face, opening a hot pit in her stomach.

“A couple times.”

“I can teach you, if you want. I mean, I’m pretty sure neither of your dads are that proficient in this.”

“Thanks, I’ll hit you up later.”

She manages to get through the morning well enough, and she sighs with relief when the lunch bell rings. She hasn’t eaten since last night, and it feels like she’s running on empty. As soon as she gets in the front of the line for pizza, though, her stomach tightens and she feels like she’s about to throw up. She shakes her head. It’s just the cafeteria smell, she’ll be fine once she sits down and starts eating. She takes a slice and a bag of chips, then goes to sit with her friends.

She stows the chips in her backpack for later and tries to choke down the pizza. Despite everything that should say otherwise, her stomach just refuses to be hungry. She eats about half of it before lunch ends.

 

“Hi,” a kid says as they wait for class to start, extending his hand. “My name’s Jake. What’s yours?”

“Satya.” She extends her hand to meet his. He thinks it’s weird that she looks at the floor and avoids his face, but says nothing.

“Are you new here?”

“Yes.”

“Why’d you come here? Did your family move?”

She hesitates. Hana warned her not to be so upfront about what happened to her with new people, but she didn’t think about what to do if they asked. She couldn’t just lie to him, that would be wrong, but she couldn’t tell him the truth either. Her mind races, trying to think of some loophole.

“Satya?” Jake asks, unsure of why she isn’t answering.

She finds her answer. “I hated my old school, so I went here this year.” There we go. She’s not lying, that’s a completely true statement, she’s just hiding the  _ full _ truth.

“Why are you doing that with your leg?” he asks.

“Hm?” She looks down. Her leg is bouncing up and down under her desk. “Oh. I dunno,” she shrugs. “My dads say I can be hyperactive sometimes.”

Jake doesn’t know why she pluralized “dads” or what “hyperactive” means, so he just says “Cool.”

The teacher quiets the class to try to get started. Without the distraction of someone to talk to, Satya becomes very aware of the fluorescent lights. They’re buzzing. Loudly. Everyone else notices this, right? Is she the only one bothered by this. She looks up at one, and immediately has to look away. They’re too bright. Are all the classrooms like this? Why? LED lights have been around for years, and they don’t hum and they can be dimmer. If a seven year old can figure out a better way, why hasn’t anyone in the school district thought of and implemented this?

She tries to pay attention, but the lights are giving her a headache. They’re not as bad when she walks through the halls to the cafeteria, but the nonstop drone of the other second graders is even worse. She wishes she had a pair of headphones like Hana’s. The cafeteria is absolutely insufferable, and she ends up covering her ears and rocking back and forth to calm herself. The other kids look at her funny, but she doesn’t notice.

 

“How was school today?” Jack asks as Satya tosses her bag into the backseat.

“Loud. I hated it.”

“You hated it? Why?”

“It gave me a headache. The lights are too bright and everyone talks too loud.”

“I’m sure everyone was just excited because it was the first day. Everything will be quieter tomorrow.”

“Promise?”

“Well, I can’t  _ promise _ anything. But I’m sure it’ll be better tomorrow.”

“If… if it’s not better, can I get a pair of headphones to wear?”

“If you want headphones we could get them later tonight,” he starts. “But you won’t be allowed to wear them during class.”

“Why not? I wouldn’t even be listening to anything, I just want to dull the noise.”

“Even if you’re not listening to anything, the teacher will probably still think you’re trying to tune her out. And if one kid’s allowed to wear headphones, everyone else will, and most of them will want to be listening to something.”

Satya sighs. “Why is everything so loud? Why doesn’t anyone else notice or care?”

“Maybe it’s not as loud to them. It could be that you’re just more sensitive to the noise than them.”

“Well, then I should be allowed to wear headphones then, because I need them more than everyone else.”

It’s Jack’s turn to sigh this time. “Well, not everyone’s going to see it this way. Some people might lie and say they’re also highly sensitive to sound. Some people might even think  _ you’re _ making it up so you can wear headphones.”

“That’s not fair.”

“You’re right. But I’ll tell you what. In a few weeks, if it doesn’t get any better, I’ll set up a meeting with your principal and teacher and see if we can’t figure anything out.”

“Promise?”

“I  _ can _ promise this one. If it’s, let’s say, the middle of October and I forget, just remind me and I’ll get it set up.”

She wants to believe him, but for all she knows this could be just another empty promise. It’s not like she could do anything about it if it was.

 

Hana’s watching YouTube in her room after dinner when Gabe walks in. She’s ridiculously startled by her door opening, and her heart leaps to the point of nausea when he asks if they can talk for a minute. She tries to calm herself, there’s no reason she should be in trouble and no reason for her to be panicking even if she was, but she can’t stop herself from breaking into an uncomfortable nervous sweat.

“Have you and Jesse ever discussed your birth parents at all?”

It takes her a second to realign her thoughts. “Um… yeah, a lot actually, but not for a while. When I was about ten and he was 12 we started discussing who they might be and what we’d do if we could meet them and stuff… but we’d pretty much stopped by the time I was 13.”

“Really? I had no idea.”

“We couldn’t really talk about it with Sombra because she sees her mom every year, and we felt… a little weird bringing it up with you and dad for some reason, so it ended up being our own little private thing.”

“What do you think he’d say if we told him he could see some information about his birth parents?”

“Really?”

“Yep. There was some legal stuff that Jack really understood better than I do, and even though it was a closed adoption, Jesse’s allowed to see some information about his parents. Think he’d want to?”

“Well… by the time we stopped having these talks, we’d pretty much decided that neither of us wanted to go looking for our birth parents, but we’d probably take any information on them we could get. So I think he would.”

“Let’s go ask him.”

 

Over the weekend, Gabe and Jack drive Jesse to the courthouse to see the information about his birth parents. Even though he’s not meeting anyone, he’s still dressed fairly nice in a button up short sleeved shirt and dressy black pants. He’s nervous, and tries to figure out exactly what he’s expecting or hoping for. He can’t. He’s getting the information simply because it’s information he can get.

Jesse’s allowed to pick up a thin file with the name  _ McCree _ written on it. Unable to wait, he and his fathers find a table to sit at while he opens the file.

_ Mother’s name: Sarah McCree. Born 2/24/1981. Blonde hair, green eyes, fair skin. 5’4”, 140 lbs. At time of child’s birth, worked as an elementary school teacher. _

Interesting. He doesn’t look much like his mother, based on the description given. There’s no picture, maybe he has her nose or cheekbones or something. She would’ve been only 19 when she had him. She probably wasn’t married to his father at the time, meaning McCree (the name she would’ve given him) was her name, not his father’s. He turns the page.

_ Father’s name: Isaac Rothberg. Born 3/16/1972. Black hair, brown eyes, tan skin. 6’2, 200 lbs. Serving 50 years in prison for four counts of sexual assault. _

His dads watch, concerned, as his jaw and fists clench and unclench. His face, both scared and enraged, flushes red than pales. Wordlessly, he drops the file on the table and starts walking away.

“Jesse!” Gabe calls. He twitches but says nothing in response.

Jack picks up the lonely third and last page in the file, a note from Jesse’s mother the night she put him up for adoption.

_ I thought I could do it, but I can’t. I look at him and I should be happy, but all I see is his father. I can’t raise him, it wouldn’t be fair to him or me. I just pray that the family who takes him in can protect him from people like his father. Jesse, if you ever get to see this-- I’m sorry. _


	19. Return to the old anxieties

9/9/2017

When he gets home, he practically barges into Hana’s room, sending her heart rate flying. “Hana, can I talk to you alone for a minute?”

She looks at Satya, sitting on her bed reading a book. “Why?”

“It’s a personal thing.”

“Why do you need to talk to  _ her _ ? Why not Sombra?”

“It’s about my birth parents.”

“And?”

He sighs. “It turns out they’re not very nice people.” Hana starts to get nervous, and her mind races trying to figure out what he could’ve possibly found out.

“Mine aren’t either.”

“Mine are a different kind of not very nice.” His heart skips a beat.  _ God, please tell me they’re a different kind of not very nice. _

“How so?”

He falters for a second. “My father did something really bad and he’s in prison for it. Now—”

“What did he do?”

He tries to look her in the eyes, but she’s been staring at her book for the entire conversation. “Satya. Please. I don’t want to tell you. Can I please talk to Hana alone for a couple minutes?”

He expects her to put up an argument, but she shrugs and walks towards the living room.

“Dude, what the hell happened?”

He sighs. “I’m a rape baby. My mom gave me up because she couldn’t stand to look at me.” His voice is low and quiet. Saying it out loud for the first time makes it feel real.

“Oh my God.”

“I shouldn’t even… I shouldn’t be here, I shouldn’t have been born!”

“Jesse, no—”

“I’m the product of a violation, Hana! A crime!”

“But—”

“Imagine what happened to my mother. There was a reason I was on the adoption shortlist, she tried to keep me but she couldn’t stand to look at me! There were descriptions of my parents in there! I don’t look anything like my mom, I’m walking around looking like a rapist!”

“You’re not—”

“This guy’s my  _ father _ ! I’m related to this guy! What if there’s some sort of, I don’t know, genetic thing, and some day I—”

“Jesse!” she shouts, before realizing she has nothing to say. “I… it’s not gonna be some genetic thing, okay? Look how mad you are about this, you’re not gonna wake up some day and decide to… to… to do what he did.”

“You don’t know! Some mental illnesses don’t manifest until your twenties, what if… if…”

“Jesse, stop, please. You’re my brother, I know you, you’re not—”

“Oh my God, he did this to three other women, at  _ least _ ! It said so! What if I have a half brother or sister somewhere? I don’t even, like, are they okay? I don’t even know if they exist, but, like, did they get put up for adoption? Did their mom try to keep them?”

“I—”

“This settles it. I’m not having children, ever. I can’t! If I even decide I want them then I’m adopting, I’m not letting this guy’s bloodline go any further than me.”

“Jesse, come here.” She pulls him into a tight hug, both their eyes watering. She can feel how wound up he is. “You’re gonna be okay.”

“I know, I know. It’s just… I’m so angry. I feel so lost.”

“Have you told anyone else?”

“Dads also read the file, but no, I haven’t told Sombra or Hanzo or Lena or anyone. I don’t know if I will.”

“You… you’re not where you came from. No one is. You’re not gonna be determined by something terrible done by someone you never met.”

He nods. “I know. You’re right, thanks. It’s just… I feel like I have to be angry for a little while.”

“As long as it doesn’t get in your way.”

He nods. “Thanks for talking. Need anything?”

Shaking her head almost feels like lying, but there’s nothing she could ask him to do. “Nope. Thanks.”

He leaves feeling better, but by the time he gets back to his room he feels worse again. A single look into the mirror reminds him of who he looks like. A familiar dull throb of subdued lust at the Lara Croft poster on his wall sickens him. He holds on to the hope that he’ll get over it soon. He feels like he’s going to need it.

 

Satya walks to the living room, empty except for Sombra lying on the couch. “Can I ask you some stuff?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“So you’re a girl now, right?”

“Well, I’ve been a girl for a long time now.”

“But didn’t you just get the surgery a couple weeks ago?”

“Yes, but a girl doesn’t have to be male or female. If someone feels like a girl, then they’re a girl and deserves to be treated as such.”

She nods, understanding. “That’s what I wanted to ask about. How did you know you were a girl?”

“When I hit puberty, I just started getting really uncomfortable in my body. For a while, I thought it was normal, that it would go away soon. Eventually I started to realize that my mind wasn’t in the right body. Fortunately, dads were nice enough to help me through it. Once I fully recover from the surgery, I’ll finally be comfortable.”

“My parents probably wouldn’t have.”

Sombra shakes her head. “Lot of families don’t. It’s really sad, they’re willing to force their kids to be super uncomfortable and upset for no real reason.”

“There’s still something I don’t really get.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t really know what it means to ‘feel like a girl’. I  _ know _ I’m a girl, but I don’t get what it means to feel like one. Or what it means to feel like a boy, either.”

“Maybe you just see things differently. There’s lots of people that don’t feel like a boy or a girl, or that feel like both.”

“I don’t know if that’s it, either.”

“Well, you’re only seven. You’ve got plenty of time to get this figured out. You don’t even necessarily have to ‘figure it out’ at all, as long as you’re comfortable.”

Satya nods. “Alright. Thanks.”

“Can I ask  _ you _ something?”

She nods.

“Why don’t you look people in the eye when you talk to them?” Satya’s been staring at the pictures hanging on the wall the entire time they’d been talking.

She shrugs. “It feels weird. It’s like both people are seeing more than the other person wants them to. I don’t like it.”

_ There’s no way this kid is seven _ , she thinks. “Well, a lot of people do like making eye contact, and some people won’t like you if you don’t look them in the eyes.”

“Are you one of those people?”

“Not at all. But in the future, like teachers, or classmates, or even employers down the line.”

She nods. “Why?”

Sombra shrugs. “I really don’t know. It’s just one of those things. Most people feel like you’re not acknowledging them if you’re not making eye contact.”   
“But I can listen and respond without it. That doesn’t make any sense.”

“There’s a lot of stuff that doesn’t make sense, babe.”

 

_ Listen Here You Little Shits --(Jesse, Lena, Hanzo, Angela, Fareeha --Active Now) _

_ Lena the Hedgehog: OI _

_ Lena the Hedgehog: JESSE _

_ meDICK: Is he back? _

_ Lena the Hedgehog: It says he’s online _

_ Lena the Hedgehog: Might just be ignoring us _

_ Lena the Hedgehog: Fits in with the GENERAL EDGINESS he’s been indulging in _

_ Handsoap: He says he doesn’t feel like talking right now _

_ Lena the Hedgehog: FUCK that _

_ Lena the Hedgehog: He hasn’t felt like talking all week _

_ Lena the Hedgehog: I’m messaging him _

 

_ Lena: OI _

_ Jesse: Hey. _

_ Lena: What’s the matter? _

_ Jesse: Don’t feel like talking about it. _

_ Lena: I’ve known you for, what, ten years now? _

_ Lena: Eleven? _

_ Lena: Nine? _

_ Lena: Point is it’s a long time and there’s basically nothing we’ve ever kept from each other _

_ Jesse: I just REALLY don’t want to get into it _

_ Lena: Have you told Hanzo? _

_ Jesse: My dads know and I told Hana _

_ Jesse: That’s as far as I want it to go. _

_ Lena: uuuuuuugh _

_ Lena: Fiiiiiiiiiine _

_ Lena: But can you at least come hang out with us? _

_ Lena: You’ve been gone all week _

 

_ Jesse removed his nickname _

_ Lena the Hedgehog: HE LIVES _

_ meDICK: Why the name change? _

_ Jesse: I don’t want to be a cowboy anymore. _

_ Lena the Hedgehog: Awe why? _

_ Jesse: I just _

_ Jesse: Don’t _

_ Jesse: I’m just gonna go to bed, I’ll see you in school tomorrow _

_ Lena the Hedgehog: I’m coming over _

_ Jesse: Don’t _

_ Jesse: I just want to be alone for a bit _

_ Lena the Hedgehog: Not getting rid of me that easy _

 

_ Hanzo: Lena _

_ Hanzo: I know you and Jesse have been friends for a long time _

_ Hanzo: But do you think it would be better if I went over _

_ Lena: Nope _

_ Lena: I mean I’m sure you could help _

_ Lena: And if you want to come with I can’t really stop you _

_ Lena: But there’s some stuff I wanna say and I think I’m really the only one who can say it right? _

_ Lena: So I’m going. _

 

She’s knocking on the front door only minutes later. She says a quick “hello” to Gabe when he lets her in before sprinting up the stairs and barging into Jesse’s room.

“Lena, what the fuck?”

“Look. I don’t need to know what’s bothering you if you really don’t want to tell me. But if I  _ can’t _ help deal with it, don’t make me want to!”

“What?”

“That came out weird. Look, if you really don’t want our help, you gotta stop moping around. We  _ want _ to help you, we’re all friends, it’s what we’re here for. And if you keep moping around like this, it’s gonna annoy the crap out of us because we feel like we should be helping but you won’t let us!”

“Look, can’t I just be upset for a while?”

“As long as you’re alright with me checking up on you.”

He groans. “Fine. I’m fine. Can I be alone now?”

“In a minute.”

“Ugh.”

“Remember when we were in the hospital? That talk you gave me when it was only us awake?” He doesn’t answer. “I think I finally get how you felt then. I miss you, c-” she stops herself before calling him ‘cowboy’. “See you tomorrow.” With a gentle squeeze of his shoulder, she leaves him alone in the darkness.

 

Staring at the math test in front of her and taking forever to process and understand it is familiar to her. The sudden disorientation and discomfort while doing so is new. Her eyes flick over to the water bottle on the edge of her desk, which she’d greedily finished as the test was being passed out. She wish she kept it, her mouth feels like sandpaper and swallowing leaves a grating sensation on her throat and  _ oh my god why am I sweating so much it’s cold in here! _

Her hands feel weird. She pauses to look at them, and she can’t figure out why, they  _ look _ fine, they  _ feel _ fine, but when she tries to control them they seem to move a fraction of a second too late. The more she tries to ignore it, the worse it seems to get. When she breathes, it feels like her ribs don’t want to move and her lungs strain against them. Her mind starts clouding, and for a second she’s convinced she’s either about to pass out or wake up in her room.

She has to suppress a gasp as her intact ribs press against her unbruised side and create the same pain as trying to breathe after the crash. When she tries again, the pain is gone, and she has to wonder if it was ever there in the first place. She presses her hand to her side, confirming that the bruise is completely gone.

A look at the clock shocks her into a panic. She’s spent ten minutes spacing out instead of trying to take the test. For a second, she’s shockingly aware of every part of her: the dull headache, her dry, itchy eyes, her sore throat, her seemingly malfunctioning fingers, her shirt sticking to her back, her bra suddenly digging into her, her upset stomach, her legs cramping up…

Then it fades. It doesn’t go away, but it fades, only to be replaced by a sudden dizziness. She’s not her, she’s not in her body, it’s like she’s floating above her, watching, but she’s still looking through her own eyes, and all the cramps and discomfort and pains are coming back full force and she’s suddenly completely unsure of where she is but none of that matters because she’s about to throw up and  _ oh god I need to go to the nurse NOW! _

“Mr. Chamberlain!” she’s speaking quietly, but it feels like she shouted it and she’s suddenly super self conscious.

“Yes, Hana?”

“I need,”  _ oh god, is this what I sound like? _ She’s not hearing the voice in her head, this must be what she  _ actually  _ sounds like,  _ how can anyone stand to listen to me? Why does anyone watch NOW IS NOT THE TIME, HANA! _ “I need to go to the nurse.”

“Can you finish the test first?”

She shakes her head, her brain lazily smacking against her skull.

He sighs. “Alright. Come by during lunch tomorrow and you can retake it.”

She nods, and rushes out of the room. Moving doesn’t feel right, parts of her are too fast and other parts are too slow and she still feels like her mind’s outside her but her brain is still in her  _ there’s no way I’m making it to the nurse just please let the bathroom be empty… _

 

“You’re home early,” Sombra remarks as Hana walks into the living room just after 11. She cranes her head to look out the window, and sees Gabe pulling out of the driveway and heading back to work. “You alright?”

She shakes her head.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Maybe later.” Her voice is weak and betrays exhaustion. “I just need to lie down.”


	20. (Please) Return to the Principal's Office

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun game, count how many different contexts "the junkers" have appeared in throughout the story.

10/10/2017

It’s a beautiful October afternoon, among the last of the year before the mid-Autumn chill sets in near the end of the month. Both gym classes are outside, a group of seniors and a group of sophomores, playing soccer or football or frisbee or just walking around the track and talking.

Hana and Efi, with no interest in any of the listed sports, opt to join the dozen or so other kids on the track. “I’m not quite sure what you mean,” Efi says, frowning.

“It’s just so hard to explain. It’s like… well it kinda feels like I’m dreaming, first of all, which just makes the whole thing worse. Everything gets floaty and slow. When I talk it sounds like it’s coming from someone else. Usually I get nauseous, but not always. It’s just so disorienting and it happens at the worst times.”

“Wait… did this happen in English yesterday? You got all tense and pale? I wanted to check if you were alright when class was over, but you bolted as soon as the bell rang.”

“Yep. That was it.”

“If it happens and I’m, like, there, is there anything I should do?”

She sighs. “I… I dunno. I’m not sure if there’s anything I can do besides wait it out.”

“But can—”

“Oh, well would’ja look at that.” Hana breaks out in goosebumps as an unstable tenor wavers through the air.

Efi rolls her eyes as the girls turn around. “What the hell does  _ that _ mean, Jamison?” Despite the fact that he has almost a foot and a half on her, and his silent cohort outweighs the two of them and then some, she’s thoroughly unintimidated.

Both Mako and Jamison are seniors, Mako being a year older but having failed once and forced to repeat. After both of them got unanimously booted out of the football game for poor sportsmanship and the occasional brutality, they scoped out Hana as an easy target and approached.

“Well, her dads are gay, it only makes sense that she’d go off and try to find herself a girlfriend,” he casts a cursory glance at Efi, who stares back, unamused. “You could do better. Maybe someone of the Asian persuasion, like yourself.” Both girls wrinkle their faces in distaste.

“Fuck off, Jamie,” Efi says.

“Oh, I see, must be because you got that scar on your face, no one wanted you so you had to go sniffing around elsewhere.”

Across the field, Jesse squints over at them. “That’s not… is that Jamie and Mako?”

“Looks like it,” Lena says. “Let’s go.” They start jogging across the field.

“Aww, look at her. She’s shaking.” She flinches and tries to pull away as he grabs her by the wrist. He’s right, it is trembling in his wrist. She’s having trouble breathing and her heart is fluttering. She’s terrified, convinced that something terrible’s about to happen, she’s about to be hurt, tortured,  _ killed _ , and oh god why can she hear the car and why is it taking so long to hit her it’s agonizing,  _ agonizingly _ slow, time’s not running properly, the car’s about to hit and she knows what it’s going to sound like, waiting for the ear-shattering crash, the scream ready to escape her once again but  _ why isn’t it happening _ —

“Pathetic, isn’t she?” He drops her wrist, practically shoving her away from him. Mako nods, silent as ever. “I can see why her birth parents didn’t want her.” Despite being free, able to run, she just freezes, the panic as present as ever. It’s all she can do not to break down crying.

“Jamison, no matter—” Efi starts, a “small penis” comment at the ready.

“Stay out of this,” Mako says, his voice low and gravelly, staring directly into her eyes. She goes quiet against her will.

“Honestly, it’s shocking that _ you’re _ the normal one in that family. That oldest brother of yours is sick in the head if he—”

The metal in Jesse’s hand that allows him basic motor function cracks against Jamison’s skull. As he starts to fall, Jesse grabs him by the arm and pulls him in for another hit to the head, his hand throbbing. Hana and Efi step back in surprise, Hana pulled into sudden clarity. Lena watches, wide eyed, shocked at his sudden show.

“Get over here!” Mako grunts, reaching out and yanking him in with surprising strength. Lena gasps as he punches her friend in the mouth, and runs in to try to free him.

To Hana, it always seemed like their new gym teacher didn’t move like a normal person. She thought she was back to normal for the moment, but she has to question it when it seems like Coach O. leaps high into the air and launches himself towards them, arriving within seconds.

“Enough!” He roars. Pulling Jesse and Mako apart. Jesse’s bleeding from his hand and mouth, and he struggles against the massive fist gripping the back of his shirt. Mako, his flabby shoulder starting to bruise where Lena had punched him repeatedly, doesn’t resist. “All of you, to Principal Kaplan’s office.” He speaks with a thick, powerful accent. “Now!”

 

Jesse, Hana, Lena, and Efi stand on one side of the office, waiting for their parents to show up. Jamison and Mako are in another room, where they can’t see them.

Jesse’s mouth is still bleeding, and he has to hold a piece of gauze inside his cheek where Mako cut it. Fortunately, none of his teeth were knocked out, but a couple are loose. His hand is wrapped tightly in gauze, and he’ll probably have to see someone to reset the metal in his hand. He’s still seething, pacing around and trying to calm himself. Lena and Efi are fairly level headed, now that the adrenaline’s gone they can start planning what they’ll say when Kaplan questions them.

Despite the fact that she did nothing wrong, and she  _ knows _ she did nothing wrong, Hana’s still terrified. The feeling of impending terror is long gone, replaced with the childish fear of simply being in the principal’s office waiting for her parents. Times a hundred, because that’s just the state she’s in.

Efi and Hana are called into questioning. Efi has to hold Hana up because her legs are shaking so hard, gripping her hand to comfort her. She hardly speaks as Efi retells their story to Principal Kaplan.

Over an agonizingly slow half-hour, all four kids are questioned and four out of their six parents have arrived. In the other room, Jamison waits with his mom and Mako waits with no one. Once Kaplan’s finished with Jesse and Lena, he opens the door and calls everyone else in to join him around a long conference table.

Hana sits down next to Jesse, and Jack next to them. Lena’s parents are on either side of her, with Efi’s dad next to them and Efi on the end. Mako, Jamison, and Mrs. Fawkes face them on the other side.

“So…” Kaplan says, rubbing his face before starting. “Here’s what happened as I understand it. Hana and Efi were talking during gym, and Jamison and Mako came over and started harassing them. Despite Jamison’s claim that they were “just talking”, Hana became visibly uncomfortable and the boys were asked to leave, and they did not. Jesse saw Jamison grab his sister by the wrist and shove her, got angry, and attacked Jamison. Mako restrained and punched Jesse, which then lead to Lena striking him.”

“I didn’t touch her, we were just talking,” Jamison insists.

“Yes he did!” Efi shouts. Every noise feels like a personal assault on Hana’s brain. She closes her eyes and tries in vain to relax herself.

“You’ve never liked my kid,” Mrs. Fawkes accuses. “You’ve had it out for him since ninth grade. And now, now, now you set this whole thing up, try to defame him, but it won’t work! My Jamie would  _ never _ do anything like this, and  _ that _ kid,” she points to Jesse, “should be  _ expelled _ for viciously attacking my son like that!”

“Mrs. Fawkes, I’m sorry, but at least four kids and a teacher saw your son intimidating another student, a girl in sophomore year no less. Now, for the—”

“You can’t—”

“Mrs. Fawkes, you are doing your son no favors here. Hana, Efi, you two will receive no punishment. Lena, for getting involved with a fight that was already occurring, we have no choice but to give you an out of school suspension. As it was your first offense, however, it will only be for one day.”

She nods, quietly. While she’s mostly sure her parents won’t punish her further at home (and they won’t), there’s that bit of uncertainty that worries her.

“Jamison, for harassment and intimidation, and the fact that you’ve received multiple warnings, you’ll have four days of in-school suspension, starting tomorrow.”

“You should be ashamed, Mister Kaplan.” He bites back an “I should be a lot of things” remark, and quietly waits for her to continue. “I know my Jamie, and he would  _ not _ have been talking to those girls unless they had said something to him first. And you’re giving him  _ four days _ of suspension and not punishing them at  _ all _ ?”

“Well, neither Jamison, Mako, or Coach Ogundimu reported any interaction between the girls and the boys before the boys approached them and started harassing them. So yes, I am suspending your son and not punishing Hana or Efi.”

“This is unacceptable! You can’t do this! I’ll sue the district. I will  _ ruin _ this school!” Mrs. Fawkes grabs her son by the hand and leads him out of the office. The parents and students watch, all in some measure of shock or incredulity.

“Anyway,” he starts. “Jesse, because you escalated to a physical fight, and you weren’t provoked directly, I have no choice but to give you a three day out of school suspension.” He sighs and nods. “I’m sorry, it’s district policy. Use it to finish up college applications or get your hand fixed up.” He feels guilty looking at the kid with the set jaw staring at a point on the wall, but he doesn’t have a choice. “Mr. Morrison, there’s a letter we have to put in his record that says he got in a fight, but you or your husband are more than welcome to write your own letter that says he was just defending his sister.”

“We’ll do that, thank you.”

“If none of you want to appeal or ask anything, then you four and your parents are free to go. There’s only one class left, so you can either go back or you can sign out now. Mako, you stay here. You’ve committed a number of infractions over your years here and we need to have a serious talk about your future at this school.”

They file out of the office. “Thank you,” Hana whispers to Jesse. He nods. “You alright?”

He shrugs. “I’ll talk to you when we get home.”

Efi rolls her eyes but listens when her dad sends her back to class, while Jesse, Hana, and Lena get signed out.

“Not bad, Jesse,” Lena says. “Got a five-day weekend out of that.” He shrugs, staring at the ground. “Well, I’m sure you’ll be celebrating once the bleeding stops. See ya!”

Hana and Jesse climb into their dad’s car. “Both of you alright?” Hana nods, the faraway look in her eyes betraying her. “Jesse? Can you move your fingers?”

“Ugh, mostly. I can… agh!” He groans as his fingers are more or less locked in place.

“Does it hurt when you don’t move them?”

“No, it’s fine.”

“Alright, we’ll get that checked out after we get Satya. But before then! Either of you up for ice cream?”

“Yes,” Hana says almost immediately.

“Wait, so… I’m not in trouble?”

“Well, I wish you hadn’t hit the kid. But I also wish that said kid wasn’t harassing my daughter, so it breaks even. Just… do your best not to do it again.”

 

Sombra’s doing her homework on the couch when her sisters get home. She notices Satya finishing up the cup of double forbidden chocolate with chocolate sprinkles and chocolate syrup as they walk in the door. “Hey, any chance you brought some for me?”

“Nope,” Satya says, licking the spoon.

She sees the car pull away. “Where’s dad going?”

“Taking Jesse back to the hospital,” Hana says. She fills her in on Jamison harassing her (leaving out the comments he’d made about Sombra), Jesse hitting him and messing up his hand, Lena and Jesse getting suspended, and then going out for ice cream.

“Holy shit. Are you both alright?”

“I dunno. It’s just… I dunno.”

“Well, we had two weeks of all four of us all being in school for a full day, I guess that’s good enough.”

“When’s Jesse coming back?” Satya asks.

“A couple hours, maybe. Not sure. Why?”

“I wanna talk to him.”

“What about?”

She’s quiet for a second. “I don’t know yet.”

 

_ Jesse: Sorry if this is taking a while _

_ Jesse: I can only use my right hand _

_ Hanzo: It’s quite alright _

_ Hanzo: Other than your hand and face, you’re alright? _

_ Jesse: I’m a little scared to be honest _

_ Jesse: I’ve been *so angry* for the last three or so weeks _

_ Jesse: And when I hit him it was, like _

_ Jesse: Perfect _

_ Hanzo: Perfect? _

_ Jesse: Like it was exactly what was supposed to happen _

_ Jesse: I think it’s like what Angela feels when she, well, does the opposite of punching someone _

_ Hanzo: You felt like you were realizing your destiny? _

_ Jesse: Yeah, exactly! _

_ Jesse: But I don’t want my destiny to be “guy who punches people” _

_ Hanzo: It probably only felt good because you were letting out a bunch of built up anger on someone who deserved it _

_ Hanzo: I don’t believe in destiny, for what it’s worth _

_ Hanzo: You forge your own path, there’s no predetermined route for anyone _

_ Hanzo: You won’t become that guy if you try not to. _

_ Jesse: I hope you’re right _

_ Hanzo: I’m still curious what’s been upsetting you  _

_ Jesse: Promise not to tell anyone? _

_ Hanzo: Of course _

_ Jesse: My birth father raped my mother _

_ Jesse: She gave me up because she couldn’t stand to look at him _

_ Jesse: I look like him _

_ Jesse: I’m carrying his genes _

_ Hanzo: I’m surprised you care so much _

_ Jesse: And everything that I ever do will all be because of a horrific abomination _

_ Jesse: What? Wdym? _

_ Hanzo: You almost never talk about your birth parents _

_ Hanzo: As far as I can remember, the only time I’ve heard you mention then was when I asked and you told me you didn’t really care _

_ Hanzo: And you’ve never been one to dwell on things you can’t do anything about _

_ Jesse: Yeah, I guess _

_ Jesse: It’s like this whole thing knocked everything I knew about myself out of whack _

_ Hanzo: Are you scared of becoming him? _

_ Jesse: I don’t know _

_ Hanzo: I don’t see how you could _

_ Hanzo: Considering how much you hate him _

_ Jesse: Doc’s calling me in now _

_ Jesse: Thx for listening _

_ Hanzo: Talk to you soon _

_ Hanzo: Hopefully it goes without saying, but I’m not going to cast any judgement because of your parentage. _

He hopes Jesse will do him the same courtesy if he ever has to meet the leader of the Shimada clan.

 

Satya doesn’t get to talk to Jesse until after dinner. She opens his door and paces around in a circle as he sits in the bed, doing the exercises the doctor recommended.

“How’d you hurt your hand?”

“I, uh, hit someone. Which is bad, and you shouldn’t do it.”

“Are you in trouble for it?”

“Yeah, my principal said I can’t come to school the next few days.”

“That doesn’t sound like much of a punishment. And if you’re being punished, why did you get ice cream earlier?”

“Little tip, dads usually won’t punish you when you make a mistake as long as it’s the first time. Yeah, I shouldn’t have punched the guy, but since I haven’t punched anyone before they’re gonna be a lot more lenient.”

“Why’d you punch him?”

“He was… d’you have to pace around like that? It’s making me dizzy.”

“Why are you dizzy? I’m the one moving.”

“Because… nevermind. Basically, the guy was being really mean to Hana, and she was getting really upset, so I got angry and hit him.”

“If he did it again, would you hit him again?”

“Maybe.”

“But you’re in trouble for doing it this time.”

“It’s just… I don’t even know what else I would do.”

“Hitting people’s against the rules.”

“Sure is.”

“But being mean to people’s also against the rules, isn’t it?”

“Yep.”

“Is the guy you hit in trouble?”

“Yeah, he has to spend the next four school days alone in a special room with only an administrator.”

“It sounds like he got a worse punishment than you.”

“Sure hope he did.”

“So you broke the rules because someone else broke the rules… is that what you’re supposed to do?”

“That’s one of life’s big, unanswered questions.”

“If someone was being mean to me, would you hit them?”

“Well, if they were your age, I’d probably just yell at them a bit. If they were older, maybe.”

“Can you come to my school soon?”

“Why? Is someone being mean to you?”

“It’s Ethan and Jackson. They make fun of me because I pace around during lunch and rock back and forth during class. They shout in my ears and once they brought a flashlight to shine at my face because they know I hate it.”

“Shhh… oot,” he catches himself. “Did you tell the teacher?”

“She says boys pick on girls because they like them. But if they like me why do they make me feel bad?”

“Yeah, that’s bull…” he cuts himself off again, and completely fails to find a perfectly clean word to replace “shit” with. “... crap. Boys don’t pick on girls because they like them, they do it because they can get away with it. Come on, we should talk to dad.”

“Okay.” She follows him outside. “Is there chocolate downstairs?”

“Not tonight, kiddo, we already had ice cream.”

They find Gabe in the living room with Hana. “Dad, can I talk to you?”

“Sure. In private?” She nods.

“Do you want me to—” Jesse starts.

“No,” she cuts him off.

“Alright.”

“You,” Hana says.

“Me?”

“Help. You read  _ Dracula _ , right?”

“Hell yeah! Only book I liked from sophomore year.”

“Alright, there’s a question on my homework asking about the significance of a certain scene on these two pages, but my brain’s just, like, fried, and I’ve read it three times and nothing’s sticking.”

“Let me see.” She hands him the book. “Oh, yeah, the blood transfusion,” he chuckles. “Teach got mad at us cause we couldn’t stop laughing about this. Basically, blood’s a metaphor for semen in here, so when she gets the blood transfusion from all the guys it’s basically like having an orgy.”

The corners of her mouth turn up. “Gross.”

“Yeah, and later when Dracula finds Mina and… tries to turn her, it’s basically… forcing himself… yeah.”

Her face falls. “Oh. Sorry.”

He sighs. “It’s fine. It’s just…” he trails off, holding his thumb in place to keep her place. “Actually…” his eyes land on a name.  _ Van Helsing _ . He starts flipping through the pages.

“Can I, uh, have the book back?”

“One sec…” The idea of dressing up as a cowboy disgusts him for some reason, suddenly epitomizing everything he started to fear about his destiny. Champion of a lawless wasteland where might makes right and you take what you want… he couldn’t do that again.

Of course, not doing anything for Halloween would be a travesty. As a seventeen year old high school senior, it’s gonna be his last one, so he’s been racking his brain thinking of an alternative. And now it’s finally landed in his lap.

“I think I got something.” He starts walking towards his room to plan it out.

“Hey! My book?”

“Right, right. Sorry.” He hands it back, then runs back up to his room.

“Weirdo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Counting this chapter, it's three. Of course, this is the first time Junkrat and Roadhog have appeared by name, so I didn't bother fixing it as a continuity error.  
> Speaking of characters that got mentioned only a few times, I realized I mentioned Amelie twice in passing as a friend of the main ensemble and haven't used her again  
> I should figure out fixing that in future chapters


	21. Return to the Bakery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Satya focused chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I forgot how much I liked this one. This one, that last one, and the next one are probably my personal favorites (so far)

10/26/2017

“Satya, Ethan, can you come here a moment?” Her friend Jake’s a little relieved that Satya was called up to Ms. Robinson’s desk, pacing around with her was getting a bit tiring and he felt weird doing so, but he’s a little worried because the Ms. Robinson looks upset.

Satya notices her most recent test in the teacher’s hand. “Did I do a bad job?”

“No, Satya,” Ms. Robinson answers. “You did very well. So did you, Ethan.”

“Really?” He looks excited.

“Yes. Too well. I’m not surprised Satya got a check plus, but you? You couldn’t have done this yourself.”

“What?” His excitement is immediately undercut by disappointment and hurt.

“I knew it was a mistake putting you next to the smartest girl in the class. I trusted you, Ethan, but you broke my trust. Both of you will get zeroes on this test, and you’ll both have to take the next test during recess, on opposite sides of the room.”

“I didn’t—”

“What?” Satya shouts. “Why do I get a zero?”

“He wouldn’t be able to cheat if you covered your paper better. It’s always been my policy, punish both the cheater and whoever allowed them to cheat. That way I know you’ll be more careful this time.”

“I didn’t cheat!”

“That’s not fair! You can’t do that! I, I, I worked hard for that, you can’t… It’s not my fault he cheated!”   
“I didn’t!” he shouts again. Both kids look like they’re on the verge of tears.

“I’ll deal with you in a minute,” she says to Ethan. “Satya, I’ve been a teacher for twenty years. I know that if someone cheats, it’s because whoever they cheated off of didn’t try hard enough to stop them.”

“No! It’s—”

“Satya, do  _ not _ yell at me.” She starts lecturing, her voice grating into Satya’s ears. An angry sort of energy rips at her stomach, begging to get out, threatening to take control of her feet and hands and mouth so she’s jump and stomp and hit and throw things and shout until it’s all gone and Ms. Robinson realizes how horrible she’s being.

But she remembers when she used to do that, back with her old family, her dad would grab her by the arm or the ear and drag her home and put her in the “time out” closet that was so small she felt like she was suffocating and her brother would bang on the closet and laugh when she whimpered and wouldn’t let her out until after dinner. She can’t have another tantrum, she’s too terrified of the consequences.

But she has to do something, everything’s so bright and loud that it’s starting to hurt her. Through the fuzziness in her ears she hears her teacher yell at her to stop twitching, and she can’t stop herself. She kicks a desk out of the way and sprints out of the room. Ms. Robinson yells at her to come back and she feels everyone staring at her, but she doesn’t care. The girl’s bathroom is only a couple feet away and she barrels through the door and locks herself in one of the stalls, sitting on top of the toilet leaning against the wall.

 

“Oh jeez,” Gabe says when he checks his cell phone and sees that it’s the elementary school. “Caleb!” he calls into the back of the bakery. A college-age kid peeks out. “You might have to cover for me up front for a bit.”

“No problem, boss.”

He takes the call. “Hello? Yes, that’s me. Really? What happened? Well yeah, that sounds unfair to me too! No! I don’t— Fine. I’ll be right over.”

“I’ll be back soon,” he says, tacking on an “I hope” under his breath. Caleb nods and takes his place behind the counter as he rushes out.

When he arrives at the elementary school, Satya’s sitting on a couch in the principal’s office rocking back and forth with her eyes closed. Gabe sits down next to her and starts rubbing her back.

“Can you  _ please _ make her stop that?” Ms. Robinson demands.

“No. She’s incredibly anxious and this is how she lets it out.”

“It’s very distracting.”

“You work with seven year olds all day. You should be able to manage. Now, why am I here?”

The principal speaks up, and as soon as he opens his mouth Gabe knows that he much prefers Principal Kaplan in the high school. “Your, ah, ‘daughter’ had a meltdown in class today that involved her screaming at the teacher, kicking a desk, and evacuating the classroom without permission.”

“I see.” Satya starts swinging her legs. “And what exactly sparked this meltdown?” He knows what happened, of course, he’d been filled in over the phone at the bakery, but he wants to hear it in person, see if Principal Lengyel uses any language that Gabe can use against him.

“Your daughter—”

“You don’t have to call her ‘your daughter’. She has a name.”

“Fine. Satya was punished by Ms. Robinson for being involved in an incident that involved cheating on a test—”

Gabe goes on the aggressive. “An incident that involved cheating? Sorry, what do you mean by that?”

Lengyel pushes back. “Ms. Robinson has reason to believe that Satya allowed another student to copy off her on a recent test.”

“And that reason to believe is?”

Robinson takes the question. “Ethan always had trouble with math, I have a hard time believing that… will you stop that?” She’s suddenly aware that Satya’s aggressively tapping on the wooden arm of the chair with her fingernails. Gabe puts his hand on his thigh, palm up, and lets her tap that instead.

“As I was saying, I have a hard time believing that Ethan could’ve gotten a score that high on a math test without copying someone else’s answers.”

“So what you’re saying,” Gabe starts, half incredulous, “is that you punished my daughter because you  _ think _ someone copied off her test, and you don’t even have any evidence that he did?”

“What are you trying to say here, Mr. Reyes?” Lengyel narrows his eyes at him. Satya’s suddenly very aware of a woman sitting at a desk to the side of Lengyel’s, studying her intently. She tries to shrink into her father.

“What I’m saying is…” he pauses, looks at his daughter, the teacher, the principal, then back at his daughter. He takes a deep breath. “I’d like to sign Satya out of school for the rest of the day.”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m her father and legal guardian, it’s within my rights to sign her out of school early. I’d like to do that.”

“I need to assign her punishment,” Ms. Robinson says.

“Well, I disagree, but you’re the teacher. However, you can do that when she returns to school. For now, I think it’s best for everyone if she leaves school for the day.”

“Alright,” Lengyel says, defeated. “Talk to the secretary.”

“Thank you. Have an excellent day.” He takes Satya’s hand and walks her out to the front desk.

“Why did you do that?” Satya asks once they’re outside.

“Did you want to stay?”

“No.” She’s quiet for a couple seconds. “Am I in trouble?”

“Did you do anything that should get you in trouble?”

“I left the room without permission.”

“Well, I can’t really blame you for that, if I had a crazy teacher screaming at me about something that idiotic I would’ve left too.”

“Where are we going?” Satya asks, noticing they’re going the opposite direction of their house.

“Bakery. There’s no one home to watch you, so I figured we could do a ‘take your kid to work’ thing. I can start teaching you how to bake, and if you hate it then we’ll get Hana to take you home once she gets out of school. Sound good?”

“Okay.”

 

Hana’s in a car, happily singing with her friends, barreling down a road on that fateful night for what seems like the millionth time. Instead of the squealing of tires and crashing of steel, however, the night’s permeated by an obnoxious beeping. Her eyes open, seeing the green letters of her alarm clock read  _ 5:45 AM _ . She mutters “what the fuck” to herself as she slaps it off.

Suddenly, the light turns on and Satya starts gathering her clothes to get dressed. “Honey, it’s not even six, we can go back to sleep.”

“I know.” She carries her clothes to the bathroom and turns the light out when she leaves. Hana decides she’ll deal with it later and immediately goes back to sleep.

Satya timed the alarm perfectly, and meets Gabe downstairs right as he’s getting ready to go to work. “Dad,” she whispers.

“Satya? What are you doing up, kiddo?”

“I wanna go to work with you again.”

“Honey, you have to go to school.”

“But I don’t want to, I hate it there. Jack told me that I should hang in there until late October and then we could talk about it but I still hate it and it’s the twenty seventh and we still haven’t talked about it.”

Gabe sighs. “You’re right. I promise, sometime this weekend, we’ll talk about it.”

Satya isn’t sure whether to trust him or not, but doesn’t challenge him. “Can I please go with you again today? Yesterday was fun, wasn’t it?”

_ God, why can’t I keep all my kids in school for three freaking weeks? _ “Yes, I loved having you there.” He sighs. “You’re right, we did promise we’d talk to you about school before now, I’m sorry. Let’s go.”

“Yay!”

 

“Wait, so Satya’s getting to skip school and hang out at the bakery?” Jesse asks.

“She’s been going through some hard times at school,” Jack explains.

“So have I!” Hana protests. “Can I ditch and help out at the bakery?”

He sighs. “Not today. Maybe soon. You don’t even like working at the bakery.”

“Better than school. And I like spending time with dad and Satya.”

“You have plenty of time for that at home. Just… get dressed, please? If you really want to plan a day to work at the bakery we can figure it out over the weekend, I need to leave in half an hour.”

While Jack’s racing around trying to get ready, the phone rings. “Hello?”

“Hello, is this Mr. Morrison or Mr. Reyes?” a female voice asks.

“I’m Jack Morrison.”

“This is Dr. Jha, I’m the school psychologist at Duke Elementary school. I was present when your husband and daughter had their meeting with the principal and her teacher.”

“Is that what this is about?”

“Sort of. Mr. Lengyel will call either you or your husband at some point today to discuss arbitration with Satya and her teacher. That’s not what I wanted to talk about though.”

He checks his watch. “Ma’am, I’m in a bit of a rush right now, is there any way we can do this over email?”

“I’ll make this quick. Between reports from her teacher and other teachers that interact with her, in addition to her behavior and mannerisms during yesterday’s conference, I strongly recommend getting Satya screened for Autistic Spectrum Disorder.”

“Excuse me?” His kids wave and mouth  _ goodbye _ as they file out of the house, and he waves back at them.

“This isn’t a judgment on her, of course, but I have reason to suspect that she is on the high-functioning end on the spectrum. If you’d like, I can email you some information as well as a psychiatrist that I believe can help.”

He takes a deep breath, trying to process it. “Yes, please send anything you can. Thank you.”

 

Gabe’s phone rings only two hours later. He sighs when he sees that it’s the elementary school. “Hello. Mr. Lengyel?”

“Hello. I was wondering, do you know when Satya might be returning to school?”

“I intended to have her back today, but something came up. Ideally, she’ll return Monday, but she seems… distressingly averse to the idea.”

“She’s a child, Mr. Reyes. Children tend to not enjoy going to school, that does not mean they should be allowed to stay home whenever they please.”

“Okay, Mr. Lengyel, you listen to me. First, if you try one more time to tell me how to raise my kids, this call will  _ not _ continue. Understood?”

“Yes.” There’s a bit of venom in his voice.

“Second, I’ve raised three kids that are not in high school. The only time that they’ve been this opposed to going to school was when something was wrong. Sometimes, something’s wrong on our end, like an illness or a mental health issue or even an unresolved issue. Sometimes, though, something’s wrong on  _ your _ end. My daughter was unfairly punished for a crime that I do not believed happened in the first place, and there are unresolved harassment issues that I regret I didn’t bring up yesterday.”

“I see,” Lengyel says. “Perhaps on Monday morning, you and your husband and daughter could meet with Ms. Robinson and I and discuss these issues and try to find a solution.”

“I’d love to. First thing in the morning?”

“Seven O’Clock, if possible. I’d like to get this done before school starts.”

“Of course you would. Seven works fine, we’ll see you Monday morning.” He hangs up the phone. “Asshole.”

Satya walks up holding an old cookbook, her index finger holding its place. “Can we make this?”

“Ah, butter cookies,” he smiles. “We haven’t sold those in a long time.”

“So we can’t?”

“Of course we can. About time they came back.”

 

That night, Jack and Gabe crash down on their beds at just past nine. Sombra’s not even home yet, and they can still hear Hana playing games downstairs. “How was Satya?”

“I love having her there,” Gabe says. “Are you sure we can’t have her skip the whole school thing and put her on full time?”

“We could try,” he says. “Of course, I’d putting a stop to that kind of thing is part of my job description, but we could try.”

“So,” Gabe says, taking inventory in his mind. “Alright. You called the psychiatrist?”

“He’s got two hours available Saturday morning. 9:30 to 11:30”

“Good. So we’ve got that planned. We still need to talk to Satya at some point, go Halloween shopping with the kids, and drop that box over at your brother’s.”

“Need to go shopping before Sunday afternoon, because Sombra needs a lot of stuff and she’s busy from 2 onwards.”

“We can talk to Satya right after the psychiatrist—”

“If she’s up for it,” Jack reminds him.

“If she’s up for it, and dropping the box of will take, what, half an hour?”

“More if Ana’s home, she’ll have us stay for tea.”

“So we could have you go and spend the morning with them while I go shopping with the kids,” Gabe suggests.

“Sounds like a plan. God, weren’t weekends supposed to be relaxing?”

 

By the time Monday the 30th rolls around, the jury’s still out on Satya’s spot on the spectrum, Jack and Gabe reached an impasse with their daughter on returning to school, and Hana couldn’t find a vital element of her costume so she’s desperately hoping it’ll arrive in the mail by that evening. Satya and her dads show up at the school just before seven, gathered in Principal Lengyel’s office.

“Alright, now that we’re all here, let’s cut right to it. Satya, why don’t you want to be in school?”

“Everything is really loud and people make fun of me when I try to deal with it.”

“What do you mean, really loud?”

“Listen for a second.” She pauses. “Don’t you hear that?”

“I don’t hear anything,” Ms. Robinson says.

“The lights are humming. All day. It drives me crazy, and they’re too bright anyway.”

“Satya, I really don’t think they’re that hard to tune out,” Mr. Lengyel says.

“Maybe not for you,” she replies. “It makes me feel like everything is too tight, I get really tense, and I can rock back and forth and plug my ears or walk around to make it better, but people laugh at me. Sometimes people push me or throw things at me or call me names.”

“Honey, I told you,” Ms. Robinson says, “they do it because they like you. You should feel flattered.”

“But I don’t! I just feel bad!  _ You’re _ the teacher, teach them that if they do like me, which they  _ don’t _ , they shouldn’t make me feel bad!” She turns to her dads. “You told me that if someone’s bothering me, I should tell a teacher, and I did, but nothing happened, and now I don’t know what to do!”

“I know, hun. Come here.” Jack pulls her into a hug, squeezing tight. She sniffles into his jacket.

“You ought to teach her not to take that tone with adults,” Mrs. Robinson says. Jack and Gabe shoot venom at her.

“You,” Jack says. “You have a seven year old who doesn’t feel comfortable in your classroom as a result of your own inaction, who you taught just to let people harass her and told her to feel flattered for it, who you tried to punish because you decided that another student wasn’t smart enough to do well on a test, and you have the nerve to tell  _ me _ how to raise my child?”

“I’ve been a teacher for twenty years—”

“And are therefore living proof that experience does not always beget wisdom,” Gabe says, voice full of non-emotion. The teacher and the principal both pale at that. “We’ll be taking our daughter home now, and the three of us will have to seriously consider whether this school is the right fit for our daughter.”


	22. Halloween Episode

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never actually explored "Halloween" as a thematic element before. It's almost a shame that so many people either just make Halloween "scary episode" or "sexy costume fanservice episode" when you've got the opportunity for identity exploration in the form of costumes and a sense of adventure that comes with a sugar buzz while walking around at night, as well as clashes for how different people celebrate.  
> Or you could just make a generic zombie/vampire/monster episode and/or feature hot girls with a lots of cleavage. Whatever works.

10/31/2017

Once Hana finishes tying her hair into ponytails, she spins around in the mirror to make sure everything’s the way she wants it. Her black and burgundy diamond tights hug her legs from her black shoes up her thighs, where they meet the black dress that she puffed out with wire from a tutu she’d gotten at a thrift store. The dress itself is a size too big, but she decorated two belts and tied one around the base of her stomach and the other just under her bust. She’d forced the extra fabric around to the back and pinned it over itself, where hopefully it would remain. The headband with the cat ears sits snugly over her head, surprisingly comfortable for a cheap headband. Finally, she pulls the black gloves over her hands, and takes a picture of herself with one hand making a peace sign and her phone covering her face.

Satya refused to dress up, but Hana convinced her to accompany their group when out trick or treating that night. She waits in the living room for everyone to be ready, reading a book on the couch. Around the same time Hana emerges from her room, Efi and her little sister Orisa arrive. Orisa, being six and therefore too young to try and go full cosplay, is dressed in a store-bought ladybug costume. Efi, on the other hand, dressed herself like Princess Zelda in  _ Breath of the Wild _ .

“Impressive,” Hana comments when she sees it.

“Same to you,” Efi says, nodding in appreciation.

Orisa sits down next to Satya, a bit closer than she’d like. “Hi.”

“Hello.”

“What’re you reading?”

She shows her the cover, hoping she’ll leave her alone soon so she can finish the chapter she’s on before leaving.

“What’s it about?”

“Orisa!” Efi calls. “Come say hi to Hana with me.”

“Thanks,” Hana whispers.

Soon enough, two hooded figures walk through the front lawn and burst through the front door.

“Hey!” Lena says, lifting the mask obscuring her face. From the looks of it, she’d attached part of a gas mask to oversized orange goggles. She’d attached (hopefully empty) cans of spray paint to a belt wrapped around a blue hoodie. Her legs are adorned by dark tights covered in paint stains.

Emily, meanwhile, seems to have gone for a fancy approach to a feminine Grim Reaper. Her eyes are in shadow under a dark cloak with a cape that dangles down just past her thighs. Her red hair flows out from under her hood, and her red lips are lifted in a mysterious smile. She’s wearing long black sleeves that extend from her wrists to her shoulders but aren’t attached to a shirt. Her top is designed to accentuate her cleavage, and the fabric over her abdomen is adorned with silver and gold emblems.

“Evenin’,” Jesse says, emerging from his room. He’d repurposed much of his old cowboy outfit into his Van Helsing outfit, but scrapped the serape, decorated the stetson, and added a number of adornments.

“Damn, I’m kinda glad you ditched the cowboy,” Efi says.

“Me too,” he says. “I like this a lot better. Good way to go out.”

“Right, this is our last Halloween before college,” Lena says.

“Better make it count,” Emily says.

Jesse seems to notice her for the first time, and playfully narrows his eyes at her. “Well, it’s a good thing you’re here with a friend o’ mine, because you look exactly like someone I should be hunting.”

“You wouldn’t stand a chance.”

“Who are we still waiting on?” Efi asks.

“Sombra’s still in the bathroom,” Hana says. “Then it’s just Hanzo and Genji. Fareeha and Angela said they might meet up with us later.”

Orisa wanders back over to Satya. “Hi.”

Satya’s more upfront this time. “I don’t want to talk right now. I’m busy.”

Orisa walks away, feelings a little stung. Satya doesn’t watch her leave.

The door opens again. To most of their surprise, it’s Angela, dressed in a fairly revealing witch costume.

“Hey,” she says.

“Hey!” Jesse says. “Looks awesome.”

“Thanks. So do you.”

“You alright?” Lena asks.

She sighs. “I’ll be fine. I told Fareeha I wanted to go straight here. She thought we agreed we’d go to a party for a while and meet you guys back here later tonight, which I said was a  _ possibility _ but never outright agreed to. I told her I was gonna go here, she said she’s going to the party anyway.”

“Shit.”

“It’s fine, I’d rather spend my last Halloween with you guys than— holy shit, Sombra!”

The ever-growing crowd of teenagers turns to see Sombra emerging from the bathroom. She’s dressed in a leather jacket that goes partway down her upper arms, black jeans cut off halfway down her calves, a dark cape, and fingerless leather gloves. Her hair is done up in purple spikes, but most eye catching of all is the glow in the dark makeup she’d found and used to paint a skull over her face and parts of a skeleton over her limbs.

“Sup?”

“Damn, no wonder you took so long in there,” Jesse comments. “Speaking of…” he slips past her and into the finally vacant bathroom.

“I heard something about Fareeha?” she asks.

“Yeah,” Angela says. “She’d rather be at a party than hang out with us.”

“Her loss. This is gonna be awesome.”

“Are Hanzo and Genji gonna be here soon? Or should we go meet them at their house?” Efi asks.

“They should be here in a few minutes,” Jesse says.  _ Also, I’ve never been to their house _ .

“Wait,” Hana says, noticing something out the window. A car she’s seen a couple times pulls out and parks in front of the house. Angela steps out of her way as she charges towards the door, the crowd inside watching curiously.

The driver of the car emerges, and happily embraces his girlfriend as she sprints around to hug him. Lúcio dressed himself in full-on hockey attire, with a helmet, jersey, arm and knee pads, and even a hockey stick strapped to his back.

“Oh my God, this is awesome! I’m so happy you’re here!”

“Glad I could make it! You look incredible, by the way.”

“Get a room!” Jesse shouts from the porch, grinning. Hana flips him off.

 

Within twenty minutes, the Shimadas arrive, neither of them in costume. The rest of the group teases them for it, and they start walking. It’s 5:30 and other trick-or-treaters are also starting to start their journeys.

“Why aren’t you wearing a costume?” Orisa asks.

“I didn’t want to,” Satya answers. She’d started feeling lonely when Hana moved up to lead the group with Lúcio, but wants to be alone again when the younger girl starts questioning her. She doesn’t want company, she wants her sister.

“But then you won’t get any candy!”

“Hana said she’d give me some of her candy. I don’t like most candy anyway.”

“But dressing up is so fun!”

“No it’s not. I don’t like it. I just wanted to stay home, but one of my dads isn’t there and the other’s leaving later tonight.”

“You don’t like trick-or-treating?”

“No,” she’s starting to get annoyed.

“Why?”

Satya looks over to Efi, hoping she’ll call back her sister again, but she’s engrossed in a conversation with Sombra.

Genji and Angela take the back of the line, Genji only able to go so fast on crutches. With mostly everyone paired off, she’s glad to have someone to talk to.

“So what’s going on with Fareeha? Think she’s too cool for us?”

“Evidently,” she sighs.

“Well, you are too, you still find the time to hang out.”

She raises an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Are you kidding? You’re smart, beautiful, popular, you’re even on the first aid squad! You’re not the first person I’d imagine wanting to hang out with us nerds.”

“Hey, I love all you nerds. I’ve been friends with most of these guys since middle school or before. If Fareeha thinks she has better things to do, then that’s her loss.” There’s a bit of bitterness at the last sentence.

“Have you guys been… having trouble?”

“Sorta. Don’t get me wrong, most of the time it’s awesome, and I really like her, but she can be so stubborn sometimes. To be honest… she’s a little immature.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like, tonight, when she ran off to some party. Yeah, I like parties as much as the next girl, but we already had plans here! She can be so, just, impulsive, and kinda hot-headed, you know? And for the most part I can forgive it, because other than that she’s awesome, but,” she lets out a frustrated groan, “it just drives me nuts every once in a while!”

“Have you talked about it with her?”

“I’ve tried… sorta. It’s just a hard topic to bring up, and usually whenever I’d have a chance to she’s being perfectly fine and it just seems unfair to confront her about it then.”

“Excuse me,” Hanzo says. “May I talk to my brother real quick?”

“Sure,” Angela answers, walking a little faster to take his spot next to Jesse.

“What are you doing?” he hisses.

“I’m talking to Angela, what the hell do you mean what am I doing?”

“I know you like her—”

“I  _ liked _ her,” he corrects, “and what the hell does it matter?”

“She’s talking to you about her girlfriend issues—”

“Were you eavesdropping on me?”

“We’re all having public conversations! We hear each other! Now stop interrupting me. Yes, they may be going through a rough patch, but that doesn’t mean you can try to drive a wedge between them—”

“Just what are you accusing me of? Apparently you weren’t listening that closely, because I was trying to help her!” He speaks as loudly as he can while still whispering, trying to convey his frustration without being overheard. “I wouldn’t try to break up a couple and then try to get together with one of them, and I thought you knew me better than that! I’m talking to her about it because we’re  _ friends _ , also because everyone else is paired off and she’s the only one considerate enough to walk back here with me!”

“Just watch what you say,” he spits. “There’s no point in trying to break them apart if we have to leave in a few months anyway.”

“I’m  _ not _ ! And you don’t have to remind me, trust me. Just go back and enjoy the rest of the night with your boyfriend and leave me alone.”

 

Once it starts to get dark out, Jack takes his usual Halloween spot: on the front porch dressed as a masked scarecrow, next to the bowl of candy marked  _ Please only take one _ . He has a couple hours to kill before heading back to work, and the best way to spend it is scaring off teenagers who take the whole bowl for themselves.

After about an hour in, he’s taken to holding the  _ please only take one _ sign and shoving it in the faces when someone tries to take more than their fair share. Once he gets bored of that, he growls and eventually shouts, which gets much more amusing reactions.

Long after it’s fully dark out, he sees two more teenagers walking up the sidewalk. He freezes up in preparation, but some alarm goes off in his head when he hears them talk.

“Come on, mate, here’s another one.” He swears he heard that voice before.

They walk up the stairs, and he tracks them behind the mask. “Oh, perfect, it’s still half full!”

He picks up the bowl, and Jack jumps to his feet. “Hands off my candy!” he growls. The boys jump, and the one holding the bowl quickly replaces it. “Wait a minute,” he tears the mask off to get a better look. “You’re the punks who were harassing my daughter!”

“Oh, n-no, sir!” Jamison struggles. “We… we’re… you must…”

“Get off my property!” Mako pulls his tall friend off the porch and they sprint down the sidewalk. Jack glares at them until they’re out of sight.

 

“Can I talk to you about something kinda weird?” Efi asks. They’ve been out for a few hours due to Jesse and Lena’s insistence on thoroughly exploring the town. Efi might’ve protested on Orisa’s behalf, but Lúcio offered to give Orisa a piggyback ride after she’d repeatedly commented on her feet hurting, on the condition that someone else carried his hockey stick. Hana offered to carry Satya, but she’s apparently perfectly content to keep walking.

“Hell yeah,” Sombra answers. “Shoot.”

“So, like…” she pauses. “I don’t know if I’m a ‘girl’. I don’t think I’m a boy, but I don’t even know how to go about figuring out which I am.”

“You’re limiting yourself,” Sombra says. “You can keep trying to figure out if you’re a boy or a girl, but you could be neither. Or both. Or some days feel like a boy and some like a girl. Yeah, most people are happy with being a boy  _ or _ being a girl, hell, even I am, but that kind of binary leaves out a good chunk of people. Maybe one of them is you.”

“Maybe.”

“How long has this been bothering you?”

“It’s been in the back of my mind… since the summer, I guess. I’ve only really started thinking about it over the last couple weeks. This costume took a while to make, my mind started to wander.”

“Have you talked to anyone else about it?”

“I was actually going to talk to Hana tonight, but she’s a bit busy.”

“She doesn’t get to see him that often.”

“Yeah, I get it. I’m gonna talk to her when I get a chance.”

“How do you feel about pronouns? Want to switch from she and her?”

“No, not right now, at least. It’s like… I’m fine with those, but I think I’d also be fine with he and him and they and them.”

“So do you mind being called a girl?”

“Not really. Like, I am a girl, at least physically and I don’t think I want to change that, but… ugh. I’m just confused.”

“That’s okay. You’ll work through it, eventually. Just remember two… no, three things. If you do want to change your pronouns and what people call you, tell them. If they refuse for whatever reason, they’re not worth keeping around if you can avoid it. Two, you can identify as whatever you want, or even nothing at all, as long as you’re happy. Three, and this is the worst one, there’s always gonna be some asshole who thinks they know better than you for some reason and will take it upon themselves to explain why your personal identity is wrong. It really sucks, but they’re always gonna be there and you just have to ignore them. No one knows you better than you, and if they think they do, then they’re a dumbass. You can be whoever you want, as long as you’re not hurting anyone, and if someone doesn’t like it, they can—”

“Evening, ladies,” Emily says as she and Lena fall into stride with them. Efi takes a second to consider how she feels about being addressed as “ladies” and decides that while she doesn’t mind it, she’d prefer to be called something else. Exactly what that something else is fails her. “What are you lovelies talking about?”

“I was just explaining to Efi here about how I liked puberty so much, I decided I just had to do it again.” Efi’s grateful she covered for her.

“Well I’m glad you did, you’re a lot prettier this time around.”

“I was just telling Emily about this abandoned military base just off Oasis campus,” Lena says. “And she mentioned that she has a car that can take us there Friday or Saturday night. We just need to pick up some masks first because of the asbestos. Either of you interested?”

“My dad smoked until I was twelve, I think I’ll hold off on going somewhere that’ll fuck up my lungs further. Or where I could get arrested for trespassing.”

“Yeah, I’m gonna pass on this one too,” Sombra says. “Have fun though.”

“Your loss,” Lena shrugs. “Jesse!” She and her girlfriend take a few strides forwards to catch up to Jesse and Hanzo, and ask them the same question.

“Oh, I’m definitely in,” Jesse says. “Hanzo?”

“I… I think not,” he says.

“Aww. Are you sure?”

“Yes, I think I’ll sit this one out. Have fun, though.”

“Lame,” Lena says.

“Bring a camera, if you have one,” Emily says. “We haven’t been inside before but I think there’ll be a lot of good photos in there.”

“Awesome! And then I can just show you everything when I get back!”

“Sounds good. Be safe.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Lena asks.

 

Once Jack’s gone for work, the gang returns to his house, takes the remainder of the candy inside, and reverts back to their natural states of eating and gaming. Hana boots up the old Wii U and sets up an eight-player smash for herself, Lúcio, Genji, Lena, Angela, and Efi. Emily sits next to her girlfriend and cheers her on, despite every fight being dominated by Hana and Genji before the former takes out the latter. Sombra, Jesse, and Hanzo sit in the kitchen with the kids to make sure they don’t eat too much.

Soon enough, there’s a knocking at the door. Emily, assuming that it’s more trick-or-treaters, grabs the candy bowl and opens the door.

“Hi,” Fareeha says, a little timid.

“Hey,” Emily says, and steps out of the way so Angela (who was already eliminated in that round) could decide what to do.

The blonde girl gets up from her seat on the couch, and Emily returns to Lena’s side. “Hi.” She steps off the threshold and onto the porch, closing the screen door behind her.

“I’m… sorry,” Fareeha says. “I shouldn’t have run off like that earlier, that was really shitty of me. I wish I hadn’t.”

“Stop down-B spamming, you piece of shit!” someone shouts from inside.

“Why did you?”

“I don’t know,” she sighs, “I wasn’t really thinking. For some reason I just felt like I do when my mom’s ordering me around, like I just have to get out and do something.”

“I don’t want to make you feel like that,” Angela says, crossing her arms. “I’m not your mom, and I don’t want to order you around. If you’re not comfortable enough to talk to me, then—”

“It’s not that I’m not comfortable talking to you, it’s—”

“Then why didn’t you?”

“I don’t know! I just got, like, stupid and impulsive, and I hate it when I do that! it’s like I lose control of myself and two hours later I’m feeling like crap, and…” She takes a deep breath, for some reason feeling like she’s getting nowhere. “I’m sorry, Angie.”

She’s staring at the ground, so she’s surprised when she’s suddenly enveloped in a soft hug. “Come on,” Angela says. “We’ve got room for another player.”

The rest of their friends greet her happily when she approaches and she sits on the floor in front of Angela, who plays with her dark hair after dying early on in every match.

Sombra sneaks in and kneels down in front of Hana a few minutes later. “Hey, uh, can you run over to your room real quick and make sure Satya’s okay?” she whispers. “I’ll take over.”

Hana nods and hops up, handing over the controller. Sombra, almost as good as her sister, cleans up as Hana would’ve, but abstains from the next few matches.

Ten minutes later, Satya returns to the kitchen, but Hana’s nowhere to be seen. This time Lúcio takes it upon himself to investigate, quickly killing his character and absconding down the hall to her room.

He hears faint crying, and knocks softly before peeking in. “Hana?”

She’s sitting on her bed, wiping the running makeup off her cheeks with a tissue. “Hey,” she says, her voice wet.

“Are you alright? What’s wrong?” he steps into her room.

“I’m fine, it’s just…” she sniffs, “she had such a bad first few years. Her old family was so horrible to her, and, like, I’m glad she can confide in me, it’s just a lot to handle sometimes.”

He sits next to her, rubbing her back softly, not sure of what to say. She leans her head against his shoulder. He becomes very glad he ditched the helmet and shoulder pads downstairs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to see me like this.”

“Don’t apologize. Everyone needs a good cry sometimes.”

“I try not to, but I just keep picturing her in that old house with that… monster of a father she used to have, and she’s such a good kid, she didn’t deserve that.”

“No one does.” He tries not to shiver as her warm tears start bleeding through his thin jersey.

“She told me once that she was scared of  _ me _ her first day here. Like, what did her old sister do to her that could’ve made her scared of  _ me _ ?”

“She’s not  _ still _ scared of you, though. You guys are best friends, you’re one of the best things that ever happened to her.”

He feels a hint of a smile against her cheeks. “Can you, um, go outside just for a few minutes? I think I want to get changed.”

“Sure.” She rises off him to let him go, then takes a deep breath that shudders on the way down.

First the makeup comes off, and she wrinkles her nose in displeasure as she reveals the scars she hates so much. Then the bows come out again, letting her auburn hair fall plainly down her shoulders. She reaches around and unzips the back of the dress, taking out the pins and undoing the two belts she’d tied around herself to keep it in place. It falls to the floor, and she’s slightly saddened to notice the small boost it gave to her breasts had vanished, leaving her with only the slight curve she’d always found disappointing before her flat stomach. There’s still a few smaller scars over her chest left over from the crash, straight white slashes across her as if she’d been slashed. She quickly finds a pink shirt to cover herself with.

_ Boy, it’s a good thing you sent him out of the room _ , she hears her voice in her head say.  _ Wouldn’t want him to see this. _

“Shut up, shut up,  _ shut up _ !” she mutters, squeezing her eyes and fists as if that would help. She feels her fragile emotional state about to dissolve into tears again, so she hurries up and replaces her tights with sweatpants and opens the door to let Lúcio in.

“Want me to get you anything?”

“Just… lie down with me,” she requests. “Put on some of your music, I wanna take my mind of this. Let’s talk about something happier.”

 

“I still can’t believe I’ve never been over to your house,” Jesse comments. “I know people usually hang out here so it would make sense that you’re here a lot more than I’m there, but seriously, I’ve never even seen it.”

“Our dad is… not a good person,” Hanzo says, expecting only to get that far.

“Really? How so?”

“I don’t want to get into it.”

“Aw, come on. I told you all about my shitty birth dad, what’s up with yours?”

“You really want to know?”

“Yes! Tell me!”

“You’re positive.”

“Come on, man, what could possibly be worse than mine?”

“Fine. Come with me.” He walks to the basement door, motioning for Genji to come with him.

“What’s going on?” Genji asks as he slowly makes his way down the stairs.

“We’re telling Jesse why he’ll never go to our house or meet our parents.”

“Aw, come on, never?”

“Never.” They sit on two couches, the brothers facing the wannabe vigilante.

“Alright, you’re creeping me out, what’s going on here?”

“Do you remember how, for the first couple weeks I lived here, your father really didn’t trust me?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“That’s because my last name is Shimada, and my family has been accused of various criminal activities over the past decade, which is why we’ve moved around so much and eventually came to the states.”

“How come I’ve never heard about this?”

“They’re very good at covering their tracks, despite the fact that they’ve faced dozens of accusations, all of them true.”

“So… what do they do?”

Genji counts off on his fingers. “Smuggling, drug manufacture, grand theft, larceny, assassinations but very rarely… some political stuff that I don’t even know the name of.”

“H-how much of your family is this?”

He counts off again. “Father, our uncles, cousins, some aunts, a couple grandparents, some great aunts and uncles, and it goes back at least to our great-grandfather.”

“Why didn’t you turn them in?” Jesse asks, and immediately feels shitty about asking. He’s about to apologize before Hanzo gives him an explanation.

“There’s no one it could be except for us, and father knows this. Even if we did any major damage to his empire, he’d take us down with him,” Hanzo explains. “We have spent the last couple months compiling as much information and evidence as possible. When we turn eighteen, we’re going to turn it all in and then disappear for a while until it all blows over.”

“Disappear? As in… skip town? Run away?”

“Yes.”

“In January? As in, two and a half months from now?”

“Yes. If we don’t we’ll be forced into business with father. We’ve spent three years discussing this, and running’s the only option.”

It’s heartbreakingly obvious to Hanzo that Jesse knows what that means. “So the whole time you were here, the whole time we were together, you knew you were just going to leave one day? And you weren’t even going to tell me this, just show up one day and say you’re running away? Or maybe just leave me a note? Write me a letter from across the state?”

“This is why I didn’t—”

“Why couldn’t you have just told me what I was getting into when we were just starting out? Like, maybe not the whole ‘I’m an heir to a criminal empire’ thing, but at least give me a heads up that you’re only sticking around until January?”

“Would that have made a difference?”

“I don’t know, but at least I wouldn’t have gotten super invested only to find out that you were planning on leaving all along?”

“Would you have preferred if we were never together in the first place?”

“That’s not what I’m saying! I just wish—”

“Oh my God! Who cares?” Genji shouts. “‘I wish I’d studied more!’ ‘I wish you’d told me this or that!’ ‘I wish we’d never been in that car crash!’ Who the fuck cares?! It’s over! You can’t change it! I already failed the test, we’ve already been hit by the car, and he already hasn’t told you that we were moving away until now! Now you can both keep angsting about it, or stop shouting and deal with it! Do something productive with your time!” He does his best to storm off despite only being able to move at a slow hobble, struggles up the stairs, and slams the door behind him after an agonizing ten seconds.

He finds the kitchen empty except for Satya; Sombra and Orisa having relocated to the living room. “What were you shouting about down there?” she asks.

“Oh. Guess you could hear me, huh?”

“I couldn’t tell what you were saying, just the noise.” She doesn’t look up from the book, to engrossed with the pictures of buildings on the pages. “So what were you shouting about?”

“Nothing, really. They were just being stupid and I got frustrated.”

“My dads say you shouldn’t yell at people when they’re being stupid.”

“They’re probably right, I don’t think either of them are too fond of me right now.”

“When you were in the car crash, you saw a doctor, right?”

“Lots of them.”

“I saw a doctor over the weekend, but not like a normal doctor. He said he was a mind doctor or something. He gave me a diagnostic test, I think it was called. When you saw your doctor, how long did it take for you to get a diagnosis?”

“A couple hours.”

“Oh. Maybe it just takes longer with mind doctors.” She’s quiet for a few seconds. “People usually get diagnosises when there’s something wrong with them, right?”

“With regular doctors, yes. I’m not sure about mind doctors.”

“Is something wrong with me? In my mind?”

“I don’t know. For what it’s worth, I don’t think so. But I just don’t know.”

 

It’s almost eleven, and Hana and Lúcio have been snuggled up for a while. “Oh my god, you’re singing in this one!” Hana says with a huge smile. “I told you to sing more!”

“As usual, you were right.” He kisses her.

“I really wish you didn’t live so far away. Then we could do this more.” She kisses him.

“Less than two years, I’ll be in college and have a dorm. You’ll be a senior and you can drive. We could spend the whole night together.”

“Oh man, I just remembered, this was super embarrassing, but during that week where you were living here I must’ve had two or three dreams about falling asleep in your arms.”

“That’s not embarrassing, that’s adorable.” He kisses her again, longer this time.

Hana’s suddenly very aware that she’s in her bed with a boy. Who’s kissing her, very passionately now. For a split second she gets lost in it again, just feeling his energy as they explore each other’s mouths, but then she just snaps back to  _ I’m kissing a boy in my bed! _

Then they’re not kissing, at least, she’s not. His lips touch her cheek, her lips again, her cheek, her cheek, her chin, her neck  _ oh no oh no _ .

Millions of excuses explode into her head.  _ It’s a school night. We don’t have protection. Someone could hear us. I have a headache. I’m on my period. I’m tired. We don’t have time. What if I get pregnant? I don’t know when dad’s coming home. We haven’t even gotten to second base yet!  _ Then, for some reason, she can’t stop thinking about why she doesn’t want him to continue.  _ What if I’m not good at it? What if I ruin something? My boobs are too small. You’ll hate them. I don’t shave, you’ll think I’m gross. I have scars, you don’t want to _ —

“Wait, stop,” she says. He pulls away.

“Yeah? Is something wrong?”

All her previous excuses want to come out at once, and all of them get caught in her throat. The only thing that emerges, without her wanting it to, is the basic truth. “I don’t want to.” She flinches as soon as she says it, wishing she could come up with a better reason, unaware that she’d given the only one that mattered.

“Oh. Okay.” It’s awkward. It’s uncomfortable. “Do you, uh, want me to leave?”

“No, no! I want you here, I just… don’t want anything more right now.” It’s a little less awkward, a little less uncomfortable. He lies back down next to her. The song changes. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” he says. “If you don’t want to, you don’t want to. Hell, if you don’t want to,  _ I _ don’t want to.”

“Really?” she says, slightly wary that he might just be feeding her a line.

“Yeah, really. I want to do it, but only if you do too. If you didn’t want to, but did it anyway, I’d feel like crap. Actually, I should be  _ thanking  _ you.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Relief washes over her. “For a second I was scared that if I told you to stop you’d get mad and walk out. Or at least try to convince me.”

“That’s not me.”

“I know, trust me. Just some weird fear I had. I know I’m safe with you.” She kisses him, a simple one, on the lips, and cuddles back up to him. “I am gonna want to do it, someday. Just not tonight.”

“Whenever you’re ready.”

 

Shortly after Satya goes into their room, ready for bed, Lúcio decides he should be heading home. Instead of walking to the door, he opens their window.

“We have a front door, you weirdo,” Hana says.

“Don’t take this away from me. I’ve always wanted to do this.”

“Half your costume’s still in the living room!”

“I’ll be back for it in a minute,” he lowers one leg out the window. “Goodbye, my love. I’ll be with you in your dreams.”

“Goodbye, my weirdo.” He slides out the window and she shuts it behind him, smiling as he stumbles and walks away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are! All caught up, so now I can get started on working on the Aftermath of Halloween and Elementary School Debacle chapter.


	23. Halloween Aftermath, pt 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was gonna be the scene with Jesse Lena and Emily going exploring but that's gonna be the start to next chapter instead

11/1/2017

Hana can’t wait to see Efi and fill her in on what happened the night before, and makes sure they’re hidden in the corner between the door and bleachers.

“What’s up?” Efi asks, intrigued by the secrecy.

“Lúcio tried to sleep with me,” she whispers.

The ‘tried to’ seems to slip from Efi’s ears. “Awesome!” she almost squeals. “How was it?”

“ _ Tried to _ . Nothing happened.”

“Oh.” She’s very briefly disappointed, but it slips away quickly. “Why not?”

“I just didn’t want to. I was worried he’d get my shirt off and see the scars on my chest and see how small these stupid things are,” she gestures to her chest, “and change his mind.”

“Well, it’s good you didn’t do it just to make him happy. What’d he say?”

“I was really worried he was gonna be upset, but he took it really well. I told him to stop and he did and said he’d wait.”

“Honestly, that’s not a bad test. If I get a boyfriend I might say I don’t want to even if I do and if he pushes me it’s a sign I should break up with him. You’ve got a keeper, though.”

“Trust me, I know.”

“And for what it’s worth, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I mean, I don’t know him as well as you do, but I can’t imagine someone like Lúcio suddenly changing his mind because you’re not up to some stupid standard. Would you decide not to have sex with him because he had some scars or he took  _ his _ shirt off and you realized he didn’t have godlike pecs?”

“Of course not.”

“It goes both ways. He wanted to have sex with  _ you _ , not just your body, because he likes you. At least, I’m assuming, and if I’m wrong then he’s probably not worth your time.”

“You’re right, I think. But on top of that I’m just nervous. I don’t think I’m ready, like, at all.”

“Well, from what I can tell he understands and again, if he’s not willing to wait then I don’t think he’s worth your time. You don’t owe him anything, go at your own pace.”

She nods. “You’re right. I need to calm down about this.”

“A bit, yeah. And one last thing.”

“What?”

“When it does happen, you  _ have _ to tell me.”

“Trust me, you’ll hear about it.”

 

“Got bad news for you,” Gabe says when Jack gets home. “Satya’s school called. Said she’d have to be investigated for truancy if we don’t have her back in by the end of next week.”

“Truancy? She’s a seven year old!”

“Exactly what I said. Turns out it doesn’t matter.”

“We haven’t found another school yet.”

“I know. I’m afraid we have to put her back in for a few days while we keep looking.”

“You might be right,” he sighs. “She’s not gonna like this.”

She does not like it. She takes it better than they expected, but not as well as they’d hoped. The week she’d spent away helped her cool down after what happened last time, but the prospect of going back to that school doesn’t sit well with her and she’s clearly upset by it. Jack and Gabe spend the night redoubling their efforts to find a new school for her, hoping to at least find something before she goes back that Friday.

 

It seems like a normal Thursday. It’s cloudy and looks like it’s about to rain, the wind light but noticeable. Hana doesn’t notice, too absorbed in her homework and her music to pay attention to the window. Satya’s on her bed, half sulking about having to go back to school the next day but more focused on her book.

A shock of pain suddenly strikes her ribs where they’d fractured over three months ago, and for a split second she’s certain they’d somehow broken again, no longer caring to act like nothing had happened. Even after the pain disappears, just as quickly as it had come, her heart pounds into her throat and she starts sweating. She takes shallow breaths, scared that her lungs pushing against the bone would create the same pain it did when she was broken.

“You’re breathing weird,” Satya says.

“Mhm.” Her mind’s scrambling, trying to figure out what’s wrong, the sudden dizziness not making it any easier. If she wasn’t sitting down she’d sure she’d have fallen.

“You’re shivering too. Are you cold?”

“No,” she answers, before realizing that she is. Her voice is barely audible, her lungs refusing to take in enough air. She wants to lie down in her bed and hide under a blanket, but she’s absolutely certain that she’d fall apart somehow, her ribs would break again, her scars would reopen, and she’d somehow end up as the bloodied, broken mess the car crash left her. She has to stay perfectly still, she convinces herself, if she wants to stay alive.

She hears Satya leave, and assumes she made her want to leave, she can’t blame her, she’s a mess of an older sister, why on Earth would she want to share a room with her? It just makes sense that she’d leave her to—

The door opens again, and Satya comes back with Sombra in tow. “You alright?”

Hana nods. “Fine,” she whispers.

It takes her one look at her little sister to determine that she’s not fine. “No you’re not. Come on, what’s wrong?”

She shakes her head, trying to focus on her work. She can get through it by herself, there’s no need to get anyone else worried.

“Hana, you look like death.”

“No she doesn’t, death has a cloak and a scythe, she doesn’t have a cloak and a scythe.”

“See?” Hana says, as if Satya had somehow disproved the spirit of Sombra’s comment and not just the letter. “I’m fine.”

“You’re pale, shivering, and barely speaking. Are you sick? Come on, lie down,” she gently grabs her shoulder. Hana recoils, scared she’ll break her.

She tries to take a deeper breath, and although she can it fails to comfort her in the slightest.

“Did that hurt?” If Hana turned to look at her she’d see deep worry etched into her face.

“No,” she’s closer to her normal volume but still whispering.

“Promise?”

She nods.

“Can you turn around?” She does, slowly. “Look me in the eye.” Her eyes are tinted purple by her contacts and wide with worry. “I don’t know what’s wrong, but this isn’t you. You’re shaking, you can’t speak, you’re scared to let me touch you. I don’t know if you’re sick or if it’s something else, but—”

“I’m scared,” she blurts.

“Of what?” she quickly jumps on the opportunity to investigate.

“I don’t know. My ribs started hurting and now I feel like I’m breaking all over again. I don’t know if I can stand up, I don’t want to try.”

“Are you having a panic attack?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Take a deep breath.”

“My ribs,” she argues.

“They’ve been fine for weeks. Take the plunge. With me.” Both girls inhale, sucking in as much air as they can. It doesn’t help much, but for a second a punch of clarity appears.

“Come with me.”

“I don’t…” Sombra extends her hand. “Come on, I’ll make sure you’re alright.” Hana tentatively takes her sister’s hand and takes a few steps, none of them feeling right but helping a little.

“I want to go back to Doctor Zen,” she says, as she’s taken to calling him.

“Alright, let’s go to the kitchen then we’ll make you some tea to calm you down then we can talk to dad about that. Sound good?”

She nods. The dread still lurks in her, but now that it can’t make her scared to walk or breathe it has no choice but to start withering at the promises Sombra makes.

 

Gabe invokes several curse words and biblical figures under his breath when he picks up his cell on Friday afternoon only to see that it’s the elementary school. “Hello?” he answers, audibly irritated.

“There’s been another issue with your daughter,” Lengyel says, his voice carrying a certain snakelike quality. “Please come as soon as possible.” He offers no more information.

“Caleb!” Gabe calls again. “Need you to cover, again.”

“Man, what’s going on with that school?” he asks. “Wasn’t like that when I was there.”

“New administrators. Lengyel started about two years after Hana finished, from what I hear from other parents that’s when it started to go to crap.”

“What’s he whining about this time?”

“Don’t have the slightest idea.”

Caleb shakes his head. “Well, good luck.”

“Think I’m gonna need it.”

 

Jack gets home just past six to find Jesse eating in the living room. “Bit early, isn’t it?”

“Hanging out with Lena and Emily later, have to leave in half an hour.”

“Gotcha.” He walks into the kitchen, where he happily greets his husband.

“Take a look at what’s on the table,” Gabe says. “Think you’ll appreciate it.”

It’s a writing assignment from Satya’s school: Write about someone you look up to. In horribly messy seven year old scrawl beneath it is Satya’s answer.

_ I look up to my sister Sombra. She’s really nice to me & Hana & our brother Jesse. Last night Hana was upset about something so Sombra made her feel better. But the main reason I look up to Sombra is because Sombra used to be a boy but realized she didn’t want to be a boy anymore so she became a girl. I hope when I’m older I can be as strong as she is for fixing such a big problem and being such a nice sister. That’s why I look up to my sister Sombra. _

“I love her so much,” Jack says, smiling.

“Adorable, isn’t it? Sombra’s still on cloud nine. Anyway, this afternoon I get a call from Lengyel just as school’s getting out.”

“Uh-oh.”

“It turns out her teacher had a problem with this.”

“This? How?”

“I asked the same thing. Suddenly words like ‘abnormal’, ‘wrong’, ‘some kind of therapy’ were being thrown around, and next thing I know I take Satya by the hand and just walk out.”

“What the hell?”

“Didn’t even say anything. Nothing that came to mind would be at all appropriate, especially with a seven year old sitting next to me, so I just left. Also might’ve promised her she doesn’t have to ever go back there.”

“Don’t blame you. On either count.”

“Got another busy weekend ahead of us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I came up with that last idea I was both proud I'd managed to find a way to make that school even worse and kinda disgusted by the fact that something like that has probably happened to someone  
> Fuck that school and everyone working there


	24. Weekend break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did it guys I brought Amelie back

Jesse’s in the backseat of Lena and Emily’s car for less than a minute before they ask him about what’s going on with him and Hanzo.

“I don’t know,” he says. “I just… I don’t know.”

“So what exactly  _ happened _ ?” Emily asks. “All we know is that you guys haven’t talked since Halloween.”

“He’s leaving in January,” he says. “He’s known the whole time we were together, but never thought to mention it. For all I know he was planning on shooting me a text morning of and I’d never see him again.”

“I really doubt he’d do that,” Lena says. “You guys aren’t breaking up, are you?”

“I don’t think so. I’m just… shocked, I guess. One minute I think everything’s going fine, then suddenly ‘oh, I’m leaving in January’, don’t miss me too much.”

“Where’s he going, anyway?” Emily asks.

“Don’t know, his dad’s relocating again.”

“If you knew you’d only be together until January, would you have gone out with him anyway?” Lena asks.

He thinks for a second. “Yeah. Yeah, I would’ve. I just wish I knew all along, dropping a bombshell like that is just… ugh.”

“Just want to vent for a bit?” Lena offers.

“It’s just been a shitty fucking year since school started. First I find out my father’s a convicted rapist—”

“ _ What _ ?!” Lena shouts.

“ _ Fucking _ hell, I didn’t tell you guys that yet, did I?” They both shake their heads wordlessly. “Yeah, apparently the adoption agency was allowed to release some info on my parents and it turns out my father raped my mom and at least three other women, so that’s just fucking  _ wonderful _ , then there was that shit with Mako and Jamison, and now Hana’s a wreck again, and, like, I feel bad for her and all but sometimes it’s just…” he stops himself, clenching and unclenching his fists, “then dads do their little ‘hey man, I know we’ve been busy with Hana and Satya but we’re always here if you need us’, and I know they think they can be and they’ll try their hardest but my shit just doesn’t compare with the school troubles they’re having, and if I just suck it up and wait it out then it’s okay for a couple weeks until Halloween comes and that fucking nuclear bomb gets dropped on me!”

“Jeez, man. Maybe tonight’s adventure should be to a liquor store,” Emily says.

“I’ve been looking forward to this all week, don’t take it away from me.”

“Just as well,” Lena says. “We probably wouldn’t be able to buy anything, there’s no way we could with the sophomore with us.”

“The sophomore?” Jesse asks.

His memory’s jogged a second later when they stop in front of the sizeable Guillard house on the richer side of town. “Oh, yeah! Forgot we were finally seeing her again.” Amelie runs down the front steps and sprints up to the car.

“ _ Man _ , it’s been too long,” she says.

“Yeah, man,” Lena says. “Missed you this summer.”

“Yeah, I missed you guys too. The acting intensive was really cool, though, I’m glad I did it.”

“Hope it was worth missing the barbecue,” Jesse jokes.

“Man, that was the worst part, and it ended like two days after.”

“Don’t worry, we just hung out in the living room while all the adults were outside being annoyingly adult,” Lena says.

“That sounds fun, though. And I can’t even hang with you guys that often even though school’s in because of the fall play. You guys are all coming to see it, right?”

“Always do,” Jesse says.

“And Emily, you’re trying out for the musical, right?”

“Course!”

“I think I might,” Lena says.

“Yay! Jesse?”

“Eh… no, I don’t think so,” he says.

“Aww.”

“Dude, it’s so fun,” Emily says.

“Dude, it’s Hairspray. Nab one of the council member roles and you don’t have any lines, it’s just singing and dancing.”

“Man, I can’t dance.”

“That’s why they have a choreographer to teach you how. At least just audition, Emily and I will help you out, then you can decide whether or not to join in.”

He sighs. “Alright, maybe.”

 

“Hello again, Miss Song,” Zenyatta says when she returns for the first time in weeks.

“Hi.” She sits on the couch in front of him, leaning forward a little.

“So, why the break and why the sudden return? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“I… don’t really know why I left in the first place. I guess it just fell through the cracks. But I wanted to come back because I had a panic attack Thursday night, and there’ve been a bunch of other… episodes, I guess, since school started.”

“Describe them.”

She opts to go into detail about what had happened during a math test over a month before. Then she tells him about how she’d frozen up and been terrified of suddenly dying when she’d been accosted by Jamison and Mako.

“But then there’s everything in between, where I’m just constantly on edge. I’ll be doing homework and someone will come into my room and I’ll jump, and sometimes I’ll be trying to relax and my heart starts pounding and I start sweating, and I don’t like going outside, and I still don’t drive with anyone other than my dads or my boyfriend. I don’t even like driving with my sister.”

“The accident happened in July, did it not?”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

He counts in his head. Four months, not long enough.

“Why?” she asks. “You don’t think this is all because of the car crash, do you?”

“Did any of this happen before?”

“Well, no, but why would the crash have caused anything other than the not liking cars thing?”

“You’re hypervigilant, reclusive, and terrified of sudden death,” he says. “Do you disagree?”

“Reclusive?”

“Perhaps not the right word, but you understand my sentiment?”

She sighs. “I guess. But all this just because of that fucking car crash?”

“It put you under intense stress that was completely unexpected.”

“So why the hell is it just me? Everyone else is fine! Hell, Genji’s physically disabled and he doesn’t have to deal with this shit!”

“Because life isn’t fair.”

“Oh, are you really gonna—”

“Yes, I am. I’m not saying this like a dismissive parent would, I want you to walk away with that internalized. Life is a series of random events, and it’s far more likely to end up out of your favor than in. It’s unfair that you’re suffering because of the accident. It’s unfair that your sister had to have the childhood she did. It’s unfair that my brother spent five years in prison for a crime he didn’t commit. It’s unfair that in some countries your fathers would be persecuted for daring to love each other. It all comes down to a roll of the dice, and there’s far more faces you don’t want than ones you do. If you walk around believing that life is fair, you’ll be disappointed 99 times out of a hundred.”

“I didn’t flag you as such a pessimist.”

“I wouldn’t call myself one. The worst, of course, doesn’t happen as often as some choose to believe, or choose to focus on. I simply forced myself to realize that no, life is not fair, and good things happen to bad people and bad to good. I don’t wish for you or anyone else to walk around expecting the worst, but if you expect fairness then you’ll have to look somewhere else.”

 

Jack and Gabe’s saving grace appears on Saturday, when their phone rings.

“Hello,” Jack answers.

“Hello, Mr. Morrison. It’s Grace, Dr. Jha connected us.”

“Yes! I remember.” She was one of the psychologists that worked with Satya and tried to see if she needed an autism diagnosis. “Got any news for us?”

“Well, we want to have a few more sessions, run another test before we can give her a diagnosis, but if you want to move her into a school that would be good for her, you might not need one.”

“Really? We need to get her in one soon, we’ve permanently pulled her out of our local one.”

“Really? Why?”

“Well, she had an assignment to write about someone she admired, and she wrote about her older sister Sombra, and her teacher and principal told her that Sombra isn’t a good role model because she’s transgender, and gave my husband an earful about ‘enabling delusions’.”

“This was principal Lengyel? And what was the teacher’s name?”

“Yes, it was Lengyel, and the teacher was Sydney Robinson.”

He hears her scribbling something down before continuing. “Anyway, right off Oasis campus is a school called Mercer Elementary, which isn’t specifically a school for special-needs kids but they’re very accomodating, many kids with ADHD, dyslexia, autism, or other disorders go there even before being diagnosed. I can set up a meeting with their headmaster as soon as you, your husband, and Satya are available.”

“Oh my God, thank you so much. You’re a lifesaver. Could we do tomorrow morning?”

“I’ll email him now.”

 

“Lena, you got masks, right?” Emily asks.

“Sure do.” She four surgical masks from the glove compartment and passes them around.

“I kinda like this,” Amelie says through the mask. “I think it’s working for me.”

“Right? ‘Mask chic’ is my new aesthetic,” Emily decides.

“So how do we get in?” Jesse asked. “The whole building’s fenced off, isn’t it?”   
“Yeah, but at least one of the gates should be open,” Lena says. “I’m not sure about the doors to get into the actual building, but some of the windows are already broken, we’ll just have to be careful if we go in that way.”

The first gate they check is chained shut, but very loosely. Lena pulls on it, and the chain allows a couple inches of entryway. She turns on her side and crouches down to get under the chain, lunging underneath. The rest of her party follows suit, Amelie opting to go over the chain rather than under.

“Guess we just walk around until we find an unlocked door,” Emily shrugs. They trek through the cool night air in the fields around the building, dirt and mulch crunching beneath their feet, hidden from the lights of a nearby field by old, knotted trees.

“So how was the acting intensive?” Jesse asks.

“Mostly what I expected. Get up pretty early, get mediocre dining hall meals, seven hours a day of acting training from professionals for four weeks. People there were pretty interesting, a lot of pretentious types or people who insisted they’d find their way to broadway or hollywood right out of high school or college.” They come across the first door. It’s locked. “Lot of overlap between those groups, now that I think about it. Anyway, there were a bunch of people only there for one or two weeks, so by the end of all of it we kinda had the a squad going that was there for the whole month.” She takes a second to debate telling them this last part, then remembers she’s with the nerds and she can be herself. “We actually got a D&D campaign going.”

“I do  _ not _ picture you playing dungeons and dragons,” Lena says. “Pretty cool, though.”

“Always wanted to get into it,” Emily says. Jesse nods in agreement. They turn the corner, hearing cars pass behind a thin grove of trees.

“Man, it was awesome. We were doing a little practice campaign the first weekend just so us newbies could learn the ropes, and I made this ranger and I called her Widowmaker because she killed her husband when she started worshipping dark gods. But when we started the main campaign, our DM was super into Lord of the Rings so he set it in Middle Earth, and I wanted to stay as a ranger so I decided to be an Elf, but I couldn’t be Widowmaker because Elves in Middle Earth are supposed to be good, so I had to shelf her.”

Lena tries the next door. “Locked,” she reports. “But…” she jogs forwards a bit, making the others catch up. She finds a ladder reaching up to the top of the building, rusted and grown over with non-poison ivy.

“That looks… not safe,” Jesse says.

“I dunno, if we get a good pair of gloves we should be fine,” Emily says.

“If we come back I’m totally going up there,” Amelie decides, looking up to the top of the building.

They keep walking around, hoping for another way in. “So,” Jesse says. “You’re a full-on nerd now?”

Amelie laughs. “Looks like it. Don’t know what took me so long.”

“Better late than never. Welcome to the club.”

“You know, my brother got into D&D in college, I could ask if he wants to DM for us when he’s on break.”

“Hell yes!” Amelie says. Jesse and Lena are also quick to show approval.

“Who else would be interested?”

“Oh jeez…” Jesse starts, thinking. “Probably both Hana and Sombra, Efi definitely, probably Angela, Fareeha wouldn’t at first but after everyone else was doing it she’d join in, Genji almost definitely, Hanzo maybe. So pretty much everyone.”

“So maybe just the four of us and like one more at most to start,” Lena says, “then we can build from there.”

They try what they assume is the last door before seeing the gate they came in. “Well, guess that’s that,” Amelie sighs.

“We should come back soon, maybe see what’s up that ladder,” Lena says. “We could go through one of the windows but honestly I’d rather exhaust all our other options first.”

“I’m with you there,” Jesse says. “This was kinda cool on it’s own, though, just the field around it is pretty interesting.”

They slide through the gate again, heading back to the car. “Anywhere else in mind?” Lena asks.

“Food,” Emily decides.

 

It only takes until Tuesday morning for Satya to be enrolled in Mercer elementary. The halls are quieter, a gentle air of control causing less chaos than the reactance to the tighter grip at her old school. The lights are LEDs, casting a much warmer glow than the harshness of fluorescents and without the incessant humming.

She’s worried that her teacher will call her up to the front of the class and force her to introduce herself, but he lets her stay at her desk when he simply informs the class that they have a new student. His face seems warmer and somehow more trustworthy than Ms. Robinson, aged not with her inflexible years of experience but his own well-trained adaptability.

The girl next to her has red hair and her leg also bounces up and down without her realizing it. She asks why she switched schools, much like Jake did when she first met him, and she gives her the same answer, “I didn’t like my old school, so I switched,” this time without having a sense that she’s lying to someone she just met.

“What’s your name?”

“Satya. Yours?”

“Moira.” She extends her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... Brigitte. For whatever reason I was almost certain it wasn't going to be her, not that I'm complaining (a support tank is every fill player's dream). Looks like I get to work her in now, which... might be a little difficult. I already mentioned Torbjorn as living in the beach town where Lucio lives, so Brigitte would probably go to the same school as he does and not the rest of the cast... I'll figure something out.


	25. exploring further

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been almost a month since last update oof
> 
> Also I got really lazy lmao and adapted parts of 13-15 for my next assignment for creative writing class. On the off chance that any of you are in my class, I guess I'm about to out myself as a fanfic writer (tell no one)

11/10/2017

It had made so much sense when he explained it. “It’s the basic principle of operant conditioning, taken to the extreme,” Zenyatta had said, putting on a teacher-like voice. “Your brain took the conditions around you, like the car, the location, and the song, and paired it with the ‘punishment’ of the car accident. After that, classical conditioning took over. Whenever anything reminded you of those conditions, you’d become afraid. Your brain would look at your body, realize you’re afraid, and then connect it with whatever you’re thinking about, usually the accident, I’d assume, thus reinforcing that very fear.” She’d nodded along, getting the basic gist of what he was saying. The sheer act of being afraid of something made her even more afraid of it. “In order to break out of this cycle, you have to train your brain to stop being afraid of it. So I’m going to give you some homework to do before our next session.”

She’d put it off until Friday after school. He’d told her to do two of three things: ride in a car not driven by her parents, listen to the song they had been singing, or cross the street where the accident had happened. She feels like she’d cheated with the song, listening to a cover of it in the background while playing games, which softened the blow but still stressed her out. There’s no way in hell she’s getting in another car, so across the street it is.

Now that she’s here, she’d rather just have let Sombra drive her around for a bit. She follows his instructions: tense and relax the muscles in her body, one by one. Take deep breaths. Pay attention to the outside world: the birds chirping, the cool wind, the clouds.

She tries to pay it no mind when her heart starts pounding. “Some therapists teach their patients mindfulness to help them overcome their anxieties,” he’d explained, “and while there are a few merits to that, I don’t personally approve. I told you earlier, your brain reads your body to determine your mood, and if you’re paying attention to yourself when you’re in a panic, well, that will just push you deeper into a panic.”

She’s on the other side of the street. She blinks a few times, trying to remember crossing it, but the memory isn’t there. Her heart’s still pounding, but she expected to be on the verge of throwing up after crossing the street, not just mildly afraid.

_ I should… try again, I guess. _ She doesn’t want to. She really doesn’t want to, but she turns around, looking both ways. To her right is the wall they hit, still dented from when they’d crashed into it. She tears her eyes from it, then looks down the street. Completely empty. Too empty. No cars, no people, no nothing.

In the time it would take her to reach the other side even at an ambling meander, nothing could possibly appear from out of view and reach the road in time, the nearest corners are too far away, but she’s entirely certain that the second she hits the middle of the crosswalk the same car that hit her, that she sees in nightmares and daydreams, will materialize before her and pulverize her.

_ You’re not a little bitch, Hana _ , she reminds herself. She shakes her head and breaks into a dead sprint across the street. She makes it halfway across, already in an unpleasant mix of hot and cold sweat and thoroughly nauseated when she blacks out again, coming to safely on the other side.

_ I’m fucking losing it _ , she thinks, desperately trying to recall two seconds of her life seemingly completely gone from memory. She pulls out her phone and calls the number Doctor Zenyatta gave her if for if anything major happened. The phone rings and she desperately hopes he’s not busy.

She gets his voicemail, and she swears as his normally soothing slow voice drags on as the recording plays.

“Hey, it’s me, Hana. I, um, I was trying to do the homework you gave me, I’m actually at the corner right now, and…” she tries to figure out how to phrase it, “I’m freaking out, I stepped into the street and it was like I teleported to the other side or something, I swear I  _ can’t _ remember how I got there, so I tried again but the same thing happened and I just feel like I’m going crazy, and like… I think I just need you to tell me if this is… normal? Do other people have this? What  _ is _ it? I’m, uh, sorry to bother you if you’re busy but this is just scaring me a little. Thanks. Sorry.” As usual after leaving a message, she wishes she could delete it and try again.

 

A couple hours later, Jesse’s in Emily’s car riding over to pick up Amelie for round two.

“So…” Emily says tentatively. “Hanzo?”

Jesse sighs. They’d been talking again over the past week, both trying to act like the Halloween incident had never happened. “Yeah?”

“Jesse, no, don’t give us that,” Lena shuts him down. “How are you really feeling?”

“It’s… this isn’t the right way to get to Amelie’s house,” he says.

“She’s still at the school,” Emily reminds him. “They rehearse late for the week and a half before the show.”

“And that means we have a little extra time with just the three of us, so talk.”

For a second, there’s just the sound of a deep inhale and exhale, and Emily and Lena aren’t sure whether or not he’s going to talk. “I… I know it’s probably not the right thing to be doing, not the healthy thing.” They shake their heads in agreement. “But it’s easy, you know? And… it’s not like it’ll matter in a few months anyway.”

“Jesse—”

“ _ Please _ don’t tell me I have to talk to him.”

She doesn’t continue.

“If this was gonna be a long-term thing, or hell, even continue through college, it’d be different. It doesn’t feel the same as it did before, and sometimes I think maybe if I talk to him it’ll get better, but he’s leaving in two months anyway, so this is good enough.”

“But Jesse,” Lena tries, waiting for him to stop her. He doesn’t. “Wouldn’t you rather have two more months that are like the way it used to be instead of this?”

“Probably. But I don’t know if—”

“Isn’t it worth a try?”

They pull up in front of the school. “Also,” Emily adds, “in a long-term relationship, you would have to talk stuff like this through. Like, would you want to live with your husband or wife like this? Forever?”

“We’re not—”

“I know, I know. Just think of it as practice.”

“That’s kind of a cold way to look at it,” he answers. She just shrugs.

The first groups of actors and techies start to trickle out, many of them glowing with a sort of tired pride. Other cars pull up around them, mostly parents picking up their kids. Amelie leaves the building talking to a group of other actors, but as soon as she sees Emily’s car she waves goodbye and sprints up to it.

“Hey!”

“How’d it go?” Jesse asks.

“Pretty great! Show’s gonna be awesome. Well, once Kenneth  _ finally _ gets his lines memorized,” she rolls her eyes.

“I’m not really familiar with all this theatre stuff,” Emily says, “but shouldn’t he have memorized his lines a while ago?”

“Yeah, like, a month ago. Ryan, who’s got like, the smallest part in the show was literally feeding him. It was sad, man. Anyway, what’s up with you guys?”

“I’m probably getting a prosthetic arm soon.”

“Wait, really?” Lena asks, her tone doing a complete one-eighty. “That’s so cool!”

“You’re just bringing this up now?” Amelie asks. “Man, what were you talking about before I got here?”

“Top secret gay stuff,” Emily says. “Wish I could tell you, but, you know, you like guys and all.”

She pretends to make a face. “Anyway, why’d it take so long?” she asks. “Wouldn’t you have gotten a prosthetic way back during August or something?”

“Well, they were trying an alternate solution, because it was cheaper and safer, but it’s not really working all that well. Like, I can manage because it’s my left hand, but I’d really rather have a mostly-functional hand. So I’m meeting with a doctor to discuss my options over the weekend and I’ll probably be getting it next month.”

“So are you just getting, like, a normal looking arm?” Lena asks. “Or—”

“HELL no,” Jesse says. “I mean, I’m not sure exactly what my choices will be, but if I’m getting a fake arm it’s sure as hell not gonna look like a real one.”

“I’d be disappointed if you did.”

 

Hana and Sombra sit in the living room, watching The Princess Bride for the umpteenth time, when Hana’s phone goes off just as Westley bests Fezzik in a test of strength. She quickly lunges for it, and makes a face when Sombra teases her for it. Just like she hoped, it was Doctor Zenyatta. “Hello?”

“Hello, Miss Hana. Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, I had back-to-back group sessions all afternoon and evening.”

“It’s fine. So…” she feels a little weird asking a question like “is there something wrong with me?” in front of her sister with no context.

“I’d been wondering if this would happen,” he says. Like many other times, she wishes he’d talk faster. “You don’t have anything to worry about, there’s no more cause for concern than with your other symptoms.”

“So it’s related to the crash.”

“Of course. If I were to speculate, I’d say that between the nightmares and the crash itself, your brain associated that spot with the trauma, and as a way to… protect you, in a way, split itself from reality. It’s possible that the memory simply wasn’t encoded, or it’s locked away from being recalled. Dissociation, that’s what it’s called, is fascinating, really, there’s a couple books I could recommend if you’re interested—”

“Maybe another time. But I’m not, like, going crazy?”

“Of course not. It’s something we’ll have to work through, of course, but you’ll be fine. There’s nothing to worry about.”

She sighs in relief. “Alright. Thank you. I’ll see you Sunday.”

“Have a good night, Miss Hana.”

“Night.” She hangs up.

“What’s up?” Sombra asks. She explains about seemingly blacking out earlier, panicking all day, and what Zenyatta just told her.

“That’s… freaky,” she says. “You alright?”

“I think so. But it had me on edge all afternoon, I just kept thinking I was going crazy. Like, I know I stepped into the street, and I must’ve crossed it because I ended up on the other side, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t actually remember!”

“There was something like this before, wasn’t there?” Sombra asks. “Not like blacking out, but I remember you came home early one day while I was still recovering from surgery because you got sick, then later you told me it felt like you were floating outside your body or something?”

“You think that’s related?”

She shrugs. “Might as well ask.”

They watch the battle of wits scene, the ending never failing to at least draw a smile from them. “So… how’ve you been feeling the past week?”

“Hm?”

“Have you been holding up alright, compared to most of the fall?”

“Um… I don’t know. Some stuff’s been better and some stuff’s been worse. I haven’t had, like, a major panic attack, but I feel like I’ve been more anxious and jumpy.”

“Have you had another outside-looking-in kind of thing?”

She shakes her head. “I’ve had, like, smaller moments where it sort of felt like it was starting, but it went away quickly. Why do you ask?”

She shrugs. “Just wanted to make sure you’re holding up alright.”

They watch the scene where Buttercup pushes Westley down the hill, then rolls down after him. “I, um,” Hana starts.

“Hm?”

“I don’t think I… nevermind.”

“Aww, don’t tease me like that.”

“I only told Efi about this, and you can’t tell anyone,” she starts.

“Course I won’t.”

“Okay… Lúcio tried to sleep with me on Halloween.”

Her eyes widen. “Really?! What happened?”

“We were kissing, and eventually I realized he wanted more, so I told him I didn’t want that.”

“What did he do? If he did anything—”

“No, no! He was really nice about it, he stopped and we just cuddled for a little while.”

“You know if he ever  _ does _ hurt you, Jesse and I have your back.”

She nods. “Of course, but he didn’t! It’s just… I’d hardly even thought about it before, but once I did the first thing that popped into my head was that I’d just take my clothes off and he’d say something mean and leave.”

“That doesn’t sound like Lúcio,” she says.

“I know, I know, but it’s all I could think about! I’m not sexy or curvy or anything, I’m just a skinny girl with scars, and—”

“Maybe,” Sombra interrupts. “But you’re a skinny girl with scars that he loves. Sure, there are guys out there that will only consider sleeping with a girl if she lives up to some impossible standard, but there’s also guys who love a girl so much they she’s perfect in their eyes.”

Hana nods, knowing but not believing.

“Listen. I’m not gonna tell you what to do or when to do it. But you don’t have to do anything ever if you don’t want to, and I don’t know if you should if you’re scared of it. Just know that you love each other… do you love each other?”

“I… I never told him.”

“Do you?”

She nods, a small smile twisting at her lips.

“Aww…” she squeals.

“Stop that!”

“Anyway! I know you can’t just make yourself be comfortable with it, so don’t try to rush it. If it’s stressing you out, you’re not gonna like it, so take your time. Maybe all the stress will go away when you make peace with the crash.”

“I hope so.” Westley and Buttercup are well into the fire swamp now. Hana feels a question bubbling, and even though she thinks she knows the answer, wants to ask anyway. “Have you ever…?”

She shakes her head. “Even without all the transition stuff, there’s no one I know who I’m really interested in. I’m pretty much either friends with or don’t like just about everyone I know, I think I’m just waiting for college to start before I start dating.”

“Yeah I guess that’s mostly the way it goes in small high schools. I mean, Jesse, Angela, and I all had to wait for out-of-towners to show up.”

“Can’t wait to go to Oasis Uni. Their student body is like three to four times the size of our town.”

“Wow.” She grimaces as the fight between Westley and the Rodent plays out.

“Fucking hell, Buttercup, don’t just stand there,” Sombra says, like she always does when the scene plays. Hana laughed the first couple times, but now she just smiles and rolls her eyes.

“Thanks,” she says.

“Hm?”

“For talking. Listening.”

“What I’m here for.”

 

They put their masks and gloves on as they approach the abandoned military base once more. Amelie made them promise a short trip this time since she’s exhausted from rehearsal, so they slip through the open gate and walk towards the ladder on the side of the building, intent on climbing it.

“Wait, guys?” Jesse stops abruptly. They’re walking clockwise around the building this time, and he notices the open door they’d overlooked on their first trek.

“No way,” Emily says. Her eyes shine bright over her mask. The door’s barely ajar, but opens without complaint as she shoves it. “Come on.”

The inside looks like a warehouse with a couple extra rooms lining the walls, and massive tinted windows near the ceiling. Jesse and Emily take out their phones to take pictures, and Lena just stares in awe.

“It’s so cool,” she breathes. Amelie nods, similarly struck.

“Alright, my phone’s close to dead, so I’m relying on you guys for flashlights,” Amelie says.

“Sounds good,” Lena says. “Where do you wanna explore first?”

“We could just check this main room and save the rest for another night,” Emily suggests. They walk forward, flashlights shining over the mostly bare floor.

“Okay, apologies in advance because it’s that time of year where, like, all I can think of is Drama Club, but you guys were planning on auditioning for Hairspray, right?”

“That was the plan,” Jesse says. He stops to take a picture of some rude graffiti on the wall.

“Know who you’re gonna try out for?”

“I was just gonna show up and they can cast me as whoever they think I’ll be best at,” he answers. “You?”

“Velma,” she answers.

Emily smiles and nods. “Oh, you’d be perfect! I’m gonna try for Penny.”

“Yes!”

Lena shrugs. “Never seen it, I was just planning on doing the same thing as Jesse.”

“I think you’d… oh, look at that!” Emily cuts herself off. The flashlight from her phone falls on a gauntlet of twisted metal rods hanging from the ceiling.

“Keep the light there, let me get a picture,” Lena says.

“Think I could hang from one?” Amelie asks. Jesse and Lena are quick to shut that down.

Their eyes follow the metal as they walk past it. “I wonder what that was,” Emily says. “Was it from the ceiling? I can’t really see that high.” She shines her flashlight up.

“I think it’s art,” Jesse says. They look at him inquisitively. “What? I don’t understand it and it makes me feel inferior, it’s art.”

Emily smiles and shakes her head slowly.

“Man, this place is awesome,” Amelie says, still drinking it all in. “Like, I know it’s just some shut-down military warehouse, but it feels… magical.”

“One country’s trash is a squad of teenagers’ treasure,” Emily says. “Wait… are those stairs?”

They jog over to a rectangular room jutting out from a corner. It’s about ten feet long and eight feet wide and high, and as Emily realized, it has an exterior staircase leading to the top. Jesse tries the door only to find it’s locked, but takes a picture of it anyway because of the shadows the patterned glass cast on the wall behind it.

Amelie’s the first to climb up, being careful not to put too much pressure on the stairs. Despite being barely 120 pounds and the lightest in the group, they still shift under her weight. Jesse follows once she’s almost at the top.

“Wow, this looks really cool,” he comments. Most of the warehouse is in shadow, but they can still see some of it spread out before them. He pulls out his phone and takes a few pictures.

“Oh, yeah, this is an awesome date spot,” Amelie says. “Just drive someone out here and set up a picnic overlooking the ruins.”

“Hey, I’d be into it.”

“We gotta come out here again soon with a better camera,” Emily says.

“With you there,” Amelie says. “Also I hate to be a buzzkill, but can we head home soon? I feel like I’m about to fall over”

“Yeah, no problem,” Emily answers.

“We’ll come back soon,” Lena says as they start to climb back down.

 

“Alright, I think it’s time to stop trying to force it,” Efi says. “Satya just doesn’t like Orisa.”

Hana sighs. “Yep. Real shame, too.” They’ve been in the park for the past half hour, lazily swinging while their sisters were on the playground. It’s reasonably warm for a November Saturday, but Hana still has her hands stuffed in her pockets so they don’t get cold. “Maybe when they’re older.”

“Hope so. Think we should bring them home before mine pisses yours off too badly.”

“Sounds good.” They hop off the swings and gather their sisters. Satya’s grateful to finally be going home, but Orisa wants to go to the river to see the geese.

“What us to come with you?” Hana asks.

“No,” Satya answers, a little pissy.

Efi grins. “Nah, it’s fine. I’ll see ya soon.”

“See ya.”

The girls start walking their separate paths. “You look weird with makeup on,” Satya points out.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” She’s quiet for a couple seconds, balancing on the wooden planks separating a gently slope from the playground. “Why do you wear it? It takes so long for you to put on and you have to take it off at night and it just seems really uncomfortable anyway.”

“I don’t like people seeing the scars.”

“Why not? They’re not ugly or anything.”

“People stare at them and it makes me uncomfortable.”

“But people also stare when your makeup looks weird!”

She starts getting pissed, and has to remind herself that she’s trying to help and just isn’t that good at it. Really she just hates the fact that she’s right. Warm and cold emotions intermingle uncomfortably in her stomach.

“Sombra wears makeup too, why aren’t you on her case about it?”

“She’s better at it. Why don’t you ask her to teach you how to put it on?”

“I did.” They’re past the tennis courts now, cutting through an open field to get to the sidewalk that will lead them home.

“Oh. Maybe—” she stops dead in her tracks.

“Maybe what?” She turns around, and sees Satya half hiding behind her. “Satya?”

She points at a woman getting out of her car in the adjacent parking lot and looking around. “What’s wrong?”

“That’s my mom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, normally I don't like to end chapters on cliffhangers like that, but... looks like that's exactly what I'm doing. Smash that mf like button to make sure I don't take another month long hiatus.
> 
> That may sound like a joke but checking my email and getting comments is straight up better than drugs


	26. Roundabout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this in like five hours I'm so sorry

11/11/2017

Hana tries to walk away like nothing’s wrong. Pretend there isn’t a problem and it’ll go away, right? Maybe she won’t notice them. Maybe it’s just someone who looks a lot like Satya’s mom. Maybe—

“Satya!”

Maybe it’ll take all of ten seconds for  _ that _ idea to fall apart.

“Oh my God, Satya!” she sprints over to them. “Satya, I’ve been looking all over for you! After those… those  _ horrible people _ took you away, I’ve been so—” she seems to suddenly notice Hana. If it wasn’t taking all her energy to breathe normally, she’d probably be curious what exactly the woman  _ was _ focusing on, because it clearly wasn’t her clearly distressed daughter or she’d be trying to comfort her.

“What,” she starts, a venom that Hana might’ve once been immune to spilling through her teeth, “are you doing,” her words are like a winter’s wind through the moderate autumn, almost enough to make Hana shiver and wish she’d brought a heavier coat, “with my daughter?”

“She- she’s my sister,” she manages.

“ _ Sister? _ ” she almost screams. “First of all, you’re  _ Japanese _ —”

“Korean,” she manages, not entirely sure why it matters but it’s all she has.

“Who cares?! She’s  _ my  _ daughter, and I’m bringing her back home where she belongs!”

“No!” Satya shouts. She’s completely behind Hana at this point, as if a trembling teenager barely weighing 115 pounds soaking wet could offer any protection from her nightmares realized. Hana wishes she had someone to hide behind. Back when Jamison and Mako were picking on her she’d had Efi there, she so badly wishes she were there now.

But she’s not, and Hana’s scared she’s about to fall over. It feels like her brain is frying. Maybe if she could think straight she’d try to explain that her family had adopted Satya or maybe she’d grab her hand and run away, but shooting pains run through her chest and she feels like she’s about to be violently ill even though she’d barely eaten and  _ oh my God this is what a heart attack feels like, isn’t it? _

“No?! Satya Vaswani—”

“That’s not my name! Hana, tell her, I—”

“You!” Hana feels a lump threatening to close off her throat and tears itching to escape her eyes. “I don’t know what you’ve done to my daughter—”

“She didn’t do anything! It was you!” If it weren’t for the ever-present beacon in her mind that she has to keep fighting for Satya she’d surely have passed out by now, as it is her legs are threatening to give out.

“Give me my daughter back or I’m calling the police!” She’s hot and cold, shivering and sweating, numb and in agony. She tries to make some kind of argument but she can barely take in deep enough breaths.

“Hana, help me!”

She dissociates.

 

Hanzo’s cell phone rings… rings… rings… and is answered. “Hello?”

“Hi,” Jesse answers, nervous flames that burned in the pit of his stomach licking up to tickle his heart. “I, um, I wanted to apologize for what happened on Halloween.”

“Oh really?” Jesse’s his with a sensation like he’s in a car and someone slammed on the breaks. “What happened on Halloween?” at first listen, the man’s voice is similar to Hanzo’s, but it’s slightly deeper and longer sentences sound like there’s a serpent twisting around each word.

“I… uh… who’s this?”

“I’m Mister Shimada,” he says. He no longer tries to disguise his voice, and although it’s clearly similar to his son’s, both of his sons’, it lacks any familiarity. “Who’s this? My son has you saved as ‘Jesse Van Helsing’, but I don’t believe I’ve met a Van Helsing here.” The serpents in his words punch their way through his phone’s speaker, sending a shudder through his back and threatening to strangle him.

“Jesse Reyes.” He leaves out the “Morrison”, he doesn’t think Shimada would make the connection between him and Officer Jack Morrison, if he even knows who Officer Jack Morrison is, but he’s not taking any chances. “I’m a friend of Hanzo’s from school.”

“Isn’t Jesse a girl’s name?”

“It can be. Is Hanzo there, by any chance? I’d really like to talk to him.”

“He’s not,” Shimada lies. “And he won’t be for a while, so why don’t we sit and talk for a bit?” The serpents root him to his spot. “Now… what happened on Halloween?”

“We… we just had a fight, that’s all. I felt bad and wanted to apologize.”

“A fight? What about?”

“It… it was nothing,” he stalls for time while he tries to think of a lie. He feels the serpents in his brain, jamming it, making it too hard to think. “He… I… look, sir, I’d really like to talk to him about this.”

“And I,” he says, his speech slowing and getting much more measured, “would really like to talk to you about this.”

_ Something to make him look good _ , he thinks. Immediately a lie pops into his head. “Alright. I was trying to get him to come hang out on Halloween but he said he was gonna stay in and study. I got annoyed and called him some stuff I wish I didn’t, so I wanted to apologize.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“I think you’re lying.”

“I’m sorry?”

“You’re hiding something. I’ve spoken to many liars in my time, and you’re possibly the worst one of all.”

“O-okay.”

“Good bye, Jesse Reyes.”

“Um… bye,” he says to the beep accompanying the call ending.

He starts to put his phone down, then an  _ oh, fuck! _ Almost escapes his lips. He picks it back up and calls Genji.

“Hello?”

“Genji!”

“Yeah?”

“Is Hanzo home?”

“Think so. He should be.” The voice is definitely Genji, there’s no doubt about it.

“Okay, I need you to find him now and tell him that we had a fight because he wanted to stay in and study on Halloween and I was nasty about getting him to come hang out.”

“You know, I was there and—”

“Just do it!” It came out a lot more forceful and panicky than he expected, but it gets the point across.

Genji leans into Hanzo’s room. “Jesse says you got in a fight on Halloween because you wanted to stay in and study and he got nasty about trying to make you come hang out.”

He blinks a few times. “Excuse me?”

Genji shrugs. “That’s what he said.” Hanzo stares at him half-incredulous as he closes the door behind him and returns to his room.

He puts the phone back up to his ear. “Care to tell me what that was all about?”

  
  


As a ranger leads the three of them to some office at the end of the park, Hana realizes she’d blacked out again and can’t remember past a few minutes after Mrs. Vaswani approached them. She hopes she’s not missing too much and that she didn’t do anything to screw herself or her sister over.

Her cheeks are wet, she realizes, and a look at Satya shows that she’s been crying as well. Scared crying or angry crying, she doesn’t know.

She offers Satya her hand, which she gladly takes. “I told you not to touch her!” Mrs. Vaswani shrieks, making both girls jump.

“Miss, do as she says,” the ranger orders. He’s balding and overweight, unlike most of the rangers Hana had seen around the park, and one look at his face is enough to see that he’s an incredibly unpleasant man to be around. She gives her sister a quick squeeze before letting go.

He leads them to a sad looking building in a long-forgotten corner of the park and unlocks the door. “You’ll be in here while we wait for the police to sort this out.” The lobby area is poorly lit and undecorated, featuring only a desk with the bare minimum of amenities on it, an uncomfortable looking bench, and a few doors.

“You’ll wait out here with me,” he says, pointing to the bench. “You two stay in there,” he points to another chair.

“I want to be with her,” Satya says.

“And you will be.”

“No! I want to be with Hana!” she runs over to her sister.

“Don’t touch her!” Mrs. Vaswani screams again. Hana wants to shout back that she’s not, but her voice leaves her.

“You’ll be waiting with your mother.”

“She’s not my mom! Hana! Hana, help!” Hana feels herself starting to cry again, lamenting how helpless she is to stop Mrs. Vaswani.

“Kid, enough!” he says. He picks her up and carries her, kicking and screaming, into the side room. Mrs. Vaswani berates her for tantruming. Hana just sits on the bench and cries.

 

Sombra walks down Main Street, taking long strides, head turned down to fight the sudden gusts of wind that decided to suddenly show up and ruin everyone’s afternoon. She’d heard something new was opening in the space where the old overpriced coffee shop used to be, and she was damn ready to support whatever it was that replaced wannabe-Starbucks.

She crosses Fourth Street, and focuses on the brick building connected to the comic store and the Rite Aid. Once she gets closer, she sees the sign above the door reads  _ Lindholm’s Retro Gaming _ . She sees two arcade cabinets and a DDR machine through the window, and half-stocked shelves with third, fourth, and fifth generation cartridges and disk cases.  _ Oh, Hana’s gonna go nuts when she sees this. _

She opens the door, which sends a soft jingling of bells through the small store. A pretty girl with auburn hair and green eyes peeks out from behind a shelf. “Hi, um, we’re still kinda setting up,” she says.

“Thought so. I was hoping I could look around a bit?”

“Oh! Yeah, sure, go ahead.”

She looks over the Nintendo section, trying to find anything she hadn’t heard of. “What’s your name?”

“Brigitte,” she says, a faint accent coming out with the name.

“Do you go to school here?” she asks. “I think I’d have seen you around?”

“Not until Monday,” she says. “We used to live in Ilios, by the ocean, but we moved last week. Dad ran one of these stores over there too.”

“Ilios… any chance you know a guy named Lúcio?”

“Oh, the musician guy? Yeah, he’s awesome.”

“He’s my sister’s boyfriend.”

Her eyes light up. “Oh, you’re Hana’s sister?”

“I take it he spoke highly of her?”

“Yeah, he’s crazy about her.” She steps off a ladder and starts breaking down a cardboard box. “Sorry if I’m cutting your visit short, but do you know anywhere good to eat around here? I’ve been working all day.”

“One of my dads owns a bakery two blocks away.”

“Oh, you lucky bastard.”

 

“Jeez, kid, aren’t ya cried out yet?” the ranger asks. Hana looks up at him, her face red and hurt. He doesn’t pay attention.

Seconds later, the door opens, and a silver-haired man in a police uniform opens the door. He’s tall, and would intimidate the hell out of Hana if she didn’t know the warmth his arms hold.

“Dad!” She runs up to him, and he quickly envelops her in his protective embrace. He takes a moment to soothe her before they release each other and he confronts the ranger.

“What’s going on here?” he asks.

“Your daughter was found with a seven year old girl by the girl’s mother, and would not return the child to the custody of the parent. She instead opted to create a scene until I showed up and had to bring her here.”

“Where’s the girl?”

“Right through there,” he points.

“Get them,” he orders. The ranger seems to shrink a bit, and he hurries to the door and opens it.

“Dad!” Satya runs up to him and jumps at him. He wraps an arm around her, catching her midair against him, and hugs her too before letting her down. She takes Hana’s hand and the girls hide behind him, finally having a strong enough protector.

“What do you mean,  _ dad _ ?! You’re  _ my _ daughter!”

“Mrs. Vaswani, I assume,” he says.

“How do you know who I am?”

“Ma’am, you emancipated your daughter the night your husband was arrested. You no longer—”

“I don’t care! She’s my daughter and I want to take her home!”

“Has Satya expressed any desire to return home with you?”

“Who cares what she wants!” she wails. “She’s my daughter, I decide what’s best for her.”

“No,” he says. “You don’t. You emancipated her, my husband and I adopted her.  _ We _ —”

“Husband? You mean to tell me my daughter went to a pair of—”

“I  _ highly _ advise you don’t finish that sentence,” he growls. She shrinks back. He pulls out his walkie-talkie. “McCloud? I’ve got everything under control in here, don’t worry. It was just a mix up. Listen, Hana and Satya are in here, can you give them a ride back home? I’ll be out soon. Thanks.” He turns to his daughters. “The cruiser’s right outside, McCloud’s gonna drive you home. I’ll meet you there.”

Hana nods, grateful to be out. She gives her dad one last hug before practically running away.

“Mrs. Vaswani,” he says once they’re outside.

“Yes?” she glares.

“Go home.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re free to go. Please, do not bother my family ever again.”

“ _ Your _ family? I’ll remind you—”

“Please don’t,” he says. “You’ve harassed me and my daughters enough. I’m doing you a favor letting you walk away from this, and I urge you to take it.”

She glowers at him as she leaves. “This isn’t over. I can sue you,” she says.

“You certainly can. Goodbye, Mrs. Vaswani.”

“Well, glad that’s over with,” the ranger says. “Could’ve gotten bad, thanks for your help. Have a nice day now.”

“Oh, I’m not done with you yet,” he says.

“E-excuse me?”

“You detain my daughter with no just cause and separate her from her sister despite I’m sure both were begging for you to keep them together. Tell me, how much do you want your job?”


	27. Some loose ends

11/14/2017

Efi looks down to check her phone only to notice that Hana’s fallen asleep next to her, head resting on her arms. She can’t blame her, Ethan Frome was a sinfully boring book and the movie’s somehow even worse, but she lightly shakes her regardless. Her eyes blink open, and she angles her head to look at Efi. After remembering she’s in English class watching Ethan Frome, she closes her eyes again and quickly falls back asleep. Efi rubs her back and lets her be.

“Everything alright?” she asks on the way to lunch. Hana shakes her head, still rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “Did you sleep at all?”

“Seven hours since Saturday.”

“Hana, what the fuck?”

“Eight if you count English.”

“Okay, you’re going to the nurse.”

“I have a test…” she briefly tries to protest. “Okay.”

“Nightmares again?” she asks.

“Worse than ever.” It’s not just dying anymore. After seeing Satya’s mother for herself, she’s been able to put a face to all the horror stories and nightmares Satya’s been telling her, making it ever easier for her brain to make her relive them. The fear of what might’ve happened to Satya doesn’t help either, and when she isn’t facing down Mrs. Vaswani herself she’s either immobile as her little sister’s taken away or forced to listen as her cries for help are sampled in endless horrifying contexts.

And when she’s not jolting awake covered in sweat, she’s torn from her sleep by Satya’s shrieking. Neither of them have had nightmares this bad since August, but Mrs. Vaswani’s attempted kidnapping brought them back full force. They’d been sleeping in the same bed since Satya woke up crying uncontrollably at 3 on Saturday morning, hoping each others’ presence would soothe them, but it hasn’t helped any.

She barely realizes when they arrive at the nurse’s office. “What’s wrong, girls?”

“She needs to lie down,” Efi says. Hana nods. “Might have to go home later. She hasn’t been sleeping.”

“Thanks,” Hana whispers. Efi nods.

“Alright, right this way dear,” the kindly old nurse leads her to the beds in the next room.

 

“Your dad hasn’t asked about me, has he?” Jesse asks. He and Hanzo are the only ones at the table at the moment, but they’ve claimed it in the name of siblings, friends, cousin, and new girl.

“Nope,” Hanzo grins. “We’re free.”

“Thank God.”

“That was some good thinking on your part.”

“Man, I’m still shaking. You’re dads a creepy dude.”

“You’re preaching to the choir.”

Jesse waves Brigitte over when he sees her looking around, half lost. She smiles in recognition and strides over to them.

Fareeha walks up next to Sombra in the pizza line. “Hey,” she mutters. “You have tampons? Angie’s out.”

She shakes her head. “Don’t bleed,” she whispers back. “Try the nurse.”

“Oh yeah, I guess you wouldn’t. Lucky.”

_ Not really _ , she wants to say back, but Fareeha’s already thanked her for the suggestion and started towards the nurse’s office. She sighs, she supposes her cousin wouldn’t understand anyway. Most women hate their periods, but for her it’s just another thing she’ll probably never have, a monthly reminder that her soul was born into the wrong body.

“What can I get you?” the lunch lady asks.

“Just a water.” She’s lost her appetite.

 

Hana had fallen asleep seconds after hitting the bed in the nurse’s office, but she’s no safer there than in her own bed. She’s in a house she imagines is Satya’s that she probably saw in some horror movie somewhere. Her cheeks are bleeding and her ribs are broken, and she can’t seem to get off the couch. The door flies open and a large faceless man drags Satya through the door.

“Hana!” she shouts. “Hana, help!” Hana tries to push herself up, but she’s completely immobile. Her eyes follow her as she’s dragged out of sight and into the kitchen, shrieking.

“Hana help me!” Hana struggles and strains, but she’s thoroughly immobilized. Her heart wrenches as her calls for help are replaced by shrieks of fear and agony. Salty tears roll down into the gashes on her cheeks and sobs punch brutally at her ribs as she’s forced to listen to her

little sister once again begging for help she can’t provide.

 

Her eyes open and she’s in the nurse’s office being shaken awake. “Hana… Hana!”

She wipes her red-rimmed eyes and sees it’s her cousin. “Fareeha?”

“Hana, are you alright? What’s wrong?”

“I was,” she sniffs, “I was just trying to sleep.” Her throat’s still half-closed.

“Why were you crying?”

“Nightmare… I’ve been having them nonstop for the past couple nights.” She rubs her face in her hands, trying to rub the dream away. It’s already fading, but the shattering hopelessness still lingers.

“You tell your dads yet?”

“I’m gonna once they figure out everything with Jesse’s arm… maybe I’ll just steal dad’s sleeping pills again.”

She crosses her arms and gives Hana a strict glare she didn’t think herself capable of. “You will  _ not _ .”

“Jeez, why are  _ you _ suddenly enforcing the rules?”

“Because it’s important, Hana. I’m all for having a good time until someone gets hurt.”

“Is this you or Angela talking?”

She sighs. “Fine. If you’re gonna be like this about it…”

“No, no, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Fareeha sits down next to her. “Oh God… I just wish it was over already. I’m so tired of all the nightmares and the anxiety and seeing Satya so upset and putting my dads through everything…”

“Pretending it’s not happening isn’t gonna make it go away faster, Hana.”

“Yeah.” She stretches out her legs. “Guess I should go to history… or is it still lunch?”

“You’re going  _ home _ , Hana.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a shorter chapter this time, but next up is a big Thanksgiving Weekend chapter where I'm trying to include *just about* everyone, and I just wanted to tie up some loose ends before getting started. Place your bets on what plot twists or reveals or other shenaniganry we'll be seeing. 
> 
> Also, the semester ends in two and a half weeks so I think I'll be getting back to a more consistent upload schedule soon!


	28. Thanksgiving, part one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALS FINALLY OVER, LONGEST CHAPTER YET TO CELEBRATE!

11/22/2017

At Jesse’s request, his friends meet him at the pizzeria once they get out of school the day before Thanksgiving. The corners of his mouth are tilting up with anticipation when he sees them arrive, and he waits impatiently for them to order before joining him.

“So why weren’t you in this week?” Lena asks. “You’re not sick, are ya?”

“Off the radar, too,” Emily adds. “Haven’t heard anything from you.”

“Well, you see my, dads have a running count of how long they’ve had all four kids in school at the same time, and I just had this urge to reset the counter,” he grins.

“I think I know what it actually is,” Angela says.

“Yeah, well, no spoiling the surprise. I wanna show everyone at once… is Fareeha here?”

“Detention,” Emily says.

“Oh, for real?” he laughs. “Couldn’t even go half a week?”

“Well, this was just for being late too much.”

Amelie slides in at the edge of the table. “Alright, Jess, what’s so important?”

“Glad you asked.” He unzips his jacket, pulls out his right arm first, and in one swift motion removes the other and takes off the glove. “It is with great pleasure that I announce that I’m officially,” he lays his metal arm on the table, “a cyborg!” It’s sleek and silver, starting just below his elbow. The curved plates emulating the shape of his forearm have visible seams between them, further giving a sense of artificiality. The knuckle joints are painted in gold.

“Woah.”

“Holy shit.”

“Can I touch it?” Emily asks.

“Of course.” It’s cool to the touch and incredibly smooth.

“Is it fully functioning?” Angela asks, clearly fascinated. “Like, can it do everything a normal hand can do?”

“Well, as soon as I get used to it, yeah. There’s some stuff I have to retrain, but give me a little bit and I’ll be back up to normal.”

“Can we arm wrestle?” Amelie asks.

“Oh, of  _ course _ ,” he puts his arm into the ready position. “Let me know if I’m squeezing too hard, having a bit of trouble getting used to that.”

She meets his hand, and beats him in a matter of seconds. “Looks like you’re no iron man,” she smirks.

“Not yet, anyhow.”

“Satya’s getting one too at some point, isn’t she?” Angela asks.

“Eventually, yeah. It’s gonna be a while though, they won’t give her one she’s just going to outgrow in a few years.” He finishes the last bite of his pizza. “Anyone want to go to my house and play some games? Help me take this thing for a test drive?”

“Can’t,” Amelie says. “Gotta be home by 1:30 to meet my sister at the airport.”

“Yeah, and I’m supposed to be home… now,” Emily says. “Have a good break, though,” she says, climbing over Lena to get out of the booth.

“See ya.” Jesse says.

“I’ll go,” Lena offers.

“Relatives are coming over soon, so…” Angela starts, “please keep me as long as you can.”

He grins in response. “Not a fan?”

“Uncle wears a MAGA hat and grandma has an NRA membership.”

“Want me to throw rocks at their cars?” Lena asks.

She chuckles. “I’ll let you know.”

 

“Hey Hana,” Jesse asks, “wanna play Double Dash with us?”

“No,” she sighs. “Just rather… I kinda have to…” she gestures halfheartedly towards her room, “yeah.” She retreats.

“Is she alright?” Lena asks.

“She’s… going through a rough spot. She’ll get through it, she’s a trooper.” He looks around, trying to see who else is home. “Sombra?” he calls.

“Yeah?” she answers from another room.

“We’re gonna play Double Dash, come join us.”

She peeks out of the bathroom, a plastic shower cap covering her bleach-coated hair. “Alright, I need to kill half an hour.”

“Ooh, are you redyeing?” Angela asks as Jesse gathers the controllers.

“Mhm, it was fading out.”

“Purple again?”

“Hell yeah. A little lighter this time, I think.”

“Angie, you should dye your hair!” Fareeha says.

“Really?”

“Yeah! Maybe just a few streaks of pink or blue. Or maybe purple, like hers.”

“Are you suggesting she dye the bisexual pride flag into her hair?” Jesse asks, shuffling through the once-organized disc collection. “Because if so, I second.”

“Maybe just some highlights,” she considers. “If only my redneck relatives had any idea what it meant, it would drive them nuts.”

“Oh God, Thanksgiving with the rednecks?” Sombra asks.

“Yep,” she half-sighs as Jesse hands out controllers. “Kill me.”

“Can we ask your dads if we can bring dates?” Fareeha asks. “Cause then we can save Angie by bringing her here, and I don’t think Hanzo would be doing anything because he’s Japanese, and… well, I know basically nothing about Lucio, but it’s worth a shot, isn’t it?”   
“We can try, I guess, not sure if they’ll go for it.”

“Parents wouldn’t let me anyway,” Angela says. “Already tried getting out of it. Me and Fareeha against you and Sombra?”

“Of course,” Jesse says. He turns to his sister. “You driving?”

“No way I’m letting you do it.” She picks Toadette, then turns to address the blonde girl. “We’ll ask dads anyway, Angela, you deserve a much better Thanksgiving than that.”

“Thank you. Jesse, you wanna pick a character anytime soon?”

“I’m trying,” he says, his new thumb stubbornly refusing to move the analog stick off of Mario’s portrait. He uses his right hand to select Waluigi while wiggling the prosthetic fingers.

“This is gonna go well,” Sombra mutters.

 

Half an hour later, Hana emerges from her room, white as a corpse and not looking much healthier. She seems to stare through the wall, and walks like she’s afraid of falling through the floor.

“Are you alright?” Sombra asks. Jesse pauses the game as everyone looks to confirm that Hana’s ok.

She nods, the only indication that she even heard what she said. After crashing softly on the couch, she takes the blanket draped over the back and wraps it around herself, and only then do they realize that she’s shivering.

“Did something happen?” Jesse asks.

“M-my therapist had me record myself recounting the accident in a lot of detail, and told me I had to listen to it at some point over the week.”

“What the fuck?” Fareeha asks. “Why?”

“Exposure therapy, I assume,” Angela says. “Recall everything about the traumatic incident in nonthreatening situations, typically while engaging in anxiety-reducing behaviors, and eventually it becomes more boring than traumatic.” Jesse can’t help but wonder if she’s been spending her spare time memorizing textbooks.

“Yeah, that’s it,” Hana says. “It’s the first time I’m listening to it, and it was really freaking me out.” The words sound like they had to be shaken out of her, lost of all stability.

“Wanna play for me? Maybe try to distract yourself?” Sombra asks. “I need to put the dye in soon anyway.”

She shakes her head. There’s a sort of cold light behind her eyes.

“Are you gonna be okay?” Angela asks.

“Yeah. Is Satya back yet?”

“Still with dad,” Jesse says. “Anything you do want to play? We can switch.”

“I’ll just watch.” She pulls her headphones back onto her head and finds one of the  _ chill game music for studying _ videos to calm her down.

 

Unbeknownst to either of them, Hana and Amelie end up listening to part of the  _ Breath of the Wild _ soundtrack at the same time: Hana after calming down enough to start working on homework, and Amelie while playing the game on the way back from the airport. She’s next to her older sister Kathryn, seeing her for the first time since she’d gotten pregnant. Kathryn’s husband Elias is on the other side of her, less entranced by the visible baby bump than his wife, who has her hands protectively over her stomach. She swears she felt the first kick about a week before, and she hopes to feel another as soon as possible.

Her phone, resting on her leg, buzzes and lights up, as does Kathryn’s. It’s her brother Damien texting the family group chat that only gets active around the holidays. He and his fiancée Olivia just crossed over state lines with one set of cousins. By that evening, Amelie’s grandparents will be hosting three children and six grandchildren for the rest of the weekend. It’s times like these that she’s glad she opted to get a Switch and nothing else for her birthday.

Her phone buzzes again, this time from a much preferred group chat.

 

_ :b:rincipal :b:aplan’s :b:angels adventure squad --(Amelie, Emily, Jesse, Lena) --Active two weeks ago _

_ Lena: Wait Amelie, where’s your grandparents house again? _

_ Lena: It’s pretty close, right? _

_ Amelie: 20 minute drive away _

_ Lena: In the same general direction of the old warehouse? _

_ Amelie: Kinda?? _

_ Amelie: We going? _

_ Jesse: Yes _

_ Jesse: Also _

_ Jesse Reyes-Morrison added Angela Ziegler _

_ Jesse: We’re keeping her for the weekend _

_ Angela: “Kaplan’s Angels”?? _

_ Amelie: Don’t ask _

_ Amelie: But if we’re doing anything just give me a heads up, I’m at grandparents house all weekend but I don’t think I’m doing too much I can’t get out of _

_ Amelie: Besides dinner tomorrow of course lol _

 

“So Amelie,” her brother-in-law breaks her out of her reverie. “How’s school?”

“It’s alright,” she says. “How’s work?”

“Fine,” he nods. He looks to his wife, hoping she can help the conversation along, but she’s fallen asleep.

“You, uh… looking at colleges?”

“I’m a sophomore.”

“Right, right.”

She tries not to sigh and wonders how long an awkward silence has to be before she can justify going back to her game. It’s going to be a long weekend.

 

Hana wakes up early the next morning, the sun only just breaking over the horizon. The few birds that hadn’t gotten the “winter is coming” memo chirp happily outside, and Satya’s peacefully asleep in the bed next to her. Sleep tugs her eyes back shut, but consciousness beckons and doesn’t let her drift back off. She lies in bed for half an hour, telling herself she can sleep for another four or five hours if she wants and that there’s no need to be up so early, but she stays stubbornly awake.

_ Fuck it, _ she thinks, and pulls herself up. Her headphones are on her head and blasting loud rock to wake her up by the time she’s in the kitchen getting coffee.

Jack looks understandably surprised to see her downstairs. “Morning,” he says.

“Hi.” He’s wearing gray slacks and a white button up shirt, and a tie she doesn’t think she’s seen him wear before. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Just for a bit. I’ll be back soon.”

“Where?”

“Visit my parents’ grave,” he says. “Do it every Thanksgiving morning.”

“Really?” She takes a tentative sip, but it’s still hot.

“Yeah. Usually go before you kids wake up.”

“Can I go with you?”

“You want to?”

She nods, getting up to put the rest of her coffee in a travel mug. He waits for her to get dressed, and ten minutes later they’ve pulled up in front of the Amari house. Reinhardt walks out to join them, massive shoulders squeezed into a white dress shirt.

“Ah, hello, Hana. Wasn’t expecting you.”

“Morning,” she says.

She’s visited her grandparents’ grave before, every year around the holidays with the rest of her family. It’s different this time, alone with just her dad and her uncle, the cool gray morning above them. The grass is still damp and the air seems to weigh heavier on her shoulders.

“They would’ve loved you,” Reinhardt says. “All of you.”

“Where do you think they are?” she asks.

“Wherever they want to be. Heaven, Valhalla, the Elysium… reincarnated and living happily in Paris… I’m sure they’re together.” She smiles a little at his idealism.

“Dad? What about you?”

“When I was your age, I probably would’ve said ‘nowhere’. Now…” he shakes his head. “I don’t know. But they’re somewhere.”

She’s seen old pictures of them, but it’s hard to recall their faces. “What did they do?”

“He was an accountant,” Jack says, “she stayed at home and raised us.”

A picture flashes into her memory, a simple black and white picture of the two of them in their thirties. They seem so plain, so ordinary, not like the kind of people that would raise two soldiers. Not like the kind of people whose sons would go on to adopt four children or go to trade school for blacksmithing of all things.

“You look surprised,” Reinhardt says. His booming voice sounds odd when he brings it down to a near whisper.

“A little,” she says. “It just… neither of you seem like you were raised by an accountant.”

“What would you guess?”

“Um… Stan Lee.”

Both men chuckle. “Stan Lee?” Reinhardt asks.

“I don’t know, some kinda… superhero genius or something.”

“Probably end up with Captain America as your dad instead of old me,” Jack laughs.

“Nah, you’re way better.”

“I’d rather have Captain America,” Reinhardt grins.

“And I must say, you’re really half-assing the Hulk look when your skin isn’t green.”

“Point taken. Shall we head home? Ana will be waking up soon.”

“Yeah, it’s about time,” he nods. “Mom, dad, see you at the holidays.”

“Happy Thanksgiving,” Reinhardt says.

“Nice seeing you,” Hana says. “Thanks for being an accountant.”

 

Angela’s reminder alarm goes off at ten forty five. She has fifteen minutes before her relatives are supposed to arrive, so it’s time for her to head out. She may have to have dinner with them, but that doesn’t mean she has to do anything else. Her eyes dart through her shirt drawer, finding the one that has the greatest potential to piss them off.

_ No human is illegal _ , that’ll work. She pulls it on, then finishes getting dressed and runs downstairs.

“Nope,” her mom says. “Go change.”

“Excuse me?”

She sighs. “You know who’s coming over. Do you want to start a fight?”

_ Well, in theory… _ “Fine.” She runs back upstairs.

What else… most of them are plain or otherwise inoffensive, but she has to have something… here we go. An eagle holding a pride flag with a  _ love wins _ banner underneath, which she’d gotten that June after gay marriage was legalized nationwide. She casts off the other shirt and replaces it with the gayer one, shouts goodbye to her mom, and makes it out the house five minutes before her relatives arrive.

_ Now… where to go. _ It’s unseasonably nice, so maybe she could go to the park. Maybe she could check if the school’s unlocked, but exploring abandoned buildings is a lot more fun with friends. Pretty much every store is closed, so that’s not an option. Fareeha’s probably with her cousins already, or at least on her way there.

The tops of buildings over the trees catch her eyes, and without a second thought she starts walking towards the city. Part of Oasis campus lies on the boundary between her town and the big city, and maybe it’s about time she takes her own little tour.

 

“You ever read  _ The Once and Future King _ ?” Jesse asks, waiting for the water to boil.

“I think we read the first part in English,” Fareeha answers, fumbling through a cabinet looking for a rolling pin.

“You remember that part where—”

“We read it in English, Jesse, I remember none of it.” She finds the rolling pin, and starts smashing hardened bread into breadcrumbs.

“We usually put the bread in a big plastic bag first so it doesn’t go everywhere,” he says, a couple seconds too late.

“That would’ve been nice to know a little earlier.”

“It’s funnier this way.” He passes her a quart-sized ziploc back for her to finish up in. “Anyway, you ever notice that Link in Ocarina of Time is basically King Arthur?”

“Because he pulls a sword out of a rock?”

“Well, kinda, but also he’s an orphan raised by a wise, magical being, he learns important lessons from other species, he—”

“Jesse, I skimmed the sparknotes for that book a year ago, I don’t have the slightest idea what you’re talking about.”

“You’re missing out. Also your butter’s melted over here.”

“Can you finish this up for me?”

“Sure.” They switch places, he takes up the rolling pin and she pours chopped celery and onions into the buttered pan.

“What’s also weird is how in  _ Sir Gawain _ —”

“This is your new obsession? Arthurian legend?”

“I don’t like westerns anymore, I had to find  _ something  _ else.”

“Can’t you just play  _ Siege _ like a normal person?”

“Be nice, you’re stuck in this kitchen with me for another three hours.” Once he finishes crushing the bread, he fills his pot with quartered potatoes.

“Fine, fine,” she stirs the vegetables. “This look done?”

“Not even close.” She sighs and keeps stirring.

“Hey,” she says a couple seconds later. “Have you—”

“Morning!” Gabe says, walking in with pie crusts from his bakery.

“Morning,” Fareeha answers.

“Hey,” Jesse says. “What?” he whispers to her.

“Later.”

“So Fareeha, decided on a school yet?” her uncle asks.

“Not yet.” In truth, she hadn’t decided if she was going to school at all.

“Just come to Oasis with the rest of us,” Jesse says. “I mean, our school basically funnels people there, you can either live at home or commute, it’s huge, not to mention your mom works there so I’m pretty sure you—”

“It’s  _ right here _ though. Like, what if I want to go across the country, or, or travel abroad? I applied to, like, two dozen schools, and maybe ten of them are in the US,” her speech is starting to get frenzied, “and I don’t even know  _ why _ because I don’t know if I want to go to any of them at all, or if I want to join the military, or go to trade school, or… or… are there any other options?”

“Gap year, low-paying job right out of high school, career in the arts, marry rich,” Jesse lists off.

“Go to community college for a year or two and decide whether you want to transfer to another school once you figure it out,” Gabe says, more authoritative than Jesse’s listing of random options but not in such a way that he’s telling her what to do.

“People do that?” she asks. She gets Jesse’s attention and points to the pot. He shakes his head.

“Plenty,” Gabe answers. “And who knows, maybe once you start getting acceptance letters you’ll discover that one of them is your dream school, but there’s nothing wrong with spending a year or two at community college if that’s what you need.” He finishes slicing up apples and puts them in a bowl, then starts pouring in sugar, nutmeg, cinnamon. “It’s not what school you start at that matters, it’s where you finish.”

“Has Angela decided on a school yet?” Jesse asks.

“No,” she realizes. “I guess she’s waiting to see which Ivy Leagues she gets accepted into.”

“She might just end up going to Oasis for undergrad then go to med school somewhere else,” Jesse says.

“Really?” she’s surprised to find her heart fluttering so much at the news.

“Well, I’m not completely sure, but there’s a good chance. They’ve got a good pre-med program, and she could live on campus and walk home whenever. She’d probably love it there. You’re overcooking your vegetables, by the way.”

“And about the military thing,” Gabe says. “If you’re not one hundred percent certain you want to do it, you’ll probably hate it. Knew plenty of guys who just did it because they didn’t know what else to do. Some of them grew to love it, a lot of them didn’t.” He splits up his pie filling into two crusts, and starts covering them.”

She nods, realizing that she was only considering it because both her parents did it. She dumps the vegetables into a colander and starts mixing the crushed bread with eggs and broth. “Jesse, I assume you’re going to Oasis?”

“Thinking about it. Guess now that this whole cowboy thing fell through a couple months ago I should probably figure out another plan.”

“And, uh, what happened with that whole cowboy thing, anyway?”

“Well, it turns out they don’t do that anymore,” he skirts around the real answer. “You know they’re calling the frontier stuff like ‘Oklahoma’ and ‘Kansas’ now?”

She turns to Gabe. “Do you tell him this stuff? Where’s he get it from?”

“Don’t have the slightest idea,” he laughs, starting to cut holes in the pie crust. “Alright, I need to run back to the bakery for a bit, can you two put these in the oven?”

“Course.”

“Take them out if I’m not back in twenty.”

“Got it.”

Fareeha watches him walk away, and waits to hear the door close before she starts talking again. “Have you and Hanzo ever… done anything?”

“Done anything? You know, I’m an old fashioned kinda guy—”

“Seriously, Jesse, why do you do this?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Well, you two have been going out, like, a month, month and a half longer than we have, and we haven’t really gone past making out, and I was curious if maybe we should’ve gone further by now.”

“It’s not a race,” he says. “Why, do you want to?”

“Yeah, I really like her.”

“‘Really like’, or…”

“I…” she doesn’t continue, silently mixing the stuffing.

“Is that a ‘no’, or ‘don’t know’?”

“Don’t know.”

“Well, figure that out first. Then talk to her. And don’t get her pregnant.”

“Yeah, I’ll try.”

 

Amelie wakes up a little after eight when Kathryn gets morning sickness and has to sprint to the bathroom. They’re sharing a room with their cousin Charlotte, who’s the only one other than Amelie still in high school, and her soon-to-be sister in law Olivia. She and Charlotte take the floor, as Kathryn had to take the futon and both Amelie’s and Charlotte’s parents told them they had to let Olivia sleep in the chair.

The floor’s too uncomfortable to try to keep sleeping on, and she starts to get up. Her neck’s stiff and her arm’s asleep, and Kathryn returns while she’s trying to shake herself back to normal.

“Morning,” she whispers, closing the door behind her.

“Happy Thanksgiving.” They’re in the top floor of grandparents’ house, where heat rises and the air conditioning doesn’t work very well. Her sweatpants stick uncomfortably to her legs.

Kathryn sits down on the bed, hands defaulting to her stomach. “You want to feel?”

“Sure.” Amelie puts her hand over her sister’s bump. “Have they been kicking?”

“Not since before we left. I’ll let you know when she does.” Their voices are hushed so they don’t wake up the other girls in the room.

“It’s a she?”

“Don’t know. She just feels like a she, you know?” Amelie doesn’t want to admit that she doesn’t really feel anything. “Mmm… you’re gonna love this when it happens to you.”

“I don’t really know if I want it,” she says, pulling her hands back towards her.

“Really? It’s so wonderful.” She leans against the back of the couch and stretches her legs.

Amelie chooses not to mention the fact that the baby just woke her up early and made her throw up. “Just don’t see myself raising a kid is all.”

“Well, you’re young.”

She looks away so Kathryn doesn’t see her roll her eyes. “You need anything?”

“No, thanks. Just want some rest.”

Amelie grabs her switch and goes downstairs to find something to eat. Her cousin Thomas comes down fifteen minutes later to find her curled up on the couch with a cup of coffee. “Morning.”

“Hey.” She takes one of the headphones off her ear.

“What’re you playing?”

“ _ Doom _ .”

He looks at the screen. “That… looks violent.”

“Yeah, sweet little Nintendo’s really growing up. It’s like meeting that sweet, innocent childhood friend and finding out she became a bartender at a strip club.”

“Um… okay,” he shifts uncomfortably. She tries not to giggle. “I’ll talk to you later.”

 

_ Bun: Happy Thanksgiving! _

_ Bun: Any big plans? _

_ DJ Frog: Hey! _

_ DJ Frog: Got a couple cousins coming over _

_ DJ Frog: Haven’t seen them for a long time so I’m pretty excited. _

_ DJ Frog: You? _

_ Bun: Hanging out at home w/ cousins _

_ Bun: Wish you could come _

_ DJ Frog: Yeah, me too ): _

_ DJ Frog: Definitely gonna see you over the weekend, though! _

_ Bun: Yay! _

 

As Angela expected, the campus is mostly empty and just about everything is closed. This particular campus is built into the city, so a few cars still drive down the main road, but very few students wander about. She checks the student center first, but it’s locked.

A few minutes later, she finds herself in a field surrounded by classroom buildings. There’s a small art museum in one corner and a tall building full of lecture halls across the street. Trees that bloom pink in the spring dot the field, benches placed around the larger ones. It looks lonely without students studying or playing frisbee over it, like it’s waiting for them to come back.

Only one of the classroom halls is unlocked, a wide brick building that looks like a small school. It looks like a high school on the inside, with rows of classrooms, hallways that would probably be brightly lit when all the lights are turned on, bulletin boards, stairwells. With nothing especially interesting on the first floor, she goes up the stairs. There’s a comfortable couch and a charging station on the next, but other than that it’s the same as the first.

The third floor has only two classrooms. One of them’s unlocked, and it’s built like a lecture hall with raised seating but it’s the size of the classroom. She draws a heart on the chalkboard and walks back downstairs, this time finding the stairs to the basement.

She expects it to be locked, but down two oddly-placed flights of stairs she finds another set of classrooms. There’s a billboard for the “Oasis Writer’s House” and posters for events hosting authors who graduated from Oasis. The three classrooms that she assumes are for creative writing look like the most depressing rooms ever, only one of them even has a window and it faces a brick wall about two feet away. The next room is slightly more inviting, with comfy furniture and a few bookshelves. It’s marked  _ Writer’s Lounge _ on the door, and she lets herself in.

She’s looking through the bookshelves when her phone buzzes.

_ Mom: Where are you?? _

_ Mom: Your grandparents got here an hour ago _

_ Angela: I went out for a walk, I’ll be back later. _

_ Mom: We’re eating at five. _

_ Mom: Be back by then. _

She’s tempted to ask what would happen if she’s not, but she doesn’t want to push it.

Past the lounge is a maze of classrooms and offices. This part of the building looks like it had a different architect than the upper levels, one who might’ve been on some stuff when he was designing it. She keeps finding herself by some “Jen Cohn”’s office, with no path leading away.

_ Looks like I’ll be going to Oasis after all, _ she thinks to herself,  _ because I can’t seem to leave it. _

She can’t find her way back to the writer’s corner or the stairwell, but after enough wandering she comes across a door leading to the outside. It takes her to a parking lot at the back of the building, and after looking again at the size of the place, she cannot imagine how she possibly could’ve gotten lost in it.

 

Hanzo knocks on Genji’s door in the early afternoon. “You awake?”

“I am now.”

“I just looked it up, there’s an H Mart about ten minutes away that’s still open today. We can… I don’t know, get some kind of a Thanksgiving dinner.”

“Sounds good, just let me get dressed.” Hanzo waits outside for a few minutes before he comes out.

“Jeez, you look miserable,” he says.

“Can you blame me? On top of it being exactly two months before our birthday, my boyfriend’s been gone all week, when I finally could’ve seen him yesterday afternoon we had to stay here, and it’s our third Thanksgiving in the country and we don’t get to spend it with anyone.”

They start to walk down the stairs. “Maybe by next year we’ll—”

“Please. Why would next year be any better than this? We’ll be running and hiding from our own family, even more alone than ever.”

“You’re pleasant in the morning.”

“It’s almost one,” he mutters as they turn into the garage.

“My point is, we’ve already been dealt our hand. You can complain about your cards, accept your defeat, and not even try, or you can play the game.”

“Play the game? Is this a game to you?”

“It’s a metaphor! Pessimism and misery aren’t going to help us here,” he argues as they climb into the car. “Assuming the worst isn’t going to do either of us any favors.”

“So what do you think, just pretending like everything will go perfectly will make it so?”

“No, it probably won’t make a difference, but at least we’ll be less miserable along the way!” They start to pull out of the garage. “What are  _ you _ complaining about, anyway? If it comes down to it you can always join the military, they’d never let me in.”

“That IS why I’m complaining! Before that damn crash, the military was our easiest way out, and now it’s gone!”

“But you can still—”

“I’m not leaving you behind, are you crazy?”

“Oh,” he says.

“What, did you really think I’d run off to the military and let you try to fend for yourself?”

“Well… you could’ve…”

Hanzo shakes his head. “Father really messed you up.”

 

“Emily! Liam! Jake! Dinner!” their dad calls. The three of them leave their respective rooms to join the rest of their family at the table. Emily’s the middle child, with Liam and Colin two and three years younger than her and Jake and Adam both three years older. The five of them and their parents are soon around gathered around the table with their father cutting into the turkey.

“So Jake,” their mom starts, “still looking for a job?”

“Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, still looking.” He stays focused on the piece of turkey he’s cutting into.

“You’re majoring in anatomy, man, people should just be throwing money at you,” Adam says, trying his best not to smile. Jake shoots him a look. Emily makes a mental note to ask him what’s going on.

“Not necessarily,” their dad says, “and especially not while he’s an undergrad. Look into internships, though.”

“Thanks, I’ll do that.” Adam tries not to laugh.

“What’s funny?” Colin asks.

“Nothing,” he says. Jake looks ready to throttle him.

“Anyway,” Emily says. “How are classes?”

“Me or him?” Adam asks.

“Either one.”

“Well, econ is super boring, but everything else is alright. What about you, Jake, anything exciting?”

“Nope, no, nothing exciting, everything’s just plain ordinary.” He starts stuffing his mouth with mashed potatoes.

“Oh, dad,” Liam says. “Britney’s having a party tomorrow night, can I go?”

“I don’t know,” he says, “What’s your grade in English?”

“Yeah, okay,” Liam mutters, defeated.

“You’ve got to learn to be responsible,” he continues. Emily tries not to sigh and exchanges uncomfortable looks with her brothers. “You don’t do your work, and that doesn’t slide in the real world! What’s the problem, do you not know how or do you not try?”

“I don’t know.”

“You see, that’s not an answer. If you don’t know what the problem is, how are you gonna solve it?”

“Sorry.” He’s staring through the table as if he’s trying to teleport underneath it to hide.

“What are you gonna do in college, hm? You’re in a lecture hall of hundreds of people, your professor doesn’t even know your name, your professor couldn’t even help you if he wanted to! Well?”

“I don’t know.” He’s almost twitching in his seat. Emily tries to give him a sympathetic look, but he’s just glaring at her.

“And what about when you get a job? No one would hire a—”

“Emily has a girlfriend!” he shouts, taking the first opportunity to get the attention off him.

“What?” someone asks. She can’t tell who, it was probably more than one person. Her face burns and one of her hands starts tingling as if it’s falling asleep. Everyone’s eyes stare at her, and before she knows what she’s doing, she’s standing up and running to her room.

“Emily?” Jake asks, but it’s too late, she’s halfway up the stairs.

“Emily!” her dad shouts, but it’s too late, she’s locked herself in her room.

 

Around the same time, Amelie and her cousins are sitting down for dinner. She sits between Charlotte and their grandfather, and across from Kathryn. They pass bowls and platters down the long table, everyone piling their plates with whatever they can get their hands on.

“Before we start,” their grandmother says. Charlotte turns to Amelie with a faux-guilty look on her face, mouth already stuffed with turkey. Amelie tries not to giggle. “I’d like to raise a toast to Kathryn and Elias. By this time next year we’ll have a newcomer at the table, and I’m certain we’re all very excited.” Kathryn beams, glowing with happiness. “Also,” she continues, to Charlotte’s dismay, “to Damien and Olivia, best of luck on your future marriage.”

“Thanks, grandma,” Damien says.

Once everyone clinks glasses with anyone within arm’s length, they can finally start eating.

“So Thomas,” Amelie’s mother addresses her nephew. “Are you going to be popping the question anytime soon?”

“Um…” he says, visibly made uncomfortable. “Yeah, soon, yeah.”

“Seth? What about you?”

He looks up, confused. “We’ve been going out for six months.”

“Mmm,” she nods. Seth waits for her elaboration but doesn’t get it.

“Hey Amelie,” Charlotte says, “did you get the new  _ Battlefront _ ?”

“Ew, no. After the whole ‘pride and accomplishment’ thing I got the 2005 one.”

“Ooh, I should get that,” she says.

“It was a good one,” Elias says a nostalgic smile on his face. “Still remember getting that when it came out.”

“You like video games?” Amelie asks, hoping she has  _ something _ in common with her sister’s husband.

“Used to, I guess I kind of grew out of it.”

“Oh.”

“Did you get  _ Ultra Sun _ or  _ Ultra Moon _ ?” Charlotte moves on.

“Well, I got  _ Ultra Sun _ ,” she starts.

“Perfect, I got  _ Moon _ !”

“Well, no, because I can’t find my 3DS anywhere…”

“Oh.”

“Did you get a Switch yet?”

“No, not yet.”

Amelie nods, and both girls return to stuffing their faces.

“So Damien,” his mother swoops in, “are you and Olivia giving us grandchildren soon?”

“Mom, we’re not even married yet, we can worry about that later.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll be patient,” she says, taking a sip of wine, “I just want lots of little grandbabies.”

“Well, actually,” Olivia says. “Damien and I decided we probably won’t be doing that.”

“You… you won’t?”

“Yeah,” he says, avoiding eye contact. “We talked about it a little before we got engaged, and we know how expensive having kids is, and we decided we’d rather save the money and, you know, travel a bit, maybe retire early.”

“But don’t you want kids?” his grandmother asks.

“Well, I was always willing to have kids,” he tries to explain, “but I’ll be just as happy without them.”

“I can’t believe I’m not getting any grandkids,” his mom slips into melodrama.

“Uh, hello??” Kathryn says, making a disgusted face when her mom waves her off dismissively.

“You know, I bet we could get away with anything right now and they wouldn’t notice,” Charlotte whispers.

“It’s because of her, isn’t it?” she points to Olivia.

“Hey!”

“Don’t worry mom, I’m pregnant,” Amelie grins.

“Don’t blame her!” Damien shouts.

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“You know that kid Jesse you don’t really like? It’s his.”

“Mom, calm down,” Kathryn joins in. “Elias and I want plenty of kids.”

“He paid me to do it,” Amelie continues. Charlotte’s having a hard time containing herself. Everyone else is too enraptured in the fight to notice.

“And what about the cousins they won’t have?”

“It’s really not your business,” Damien goes on the attack.

“I think he gave me an infection.”

“Not my business?”

“Yes, this is between my wife and I!”

“I don’t know how it happened, I—”

“Amelie, what in God’s name are you talking about?” her mother suddenly turns to her.

She tints pink when all eyes suddenly jump to her. “Just trying to lighten the mood a little.” Charlotte bites her tongue to kill the giggles on the way out of her mouth. It barely works.

 

Angela’s meal isn’t going much better. She’d arrived right at five, and was rushed into a chair next to her mom and across from her grandfather.

“I wished you’d dressed a bit nicer,” is one of the first things he said to her. “This is a family dinner, you could do a bit better than a t-shirt.”

“Sorry, I didn’t realize there was a dress code.”

“What’s it say, anyway?” her grandma asks.

She sits up and straightens it out. “It’s a pride shirt.”   
“Why do you have a shirt like that?”

“I’m bisexual, so—”

“You’re what?” her aunt asks.

“Bisexual, it means I’m attracted to boys and girls.”

“It’s not a real thing,” her uncle says, stabbing his fork into his turkey.

Angela looks at him, disgusted. “Excuse me?”

“If someone says they’re bisexual, they’re either gay and in denial or straight and want to seem special. Usually for girls it’s the first and guys it’s the second.” He glances over at her. “What’s with the face? I’m just telling it like it is.”

“Sweetheart, be nice to her,” her grandma says. “She’s trying to figure out which she is—”

“I’m not trying to figure anything out,” she says, as forceful as she can manage. “I’ve spent plenty of time ‘figuring it out’, and I  _ know _ I’m bi. I don’t need you to tell you what I can or can’t be, okay?”

“I’m just saying, how many ‘bisexual’,” she rolls her eyes as he makes air quotes, “girls do you know?”

“Girls are  _ less _ likely to be lesbian than bi- or pansexual!” she shouts. “There are more—”

“Sweetie, sweetie, lower your voice,” her mom says.

“ _ Pan _ sexual?” her grandpa asks. “What, what the hell is that?”

“Pan, the root word for all-encompassing. It means attracted to all genders.”

“How’s that different from bisexual?”

“Bisexuals are only attracted to two genders,  _ usually _ men and women, pansexuals are attracted to anyone regardless of gender.”

“That’d be the same thing then, wouldn’t it? Who else could you be attracted to other than men and women?”

“Am I about to get the ‘only two genders’ speech?” she asks.

“Well there are!”

“He’s right,” her uncle says. “You’re either male or female, that’s it.”

“There are more than two  _ sexes _ ! There are people born both sets of genitals, there are abnormalities where people are born with two, three,  _ four _ x chromosomes, how can there only be two genders when that’s not even enough for one to be mapped with each sex!”

“So what,” her aunt starts, “you’re only attracted to boys and girls, and the only difference between you and a ‘pansexual’ is that they might be attracted to someone like that?”

“No, because there’s a difference between biological sex and gender identity.”

“No there’s not,” her uncle says, laughing.

“ _ Yes _ , there  _ is _ ,” she says, her teeth almost gritting. “My girlfriend’s cousin—”

“Girlfriend?” her grandpa asks. He turns to his daughter. “You’re letting my granddaughter date a girl?”

“I don’t need—”

“Don’t worry, dad, it’s not going to last.”

“Wha- mom!” she shouts.

“Oh honey, I know you like her, but she’s not right for you. You’re going to be a doctor someday, and she… I’m just afraid she’s going to hold you back.”

“Not to mention,” her uncle says, and Angela knows whatever comes out of his mouth is going to make her want to stab him with the turkey knife, “girl like you needs a man.”

“He’s right, darling, I’ve known you your whole life, I know you’re going to marry a good strong man who can take care of you.”

“Take care of me?? I don’t need  _ anyone _ to take care of me.”

“Honey, sweetie, you’re shouting again.”

“Meant to say something earlier, but we got distracted,” her uncle says. She tries to think of something else distracting before he can talk. “Is there  _ any _ proof that these people you say aren’t men or women  _ actually _ aren’t either?”

“2012 study of a specific subset of bigender people who had alternating gender incongruity,” she recites. She’d heard of the study a few months before, and had been fascinated by it. “Their were neurological differences between people with AGI and people who didn’t.”

“Okay, I only understood half of those words,” he says, dismissive. She supposes that counts as a win, but it sure doesn’t feel like it.

“So those people had some weird brain thing,” her grandpa picks up, “far as I can tell, that doesn’t mean shit.”

“Dad, please,”

“Sorry, sorry. Doesn’t mean squat. If you’re born one way, that’s the way you are.”

“No, because there’s a difference between sex and gender. A good friend of mine is trans, so she—”

“Oh, god, this again,” her aunt says. “Men cannot become women!”

“Actually, she already did. She’s been on estrogen for over two years, looks perfectly feminine, and even had sex reassignment surgery. She’s just as much of a woman as you and me.”

Her grandfather shakes his head. “Nope. Uh-uh. Don’t buy it. If he was born as a man, he’ll always be one.”

“First of all, calling her ‘he’ is  _ incredibly _ disrespectful—”

“It’s just too much to deal with!” her uncle says. “If someone wakes up one day and just decides to be a girl, then I have to remember ‘oh, he’s a she now’, and it’s just too much to deal with.”

“Y—” she can’t even get a word out.

“It’s a delusion, is what it is,” her aunt says. “If a man looks into a mirror and thinks he sees a woman, that’s something he should talk over with a therapist instead of wasting his money trying in vain to turn himself into a woman.”

“Okay, there’s a difference between dysmorphia, which I think is what you’re describing, and dysphoria, which is what most transgender people feel. Looking into a mirror and seeing your body as different than what it is would be dysmorphia, which is common in people with eating disorders. People with dysphoria wouldn’t see anything different in a mirror, they’d feel extremely uncomfortable with what’s there.”

“Look, use as many fancy science words as you want, there’s no such thing as a ‘trans’ person,” her grandpa points his fork at her. “You study science, you should know this!”

“That’s how I know this!” she shouts.

“Do not yell at me! Honey, you have to control your daughter!”

“Angela, can you please—”

She looks down at her almost untouched plate of food. “You know what, no.” She pushes out her chair and stands up, turning towards the back door.

“Angela, where are you going?” her mom asks.

“I’m not hungry right now.” She opens the door.

“Angela, get back here!”

“I’ll see you later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swore to myself I'd reach 70K words by saturday so part 2 should be out REAL soon


	29. The Other Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 11k words in eight days I'm fast as fuck
> 
> Also this is the most lesbian chapter yet so cheers to that

Emily stares motionless at the wall in her room. There’s a knocking at the door, and she pulls the blanket up over her head.

“Emily?” Jake asks.

She responds with a limp groan.

“It’s just me. Can I come in?” He waits a second. “I brought your plate up for you.”

“Okay,” she says.

“My hands are full.”

She groans again when she gets off her bed to let him in.

“Thanks.” He hands her her plate of turkey, green beans, potatoes, and cornbread. “Can I keep you company?”

“Alright.” She looks tired, her face tinted gray and eyes down. She sits on her bed and lets him take her desk.

“So,” he says. “Is she nice?”

“She?”

“The girl Liam said you were dating. I mean, I assume it was true seeing how you… you know.”

“Right.” She bites into her cornbread. “Yes, she’s really nice. Her name’s Lena, she’s in my grade. She’s one of those girls who’s just so amazing to be around, she’s so cheerful and she has this energy and just… she’s great.”

“How long have you been going out?”

“Um… about five months.”

“And you really haven’t told anyone?”

“No, plenty of people know!”

“I mean anyone in our family.”

“Oh… no.”

He uses his fingers to scoop the rest of his corn onto his spoon. “You know, they’d be okay with it,” he says.

“I know, I know, I wasn’t really scared or anything. I just… couldn’t figure out how.”

“I think if it was me I would’ve just brought my boyfriend to dinner or something and let them piece it together.”

She laughs. “Oh, I would’ve loved to see that.”

“And I guess you don’t have to worry about it anymore, now that Liam took care of it.”

The laughter dies. “Yep.” She shovels another piece of turkey into her mouth.

He senses how flat his joke fell, and quickly veers away from it. “So are you doing the musical this year?”

“Of course.” Her mood immediately lightens. “We’re doing  _ Hairspray _ .”

“Ooh, that’s a good one. Got a role in mind?”

“Penny. Are you still doing tech at your school?”

“Hell yeah. Just finished up  _ Into the Woods _ , we’re doing  _ Little Shop _ next, then  _ Legally Blonde _ .”

“I love  _ Little Shop _ !”

“Well, we’ll see if we can fly you out to see it.”

Someone knocks on the door. “Emily?” Liam asks from the other side.

“Go away,” Emily says.

“I wanted to—”

“Go away!” she shouts.

“I’m—”

She takes the metal water bottle from her bedside and whips it at the door. It hits with a solid thunk, and her little brother falls silent.

“One second,” Jake says, approaching the door. Emily returns to her silent wall-staring while he’s gone.

He comes back in a minute later, quickly closing the door behind him and picking up her water bottle. “He says he’s sorry.”

“Don’t care.”

“Mom wanted to know when you’d be down, I told her you would when you’re ready.”

“Thanks.”

“Think that’ll be anytime tonight?”

“No idea.”

“Alright. You want to talk about it?”

“Nope.”

They sit in silence for a few seconds. “Are you gonna finish your mashed potatoes?” he can’t help himself from asking.

“Take ’em.”

“Thanks.”

“Colin was teasing you about something earlier, wasn’t he?”

He has  _ fuck _ written all over his face, and waits a beat to respond. “Yes, yes he was.”

“What was that about?”

“Promise not to tell?”

“I’m very good at keeping secrets.”

“I got a job as a stripper.”

She can’t help but grin. “Oh my God, really?” He nods, lips folded in amused self-loathing. “Oh God… that’s a really funny image that I really don’t want to picture.”

“Feeling better?”

“A lot, yes.”

“Ready to go back downstairs?”

“Not at all.”

 

Angela wishes she’d thought of somewhere to go before storming out. The sun hasn’t quite set, but the wind’s picked up and she doesn’t have much time before it gets dark. Her first thought is to hole herself up in the library until it closes then go back home to hide in her room, but just like everything else, the library’s already closed.

She wants to be with Fareeha, but she’s having dinner with her cousins, she can’t just invite herself over. Lena’s also celebrating, and Emily, and Amelie, and just about everyone else she knows. She’s actually not sure about Efi, her parents are immigrants to they might or might not be doing anything, but she doesn’t really know her well enough to take refuge at her house. She’s almost certain the Shimadas aren’t doing anything, but even if she felt comfortable inviting herself over, she doesn’t have the slightest clue where they live.

If necessary, she supposes, she could walk all the way over to Oasis and crash in the unlocked maze of a building she’d been to earlier. It’s only a thirty to forty minute walk, and it’s warm and empty and there’s a couch she could crash on if she had to and she’s almost certain there was a charging station for her phone…

She can’t believe she’s seriously considering sleeping in a classroom at a university she doesn’t even attend over actually going home. While most of the hard anger in her chest is at her grandparents, aunt, and uncle, she can’t deny that she’s unbelievably pissed at her mom as well. Her mom’s supposed to stand by her, back her up when it feels like the whole world’s against her, not join in. Her dad would’ve stuck up for her, she knows it. She hopes he’ll be back in the country soon.

A harsh wind cuts through her, a reminder that she’ll be miserable without a jacket. Regardless, she heads towards Oasis, but she can’t help but remember that Mr. Reyes had said they’d be glad to have her over… _no, no, that was definitely just him being polite… but I don’t have anywhere else to go…_ _fuck it._

She pulls out her phone.

_ Angela: Are you guys eating yet? _

_ Jesse: I wish _

_ Fareeha: We’re just about to _

_ Jesse: Skipped lunch so I could stuff myself _

_ Angela: Is there any chance you’ve got extra room _

_ Jesse: I’ll ask! _

From where she stands, Oasis and the Reyes-Morrison house are in complete opposite directions. She waits eagerly for a response.

_ Jesse: Dad says yeah and he can give you a ride if you want _

_ Angela: I’ll walk it’s fine _

_ Angela: I don’t even need to eat I just need to stay somewhere not home _

_ Fareeha: What happened?? _

_ Angela: I’ll fill you in later _

_ Angela: I just don’t want to be home _

_ Jesse: Start without you? _

_ Angela: Please do _

_ Angela: I don’t want to be a bother _

_ Angela: See you soon _

_ Fareeha: Yay! _

 

“So, you see,” Genji says, taking deli meat from the fridge. “You tear up the turkey, like this,” he demonstrates, peeling the thin slices of meat into much smaller pieces, “then you just put them in the soup for a Thanksgiving themed meal you’re sure to never forget.”

“Fascinating,” Hanzo says.

“Want some?”

“I’ll pass.” They bring their ramen up to Hanzo’s room to eat where they won’t be disturbed.

“Well,” Genji says, pouring his Thanksgiving-ramen into a bowl, “we might be all alone on a national holiday, but at least we don’t have to see our father.”

“It’s a Thanksgiving miracle. Shall we go around the table and share what we’re thankful for?”

“I just did. Although I guess I could also tack on anime.”

“Once again, I’m shocked that we’re actually related.”

“If after we ran away, I got a job and Mr. Reyes’s bakery, do you think father would ever find me?”

He stares at him incredulously. “Yes.”

“It’s not like he ever goes in there.”

“He has eyes all over the city!”

“But what if he doesn’t? What if he told us he does all his life just to make it easier to control us! After all, he doesn’t know anything about you and Jesse—”

“Because we have been taking extreme precautions to hide it! You don’t run an incredibly successful criminal empire without knowing everything about the cities you’re pilfering! Besides, parents don’t use  _ propaganda _ to control their children!”

“Father isn’t a normal parent!”

“Genji, listen,” he tries to calm him. “I know you want so badly to stay here, and trust me, I do to, but we absolutely  _ have _ to leave as soon as we’re eighteen. It’s not worth the risk.”

 

“Angela!” Fareeha excitedly greets her when she arrives. Half a dozen other hellos follow.

“Thank you all so much for having me,” she says. Fareeha, Jesse, and Satya are crammed together on a small bench so they can sit around the table, and they try to move over to fit Angela. Hana helps Satya onto her lap to make room.

“Glad to,” Jack says. “Is everything alright?”

“It’s going to be fine,” she says. “I just couldn’t stand being home with the relatives.”

“What happened?” Jesse asks. Gabe passes a plate towards Angela.

“I’ll tell you later, I don’t want to ruin your dinner.”

“Relatives?” Fareeha asks.

“Every single one of them.”

“What were they doing?” Satya asks.

“They were just being really mean and wouldn’t listen to me.”

“Even your mom and dad?” Fareeha asks, knowing they’re normally decent people.

“Dad’s still in Europe, but yes, even my mom.” She’d been shocked when she’d discovered her mom fully expected her to break up with Fareeha, but it’s not until she’s now in her presence that she realizes it actually hurt.

“I thought your mom was cool,” Sombra says. She’s also angry on Sombra’s behalf, she doesn’t see why her friend shouldn’t be able to transition peacefully without people like her aunt making it even harder than it has to be.

“Yeah, she was really nice whenever I saw her,” Fareeha says.

“Normally she is, I don’t know what happened.”

“It’s possible,” Jack says, stabbing a green bean with a fork, “that she didn’t want to upset her parents and sided with them instead of you to avoid a fight.”

“That’s really bad though,” Sombra says.

“Oh, I agree. Just an explanation, certainly not an excuse.”

“You kids come before anyone else,” Gabe adds. Jack nods in agreement.

 

Amelie and Charlotte find Damien and Olivia hiding in the basement, sharing an old recliner.

“There you are,” Charlotte says, crashing down on the couch. Amelie sits next to her.

“How’s it going up there?” Damien asks.

“It was fine until Aunt Tabitha told us we had to stop making Thomas uncomfortable with inappropriate jokes,” Amelie says.

“That’s when we realized our family is just really boring.”

“It’s tragic, really.”

“Well, we’re probably not gonna be much of a reprieve,” Damien says. “We’re just down here feeling sorry for ourselves.”

“Aww, don’t be like that,” Amelie says. “It’s not your fault mom is crazy. If anything, I did that to her.”

“It just sucks,” Olivia says. “She makes me feel like the horrible daughter-in-law who’s snatching her son away from her.”

“You’re not stealing him,” Amelie replies. “You’re rescuing him.”

“Aunt Adalene seems to forget it’s  _ not _ the nineteenth century and women  _ aren’t _ just baby making machines. If you don’t want one, you shouldn’t have one. I mean, I want a lot of kids, and if I ever find a nice guy I’m gonna poke holes in all his condoms and trap him in the relationship with me—”

“I can see why you two were banished down here,” Damien says as everyone stares at her incredulously.

“—but it’s totally okay to not want any.”

“And if  _ she _ thinks my mom is crazy,” Amelie points to her cousin, “I think it’s a definitive sign that she’s crazy.”

“Yeah, you shouldn’t worry about what my mom says. It’s not her decision whether or not we have kids. If she’s disappointed, then tough shit.”

“You know, when she was grilling you about that stuff, she was basically talking about your sex lives over dinner,” Charlotte points out. “Like, why is it suddenly appropriate to ask your son if he’s going to start having unprotected sex just because he’s getting married? And after she brings it up, why is it inappropriate for  _ me _ to start talking about it.”

“You know, next time someone brings it up, just say you can’t bear children,” Amelie advises. “You really just mean you can’t stand them, but it’ll make anyone awkward and uncomfortable and never want to bring it up again.”

She chuckles. “I’ll keep that in mind. But it’s not just the pressure to have kids thing, I think I can deal with that. I just want her to like me.

“I’m sure she will eventually,” Damien tries to assure her. “Maybe she’s just taking a while to warm up.”

“And if she doesn’t, so what?” Charlotte asks. “The mom of the guy I’m stalking doesn’t like me much either, but—”

“Charlotte,” Amelie cuts her off. “When you keep making those kind of jokes, they start to stop sounding like jokes. You’ve got three more before I start looking to get you professional help.”

“But I’m sure she’ll take a liking to me after I give her grandchildren in a year or two.” Amelie holds up two fingers.

“Anyway,” Amelie picks up. “Either she starts liking you soon, or you start spending the holidays with your family.”

 

After Angela recounts her argument with her mother, Sombra readily answers her uncle’s request for someone to help washing the dishes, leaving her to talk it over with Ana, Fareeha, and Satya.

“I’m not overreacting, am I?” Angela asks.

“You just left, didn’t you? You didn’t try and hurt anyone?” Ana answers with a question.

“Of course I didn’t.”

“You should’ve,” Fareeha says.

Her mother shushes her. “Then you just did what you had to do. Everyone has a breaking point, and you left before they pushed you to it. Staying might’ve been the worse option.”

“They told you it’s not possible to like boys and girls?” Satya asks.

“Yeah.”

“And you do like boys and girls.”

“Yep.”

“And you told them that?”

“Of course.”

“And they still said you couldn’t?”

“Mhm.”

“Are they stupid?” The sheer sincerity with which she asks the question makes the other women burst out laughing. “What?” she asks.

“Yes, Satya, they’re very stupid,” Angela smiles.

“Did you explain it to them right? Because I didn’t understand it either before I came here and dads explained it to me.”

“The difference is, you were willing to listen,” Ana says. “With some people, you can explain it any way you please, it will be like trying to explain it to a rock.”

“I’d rather try to explain it to a rock, at least it would listen respectfully.”

“But why wouldn’t you want to listen? If I was wrong about something I’d rather someone tell me then I go on keep being wrong.”

“Satya, the problem is that you’re more mature than some adults,” Angela answers.

“I don’t think that’s the case,” Ana says. “Children are more open to new information, as an adult it’s harder to change your views, harmful as they may be.”

“God, I hope I’m never like that,” Fareeha says.

“Sweetie, you’re already the most stubborn person I’ve ever met,” Ana says, patting her daughter’s hand. “But there’s no reason to worry. The younger generation is always more accepting than the last, it’s been that way for centuries. The progressive side always wins eventually.”

“I know, I know. I’m in APUSH, we spend half our time talking about it. I just wish I was born  _ after _ it was already over and I didn’t have to deal with it. It’s not even just the bi thing either, it sucks but I can deal with it, but it’s the trans and enby hate on top of it.”

“Enby?” Satya asks.

“Nonbinary. N.B.” She still looks confused. “People who don’t feel male or female.”

“Ohh. Why would your grandparents—”

“Satya, honey, you can ask ‘why’ all night, but none of us are going to have any idea. I guess they just think it’s okay to police other people’s identities and they don’t see why they’d have to stop.”

“But it’s so cool though!” she protests. She hops to her feet, starting to feel herself getting worked up and needing to pace around to burn off the energy. “People can _completely_ _reshape_ their body if it’s not right for them. It’s, it’s, it’s incredible! How could _anyone_ think it’s a bad thing?”

Angela smiles at her. “Satya, can I hug you?” She remembers to ask.

“Do I have to?”

“Of course not.”

“Then no.”

Before she can express her wishes of having Satya as her family than her actual family, there’s a knocking at the door. Ana tells Fareeha to get it.

“Oh,” she says when she sees Mrs. Ziegler on the other side. “Angie, I think it’s for you.”

She crosses her arms and stands in middle of the living room. “Hey.”

“I thought you’d be here. Are you ready to come home?”

Angela, who always studies and aces tests and tries to make her mom proud and be a good daughter, is tempted to go. Angie, Fareeha’s girlfriend with firm beliefs and a renewed desire to fight for them, makes her stay. “No.”

“No?” She uses the ‘mom voice’ Angela hasn’t heard since she was a teenager and even makes Fareeha nervous.

Angela almost takes an automatic step forwards, but stands strong. “No, Mr. Morrison and Mr. Reyes invited me to stay for dessert and I’d like to join them.” She feels like her legs are about to give out, while something like this is nothing to Fareeha, it’s the closest Angela’s ever come to teenage rebellion.

“Well, I’m sorry, but you’re going to come home and finish the dinner I made you and have dessert with your grandparents and aunt and uncle.”

“No, I’m going to stay here with my girlfriend and her family. You said you don’t think we’re going to stay together very long, so I figured I’d come enjoy her company while it lasts.” She’s having trouble breathing, it feels like her ribs don’t want to open.

“Funny. You’re coming with me.”

She shakes her head. Everything below her shoulders feels wrong, her heartstrings are performing the bassline from  _ Roundabout _ , the turkey she ate threatens to escape, her limbs feel more like bungee cords, and her lungs are operating at quarter capacity. Her mother’s glare makes her feel ready to break, but she can’t, she’s gone past the point of no return. The hardest part’s already over.

She tries not to let it show, but her mother has no idea what to do. She’s never had to deal with this before, Angela was always the good child, and now she’s completely unequipped to deal with her refusal. “Come on, you don’t want to impede on these nice people’s Thanksgiving, do you?”

“I wouldn’t have come if they didn’t invite me.”

Satya’s already left, and Ana and Fareeha watch the standoff quietly.

“I made you a nice dinner—”

“You can put it in the fridge and I’ll eat it once I get home.” She can hardly believe the words are coming out of her mouth, it all feels so out of character.

“I just can’t believe my own daughter doesn’t want to spend Thanksgiving with me.”

“No. No, don’t do that. If it was just me and you I wouldn’t even  _ think _ of leaving. But it’s not me and you, it’s not even me, you, and the relatives. It’s you, my aunt and uncle, grandma and grandpa, and  _ then _ me, all alone.”

“You’re not alone—”

“Really? When someone calls an integral part of your identity  _ invalid _ , and your own mother isn’t there to support you, I’d say that’s pretty damn alone. So I think I need to be with people who will actually understand for a while, and I’ll see you at home.”

She gives her daughter one last guilt-trip neatly wrapped up in a glance, then closes the door behind her.

“Oh my God,” she exhales, shortness of breath suddenly very visible.

“Holy shit, Angie,” Fareeha says as Angela half collapses onto a chair.

“I can’t believe I did that.”

“That was very brave of you, Angela,” Ana says, starting to stand up. “I’m going to go find where Satya ran off to. And Fareeha,” she says, heading for the stairs. “Don’t get any ideas.”

Fareeha moves to sit next to her. “That was so hot.”

“I think I’m dying.”

“No, no, you’re just getting started!”

“Trust me, I’m not doing that ever again.”

“But doesn’t it feel good?”

“It’s just stressful! I didn’t do it to be mean, I just can’t stand the idea of going back!”

“Really? Not even a little bit of that was directed at her?”

“Well, yeah, but—”

“She did absolutely nothing that would make you want to get back at her?”

“Alright, fine. I guess on top of the feeling abandoned thing, I also wanted to… ‘get back’ at her for saying that we were wrong for each other.”

“Aww.”

“God, hearing her insist that we’re a bad match just pissed me off so much, she barely knows you!”

“Don’t worry about it,” Fareeha says, trying not to care.

“But I have to, I love you so much—”

“You… you love me?” she asks, any shred of projected coolkid exterior melting away.

Angela suddenly realizes she’d never told her that before. “Yes, I love you.”

“I love you too!” she almost squeals, borderline startled by the realization.

“Guys that’s gay,” Jesse says, leaning into the room. “And dessert’s on the table, come get it.”

 

After being asked to leave by yet another relative, Charlotte and Amelie go upstairs to the bedroom Charlotte and her parents are spending the weekend is.

“Jesus Christ, Charlotte, what’s with all the penis jokes?” Amelie asks. “I’m a big a fan as the next guy, but there’s several other genres of inappropriate humor you can pick from.”

“There’s actually a very good reason,” she says, “that you have to promise not to tell anyone.”

“Sure.” She closes the door behind them.

“I have a girlfriend.”

“Really?!”

“Yeah! Her name’s Serena and she’s so cute, oh my God. I’m not ready to tell anyone else yet, so I’ve been making all the dick jokes to try to hide the fact that I’m not really that big a fan.”

“Solid logic, I think. I’m really happy for you, Charlotte. And don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

“Thanks. What about you? You got anyone that your mom can pressure you into having kids with prematurely?”

“Nope. There’s just no one I’m interested in.”

“No one?”

“Not a one.”

“Who would your dream partner be?”

“I…” she thinks for a second, “don’t have the slightest idea.”

“Have you ever been attracted to anyone? Like, even while playing a game or reading a book you find a character you wish was real because they’d be perfect for you?”

“Can’t say I have, no.”

“Are you ace?”

It feels like she just put on sunglasses on a bright day. “Huh… maybe…”

“There’s a category for ‘maybe’ too, if that suits you better.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like literally everything sexuality or gender related, it’s a spectrum. You’ve got ‘typical’ sexual attraction, then on the other end there’s zero sexual attraction, with every possible value in between. There’s a similar spectrum with romantic attraction, so you can have typical romantic attraction with no sexual attraction.”

“Sounds complicated.”

“Better than leaving anyone out.”

She nods in agreement. “Looks like I’ve got some figuring out to do.”

“That’s the fun part. Let me know once you’ve got it.”

“Of course.”

“I guess you probably won’t be having kids either.”

“Well, probably none of my own. Might adopt if I grow up and decide I want to be a mom, but there’s very little chance I’ll have my own.”

“Guess Kathryn’s the only one getting anything from your mom’s will.”

“Oh God, that wouldn’t even surprise me.”

“Hope she wants a lot of kids.”

 

The too familiar discomfort appears in Sombra’s stomach after Angela finishes telling her story. It happens every time someone says “you’re not a girl”, and even hearing it after the fact from someone who openly disagrees doesn’t help much.

“Everything alright?” Reinhardt asks her as she helps him clean up after dinner.   
“It just sucks,” she answers, misery on her tongue. “I’ll be fine for a while, then out of nowhere comes someone to tear it all down again. And I know I shouldn’t listen to them, and I want to just be grateful that Angela stood up for me, but I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“Just let it all out, you’ll feel better.”

“I had a substitute teacher do this once. Everyone in the classroom and even my principal was on my side, and I don’t think I could’ve possibly handled it if they weren’t. And where else would people do that? I want to go out, see the world when I’m older, but I don’t know of anywhere that’s safe except for here.”

“There’s plenty of places.”   
“But I don’t know where they are! And what about everywhere in between?”

“No one would be able to tell unless they already knew. A random stranger would have no doubt you’re a woman.”

“It’s not just me either! If someone has a problem with me specifically, I can handle it, but there’s so many other people like me out there! I just hate to think of how many people can’t be themselves. I’m out in mega-progressive suburbs and  _ I _ have trouble sometimes.”

“Then you must join the fight.”

“What do you mean?”

“Bad people don’t give up easily. You must make it known that you’re here, you exist, you’re no less valid than anyone else. Make noise so loud you can’t be ignored. Be a fighter.”

“Do I look like a fighter to you?” she asks.

“No,” he admits, “but I guarantee you will in the morning. This kind of sadness is fleeting, it’s miserable for a while but soon disappears. Resolve, determination, strength…  _ that _ lasts much longer. Brittle metal turns strong and unyielding under the right condition. Humans are much the same, pain creating purpose and pressure forcing strength.”

“I just…” she trails off.

“Yes?”

“Nevermind.”

“What was it?”

“I feel terrible thinking this… but I don’t think I belong on the frontlines of the fight. I know I should, and I feel like I have a responsibility to do it, but I truly think it would break me.”

“Sombra, if everyone was on the front lines, nothing could possibly be done! My wife was in the military for five years, never saw a second of combat. She was a battle medic, keeping alive those who preferred a bit more action. Without people like her, countless battles would’ve been lost. You’re not responsible to bring the fight to where you feel unfit. Comfort and revitalize people who feel like you do know. Be to others the best ally they could ask for. Encourage those going through their transition. Give tips if anyone asks. Perhaps create something, if the inspiration strikes you, that gives hope to people who might otherwise have any.  _ That _ can be your battle.”

Her organs feel like they’re lifting a bit, returning to their normal positions. “Thanks, uncle Rein.”

“Feel better?”

“I will soon.”

“I’m glad.” He wraps his strong arms around her, as if he’s shielding her from  the world. “Now, let’s finish this up and have us some dessert.”

 

Angela feels obligated to leave at nine, an hour and a half after Fareeha and her family does. Jesse offers to sleep on the couch and she can take his room, but she insists that she does have to be heading home soon.

Minutes after she leaves, she wishes she didn’t. Home is one of the last places she wants to be, the Morrison-Reyes house is so much cozier than her invaded home.

She supposes she has to return now, it’s far too cold at this point to go anywhere else… unless…

_ Angela: Hey _

_ Angela: That tree leading up to your window _

_ Angela: Think I could climb up it? _

_ Fareeha: Nope, I’ve tried. _

_ Fareeha: You can go down if you’re willing to jump but not up _

_ Fareeha: I can let you in the back, though _

_ Angela: I’ll be there in 5 _

_ Fareeha: :D <3 _

Fareeha expertly unlocks and opens the backdoor without any noise. “Parents went to bed, so just be quiet on your way up.” She nods in understanding, and Fareeha leads her up to her room.

“Assume you’re crashing here?” she whispers once the door’s closed.

“Yes, please.”

“Alright, make yourself comfortable.” She gestures towards the bed, then takes a pillow for herself and places it on the floor, and gets an extra blanket from the closet.

“What are you doing?” she asks as Fareeha settles down on her sad little floor bed. “Come on in here with me.”

“You sure?”

“Of course.” The two girls get under the covers. “Thanks for letting me stay here.”

“Thanks for staying.”

Angela kisses her, just a soft peck on the lips. As soon as the light spark spreads through her when they connect, Fareeha’s very aware she’s in a bed with her girlfriend.

“I love you,” the blonde girl says.

“I love you too.” They kiss again, longer.

_ Please be happening _ , Fareeha thinks.  _ Please really be happening. _

Angela knows what she’s doing. She hasn’t taken a second to think about whether she’s just trying to fill a void her family left or get back at her mom and relatives or if she’s making truly unclouded decisions, and for one of the first times, she doesn’t want to overthink anything. She wants Fareeha.

Half an hour later, she has her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've really been liking these big holiday chapters, definitely gonna do more


	30. Next day, next night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fucked up the chronology OOPS I actually really don't like this chapter because I've been sleep deprived all week but wanted to get something out because not writing just feels like wasted time

11/24/2017

Angela blinks awake at 6:45, just when the sun’s starting to peek over the horizon and flood the world with warm light. Fareeha’s asleep next to her, normally tough face smoothed by slumber, half covered by a mess of dark hair. She runs her hand over her girlfriend’s cheek, pushing her hair out off the way so she can kiss her forehead before getting out of bed.

The air’s cold against her once she escapes the blanket, and for a second she wants nothing more then to get back under the covers and cuddle up with Fareeha for another few hours. She still feels like her heart’s glowing when she stands up to get dressed, each beat sending a happy little waver through her. Her eyes scan the floor for her clothes among the pile on the floor, sorting through the messy pile she and Fareeha had made.

By the time she hears Fareeha stirring, she’s only missing her shirt, which is buried under the rest of the pile. “Morning,” she whispers, smiling at her.

“Hey,” Fareeha whispers back. “Leaving so soon?”

“Have to,” she says, finding her shirt. “Your parents will be awake soon.”

“But… stay,” she says, reaching out to take her hand. “Come back to bed.”

“I wish I could,” she kisses Fareeha’s fingers, “but—”

“You can,” she pulls her closer. “It’s fine, it’s fine, dad’ll go to work soon, mom will leave eventually, we’ll just stay in here, don’t go.”

It’s not hard to convince her to do what she already wants to that badly. She hops back into bed, pulling the covers back over her. Fareeha rests her head on her chest, and Angela pulls her close.

“You’re usually not this cuddly,” Angela comments. “I like it.”

“I like it too,” she says. Her chest rises and falls under her head, and she can feel her heartbeat. “I had a lot of fun last night.”

“Me too,” she smiles, running her fingers through her soft hair. “It was perfect.”

“I’m glad your Thanksgiving sucked so much.”

She kisses the top of her head. “It was the best worst holiday of my life.”

“Your grandparents are staying the weekend, aren’t they? Think you’ll want to spend tonight here as well?”

“It’s a date,” she says, aflutter.

“Maybe this time we can—” they both jump when there’s a knocking at the door.

“Fareeha? Are you talking to someone?” Ana asks.

“I’m on the phone!” she shouts back.

“Ah. Well, once you’re done, you and Angela are welcome downstairs for breakfast.”

Ana can practically hear them freeze up, and chuckles to herself as she walks away.

“Okay,” Angela says, heart pounding. “I’m gonna go out the window now.”

“Oh, come on, don’t make me face her alone,” Fareeha pleads.

“She didn’t sound too mad.” She’s still heavily considering the window.

“Yeah, that’s her thing, she doesn’t get mad, that’s what makes her scary!”

It takes Angela a beat to respond. “What’s so scary about that?!”

“Well, you’re about to find out!”

Ana knocks again. “Would it be easier if I left the house for a bit?”

“Yes,” Angela shoots back without even thinking.

“Well, life’s a bitch. See you downstairs.”

 

Emily dreads going downstairs and confronting the rest of her family, but decides its best to see them before everyone’s awake. At a little past eight, she slips downstairs, hoping against hope that Jake would be there and no one else.

No such luck. Her dad sits in his recliner, watching the news, waiting for her. She tries to walk directly to the kitchen and pretend he’s not there, but he interrupts her.

“Emily.” She feels like someone just dropped something on her stomach.

“Yeah?”

“Sit down.”

“I was going to get something to eat—”

“You can in a minute. I want to talk to you.”

Her legs shake when she sits on the couch. “Okay.”

“Your mother worked hard cooking a wonderful dinner, and it was very rude of you to disappear like that.”

_ Rude of me??  _ she wants to shout.  _ If Liam hadn’t outed me, I wouldn’t have needed to! _ “Sorry,” she whispers.

“Thanksgiving only comes around once a year, and it would be nice to spend it as a family.”

_ I WANTED TO! I didn’t ask for this to happen! _

“Now I want you to promise this won’t happen again, and apologize to your mother once she comes downstairs.”

“Of course.” Everything she actually wants to say dies on her lips.

 

_ :b:rincipal :b:aplan’s :b:angels adventure squad --(Amelie, Angela, Emily, Jesse, Lena) --Active Yesterday _

_ Amelie: God I’m so bored _

_ Amelie: ADVENTURE _

_ Amelie: I NEED _

_ Amelie: ADVENTURE _

_ Emily: Me too _

_ Emily: Really want to get out of the house rn _

_ Lena: What happened?? _

_ Emily: I’ll fill you in later _

_ Lena: Is it what happened last night? _

_ Emily: Kinda _

_ Jesse: What happened last night? _

_ Emily: I’ll tell you guys when we see each other _

_ Emily: Warehouse tonight? _

_ Amelie: Yess _

_ Jesse: Sounds good _

_ Jesse: @Angela if you want to get out of your house today hit me up, we’re already awake over here _

_ Lena: Also let us know if you’re going to the warehouse with us so I know how many breathing masks we’ll need. _

_ Amelie: Wear gloves too, I want to climb up to the roof this time _

_ Jesse: I’ll schedule a tetanus shot for tomorrow _

 

“Aww, look at her. She’s shaking.” Hana flinches and tries to pull away as Jamison grabs her by the wrist. He’s going to kill her, she sees it in his eyes, she’s about to die this instant. No one’s even going to notice, Efi might scream but they’re in their own little bubble, maybe her next teacher would notice she was absent but the only evidence that she was ever hear would be her blood staining the track.

He’s supposed to drop her wrist and shove horrible words at her and Efi’s supposed to start talking and Mako’s supposed to scare her off then Jesse’s supposed to come to the rescue. But nothing happens the way it’s supposed to, and instead he starts dragging her away. Efi tries to come to her rescue, but Mako bashes his meaty fist against her face with a sickening crunch. Hana screams in sympathetic agony as she falls to the hard ground.

She struggles, but can’t escape his grasp as he carries her towards the woods by the school. He steps through the fence like a ghost, but she’s dragged into it full force. Her body being shoved into the metal elicits a harsh gasp, and she cries out as she’s dragged over the waist-high chain link, sharp edges cutting across her torso.

He’s angry when she falls to the ground, bleeding and in pain. It barely registers when he kicks her, only drawing a whimper, and he opens his twisted mouth of rotten teeth. “Hana,” he half-whispers, as if trying to get her attention. She’s too scared to realize that it’s not her voice. “Hana,” he says again, a little longer. The ground under her starts shaking, and—

“Hana,” Satya says. The darkness of the room floods into her eyes, immediately calming her. Intense drowsiness tries to overwhelm her, but she’s well practiced in forcing herself awake.

“What?” she asks, her voice still sleeping.

“Do we have to wake up soon?”

“There’s no school today, hon.” Her eyes aren’t open enough to realize that it’s about 3:30 in the morning.

“I know.”

“So why would we have to wake up early?”

“There’s something after Thanksgiving, isn’t there? My mom would always wake us up early—”

“Black Friday?” she asks. “We don’t do that, it’s not worth it.”

“Good. I hated it. I never ever want to be around that many people again.”

“I wouldn’t either.” She’s forgotten most of her dream at this point, but she’s resisting sleep out of habit.

“When does it stop hurting?”

“When does what stop hurting?”

“That much light and noise.”

“Does it hurt?” She’s piqued her morbid curiosity. “What does it feel like?”

“It’s like a headache but it’s all over my body. Everything feels tight and I just want to scream and cry and hit something. Didn’t you feel like that when you were younger?”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Is it just me?” Hana can barely see her face, but the wet waver of her voice gives her an image that cracks her heart.

“I don’t know.”

“I thought I was normal.” Hana hears her starting to cry and immediately goes to soothe her. “I thought it was something I was going to grow out of, one day I’d be older and it wouldn’t hurt anymore.”

She pulls her sister onto her bed, positioning her on her lap, and reciprocates when her arms encircle her. “Maybe you will,” she says.

“But what if I don’t? I hate it, I hate it, I don’t want to spend my whole life not being able to be around people.”

“You won’t,” she says, her hand tracing wide, soothing circles over her back.

“How do you know?”

“I don’t,” she admits. “But it’s going to be okay.”

“How?”

“I don’t—” the clock catches her eye. It’s 3:38. “Oh my God, how did you get up so early?”

“I always had to wake up this early the day after Thanksgiving.”

_ Jesus Christ, that’s unhealthy.  _ “Come on, go back to bed, we’ll both feel better in the morning.”

“I don’t want to.”

“We have to, sweetie, it’s a long weekend. It’s when we’re supposed to catch up on sleep.”

“I don’t want to go back to sleep, I hate it.”

“Did you have a nightmare?”

“No, but I think I’m going to.”

“Would it help if you fell asleep with me?”

“No.”

“Do you want to anyway?”

“Okay.” She rests her head on her big sister’s chest and lets sleep start to take her. Hana forces herself to stay conscious as Satya’s breathing slows into slumber.

As peaceful as she is, she knows if she doesn’t do something, she’ll fall asleep as well. With extreme care, she returns her sister to her bed and quietly sneaks out of her room. Maybe it’s time to try a new game, she needs something to kill the next four hours with.

 

_ Hana: Wow Sonic Forces suuuuuucks _

_ Efi: Hana what the fuck it’s 8 am _

_ Hana: It’s like REALLY awful _

_ Efi: The person you are trying to reach has blocked your number _

_ Efi: Try again in 3 hours _

 

_ :b:rincipal :b:aplan’s :b:angels adventure squad --(Amelie, Angela, Emily, Jesse, Lena) --Active 5 hours ago _

_ Angela: Oh shit sorry _

_ Angela: Missed a bit _

_ Angela: @Jesse don’t worry I still haven’t been home _

_ Angela: Fareeha put me up for the night. _

_ Amelie: Ooooooooh _

_ Amelie set a photo to :b:rincipal :b:aplan’s :b:angels adventure squad _

_ Amelie: ? _

_ Angela: Okay, you’re not old enough to be looking up that kind of stuff _

_ Angela: I’m putting you in time out _

_ Amelie: :( _

_ Emily: Oh _

_ Emily: That’s, um _

_ Emily: Oh _

_ Angela: A n y w a y _

_ Angela: Would Fareeha and I both be able to go? _

_ Emily: My car only fits 5 :/ _

_ Amelie: I’ll ride in the trunk _

_ Angela: You’re in time out _

_ Angela: Also no. _

_ Angela: @Jesse can you borrow a minivan? _

 

He can borrow a minivan, and a little while after sunset he picks up his friends and drives them over to the old military warehouse.

“You know, I think there’s a word for people who willingly trespass into a locked building filled with asbestos,” Angela says, fastening the mask over her face.

“Badass?” Amelie asks.

“Badass, stupid, it’s a fine line,” Emily says. “Ladder to the roof is this way, come on.”

They enjoy the satisfying crunches and snaps of leaves and twigs under their feet as they head towards the ladder. It seems like it might have been a fire escape, as it ends about 3 feet above the ground.

“I’m gonna be honest, this seems like a really good way to get infected,” Fareeha comments.

“That’s what the gloves are for,” Jesse says, wiggling his fingers.

“I think I might stay down here,” Angela says.

“Me too,” Fareeha says.

“Lame,” Amelie says, and jumps up to grab one of the rungs.

“I’ll stay with ya,” Lena offers.

“Really? You sure?” Emily asks.

“Yeah, I’m sure. We’ll be back soon anyway, I’ll come up then. I’ll show them around the inside.”

“Well, have fun,” Jesse says.

“You too! Come on, one of the doors is unlocked this way.” She leads them away as Amelie, Jesse, and Amelie climb the ladder.

The roof is flat, fortunately, except for a smaller rectangle a couple feet away from the edge. It’s about eight feet higher than the rest of the roof, a couple feet across, and there’s a ladder going up to it.

“Up there?” Amelie asks.

“Of course,” Emily answers.

“I’m not sure,” Jesse says. “This roof looks about ready to cave.”

“Jesse, we weigh less than 450 pounds put together,” Amelie says. “Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if we were barely 400. We couldn’t bring down this roof if we  _ tried _ .”

“Still don’t know. We’ve still got half the weekend left, I’d prefer to refrain from plummeting to my death until at least tomorrow.”

“Come on, we’ll be fine. I’ll go first just to show you.”

“That is what underclassmen are for,” Emily says. Amelie walks carefully towards the upper roof.

“I want to do something,” Jesse says after a second of silence.

“I’m sorry, is this not enough?”

“No, this is definitely enough. I don’t mean now, just… in general. I don’t want to just grow old and die and leave the world the same way it was.”

“Is there something you want to talk about?” she asks, not one for roundabout conversations that completely lose their original point.

“I told you what my father did to my mom, right?” She nods. “I end up thinking about it sometimes, it just pops into my head to ruin my day, and I just get so  _ angry _ . Like, I want to kill him, I actually want to meet him just so I can punish him for what he did.”

“He’s in prison, isn’t he?”

“Yeah, but it’s not like he’s the only one either. You’ve been watching the news recently, it’s fucking everywhere, and every time I see it it’s this huge reminder that people actually  _ do _ that, I’ve spent  _ hours _ just fantasizing about all the different ways I could  _ slaughter _ them, save some poor girl from a miserable fate, and I can’t do  _ anything _ .”

She thinks he’s been watching too many vigilante superhero movies, but doesn’t tell him that. Before she can answer, Amelie shouts from the other roof.

“It’s safe, guys! You coming?”

“In a sec!” Emily calls back. “Jesse, you’re a seventeen year old. You’re under no obligation to hunt down rapists. That’s a job for the police.”

“I know that, I know. There are just times when I can’t stop thinking about it and it just sucks that there’s nothing I can do.”

She pats him on the shoulder. “Hey, who says there’s nothing? We’re going to college soon, maybe there’ll be some awareness thing you can do or some survivor support thing you can volunteer with. Stopping it at the source is great, but it’s not the only thing that needs doing.”

“Guys!” Amelie shouts. “The roof’s not gonna fall, come keep me company.”

He nods. “You’re right. I should be on the lookout for that.”

“And hey, if you see some guy dragging some drunk girl to his room at a party—”

“Yeah, I’ll take care of him,” he nods. They start their trek across the surprisingly stable roof, and climb up the ladder to join Amelie.

“I wish it was darker,” she says, looking at the sky. “I haven’t seen the Milky Way since I was a kid.”

“What are you talking about? Rite Aid always has them in stock.” Jesse says. Emily smiles at him despite wanting to whack him.

“Ugh, shut up,” Amelie groans.

“But you’re right. It would be nice to have a power outage one night, just for a couple hours.”

“You know, I’ve never actually stared up at the sky and had an ‘I’m so insignificant’ existential crisis,” Emily comments. “Like, yeah, we’re so, so small on the grand scale, and even here we’re only three of billions, but that’s never mattered to me.”

“Wish I could say the same,” Amelie says. “Usually it doesn’t bother me, but sometimes it’s hard to feel like you matter when you’re just a speck on a tiny rock.”

“You realize this is all just a projection by NASA to trick us into thinking the world is round, don’t you?” Jesse asks.

“Man, come on,” Amelie says. “Be series. What do you feel when you look at the night sky?”

He looks up. There’s a lot of light pollution, but hundreds of stars still dot the sky. “I just think it’s beautiful.”

 

On their way to meet up with the other three, Jesse and Emily let Amelie run ahead. “Hey,” she starts. “About what we were talking about earlier… don’t let it control you. You’re seventeen, it’s your senior year, you should just be enjoying that. I know what it’s like to not be able to get something out of your head, but try to stop thinking about your father. Spend time with Hanzo. Stargaze. Do the musical with us. If you need to make something happen, then make it happen, but don’t obsess. It’s our last chance to be kids before the real world. Don’t let it get in the way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow okay the Emily/Jesse convo just ended up being the same thing as the Rein/Sombra convo last chapted jesus christ toad_town give it a rest


	31. Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sloooow going, as usual

_ 12/6/2018 _

“Remember to turn in your permission slip today?” Gabe asks Hana after he gets home.

“No,” she answers, nerves shaking her hands.

“Hana, it was due yesterday,” he sighs, exhausted from a long day.

“I know,” she says. “I don’t want to go.”

“Really? I thought you were looking forward to this, what happened?”

“I was going to turn it in on Monday, but then I realized I didn’t want to.” It’s the vaguest thing she can think of to avoid outright lying, she was actually lying in bed Sunday night when she’d dreamed about the entire sophomore class getting in a bus accident. It was entirely her fault, of course, simply by being there, and if she went on the trip everyone she knows would be mutilated or killed. So she has to stay home for the trip.

She’d explained it to Efi earlier that day, who was quick to point out how little sense it mad and she should just come on the damn trip to hang out with her and Amelie. She knows how little sense it makes, and she’d love to hang out in the city with Efi and Amelie, but she couldn’t enjoy it if she was certain their bus would be destroyed on the way, and it’s just easier to stay home and not worry about it.

“Well, are you gonna go to school instead?”

“Actually… do you remember a couple weeks ago before Satya started her new school and she went to the bakery with you every day? And I asked if I could take a day off to go with you?” She tries to hide her hands so he doesn’t see them trembling.

“I remember?”

“Could I do that instead?”

“Are you going to actually help out, not just sit at the counter and play games the whole time?”

“Of course.”

“Alright, I’ll wake you up at five. But I’m warning you, if you don’t get up then you’re going to school.”

She agrees, immediately feeling better. She’ll go to the bakery on Friday, all her friends will go on the trip, and everyone will be safe and happy. Consciously, she knows there’s no difference whether she’s on or off the bus, but the thought of going on the trip made her anxious.

 

“You’re really not going?” Efi asks the next day as they make their way over to their lunch table. 

“Yeah, dad’s letting me work at the bakery with him so I’m ditching school.”

“This isn’t about the dream, is it? Please tell me it’s not about the dream.”

“It’s not,” she insists. “I just don’t want to go.”

“Man, that’s lame,” she protests. Hana doesn’t disagree, she knows it’s lame, but she can’t really do anything about it.

Genji, Sombra, and Brigitte are already at their table when they arrive, and Jesse appears seconds later.

“Ew, I thought we had a no textbooks at the table rule,” he says, gesturing towards the precalc textbook Brigitte and Sombra are leaning over. “Ruins my appetite.”

“Funny, I thought it would be the cafeteria food that ruins your appetite,” Sombra responds.

“I don’t like it either,” Brigitte says, “need the help though.”

“What’re you working on?” Efi asks.

“Trig.”

“What kind of trig?”

“Um,” she blanks.

“Trig identities,” Sombra says, suppressing a sigh. She agreed to tutor Brigitte because she needed the help, but she doubts she’d do it for anyone else, she doesn’t have the patience for it.

“Right.” Efi watches as they start work on a problem.

Amelie heads over to their table, a sophomore girl Hana recognizes but can’t name just behind her. As she’s about to take a seat, the girl clears her throat loudly.

“Aren’t you going to come sit with us?” she asks, gesturing to a table across the room.

“Um…” she looks towards her friends, unsure of what exactly to do. “I…”

“Come on,” she urges, keeping her face pleasant but her eyes menacing. Hana immediately wants to shudder and look away after glancing at her face. Genji shifts uncomfortably. Amelie makes a confused and apologetic gesture when she follows the girl away.

“What the hell was that?” Hana asks.

“No idea,” Jesse answers. “Any idea who that was?” Everyone who was paying attention shakes their heads. Efi, Brigitte, and Sombra are still working over the textbook, and the latter two didn’t even realize something was happening.

“Alright, understand how we got that?” Sombra asks, circling the answer.

“No,” Brigitte admits. The symbols on the page don’t make sense to her, she barely understands what sine and cosine even mean, let alone what happens when you add or subtract them or why squaring them and adding them together gets you 1.

“Let me try,” Efi says, going through the steps one at a time. She desperately tries to follow along, but nothing sticks in her head. It feels like her chest is trying to collapse, she’s so frustrated, and it’s uncomfortable and kind of hurts in the vaguest way, and she’s sure she’d feel better if she could just fall into herself but her damn ribs and sternum are getting in the way, so she sits uncomfortably and tries her best to follow along. As often when it comes to math, her best isn’t good enough.

 

“Any chance precalc isn’t a graduation requirement?” Brigitte asks Jesse as they leave the cafeteria and head towards their study hall.

“Sorry,” he says. “Precalc’s the lowest level you need.”

“Fuuuck.”

“I mean, you’re not gonna fail, are you?”

“I might,” she sighs. “Barely managed Algebra II, and this is way worse. Are you sure there’s not  _ any _ alternative?”

“Don’t think so,” he says. He feels a bit bad for her. “It’s early in the year, though, I’m sure you can get a tutor, work a bit harder to—”

“No, no, that’s the thing, I  _ can’t _ work harder. I spent four hours on homework last night and only got through it when I got my dad to help me. If I put any more time into this I’d have to stop eating or sleeping. I’ve had tutors on and off since fifth grade and it just doesn’t work.”

“You have dyscalculia or something?”

“Nope, I’ve been tested for all of it. No dyscalculia, dyslexia, dysgraphia, anything. Math just doesn’t work for me.”

They step into the library and drop their stuff at a table. “It’s like,” she continues, “I can’t even ask for help, because I’m so lost I don’t even know what I need help with. It’s like I missed a year and never got a chance to recover, but I  _ didn’t _ . I just…” she flops down defeatedly in a chair and shakes her head. “Sorry to unload all this on you. It’s been building up for a while.”

“All good,” he says. “I know what it’s like.”

“I barely scraped by every year, and this time I think I’m actually going to fail,” she says, looking out the window into the woods.

“You’re not gonna fail,” he tries to assure her.

“No? Jesse, I can’t do  _ any _ of this stuff. Since seventh grade, I’ve only been able to learn  _ just _ enough to pass, not enough to actually be able to figure out next year’s stuff.”

“Seventh grade?” he asks.

“Yeah, around then.”

“Alright,” he pulls out his laptop. “Let’s start there. Prealgebra, yeah?”

“No, the year before that,” she sighs. “What are you doing?”

“We’re getting you caught up. You’re one of us now, you’re graduating with us.”

 

Usually, Jesse hangs around with his friends and talks for a few minutes before leaving, but this time he runs up to catch up with his sister. “Hey,” he gets her attention. “You want a tutoring job?”

“No, nope, no thanks.”

“Come on, she really needs the help.”

“Jesse, I like her, and if I want to keep liking her, I can’t be her tutor. Sorry.”

“She talked to her dad, they’re willing to pay twelve bucks an hour.”

“It’s not about the money,” while it is promising, “I just don’t have the personality for it. We’d hate each other.”

“No, no, I was helping her in study hall, and we figured it out. She had really shitty teachers in middle school and she just never learned the basics she needed for high school. I had her take the diagnostic on Khan Academy and she’s on a seventh grade level, but I was helping her and she was  _ getting it _ .”

“Seventh grade? Really?”

“‘No child left behind’ my ass. But we figured it out, if you could just spend a couple hours with her a week helping her catch up—”

“Why don’t you do it?”

“You’re  _ way _ better at math than me,  _ I’ll _ start needing help once we get to high school stuff. Please?”

“I don’t know…”

“Come on, she’s really scared she’s going to fail. Think about it. Twelve dollars an hour… helping someone who really needs it… getting to hang out with a pretty girl…”

“Yeah, cause  _ that’s _ what’s gonna convince me.” She sighs. “Fine. I’ll do it.”

 

As promised, Gabe comes to wake her up just before five. To his surprise, she’s already awake when he peeks the door open.

“Shh,” she whispers as she lifts herself from her mattress. “She just fell back asleep.”

She gathers her clothes and closes the door behind her. Her face is pale and her eyes dark, she’s not even half awake. “Back asleep?” he asks.

“Yeah, she woke up about twenty minutes ago,” she yawns. Before he can question further, she retreats to the bathroom to shower and get dressed. Questions roll about in his head, only getting stronger as he waits for her to finish up. By the time she comes out, though, her headphones are on and blasting music he can hear from a yard away, and her tired face is formed into a massive  _ do not disturb _ sign. He opts to wait, knowing he’ll get better answers after she eats and wakes up a bit.

It’s pouring by 9:30. Hana’s doing homework at the counter, even though she’d promised to help with anything he needed, no customers want to come out in the rain so there’s not too much he needs that he and Caleb can’t do.

_ Efi: Hana we’re not talking to Amelie anymore _

_ Amelie: ): _

_ Amelie: It’s not my fault!! _

_ Efi: Shhh _

_ Efi: You’re not here _

_ Amelie: D: _

_ Hana: What’s happening? _

_ Efi: Remember that girl from yesterday? _

_ Hana: Yeah what’s up with her?? _

_ Efi: So I was talking to Amelie before we left _

_ Efi: Then she comes up and says “oh hey by the way I need to talk to Amelie so you can’t sit with her on the bus” _

_ Efi: Like wtf?? _

_ Efi: THEN AMELIE JUST GOES “Um yeah alright sure” AND NOW I’M SITTING ALONE _

_ Amelie: I’M SORRY!! _

_ Amelie: I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!! :( _

_ Hana: wtf is her deal?? _

_ Efi: What did she want anyway?? _

_ Amelie: Oh my godddd _

_ Amelie: She’s been bitching about her boyfriend cheating on her for the last half hour _

_ Amelie: I told her to dump him like five times and she’s just like “no I don’t want to dump him it’s just that I hate him” _

_ Amelie: AAAAAAAAAAA _

_ Hana: Who is she anyway? _

_ Amelie: She was in the play with me _

_ Amelie: And I THINK because I was in the drama department since middle school she thinks I have some sway over casting?? _

_ Amelie: I’m pretty sure she’s just kissing up or something because we barely talked during the play _

_ Amelie: Also she mentioned wanting to be Penny in Hairspray like 3 times now lol _

_ Amelie: Dream on bitch that’s Emily’s part. _

_ Amelie: ANYWAY Efi ily please sit with me on the way back I can’t stand her _

_ Amelie: Also Hana you’re coming along on the next trip so we can take a three seater just to be ABSOLUTELY SURE _

Hana just has enough time to type out and send a vague, empty promise before her dad walks up and gets her attention.

“Hana,” she looks up. “I wanted to talk to you about this morning.”

“Yeah?”

“What happened that you and Satya were up so early?”

“She had a nightmare.” She tries to focus on the homework in front of her.

“What about?”

“I don’t know,” she lies, “I didn’t ask.”

“Does this happen often?”

“Sometimes.” Almost nightly, in fact. She’s not sure why she’s lying, the words just come naturally out of her mouth.

“You don’t have to take care of her yourself,” he says. “You can always run and get Jack or I, we’ll take care of her so you can go back to sleep.” They’ll try, she knows, but she doesn’t think either of them  _ can _ take care of her. She’s spent months with her, she knows how to soothe her when she wakes up crying in the middle of the night. Besides, the longer she spends awake making her feel better, the less time she spends asleep and nightmare-vulnerable herself.

She just nods in understanding. Before he can figure out how to proceed, her phone buzzes repeatedly, and she picks it up.

_ Amelie: @Hana _

_ Amelie: @Hana _

_ Amelie: @Hana _

_ Efi: Fucking hell, woman _

_ Amelie: @Hana _

_ Amelie: @Hana _

_ Hana: Jfc what?? _

_ Amelie: @Hana _

_ Hana: W H A T _

_ Amelie: You’re doing the musical too, right? _

_ Hana: Don’t know _

_ Amelie: Hairspray’s rly rly good you should do it _

_ Amelie: Also we lost a bunch of seniors last year and need to regrow our numbers _

_ Hana: I’ll think about it _

“Hey, Mr. Reyes,” Caleb calls. “What’s that out there?” he points to the window.

“Where?” he asks. Hana hops off her chair and walks over.

“It’s a dog!” she shouts, and quickly opens the door. It sought solace from the rain under one of the tables outside, and runs inside as soon as the door’s open.

“Hana, we don’t know—” he stops mid sentence when the dog runs inside, knowing his caution would fall on deaf ears. “Caleb, get a towel.” As soon as the door closes behind him, the dog shakes himself violently, flinging water and a bit of mud off his body. “A lot of towels,” he corrects.

He’s a gray pit bull, about two and a half feet long, not counting the tail, which whips back and forth so excitedly his butt shakes with it.

Hana takes a towel and dries him off with it as Caleb gets to work on the walls and floor. His tail shakes even more when she starts caring for him. She giggles when he starts licking her face, wet tongue dragging over her cheeks, chin, forehead, eyelids.

“Does he have a tag?” Gabe asks, reaching for the phone.

She pushes his face away from hers so she can look at the blue collar around his neck. “Yeah, says his name’s ‘Bastion’.”

“Sebastian?” Gabe asks.

“No, just Bastion.”

“Weird. Is there a number.”

“Yep.” She reads it off, scratching him behind the ears so he won’t start licking her again before she’s done. As soon as she releases him, he goes right for the face again, and she laughs when he almost knocks her over.

“Says the number isn’t in service,” Gabe reports. “Can I have it again?”

She recites the number again, and he calls it. Hana gets him to calm down a bit, and starts petting him when he lies down.

He shakes his head. “Are you sure that’s the only number there?”

“Yeah, it just says ‘Bastion’ then the phone number… oh.”

“Oh? Oh what?”

“Come over here, I can feel his ribs. I don’t think he’s eaten for a while.”

He comes over and confirms. “Alright, there’s nothing here he can eat… Caleb, run over to the deli next door and see if they have anything safe. I’ll make a post on the town facebook page looking for the owner.”

Caleb nods, grabs his umbrella, and sprints out into the windy rain. Hana goes to pet Bastion’s head, and he tilts his neck to lick at her arm. “We’re gonna keep him until we find the owner, right?”

He looks up to see her smiling at the puppy, trying to give her kisses and whipping the floor with its tail. “Of course,” he says. “I’ll call Jack so we can figure everything out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P U P P E R


	32. New and Exciting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love dogs

figure everything out.”

12/16/2017

“Sit,” Jesse commands, holding a treat in his open hand. “Down,” he brings his hand down to the floor, and Bastion follows, lying down on the ground. “Up… close… sit…” he leads the dog through the process of sitting down right next to him. “Good boy!”

Gabe and Jack had originally warned them against getting too close to the dog, they were only taking care of him until they could find his owners and return him to his family. They’d made a post on their town’s Facebook page, but had gotten no leads, only comments saying “I hope the owners find him soon!” or “You’re so good for doing this!” or “Bump” or “Oh my God what a cute puppy!”. They’d tried the number on his collar a few more times, but just kept getting the “this number is not in service” message in return. The kids had unanimously decided that Bastion was here to say.

Brigitte knocks on the door, and Bastion runs over to start scratching at it.

“One sec!” Jesse shouts, and tries to get the pit bull to calm down. He pulls him away and gets him to sit.

“Stay,” he says, holding his hand out and making eye contact. “Stay,” he repeats, reaching for the door. Bastion almost trembles with excitement, tail whacking against the floor. “St-” he doesn’t even get to finish the command when the door opens, and Bastion races towards Brigitte as soon as she steps over the threshold.

“Hi boy! Hi!” she greets him. He stands on his hind legs with his paws on her stomach, trying to reach up to lick her face. She reaches out to scratch his ears, but he follows her hand to start licking it as soon as she’s within range.

“Alright, that’s enough, boy. Come on,” he says, pulling him away and lowering him to the floor.

“Hey,” Sombra says, emerging from upstairs. “Ready to start?”

“Guess so,” she says. Jesse tries to keep Bastion occupied while Sombra brings Brigitte to the kitchen so they can get started.

He’s in the middle of a tug-of-war game with the puppy when Satya emerges. Bastion immediately drops the toy to go say hi. She absentmindedly pats his head as she walks to the couch.

“What’s up?” he asks, trying to regain Bastion’s attention so he can keep playing. He’d rather lick the scar tissue on Satya’s arm.

“Hana’s listening to the recording again. She said she wants to try listening to it alone this time.”

He grimaces. She’d let him listen to part of the tapes at his request. She’d remembered his battered body more than he would’ve expected, adrenaline searing the single glance she took at him into her memory forever. He was only able to listen to a couple seconds of her shaky voice describing how the blood flowed out of his slashed face and her certainty that Efi’s twisted body was leaning against a corpse before he had to stop. He can’t imagine listening to it twice a week.

“You ever listen to any of it?” he asks.

“No. I don’t want to and she doesn’t want me to.”

He nods, then checks the clock. “Alright, I think I’m gonna take this guy on a walk.” Bastion lifts his head and opens his eyes wide. “Want to come with?”

“Where are you going?”

“Angela’s finishing her shift at the First Aid Squad soon so I might walk him down there to say hi. Then I think I’ll see if anyone wants to hang out at the dog park.”

“No thanks,” she says, which she would’ve no matter where he was going, but she was curious.

Bastion races into the kitchen and waits by his leash as soon as Jesse starts to walk towards it. Sombra’s explaining the basics of prealgebra to Brigitte, KhanAcademy and a few other resources open on the computer screen. “See ya,” he says, and the girls wave him off.

 

Bastion trots along, having burnt off most of his energy trying to sprint every which way in the few minutes after having left the house. He seems to find a second wind when he sees Angela, starting to drag Jesse towards her. She smiles behind her scarf and walks towards the boy and his dog.

“Hey! What brings you over here?”

“Had to take him on a walk, figured I’d come say hi.” Bastion enthusiastically licks her gloves. “Anything exciting today?”

“Someone called because they thought they were having a heart attack,” she sighs, wishing as always she could report that it was a quiet, boring day. “Turned out to be a panic attack instead.”

He nods a bit grimly. From the bits and pieces that Hana had told him, and conversations he’d overheard between his sister and parents, he’d come to learn that panic attacks are usually accompanied by an overpowering sense of imminent doom. He’d looked online for more, and figured out that the physical symptoms of a panic attack aren’t unlike a heart attack, like pain and heart palpitations.

“Fortunately, that was about it,” she reports. “Finished up that packet for calc so I can hang with Fareeha tomorrow.”

“Oh, yeah, guess I should get started on that,” he says. “Anyway, I’m headed over to the dog park, want to come with?”

“Love to. Just want to drop my bag off at home first.”

Bastion’s finished greeting Angela, so he falls into a semi-obedient walk alongside them. “How are things going with your mom?” Jesse asks.

“Haven’t changed.” Angela’s mother still hasn’t completely forgiven her for leaving Thanksgiving almost a month ago, and Angela likewise still holds a grudge for taking her mom not taking her side. “Still just pretending it didn’t happen. Still don’t really like hanging around at home.” She kicks a rock, and Jesse grabs the leash tightly when Bastion tries to run after it. “Christmas is gonna be fun.”

“Any chance your relatives aren’t coming back?”

“They’re not, thank God, they spend the holidays with other family. It’s just gonna be me and her.” She resists the urge to kick another rock. “I wish my dad was home.”

“When’s he coming back?”

“February.” Her eyes take on a sad faraway-ness, as if the cold air had invaded her irises and all she can do is wait for spring’s thaw.

 

Hana walks out of her room and into the kitchen, pale and on shaky legs. “You alright?” Sombra asks as she and Brigitte look up from their work.

“Yeah,” she insists, pouring herself a glass of water. “Just fine.” Her hand trembles, and a couple drops spill down the side when she turns off the sink and brings the glass to her mouth. She downs it quickly and pours herself another.

“You don’t seem fine.”

She only shrugs as she carries the drink to the living room, strides a lot longer than normal.

“Is she okay?” Brigitte asks, her voice hushed.

“She’s fine,” Sombra assures her. “Just going through some stuff.”

“What happened?”

“Did Jesse or Lena tell you about the car crash that happened over the summer?”

“Yeah, when Jesse was showing off his new arm.”

“Hana’s… still not completely back from it. She still has nightmares about it and has panic attacks. She’s getting better, it was really bad back when school started, but it’s taking time.”

They both jump when the  _ Doom _ theme suddenly blasts from the living room. “Hey!” Sombra shouts. “Can you turn that down!”

The creepy ambience fades as Hana turns down the volume. “Doom?” Brigitte asks.

“Simulated violence as a coping mechanism, I guess,” she shrugs. “She got it last night and played a ton.”

“I’m not sure that’s exactly healthy…” she says, remembering spending her freshman year trying to tune out her unquiet soul with loud music and bright lights.

“Well… probably not. But if it’s helping now…” she shrugs again. “Anyway, we’ve got about ten minutes left, we should finish this up.” Sombra tries to tune out the guitars and gunshots and returns to carrying Brigitte through eighth grade math.

 

Bastion pulls Jesse towards the dog park as soon as he sees it, straining against his leash. Despite the generally unpleasant cold that accompanies this time of year, there’s still a few people at the park. A corgi and a cocker spaniel play around in the section set off for smaller dogs, and a Saint Bernard patrols the big-boy section.

Bastion excitedly runs over to lick the face of the much larger dog, who happily takes it. Her owner, an intimidatingly muscular boy of about sixteen, chuckles at the sight. He’s barely bundled at all, wearing jeans and a long-sleeve shirt, with only thin gloves to protect his hands.

“Hey,” Jesse asks, “do you go to school with us?” The guy looks familiar, but he doesn’t think they’ve ever talked.

He nods. “I’m a junior,” he says. His accent’s think, he says junior as “junyah”. “Moved here about two years ago. Name’s Adhabu Ngumi,” he introduces himself.

“Jesse,” he moves to shake his hand and prays he’ll somehow remember that name. His handshake’s incredibly firm, almost enough to draw out a groan.

“Angela,” she says, also reaching to shake his hand. He’s quite a bit more gentle with her.

“I think I recognize you,” he says. “You have a metal arm, right?”

“Yeah!” he rolls up the sleeve to his jacket to show off the shiny prosthetic.

“It’s fascinating,” he says. Bastion finally convinced Adhabu’s dog to get up, and has started sprinting circles around the larger dog, who watches on with amused indifference. “My father works in prosthetics, there’s some really interesting stuff he’s working on.”

“Really?” he says, intrigued. “Because I’m planning on upgrading this at some point.”

“Upgrading?” Angela asks, almost amused.

“My arm is gone,” he says, “I deserve to make the new one as awesome as possible.”

“What have you been thinking?”

“I don’t know, maybe an arm cannon like Iron Man or something like that.”

He chuckles, a low, pleasant rumble. Bastion sprints around with a stick in his mouth, hoping to be chased around. “Well, I don’t think he has anything like that in the works. But I can bring some of his designs in Monday if you’re interested.”

“Yeah, that’s be awesome!”

“Guess I’ll be seeing you then.” He walks over to his dog, who wags her tail excitedly. Bastion runs over to lick his hand, and he gives him a few pats on the head before leaving.

“So,” Angela says, taking Bastion’s stick and throwing it across the field. He bounds after it excitedly. “You really want to trade in your arm?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, this one’s great, but it’s really more of a starter model with a cool aesthetic, just to get me used to it. Maybe it could be my ‘formal’ arm—”

“Okay, first of all, ‘formal arm’?” she almost asks.

“Of course.”

“And how many are you planning on having?”

“I dunno,” he shrugs. “That’s part of the fun.”

“The fun?”

“Yeah.” He goes to take the stick from Bastion, but he turns away and runs off with it. “I can make my replacement arm anything I want!”

“Isn’t losing your arm typically a bad thing?”

“But it doesn’t have to be! I didn’t see it at first, but this could be incredible. I could get, like, an arm that lights up, or a hollow one to use as a pocket, or some cool steampunk looking thing…” He sees her staring at him, an odd smile on her face. “What?”

“You remind me of your sister,” she says. “Near the beginning of junior year, after she’d been on hormones for a while, she came into school all excited because she finally got to wear a bra.” She smiles at the memory, it’s not often you get to see anyone that excited. “You just have that same energy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I'm introducing the original Doomfist because I'm gonna need a lot of characters soon.  
> THIS is why you don't just wing this kind of thing, I'm regretting wasting Mei and Zarya as incredibly small characters. I might retcon them in as students because I need people


	33. Concert

12/20/2017

Satya wakes up in the middle of the night, feeling perfectly awake and bewildered. Everything feels off, like she’s at an angle and should be sliding across the room, but the floor’s perfectly flat. Hana’s posters have been replaced by odd geometric patterns, like a soccer ball pattern with no hexagons that still tessellates perfectly. Looking at the posters make her extremely tense, and she starts rocking back and forth to try to relieve the stress.

She looks over to the other bed, and what she sees makes her blood run cold. Instead of her big sister, the girl she trusts most in the world, she sees Kritanta Vaswani, her biological older sister, sleeping in Hana’s bed. The room starts to transform, the violet carpet fading into dull beige floorboards of the bedroom she had for seven years, the posters with headachy geometries consuming the walls, which slowly tighten around them.

Bastion hops onto the bed. His fur is paler than normal, almost white, and the friendly playfulness in his eyes is gone. He growls, a noise which resonates through her bones and pushes her against the wall. “Bastion?” she whispers. He leans forward and growls again. She feels like she’s suffocating, just waiting for the room to close in and crush her.

She shrieks when he jumps at her, snapping his jaw. Even though every muscle in her body tries to escape, she can’t move, either to escape or defend herself. He lands on her, hateful eyes staring into her, growling viciously.

Her eyes open when something rough and wet drags along her face. Bastion’s licking her awake, front legs on her bed and back legs on Hana’s. He follows her when she sits up, trying to get the other side of her face. “Stop,” she whispers, gently pushing his face away from hers. He stops, and kicks off of Hana’s bed to hop over to Satya’s, laying down on her legs. The pressure feels nice when she lies back down.

“Good boy,” she whispers, reaching over to pat his head.

 

“Good job, everyone,” Ms. Chung says, leading her choir back into the music room. It’s the last day before break, so they’d continued their annual tradition of caroling around the school during the three choir periods. About half the choir straggles off to their next class, the other half choosing to stick around.

“Go to class, kids,” Ms. Chung urges.

“It’s the last day before break, we’re not doing anything anyway,” Efi says.

“You have to at least ask before skipping class, you know the rule. Everyone’s already annoyed at me because I pulled you for dress rehearsal yesterday.”

Angela scans the room for a classmate, who’s on his way out. “Hey Mike? Can you ask Ms. Pohl if I can—”

“Nope. Go,” Ms. Chung cuts her off.

“Alright. See you in a minute.”

“You too, Emily.”

“I’ve got study hall.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Can I just call the library and tell them I’m staying here.”

“Fine.” She retreats into her office, and Emily starts dialing the library.

“Is the coast clear?” She jumps when she hears a voice in the empty room. It’s Matt, a junior in the new men’s choir. His head pokes out of a closet across the room from Ms. Chung’s office.

“Jesus Christ, Matt.”

“I’ve got gym, so he won’t let me skip, but if I don’t show up he won’t even notice that I’m not there.”

“Ms. Chung’s going to kill you.”

“Only if you rat me out!” he leans back into the closet and closes the door.

Other choir members start to trickle back in, preferring to spend their last day before break in their favorite room in the school than in class. Emily quietly sings the solo to their finale song. “ _ By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes, where the sun shines bright on Loch Lomond… _ ”

“Your first choir concert tonight, you ready?” Efi asks.

“Think so,” Angela answers. “Weird that it’s right before break, it’s usually earlier, isn’t it?”

“It’s the last Wednesday before break, so it doesn’t usually line up with the last day of school, but I guess that’s how it worked out this time around.”

Amelie walks over to them, also singing quietly. “ _ When they say… the world is getting smaller every day…” _

“That’s not in our repertoire,” Efi points out.

“I know. We’re doing it next semester. Apparently the seniors sang it during the winter concert when they were freshmen and liked it so much they wanted to do it as their big sendoff song. Emily had me listen to it, it’s really good.”

“What is it?”

“ _ All Too Soon _ . It’s got this kinda somber intro and closing around a more upbeat middle, and it’s set to the tune of a bunch of traditional melodies like  _ greensleeves _ . I’m so excited.”

“It actually might not be the sendoff,” Emily says, appearing next to her. “I hope it is, but I think we’re doing  _ Omnia Sol _ and Ms. Chung said that if we are she might use it as the closer.”

“Aww,  _ All Too Soon _ would be a great closer.”

“Objectively, I think  _ Omnia Sol _ might be better as a song, but since  _ All Too Soon _ was one of the first songs about a dozen of us sang here, I think it should also be the very last.”

“Am I misunderstanding this, or do you have leaks for the spring concert?” Efi asks.

“Nope, that’s pretty much right.”

“Got any more?”

“I think she’s got a list of possible songs somewhere. Let me check the closet.”

The other girls wait for her as she walks over to the closet and opens the door.

“What in god’s name are you doing?” she asks. Lucas is still in the closet, and Mark, a senior in the men’s choir, has crammed himself in there with him.

“Waiting for Sam,” Mark answers.

“Yeah, we’re pretty sure we can fit all three of us in here.”

“I think James would have been a safer bet because he’s the smallest, but he didn’t want to.”

“Is this what men’s choir rehearsals are like?”   
“Less clothing, but yeah.”

“You telling me this isn’t what you do in women’s choir?”

“We don’t  _ have _ a women’s choir.”

“You’re missing out.”

She sighs and grabs a slip of paper off the top shelf, which both boys have to crane their heads to fit under. “Can you get the door?” Matt asks.

“Gladly.” She shuts it behind her.

“What was that?” Angela asks.

“Boys are  _ weird _ .”

“I’m pretty sure they started men’s choir this year just as an excuse to spend more time together,” Amelie says. “Have you seen the ‘oh yeah’ thing?”

“What’s the ‘oh yeah’ thing?” Angela asks.

“I’m sure you’ll see it soon.” She would, in fact, see it soon.

After their off-period, they spend another hour caroling around the school. Emily and Amelie insist on personally serenading Jesse when they invade his physics class, and Efi hides in the back of the herd when they make it to the calculus class she’s skipping.

It’s lunch after that, and while Efi, Angela, and Emily return to the cafeteria to eat with her friends, Amelie hides out in the music room with most of the other choir kids. She knows that girl Melissa who’s been dragging her to her table the past couple days and insisted she sit with her on the bus to the field trip will probably just make her eat with her again, so she’s been eating with the choir for the past month.

“Okay, what the hell is with you guys and that closet?” she asks as men’s choir senior Andy walks out of it.

“First day of men’s choir, we thought it would be funny if one of us hid in the closet and came out when Ms. Chung asked where we were. Now it’s just kind of a running joke.”

“It’s kind of nice in there too,” Sam says. “Good place to get away from it all.”

“He’s right,” Mark says. “Sometimes I go in there for a few minutes just to relax. You should try it.”

“I’ll pass,” she says. Just the thought makes her feel a bit claustrophobic, and she absentmindedly stretches out her legs. “Anyway, what are you guys performing tonight?”

“ _ Still of the Night _ ,” he says.

“ _ For the Longest Time _ ,” Sam hops in.

“And  _ All I want for Christmas is You _ ,” Andy finishes.

“I really wanted to do  _ Escape from the City _ but they wouldn’t let me,” Mark says.

“Yeah, we’re not doing that,” Sam says.

“There’s always next semester,” says Luke, a tall junior who arrived seconds earlier.

“No there’s not.”

“Wish we had a women’s choir,” Amelie says.

Andy shrugs. “Start one.”

“Everyone’s graduating. We’re losing half the alto section and almost as many sopranos.”

“So do the spring concert with the seniors we still have, and see if you can get more people to join from there,” Mark says. “And if you don’t have enough to continue, at least you had one concert.”

“Hm…” she says. Even though she knows it probably won’t work out, she’s already planning their repertoire.

 

As usual, the concert is a blur. On the walk back to the choir room to disrobe, Emily only remembers walking onstage, most of the first song and the finale, and bits and pieces of the rest. Her solo gets burned into her head as usual, but not the way she sang it, it’s so distorted with rests filling up the song and actual notes rushing along. It doesn’t matter much, she remembers the way it felt, and that’s what matters.

The hot stage lights still warm her soul as she takes off her robe and hangs it in the closet. Her voice is starting to go between singing with the main and master choir on top of caroling all day, but she couldn’t care less. They’d performed extremely well, not perfectly but not to the point of anyone caring, and even the men’s choir had killed it (to her mild surprise). A perfect end to a perfect last day before break.

Efi’s almost as happy with how the concert had gone, she wishes she’d gotten a solo but knows she has another five concerts before graduation so she’s not too disappointed. Instead of being able to enjoy the men’s choir’s goofy yet skilled performance, she wished she could’ve been onstage with them. She’s on good terms with most of the guys on the group, and was jealous of how their chemistry was almost visible singing next to each other. They hug and cheer and pat each other on the back once their robes are off, and she longs to be part of it.

Amelie’s already outside, stopping to give an obligatory “hello” to her family before running over to greet the Reyes-Morrisons.

“Awesome job,” Jesse says, greeting her with a high-five. She repeats the gesture with Hana and Sombra.

“Thanks! You guys want to come with us to get ice cream?”

“It’s like, 45 degrees out,” Sombra answers.

“Yeah, sounds good,” Jesse nods.

“Maybe for a little,” Hana says.

Once a majority of the choir kids are finished talking to friends or parents, they move out as an amorphous blob of buzzing energy and start across town.

Efi and Amelie split off to gather around Hana. “I assume you know what’s coming?” Amelie asks.

She sighs. “Of course.”

“You can do volunteer choir next semester,” Efi says.

“Yep, I know.”

“We’re doing some really cool songs—” Amelie tries to get out.

“Can we not do this tonight? I just want to go get ice cream with you guys before you both leave for break.”

“Sorry.” She tries to fight the compulsion to ask again if she’s doing the musical.

“Are you two both doing the same things you did for thanksgiving?” Efi asks.

“Yeah, except Fareeha and aunt Ana and Uncle Rein are staying at our house tomorrow night before Christmas morning. So we’ll be here for most of break.”

“Same as last time, yeah, but I’m not gonna be back for almost a week. You?”

“Just staying at home. Hopefully locked in with a Switch.”

“You both better play with me if you get one,” Amelie says.

“Of course,” Hana promises.

Emily, Angela, Jesse, and Sombra hang closer to the back of the human caravan, Emily drifting back and forth between a few choir kids in front and her group behind.

“Hey, how’s tutoring going?” Angela asks.

“Better than I thought, actually,” Sombra answers. “It’s frustrating, but she’s getting the hang of it. I can tell she really wants to get it, it’s just a lot harder for her than other people.”

“Is she doing college, do you know?” Emily asks.

“Think she’s going to community college for a year or two before transfering,” Sombra says. “No idea what she wants to do, though. She’s doing choir next semester, though, so I’m sure you can ask her then.”

“Really?” Emily perks up.

“Yeah, apparently she did choir for a long time in her old school, and she’s already talked to Ms. Chung about joining in next semester.”

“Yay!”

“Anyway, I’m heading home.” They’ve reached the fork that would either lead her to ice cream or her house.

“Aww, you sure?” Emily asks.

“Yeah, I’ve gotta go… not eat ice-cream in sub-forty weather. Have fun, though, see you during break.”

“See you,” Angela waves her off.

 

Jack and Gabe are in their chairs watching tv when she gets home, and Bastion’s lying under the tree.

“How was the concert?” Gabe asks.

“Pretty good,” she nods. “Jesse and Hana are gonna be home soon, they’re getting ice cream with the choir.”

“In this weather?” Gabe asks.

“Ooh, that sounds good,” Jack says.

She goes up to her room, and sits in front of her computer. She swivels the chair back and forth, not quite sure exactly what to do. Just sitting around watching youtube doesn’t feel right at the moment, and none of the games on her desktop appeal to her.

Finally, she makes up her mind. She opens up her least-cluttered chrome window and looks up “freelance programming work”. 2018’s coming soon, and she wants to run in to the new year sprinting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jeez man, it was just Thanksgiving and we're already at the holiday season. Guess it's time to figure out a whole other slew of holiday arcs for everyone.


	34. Christmas Eve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Overwatch needs more Jewish/Hebrew characters
> 
> Or, like
> 
> Any

getting ice cream with the choir.”

“In this weather?” Gabe asks.

“Ooh, that sounds good,” Jack says.

She goes up to her room, and sits in front of her computer. She swivels the chair back and forth, not quite sure exactly what to do. Just sitting around watching youtube doesn’t feel right at the moment, and none of the games on her desktop appeal to her.

Finally, she makes up her mind. She opens up her least-cluttered chrome window and looks up “freelance programming work”. 2018’s coming soon, and she wants to run in to the new year sprinting.

_ 2/16/2000 _

_ They’d promised to meet at nine in the morning, but Jack and Gabe were too excited to wait so they appeared at the recovery room at 8:15. Fortunately, Adriana Colomar is already awake by then, holding the child that would one day name herself Sombra in her arms. _

_ “Hi,” she smiles when they enter. Sombra’s asleep, and she holds her close to her chest, feeling every subtle movement. _

_ “How are you feeling?” Gabe asks. His heart flutters at the sight of his soon-to-be adopted daughter. _

_ “Tired,” she says. “But it’s over now. Do you want to hold him?” _

_ “Of course.” She hands her off to Gabe, careful not to wake her up. He smiles broadly when she shifts slightly in his arms, and kisses her on the forehead, then angles her to his husband so he can do the same. _

_ “Beautiful,” Jack comments, gazing at her. “Have a name yet?” _

_ Adriana shakes her head. “Are you sure you don’t want to decide?” _

_ Jack declines. “You’re letting us keep him, you get to name him.” _

_ “Hmm…” she rests her head against the wall. “Maybe…” _

_ Someone knocks at the door and steps inside. It’s the nurse that had been taking care of Adriana and Sombra. “Adriana? We need you for a quick test.” _

_ “Alright.” _

_ “We’ll drop him off at the nursery on the way.” _

_ “Actually… can they take care of him in here?” she asks. _

_ “If you want them to, then of course.” _

_ Jack helps her out of bed so she can leave with the doctor. “Take good care of her.” _

_ “Wouldn’t dream of anything less.” _

 

‘Twas the day before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, making a palpable, uncomfortable silence that’s permeated the entire month of December. Angela lies on her bed, headphones on, watching Crash Course videos, while her mother’s napping through a Soap Opera in the living room. Normally she spends the 24th baking cookies with her mom or finishing hanging lights outside with her dad, but this year there’s no decorations outside the house or sugary smells inside. Just a general chill leaking in through the windows and permeating the house.

She barely registers hearing a car park outside, but the knock on the door makes her curious. Who would be visiting someone unannounced on Christmas Eve?

She checks from her window, and her chest warms. A smile bursts onto her face when she sees a tall man with dark blond hair standing on her porch. The steps pound under her feet as she sprints down to open the door for him, and he beams at her when she swings it open.

“Hey, kid.”

“Dad!” They hug each other, and then Angela lets him inside out of the cold.

“You’re home!” she says, unable to concoct a more useful statement.

“I am!”

Awoken by the noise, Angela’s mother walks into the living room. Angela would’ve expected her to be excited by her husband’s return, but she just leans against the doorway with her arms crossed. “Brandon.”

“Evelyn,” he returns, nervous. Angela looks between them, childlike trepidation on her face.

“You want to do this now, or later?”

“Do what?” Angela asks. “What’s going on?”

“Your mother and—”

“It’s nothing,” her mom says sharply. “Brandon, basement. Now.”

“She can hear this, she—”

“No, she can’t.” She speaks slowly, with an edge to her words clearly meant to be threatening.

“Dad, what’s—”

“Angela, go upstairs, please.”

“But—”

“Honey, she’s—”

“Don’t,” she stabs, “‘honey’ me. Angela, this is between your father and I.”

“She’s our  _ daughter _ , don’t you think she—”

“No, Brandon, I don’t! She doesn’t need—”

That’s all she hears before angrily slamming the door on her way out.

 

“Hello,” Somba picks up the phone.

“You still have hair dye?” Angela asks.

“Course.”

“Any chance you’d be willing to do mine?”

“HELL yes!” she says. “When do you want to come over?”

“Is now alright?”

“Sure, come on over. I’ll get the stuff ready.”

She runs down to the basement to get the bleach, dye, and an old shirt with stains around the shoulders from when she’d dyed her hair the last two times.

“What’s going on?” Jesse asks when she emerges.

“Angela’s coming over, we’re dying her hair.”

“Awesome! How soon?”

“Not sure, she said she was on her way over but—”

Angela knocks on the door, and Jesse opens it for her.

“That was fast,” Sombra comments.

“Yeah, I was already on the way when I called.”

Jesse grins. “Awesome.”

“Wanna get started?” Sombra asks.

“Please.” The trio heads into the bathroom, and Sombra prepares the bleach.

“Do we really have to bleach it?” Jesse asks, inspecting her hair. “She’s really blonde already.”

“Yeah, but if we don’t, it’ll wash out really fast.” She has Angela put on the old shirt and sit on the floor, and pulls on a pair of gloves before starting to coat her hair in bleach.

“So, anything in particular prompt this?” Jesse asks, sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

“Yep. My dad came home today—”

“Oh, that’s awesome!”

“Yeah, but like 2 minutes after he did, mom came and insisted on having some sort of fight right then and there.”

“What about?” Sombra asks.

“I don’t know! She didn’t even say hello, she just told him to go to the basement and told me to go upstairs so I wouldn’t hear it. He tried to convince her to let me stay, at least let me know what was going on, but she just kept insisting that I couldn’t. Then I left.”

“Man, what the fuck?”

“At least he’s home now, I guess. But oh my God, my mom’s pissing me off so much.”

Both unsure of what to say, Jesse lets his eyes follow Sombra’s hand as she paints bleach onto Angela’s hair.

“I’m really worried,” she admits, trying not to let her voice catch. “The second she finds out he’s back, she just wants to have a fight. No hello… no how was your trip… no ‘I love you’…” She stops herself before her voice breaks. Jesse reaches out to rub her back. “This is supposed to feel weird, right?”

“Tingly, yeah, but let me know if it hurts.”

“God, why couldn’t they just wait until after the holidays? Like, you can’t postpone your fight by two days just so we can celebrate Christmas together?”

“Think they’ll behave tomorrow?” Jesse asks.

“No,” she groans. “I don’t even think I want to be there, I know it’s gonna be miserable.”

“So don’t,” Sombra shrugs. “See if you can take someone’s shift at the first aid squad.”

She considers it for a second. “That’s… no. Mom would get mad.”

“So?” Jesse asks.

“It’d be one thing if you were sneaking off to spend Christmas with your friends, but this is your job, and a pretty damn fantastic one,” Sombra says. “See if anyone wants you to cover while we’re waiting for the bleach to set, then once we’re done you can go home and tell your parents you were called in.”

She’s tempted, it’s easy to tell. “Maybe.”

“Well, I think we’re almost done here, let me make sure I didn’t miss anything.” Sombra starts examining her hair, hoping she successfully differentiated all the natural-blonde from bleach-blonde. “We’ve only got purple, but if you want something else I can send Jesse out to get it.”

“What, are you trying to get rid of me?”

“Well, you can stay if you want, but Sombra and I were looking to set aside some time because I was curious about her SRS surgery.”

He hops off his seat on the edge of the bathtub. “What color?

“Maybe something a bit lighter, like a bluish-silver?”

“Alright, I’ll be back… eventually.” He exits the bathroom and knocks on Hana and Satya’s room.

“Yeah?” Satya asks.

He steps inside. “I’m going for— where’s Hana?”

Satya shrugs.

“Anyway, I’m going for a drive, want to come with?”

“Okay.” She puts her book away and follows him to the car. “Where are we going?”

He unlocks the door. “We’re dying Angela’s hair so I’m getting some dye.”

“Where?” She climbs into the seat behind him.

“Mall, probably.”

“Can I get a pretzel?”

“Sure, why not.”

They pull out of the driveway and set out.

“Hey… did you celebrate Christmas at your old house?”

“No.”

“Any winter holiday?”

“No.”

“Well, the way Christmas works is—”

“Parents hide presents under the Christmas tree and tell their kids it was Santa.”

“What? No. Santa does it.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“It’s not ridiculous.”

“How does he fly around the world and deliver presents in one night?”

“He’s very magical.”

“Why doesn’t he use his magic for anything else?”

“Um… Christmas takes a lot of energy, he has to recharge for the rest of the year.”

“How does he make the presents?”

“Elves.”

“Why aren’t there elves in the rest of the world?”

“They can only survive in the north pole due to its high magical concentration and cold weather.”

“Why are you lying to me?”

He sighs, a bitter cold gnawing at his stomach. He figures he can either apologize or double down, but neither feels right at the moment.

“What, you don’t believe me?”

“No.”

“That’s okay, I guess.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think it’s more fun this way. I like believing in Santa and magic and stuff like that.”

“But it’s not real.”

He shrugs. “Maybe not. Maybe that’s part of the fun.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Maybe you will some day.”

“I don’t think so.”

 

Hana, Amelie, and Efi sit on Amelie’s couch, playing  _ LittleBigPlanet _ for the first time in years.

“Remember back in middle school when we couldn’t get past this level?” Amelie asks.

“Man, we sucked back then,” Hana says. “This is almost too easy.”

“Yeah, I don’t think this game was marketed as controller-crushingly difficult,” Amelie says. “Especially when there’s three of us.”

It’s dark in the room, their faces only lit by the TV and the gray clouds from the window. Hana and Efi sit next to each other on the couch, sharing a blanket, while Amelie sits on her dad’s recliner a few feet away.

“We should do some kind of challenge,” Efi says.

“Like play the rest of the game without checkpoints or respawns?” Hana asks.

“Well… if you want, sure, but I was thinking… it’s the first day of break, and we could easily finish this today. So for the rest of break, at least one of us has to beat a game every day. If it hits midnight and no one has finished it yet, we all lose.”

“Beat it start to finish?”

“Nah, if you’ve got a few unfinished games lying around then those will work.”

“What defines ‘beat’?” Amelie asks.

“Um… let’s say anything that triggers a staff role on a file that hasn’t yet been beaten. Just use your best judgment. And I guess let us know when you do or if you’re planning to do it, so we don’t burn two games in one day.”

“And no repeats,” Hana adds. “We could just play a short game like  Undertale every day but that would be pretty lame.”

“So we’re doing this?” Amelie asks.

“Sounds good to me. Gives us something to do,” Hana says.

“Alright!” Efi says. “I’ll work on something tomorrow.”

“While we’re doing stuff daily, we should practice audition stuff too,” Amelie says.

“I looked over the packet of stuff, still not sure which one to do,” Hana says.

“I’m doing tech,” Efi says.

“Eeeefiiiiii,” Amelie fake whines.

“You need techies for the show to work!” Efi protests.

“But we barely see each other during rehearsals. Hana and I will be in the auditorium and you guys will be in the tech room and we’ll see you twice a week and—”

“I’ll see you every day when we go home,” Efi reassures her.

Hana feels weird about Amelie talking like they’d both already gotten in. She’d get in for sure, Hana knows, but she’s not that certain about herself, or if she’d even do it if she got in. Doctor Zen had made her promise to audition, apparently in part of his ongoing quest to give her a heart attack, but the decision to accept or reject her part is still up to her.

“What are you auditioning with?” Hana asks.

“Ms. Baltimore Crabs,” she answers, “and Edna’s monologue, because Velma doesn’t have one. Since you’re going for ensemble, though, you should go for one of the big ensemble songs like Without Love or Welcome to the 60s. And any monologue should work, I think, just whichever you’re most comfortable with. I can help you practice whenever, if you just want to—”

She’s cut off by her phone ringing. Her eyes roll and she puts it back away when she checks who it is.

“Spam caller?” Efi asks.

“Worse, at least I can have some fun with them if it’s not automated. It’s Petras.”

“Who?” Hana asks.

“The girl who keeps making me hang out with her.”

“We don’t like her,” Efi supplies helpfully.

Her text alert goes off a couple times. She doesn’t check it.

“Anyway, you guys aren’t going anywhere over break, are you?” she asks.

“Nope,” Efi says.

“Just staying home.”

 

By the time Jesse gets home, Angela and Sombra are playing racing games in the living room, Angela with a plastic hairnet over her bleached hair. Satya doesn’t say hello, just darts back to her room. Jesse can’t tell if she’s upset or just being herself. 

“Got it,” Jesse says, holding up the bottle of dye. Sombra and Angela don’t ask about Satya, figuring either she’s in a mood and she’ll work through it or she’s perfectly fine.

“Oh, perfect,” Angela says, glancing at it. Sombra pauses the game, and they adjourn to the bathroom to finish.

“You gonna stay until Fareeha gets here?” Jesse asks as Sombra helps her peel off the hairnet.

“If your parents don’t mind,” she answers. Sombra puts another pair of gloves on and opens up the platinum dye.

“Did you ask about working tomorrow?” Jesse asks.

“I’m covering someone from eight to eight,” she answers. The first stripe of color appears in her hair. “Texted my parents to let them know, they haven’t responded.”

“Nervous?” Sombra asks.

“So nervous,” she answers. She wishes she could sleep over here, stay here before leaving to go to work, come back here when she’s done. Thinking about going back home is making her sick.

“You’ll be alright,” Sombra promises. “It’ll be over as soon as it starts.”

That’s true, she knows, but she can’t stop thinking about what her mom would say, how she’d react, how to respond, what her dad would say, if he’d even still be home. She has a hard time continuing the conversation, too distracted to talk as Sombra delicately paints her hair.

 

_ 5/15/2000 _

_ It’s a peaceful morning, Jack in his chair, baby Sombra napping in his arms. Gabe’s putting the finishing touches on the nursery, preparing it for the possibility of a second child. Flowers bloom across their lawn, welcoming the May heat. Gentle breezes tickle the vibrant green on the trees, sending pink and white cherry blossom petals up and down main street. _

_ The beginnings of a reverie are broken when the phone rings. Jack answers it quietly, hoping not to wake his daughter, but after hearing the voice on the other end he has to quickly summon his husband. _

_ Only seconds after Gabe hears the voice on the other end, he’s checking and double checking that they have everything they need to go to the hospital. _

_ “Do we take this one with us?” Jack asks, trying not to get overwhelmed and failing. “What kind of stuff do we need? Do we—” _

_ Gabe cuts him off. “Jack, honey, we’ve done this before. I’ll take this one,” he takes her carefully “and you put the second baby seat in. I’ll meet you outside in a few minutes.” _

_ They’re at the hospital within half an hour, almost running to find Dr. Ferguson outside the nursery. He looks a lot more serious than he did when they adopted Sombra, standing next to an office door across from the window, where new parents watch their sleeping children. _

_ “Morning,” he says, trying to keep his signature bounce on his voice, but a graver tone overtakes it. _

_ “Morning,” Jack returns, immediately concerned. _

_ “How’s this little guy doing?” he reaches out to shake Sombra’s tiny hand. _

_ “Keith, is everything alright?” Gabe asks. _

_ “It’s…” he sighs. “Come in here.” He opens the door to the office and they file in. It’s a stark contrast from the warmly lit nursery outside, with harsh white lights and drab linoleum.  _

_ “Normally, this is where we’d sit the birth parents and adoptive parents down, let them make sure the kid is going to a good family, but… the boy’s mother chose not to.” _

_ “Is she still here?” _

_ “She is, but…” he sighs again. “There were other circumstances. If you’re comfortable following through with the adoption without being able to ask her anything, we—” _

_ “Of course,” Gabe says without thinking. _

_ “Can we see him?” Jack asks. _

_ Dr. Ferguson smiles for the first time all morning. “Of course.” _

_ He escorts them back out to the window across the nursery. “That’s him.” _

_ They look at Jesse for the first time, sleeping soundly, one tiny hand over his face, and immediately fall in love. _

 

“Well, that’s done with,” Amelie says, tossing her controller on the floor with a clatter.

“Do you do that every time you beat a game?” Efi asks.

“I’m just testing the durability. If it can’t handle being tossed on the floor, how’s it gonna survive when I throw it at the wall when I try playing  _ Bloodborne _ again?”

“You could just… not do that,” Hana suggests.

“How else would I vent my frustration?”

“Swearing?” Efi says. “Deep breaths?”

“Enraged quivering and clawing at the controller?”

“Wait, what?” Amelie asks.

“It works.”

“Maybe turn the game off?” Efi says.

“You’re talking crazy.” She gets up to put the controller back and turn the console off. “Anyway, you guys want a ride home?”

Hana’s insides crawl. “I’m fine, I’ll walk.”

“Hana, it’s freezing out,” Efi says.

“It’s only a few blocks.”

“It’s almost 15 minutes away. It’s no big deal, come on.”

Her heart’s beating so fast she feels like she might throw it up, but she pulls herself up and follows her friends on shaky legs. Fortunately, they’re too busy joking about absurdly long games they’d try binging over break to notice that she’s silent and about to fall over.

Efi takes shotgun with no complaint from Hana, who sits right behind her. Her hands tighten around the armrest and she closes her eyes, stomach churning.

While she can handle driving with her dads, they drive like dads and Amelie drives like a teenager. A relatively level-headed teenager, but she turns too fast and stops too late.

“Are you alright, Hana?” Efi asks, glancing in the rearview mirror.

“Mhm,” she says. Her words start to sound slightly muffled again, and she starts to get scared of her mind escaping her again. “A little nauseous.”

An image of a car careening towards them from the right appears in her mind, but she forces herself to realize it’s in her head. There’s no road to the right, it’s a sidewalk. Even though she sees nothing but trees and houses clear as day, the oncoming car is still scorched into the primordial parts of her brain.

Less than five minutes after they leave, she pulls in front of Hana’s house.

“Jeez, you look miserable,” Amelie says. Hana can’t muster the energy to respond, her heart is pounding and her blood feels hot pumping through her body. “Come on, let’s get you inside.”

Her friends help walk her to her house, taking their shoes and jackets off out of habit. Bastion bolts up to say hello, giving a customary lick to her pants before elatedly investigating Efi and Amelie.

She doesn’t stop to say hi, approaching her room in a half-trance state, trying to keep her mind in her head where it belongs. Already she feels like her consciousness is spilling out of her, dizzying and disorienting her.

“Is she alright?” Sombra asks. Angela and Jesse watch her with moderate concern, while Efi and Amelie believe she’ll be fine after just a bit of rest.

“She said she was feeling a little sick, think she just needs to lie down,” Amelie says.

Unconvinced, Sombra gets up to check on her. It’s as dark as it can get in her room at this time of day, only gray light peeking through closed curtains. Hana’s already under her blanket, trying to close herself in.

“Hana?” she asks, sitting on her bed. She flinches when Sombra puts a hand on her back. “It’s okay, it’s just me,” she reassures her. “Are you alright?”

The lump under the blanket where her head is shakes side to side.

“Will you be?”

She nods slowly.

“Need anything?”

She shakes her head.

“Want me to stay?”

She nods. Sombra gets comfortable, settling on her bed, hand gently rubbing her back, sensing her rapid heartbeat and hoping to soothe it.

 

She comes out about 20 minutes later, still pale and a bit shaky but much more composed. Sombra follows, and they sit together in Jack’s chair, watching Jesse, Angela, Efi, and Amelie playing Smash. Bastion walks over, and she gives him a quick scratch behind his ears.

“Feeling better?” Efi asks. Hana nods, still not feeling talkative, but Efi can see on her face that she’s doing alright again. She makes a mental note to text her about it later, not wanting to make her talk about it in front of everyone.

“You want to play?” Amelie says, offering up her controller.

“No, thanks,” she says, her voice still a bit weak.

She rests her head against Sombra and pulls out her phone.

_ Hana: Where’s Satya? _

Sombra feels her phone vibrate, and Hana nudges her slightly.

_ Sombra: In the basement _

_ Sombra: Need me to get her _

_ Hana: No _

_ Hana: I was just worried where she was. _

Sombra wraps an arm around her sister and squeezes her shoulder. Hana rests her head on her, starting to relax. It’s nice in the house, with her friends a few feet away having a good time, Angela smiling with them, the promise of snow dangling outside, her little sister presumably enjoying herself downstairs. Wanting to savor it, she does her best to ignore the fact that it’ll have to end soon.

 

Angela’s not sure why she wasn’t expecting Jesse to ask his dads if she could spend the night the second they came home, but he did just that. She feels a little bad, too, they send a grave look to each other. Maybe she should say it’s fine, she probably should, the words bubble up to her mouth, but she can’t spit them out because she really would prefer to stay.

They try to read her face, but Jack just notices that she looks a little caught off guard. Jesse looks a bit nervous, despite knowing that the worst they can do is say “no” he’s still slightly on edge waiting for the response.

“Angela, could we talk to you downstairs for a minute?”

Sure, she says, heart starting to race. Everyone watches as they walk towards the stairs, and close the door behind them.

“Satya, can you go upstairs please?” Gabe asks. Satya’s busy working on a LEGO police station, which she’s clearly put a lot of time into this afternoon.

“Why?” she asks.

“We’d like to talk to Angela alone.”

“Okay,” she says, presses one last brick into place, and walks up the stairs.

Angela sits on the couch, feeling it’s the right thing to do.

“First… you’re safe at home, right?” Jack asks. “You’re not hiding from anything?”

“Oh, no!” Angela blurts, half-startled. “No, no, it’s not that at all, it’s…” she takes a deep breath, organizing her thoughts, and spills out everything from her mom choosing her relatives over her on Thanksgiving to the icy silence since to her mom telling her to get lost earlier. Her voice wavers at the end, half from anger and half from the raw emotion of letting everything out.

She sniffles lightly when Gabe pulls her in for a hug, and then Jack.

“If you really feel you want to stay here,” Gabe says, “you’re welcome to… with your parents permission.”

Her shoulders slump, even though she knows they’re right. “I’ll give them a call, then.”

She almost shivers when she hears the phone ring, and she feels like her throat’s closing up.

_ Hello, you’ve reached the Ziegler residence _ … while she’s a bit worried about why neither of them can answer, she’s more happy to not have to talk to them.

“Hi, um, it’s me… I’m just letting you know that…” she suddenly feels very heartless, and has to remind herself why she’s avoiding them “I’m staying with Jesse’s family tonight, and I’m covering someone’s shift tomorrow, so I’m not going to be home until tomorrow afternoon. Call me if you need anything, I guess. Merry Christmas.”

Guilt gnaws at her when she hangs up, and for a second she considers running home and deleting the message before they hear it and just staying there overnight.

“Feeling better?” Gabe asks. She’s not sure if she is, she’s relieved she doesn’t have to go home soon but she still feels terrible.

“Kinda. I…” she falters. “Kinda.”

“Go on upstairs,” Jack says. “Relax. It’ll be alright.”

She nods, and uses the railing to pull her dead-weight legs up the stairs, and crashes back on the couch next to Jesse.

“Everything alright?”

“I don’t know.”

“You staying?”

“Yes. I’m staying.” She looks around the living room, the well decorated tree in the corner, Bastion napping under it; Efi and Amelie sitting by the window smiling; Sombra, Hana, and Satya all crammed on to one chair in a fashion that seems as uncomfortable as it is endearing; the smell of cookies that has yet to leave the house. “I’m staying.”

 

Reinhardt and Ana arrive with Fareeha a bit after sunset, after Efi and Amelie have gone home. Angela’s bad mood had begun to fade but doesn’t fully vanish until she sees Fareeha.

“Hey!” Fareeha says, beaming when she sees her.

“Hi!” She couldn’t resist returning her smile if she tried.

“Holy shit, your hair looks awesome,” she says, eyes basking in the platinum.

Before Angela can thank her, she swoops in for a kiss, and settles down next to her. “How long are you here for?”

“Until work tomorrow,” she says.

Her eyes light up. “Really?”

“Mhm! But I’m leaving early, so we can hang out tonight but I’ll probably be gone before you wake up tomorrow.”

“Well, guess we’ll have to make the most of tonight while we can.”

 

With Jesse having given up his room to his aunt and uncle, he brings a pillow and his comforter to the basement, and finds an extra couple blankets for Angela. They retire a bit past eleven, having sent Satya to bed awhile beforehand and Hana opting to go soon after. Despite being half a foot taller than her, Jesse still offers to take the short couch and let Angela sleep on the long one before she insisted on giving him the long one.

“You alright?” he asks, noticing her staring at the dark ceiling.

“Mostly fine,” she says. “I think maybe I should’ve gone home.”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t want to face them, and I still don’t, but it probably would’ve been easier if I’d just gone home earlier. Now I’ll have to walk home from work tomorrow and face them.”

“You could just—”

“No, I’m not going to come right back here. I have to see them eventually, might as well get it over with.”

“If you say so.”

“I feel bad, too, I mean, it’s Christmas—”

“Screw that.  _ They _ kicked  _ you _ out.”

“Well, technically they just told me to go upstairs—”

“Same thing. If they want to play the “Christmas is a time for family” card, remind them that they kicked you out so they could have a fight.”

“Maybe,” she says, knowing she’d probably just freeze up and crumple. “I feel worse about my dad, I think. He’s finally home and I’m running away to spend his first day back at work.”

“Your dad’s a good guy, and your job is basically ‘superhero’, so I’m sure he’ll understand.”

“He’ll understand, yeah, but it doesn’t make me feel better about leaving him.” She takes a deep breath and exhales it slowly at the ceiling.

“Would a cookie make you feel better?”

“Don’t tempt me, I’m gonna get sick if I eat any more.”

“Just go to sleep. Worrying isn’t gonna solve anything.”

“I’m so on edge I’m not sure if I can.”

“Want me to put a movie on, maybe?”

“Sure.” Anything would feel better than trying in vain to sleep through the uncertainty.

“The marathon of A Christmas Story starts in half an hour.”

“Anything but that, please.”

“Thank god.”

 

_ 6/07/2002 _

_ Jack and Gabe lounge on their bed in the hotel, a two month old Hana in Gabe’s arms. She’d been crying for hours, but had finally fallen asleep, and her new fathers take the opportunity to lie down again. _

_ “We did it, Jackie,” Gabe says, tired but ecstatic. He cradles Hana close to him, kissing the top of her head. Her hair is dark and thick, not turning auburn until she was almost five. _

_ “We did,” Jack smiles. _

_ Despite the sun high in the bright sky outside the window, it’s very late in Jack and Gabe’s native time zone, and they do their best to stay awake to spend more time with the new Most Important Person in their life. _

_ Jack wonders to himself when she’d get used to them. He feels terrible when she cries, not the same early-life tears Jesse and Sombra cried, but genuine separation anxiety. It’s for the best, he knows, her parents were seventeen and eighteen, they couldn’t afford to raise her… but she has no way of knowing that. _

_ In her dreams, however, she’s already learning the strong touch of her new parents, learning their smell, hearing their low, comforting voices.  _

 

_ In her dreams, however, they’re not around anymore, just cold, twisted metal and unending noise. Skidding tires, crushing metal, and screaming. _

_ Then the rush of anxiety as she doesn’t know what’ll happen next. Will Angela come to rescue them? Will anyone hear her? Will someone die? Will  _ she _ die? _

_ “Hana,” a quiet voice says, and she feels her body shake. _

“Hana!” Satya says again, violently jostling her shoulder. The feeling of waking up tangled in her sheets covered in sweat is so familiar by now it’s almost relaxing.

“Hana, there’s someone out there!”

Her heart, just coming down from the dream, leaps back into unhelpful action. “Um, okay, let me—”

Her phone catches her eye. The screen dims to black after she missed a text, and the small LED starts blinking. “I’ll tell dads.”

She doesn’t have time, however, before getting another text.

_ Jesse: Hana! _

_ Jesse: Go to the living room _

_ Jesse: Bring Satya _

_ Hana: What’s going on? _

_ Jesse: Just go! _

“Okay,” she says. “It’s okay.”

“What’s going on?” There’s a high whine behind her voice, slightly terrified.

_ If this is Jesse’s doing, I’m gonna kill him, _ she mutters to herself. “It’s nothing. Come on, come with me.”

She takes Satya’s hand, and feels her almost clawing into her palm. The hallway’s flooded with light from the living room, mostly the warm lights they’d hung around the windows.

They step around the corner together, exposing who’s been making all that noise. It’s a man, with thick black boots and a giant red suit, bells around his belt, a long white beard, and a wide, friendly face with a scar under his eye.

“Wow,” Satya whispers, her nerves gone and replaced with a wide smile.

Their Uncle Reinhardt turns around, beaming. “Sorry about the noise,” he whispers, taking a thin, wide present off the windowsill and placing it under the tree. “Run off to bed, now, I’ll be done here soon.”

“O-of course,” Hana says, mostly certain it’s her Uncle but still in too much of a dreamlike haze to be completely certain.

“Thank your fathers for the cookies for me!” he calls after them, in a whisper that everyone still awake could surely hear. “And merry Christmas!”

 

_ Uncle Rein: Jesse! _

_ Uncle Rein: It is done. _

_ Jesse: How’d it go?? _

_ Uncle Rein: If that sister of yours wasn’t a believer before, she certainly is now. _

_ Jesse: Yaaaaaay! _

_ Jesse: Thank you! _

_ Uncle Rein: Thank YOU, Jesse _

_ Uncle Rein: I finally have an excuse to bring out the santa suit again! _

Jesse smiles to himself as he puts his phone away. Angela went to sleep an hour ago, her breathing faint and rhythmic. “Merry Christmas, Angie,” he whispers before closing his eyes.

 

Fareeha forces herself awake at 6:20 the next morning, the world still dark outside the windows. Sombra’s still asleep, blanket pulled up over the bottom half of her face, purple hair in disarray. The box she brought with her earlier is still on the floor next to her, and she takes it with her.

She sneaks out of the room, closing the door slowly behind her, and tiptoes down the stairs. The urge to peek into the living room and see all the presents is overpowering, but she resists, and walks straight into the kitchen.

The coffee maker beckons her, and she approaches it, but changes her mind. It’s winter, coffee isn’t completely appropriate.

Twenty minutes later, Angela comes upstairs and tiptoes into the kitchen to grab something to eat before leaving, and is surprised to see Fareeha already there.

“Morning,” she says, smiling despite how much she wants to go back to bed.

“Hey! What are you doing up?”

“I just wanted to say goodbye before you went to work.” She feels both grown-up and a little silly.

“That’s so sweet!”

“I, um, got you something too.” She picks up the box and hands it to her.

“You did? You didn’t even know I’d be here.”

“It’s a little last minute,” she says as Angela opens it.

She pulls a thick blue jacket out of the box.

“It’s, um, mine,” she says, starting to get a little flustered. “I saw you came over in just a sweatshirt, and it’s gonna be cold out, so…”

“I love it.” She gives a heartwarming smile and pulls her into a hug, squeezing tightly. “Thank you.”

“Good luck at work today,” she says, Angela warming her deeper than the hot chocolate ever could. “Love you.”


	35. another in the darkness

12/25/2018

_ Hana sent a picture _

_ Hana: Day 2 finished! _

_ Efi: Nice! _

_ Amelie: Is that a pure-electric team? _

_ Hana: Yep! _

_ Hana: Started it a while back, figured it was time to finish up _

_ Hana: Had to get Jesse to let me borrow his copy of White haha I had the other one _

_ Efi: Wait why couldn’t you just use yours? _

_ Amelie: Version exclusive legendaries _

_ Hana: Check the last team member _

_ Amelie: Come on, man _

_ Efi: Oh right… _

_ Efi: I stopped after Gen 3 _

_ Hana: Wtf really? _

_ Amelie: Alright, I know what I’m making *you* play after tomorrow _

_ Amelie: Speaking of tomorrow, my house at 1, bring the audition packets _

_ Amelie: You too, Efi _

 

“It’s 8:30,” Angela’s dad says. “I’m going to get her.”

“Brandon, no!” his wife says, fueled by the frustration of over thirty hours. “If she wants to act out, she can deal with the consequences!”

“Evelyn, listen to yourself!” he almost shouts. “You want to make our seventeen year old daughter walk home in the dark, when it’s below freezing, because she covered someone’s shift at work. I’m not okay with that, I’m going to get her.”

“You’re okay with our daughter running out, telling us she won’t be home over voicemail, ruining a family tradition—”

“No, Evelyn, I fucking  _ hate _ it! All I wanted was to spend today with my daughter, but—”

They both stop talking when the door creaks, and Angela opens the door. Her nose, cheeks, and the tips of her ears are red from the cold, but the rest of her is ghostly pale. Her eyes are wide and and glassy, and her breath is short and rattly.

“Angela?” her dad asks. She doesn’t pay attention to him, just shudders and stumbles towards her room.

“Angela!” her mom shouts after her, but the creaking of the steps don’t stop. She stands, fuming, as she hears the door to Angela’s room close, then starts towards the stairs.

Her husband puts an arm in front of her, and she glares at him, but lets him proceed. He continues up the steps, and she goes to pour herself a glass of wine.

He knocks gently on the door. “Angela?” No response. He knocks again, and waits a second. “I’m coming in.”

The door’s unlocked, and Angela’s thrown her shoes and Fareeha’s sweatshirt carelessly on the floor. She’s lying facedown on her bed, lights off, blankets pulled over her, shoulders shaking. His well-trained paternal instincts nearly cause physical heartache when he hears her pull in a gasping breath, one that always follows sobs, quiet as they may be.

He sits on the edge of her bed. “Angela?” he asks in as soft a voice as possible. “Angela, talk to me.”

She pushes herself into a partially-sitting position, looking dazed. Tears drip over the bridge of her nose, and her eyes would be red if it wasn’t so dark. “It’s okay,” he whispers, “I’m here.” He pulls her into a hug, and she buries her head in his shoulder. “Talk to me,” he repeats.

“There was this kid…”

She tells him how most of the shift went normally, a bit more calls than usual but nothing especially serious. Par for the course in their little suburb. In the last hour, they got a call from a woman who sounded hysterical.

She tells him about the six month old child in the house, the horrible coughing that he couldn’t stop, hearing him trying to cry and gasp for breath in between fits. How he was feverish, hot to the touch.

They’d asked his mom how long he’d been like this. She told them it had been close to a week. She doesn’t tell him how her blood ran cold, time seemed to stop when she’d mentioned that. She couldn’t imagine hearing that for even a day and not trying to fix it.

The mother told them she’d been trying “natural” treatments, like herbs and oil, but they hadn’t worked so she called the paramedics as a last resort.

“It was whooping cough,” she says, her voice trickling like there’s nothing but air behind it. “There’s no reason he should’ve gotten it.”

“Is he going to be okay?”

“We don’t know.” Her voice feels like it’s giving out. “They prescribed antibiotics, but who knows if he’ll get them.” He feels her muscles give out, and she slumps against him. “I feel helpless.”

He rubs her back. “I’m sorry, hon,” he says with a sigh. “Sometimes… sometimes people make mistakes, and there’s nothing you can do to fix them.”

“But…” she starts, trying to resist the idea. “But…” if there’s an argument in her brain, she’s too wiped to find it.

He leaves her after a while, making sure she doesn’t need anything. Her sleep feels haunted, and she wakes often in the night in a cold sweat. Her insides feel like they’ve been squeezed and chained together by a massive padlock, causing a dragging, sinking, drowning sensation in her stomach. She can’t get warm enough, even when she tries hiding under her blanket like a child, hiding from the ghost of hopelessness, hiding from the monster that let the child get sick.

 

Hana knocks on Amelie’s door at ten the next morning, the  _ Hairspray _ soundtrack flowing through her headphones. It’s the coldest it’s been since summer, well below freezing, and Hana’s nose and cheeks are bright red when Amelie opens the door. She quickly ushers her in, where she sees Efi already sitting on the couch with a mug of hot chocolate.

“Want a mug?” Amelie asks as Hana takes off her coat.

“No, thanks.”

“It’s actual hot chocolate with milk, not instant crap,” she clarifies.

“Oh, then yes, please.”

Amelie nods and jogs off to the kitchen, and Hana sits next to Efi. She’s still wearing her pajama shirt under her jacket, a pink shirt with a bunny logo and Korean text under it.

“Have a good Christmas?” Efi asks.

“Yeah, it was nice. Satya’s first one, it was really cute. You?”

“It was fine,” she says. “A couple cousins couldn’t make it, so it was smaller than usual.”

Hana looks at her face, feeling like she’s not telling her something, but doesn’t push it. If she wants to keep something private, the last thing she needs is someone prying it out of her.

“I’m glad you’re auditioning,” she says. “I think you’ll really like it.”

“I’m so nervous,” she admits. “I never thought I was one to get stage fright, but thinking about it…”

“Scary, I’m sure. I assume an ‘I’m sure you’ll do fine’ isn’t what you’re looking for?”

“Nope.”

“Well, I’m sure you’ll do fine.”

“Thanks, I needed that.”

She rests her head against the back of the couch, gazing up towards the ceiling.

“Tired?” Efi asks, taking a sip.

“Didn’t sleep well. Bastion decided he wanted to try sleeping in Sombra’s room, so that hurt my feelings.” Efi looks at her face, trying to see if she’s not telling her something.

“What a rude puppy.”

Hana opens her mouth as if to say something, reconsiders, and finally settles on “he’ll be back.”

Amelie walks back in, holding a mug. “Jeez, naptime already?”

“Mhm,” Hana confirms. “See you all in half an hour.”

“Nice try.” Amelie hands her the mug. “This’ll perk you right up, there’s like three shots of tequila in it,” she says, lips twitching up into a goofy grin.

“Best way to start the day,” Hana accepts it. Efi shakes her head, smiling.

“Alright,” Amelie says, suddenly serious. She stands in front of her friends, back suddenly straight, eyes sharpened. “Auditions are fairly basic. We start out with everyone in a group, and the choreographer teaches everyone a dance routine from the show. Don’t worry too much about it, it’s all in a group, they’re just making sure you can follow basic steps. I’ll stand next to you so I can help you out if you want.”

“Thanks.” Amelie’s sudden demeanor change almost shocks her awake, and she sits up taller just looking at her.

“It’s a little nerve-wracking, but don’t worry too much about it. Honestly, I don’t think anyone’s ever been cut because they screwed up on the dance. After that, we go into the individual auditions. You get five minutes, but it’s definitely not going to take that long. All you have to do is read one of the monologues and sing one of the songs.”

Hana takes her audition packet out of her jacket pocket and unfolds it.

“You picked anything yet?”

“Not really,” she admits.

“Alright, for the monologue, just run through all of them one or two times, do whichever one you feel most comfortable. Doesn’t have to be even remotely close to the part you want, especially since you just want ensemble. For the song…” she taps her finger against her thigh, and Hana can see her running through all the songs in her head. “You’re a mid to low soprano, I think you could push into soprano 1 if necessary but that might be pushing it…”

Efi watches curiously as Amelie’s tics start to go off, tapping her thigh and letting her eyes wander over the upper wall and ceiling as she tries to match Hana with a song.

“I think…  _ New Girl in Town _ .”

Hana recalls the song in her head. “I think that should work.”

“And Efi…”

“Wait, what?”

“Inez’s part in  _ Big Blonde _ .”

“But I’m—” she tries to protest.

“Hana, I’m gonna bring up the song on my phone, you wanna look it over a few times and we can try to run it.”

“Sure.”

Amelie sits at the piano and takes out her phone.

_ Amelie: I know you’re gonna do tech but just audition _

_ Amelie: I love Hana but I think she might get scared and duck out _

_ Amelie: I need you to go along with it _

_ Amelie: If she decides to back out just say you’ll only audition if she does. _

Efi glances at her phone, then at Amelie, who’s avoiding eye contact, then at Hana, who’s mouthing the words to the song and not paying attention.

_ Efi: That sounds manipulative _

_ Amelie: It kind of is _

Efi waits for her to text again, but she averts her eyes, busying herself with the sheet music.

“Ready?” Amelie asks, hitting the starting note. Hana nods, and stands up, getting herself into proper posture. “One, two, three, four.”

 

Sombra sits in her room, looking up interesting HTML tricks to make the dummy wordpress pages in her “portfolio” more interesting. Her email’s the first tab in a too-crowded browser window, and she obsessively hits ctrl+1 to tab over to it, hoping someone responded to the dozen or so applications she’d responded to.

She busies herself trying to implement everything from an SEO guide onto a page, occasionally stopping to reread more complex sessions or just to drum out the beat of the song she’s listening to on her desk. Well past noon, she realizes how hungry she’s getting, and since she’s noticing herself start to slow down from mental fatigue, decides it’s time for lunch. Bastion’s lazing at the top of the stairs, but hops up and wags his tail when she emerges and gives him a few pets.

Hana’s in the living room with a gamecube controller, rhythmically tapping the A button as Rouge the Bat carries Shadow and Omega across Rail Canyon.

“Jeez, where’d you dig this one up?” Sombra asks.

“Looking for more games to beat in the basement. Apparently we never actually beat it.”

“We didn’t?”

“No, we decided Jesse would do the Sonic stages and I’d do the Rose stages, and you ated Shadow so you decided to do the Chaotix stages instead, but you hated them so much you didn’t even want to go back and finish the Dark stages even after you didn’t hate Shadow any more, and I was too bad at games to do anything besides the Rose stages and Jesse only got halfway through the Dark stages before giving up, so we put it in the basement and haven’t played it for like eight years.”

“I see,” Sombra says. She remembers very little of the game, so she decides to just take her word for it.

“Thought it’s been long enough, might as well finally beat it.”

“How’s it going?”

“I think I’ve seen more of my mother than this game saw of its Quality Assurance team.”

“Jesus Christ, Hana.”

“When it works it’s pretty fun, though.”

“How’d it go at Amelie’s?” she changes the subject.

“I think we did alright. I still want to get more practice in before break’s over though.”

“Well, you’ve got the time.”

“Yeah, I just—” her face goes blank as Shadow slides evenly between two grind rails, latching onto neither, and falls into the endless abyss. She tosses the controller onto the ground and turns off the Wii, the latter a bit more aggressively than the action would mandate.

“That been happening a lot?”

“I’ve gamed over five times.”

“Well… good luck.”

“I’ll need it.”

Sombra continues on to the kitchen while Hana finds something else to play, and grabs leftovers from the fridge to heat up for lunch.

Once she’s fed, she heads back up to her room and refreshes her email. There’s a reply to one of her applications, and she steels herself for the “thanks but no thanks”. To her surprise, it’s just the opposite.

_ Sombra- Thanks for reaching out! We here at Nuclear Autumn would love to work with you… _

Her eyes scroll down the page, reading what the site admin has in mind. It seems completely doable with some hard work and determination. The pay at the bottom… well, she has no idea how it compares, but it’s better than the nothing she’s made so far, seems fair enough, and she’s willing to take just about anything. She replies to the email and takes the job.

Within the hour, she has login information to the wordpress and a few more notes from the site admin. She cracks her neck, knocks the music in her headphones a few notches louder, and gets to work.

 

_ Efi: finished Oxenfree _

_ Efi: Day 3 complete _

 

Angela sees the ex-cowboy and his dog turn onto her street from her window, and quickly pulls on her jacket. She feels cold, like someone had forgotten to turn off the air conditioning inside her body, and the jacket doesn’t help much. He slows down outside her house, a bit harder a feat than considering the beast accompanying him. Said beast changes his tune when he sees Angela come out the door, however, struggling against his leash to say hi.

“Hi boy,” she says, scratching behind his ears. He licks her gloves. Seeing the happy puppy makes her feel a little better, but not too much.

“Morning,” Jesse says. “Up for a walk?”

“I guess.”

The air’s cold, but it’s not too windy. Angela’s quiet on the way over, introspecting. Jesse respects her silence, not trying to push a conversation. He takes note of her face, the stoic, trance-like expression, and is struck by familiarity.

“Where are we going?” she asks, a few minutes later.

“New cafe,” he answers. “Dog friendly, just opened up about a month ago. Been a few times, it’s nice.”

She nods. Her normally perfect posture has been replaced by a shadow of itself, Her head bowed and her shoulders slumped.

The cafe hugs them as they walk in, and Bastion’s tail thumps against Jesse’s leg when he sees all the other patrons, and 2 familiar dogs. Jesse commands him to sit under the table, and leaves him with Angela so he can order.

“You want anything?”

She shakes her head. He goes to the counter and orders her a hot chocolate anyway, as well as a coffee for him. She accepts it gratefully.

“So, what’s up?” Jesse asks.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “Sucks,” she answers.

“Sucks?”

“Sucks.”

“Sucks is up?”

One corner of her mouth turns slightly upwards for an instant, which is close enough to a smile for Jesse.

She sighs, and takes a tentative sip, letting the burning liquid touch her tongue. “I wish…” she trails off. “I don’t know what I wish.”

“Let me guess… you want…” he takes a sip of coffee, “a pony.”

“I don’t know about that one.” Bastion looks ready to bolt towards someone who just entered, but Jesse holds him in place.

“Something with family?”

“No.”

“School?”

“No.”

“Fareeha?”

“No.”

“Am I annoying yet?”

“No.” She blows into her drink. Cold wind rushes through as someone leaves. “I just… sometimes…” she trails off.

“How much sleep did you get last night?”

“Two or three hours.”

“Damn.”

“Mhm.”

Now that she’s mentioned that, there’s an intense familiarity to her face. The bags under her eyes, the discomfort, the way her eyes don’t seem to connect to anything, it all reminds him of Hana.

“What kept you up?”

She can’t think of a reason. “I just couldn’t sleep.”

“Nightmares?”

“Well… not really. More like—”

“More like a waking nightmare, thoughts that wouldn’t leave you alone while you were awake?”

She looks at him, surprised. “Kind of, yes.”

“That’s how Hana described it too.” His eyes light up with discovery. “Something happen?”

“Well… when I was working Christmas, this mom called, and…” in a hushed tone, quickly tells him about the child with whooping cough. His eyes widen as she goes on, and he pays attention like she’s telling a horror story around a campfire.

“What the  _ fuck _ ,” he says. He has trouble believing someone like that can exist.

She nods. “I’ve been here for a year, I’ve seen worse, but something about this…” she shakes her head and rubs her eyes.

“Because it could’ve been prevented, I guess,” Jesse says. “Someone dies of a heart attack, that’s terrible, but…” he trails off. “This, though… it shouldn’t have happened.”

“I wish…” she tries again, but still no wish comes out.

“Me too,” Jesse assures her, understanding.


	36. Keep you company

_ 12/27/2017 _

While Jesse’s out with Angela, Sombra and Brigitte are busy finishing Algebra 1. She’s still having a hard time, but when she starts understanding, she really gets it. “Foiling” is no longer an arbitrary thing that you do “because that’s how you solve the problem”, Sombra taught her the math behind it. She’s not enjoying it, but she likes it a hell of a lot better than staring at trig identities until her eyes cross.

“And if you finish up this set…” Sombra clicks on one of Khanacademy’s problem sets. “Then we can finish up ninth grade this week.”

Brigitte blinks a few times. “Really?”

“What really?”

“We’re done already?”

“We’ve got the last unit, but then yeah, and we can get on to geometry before school starts back up.”

Brigitte dons an appearance of disbelief, but gets to work on the problems. Sombra watches her, doing her best to note why she gets which problems wrong.

She groans when she breaks her four-streak. It was a simple error, she didn’t double check her work to catch that she’d just multiplied wrong, but she clenches her fists in frustration.

“It’s alright,” Sombra says. “Just slow down.”

She takes a deep breath and does the next problem. Sombra watches her. “Double check that,” she says.

She does, then triple checks. “I don’t think I did anything wrong,” she says, brow furrowed.

“You didn’t. But get in the habit.”

She nods, inputs the answer, and moves on.

Sombra gets a discord notification on her phone. It’s from a Mr. Tatiascore, the site leader for Nuclear Autumn, sending her more specific requirements for the site. She drums her fingers on her phone as she waits for Brigitte to finish.

She finishes her fourth correct problem in a row, and writes out her fifth. She double checks, makes her corrections, and double checks again. It accepts her answer, and she sighs with relief. “Done.”

“Awesome!”

She watches her points scroll up, which she’s found oddly addictive. Then she closes her laptop and starts to pack up.

“You want some cookies?” Sombra asks. She opens a tupperware full of gingerbread, peanut butter, chocolate chip, butter, and sparkle cookies.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, help yourself, we have too many.”

She takes two gingerbread and a chocolate chip cookie, and bites into it.

“So when you’re not dealing with me, what do you like to do?”

“I’ve been learning programming for a while. I want to go into either game design or web dev, I’m starting a freelance project soon.”

“Really?”

“Yep, found a guy wanting to start a music review site called ‘Nuclear Autumn’. Needs someone to design the site, so I’m gonna see what I can do.”

“That’s so cool!” She wishes she could be doing something like that.

“What about you?”

“I mostly help my dad around the shop, work there after school and on weekends.”

“Think that’s gonna be your job?”

“Guess so,” she shrugs. She really hopes it won’t be.

Sombra notices that she doesn’t look too happy about it, and debates whether or not she should poke further. “Well, not a bad job.”

“Yeah, definitely…”

“You wanna talk about it, or…” She decides to go for the direct approach.

“I kinda hate it,” she takes another bite of her cookie. “I don’t like dealing with people normally, and people can get so rude, and oh my  _ God _ , it’s boring.” She takes a break for a second, and Sombra’s about to answer, but Brigitte changes her mind and keeps going. “I know it’s the ‘family business’, and I’ll help out when dad needs it, but thinking of working there for five or ten or  _ twenty _ years…”

“So what would you want to do instead?”

“That’s the problem, I don’t  _ know _ . I don’t know what I’m good at, I don’t know what I can do—”

She stops as the living room door opens and closes, and suddenly realizes that the music coming from the TV isn’t playing anymore.

“Brig, you’re 17. Most people our age have no idea what they’re doing. I got lucky, yeah, but that doesn’t mean everyone will. You’re going to the county college, right?”

“That’s the plan, yeah.”

“So you’ll spend a bit of time there, take a lot of different classes, find something you can do and like doing. You’ll be fine.”

She still looks uncertain, like Sombra just told her to jump out the window and told her it’d be fine. “I don’t know if it’ll be that easy…”

“Maybe not easy, maybe not fast, but it’ll happen.”

She has reservations. Of course she’d say that, she’s  _ already _ starting her dream job, how could she know what it’s like to not even have a dream job?

Sombra notices her sad, doubtful look, and isn’t quite sure if she can say anything to make her feel better. “You want a hug?” she offers.

“Yes, please.”

 

Gabe looks surprised when Hana walks into the bakery. “Hey!”

“Hi, dad.”

“Can I get you anything?”

“No, thanks.” She sits at the counter and takes out her 3DS.

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah. Sombra and Brigitte were talking and it was stressing me out, I wanted to go somewhere else.”

He’s a little proud of her being able to cope so well. “What were they talking about?”

“Brigitte was worried about not having anything planned for her life, and like… no one does, in High School, but just thinking about it was making me anxious.”

“What kind of…” he starts to ask, curious about exactly how she was feeling.

“You don’t have to stand and talk, if you don’t want. I know there’s probably something back there you need to keep an eye on.”

He feels a little caught off guard, almost like she pushed him. “Well… are you sure?”

“Yes,” she answers, sounding like a dog protecting her territory.

“Okay then,” he backs away. “Give me a shout if you need anything.”

 

_ Brig: Hey, sorry if this comes off as weird _

_ Jesse: dw if it does, I’ll just say something weider _

_ Brig: lol _

_ Brig: Sombra’s trans, right? I remember someone mentioning it, but like _

_ Brig: I don’t see it _

_ Jesse: LMAO _

_ Jesse: yeah she started transitioning around two years ago _

_ Brig: alright cool _

_ Brig: sorry again if this was weird, I just wouldn’t have been able to tell _

_ Jesse: that’s the idea, as far as I can tell _

_ Brig: …I guess you’re right _

_ Brig: I’ve never actually met a trans girl in real life before _

_ Brig: oh god, I’m just digging myself a hole here _

Jesse’s mildly amused.

_ Brig: like _

_ Brig: fuckin _

_ Brig: I know trans girls are just _

_ Brig: girls _

_ Brig: I should explain that I didn’t really grow up in the most accepting place _

_ Brig: like it could’ve been a lot worse but no one really gave much thought to gender stuff _

_ Brig: so the closest idea I had to a trans girl was just “crossdresser” _

_ Brig: this isn’t helping anything I need to stop _

_ Jesse: brig _

_ Jesse: you can calm down lmfao _

_ Jesse: I’m not gonna judge you for not having anyone to teach you about transgender stuff _

_ Jesse: if you’re friendly and accepting once you’re given the opportunity then it’s all that matters in my book. _

_ Jesse: and honestly Sombra would probably just think this whole conversation was hilarious _

_ Brig: please don’t show her :| _

_ Jesse: I won’t haha _

_ Jesse: but you shouldn’t feel bad about anything _

_ Jesse: a lot of people don’t know a lot about this stuff _

_ Jesse: like, obviously I can’t speak for Sombra, but if you come in with a wrong idea or say something dumb and someone points it out, as long as you’re willing to grow and change then no one’s gonna get mad _

_ Jesse: which you did _

_ Jesse: no need to start kicking yourself because you didn’t know something _

 

An hour and a half after Brigitte heads home, Sombra takes a break from work to head downstairs. A chiptune beat meant to emulate Genesis tracks pounds in her ears, and she nods her head to the song as she searches the fridge for leftovers. Finding nothing, she closes the door and starts to look elsewhere, when she hears a crashing from her sisters’ room.

When she opens up to investigate, she’s met with an absolute disaster area. LEGOs covering the floor, with a half-built structure surrounded by a four-inch moat to separate it from the sudden deluge of bricks that seems to have hit the room. The hidden troves of random crap they’d kept under their beds has been swept from their hiding places, books have been taken off shelves, and Hana’s gaming setup has fortunately remained spared.

“What the fuck?”

“I can’t find it!” Satya shouts back from the corner of the room. She’s wedged herself between her bed and the wall and is sitting in the small gap between them. For a second Sombra’s worried she got herself stuck there, but she pulls herself out.

_ I can’t imagine you can find anything in this mess _ , she thinks. “Can’t find what?”

“The brick!!” She looks around wildly for a moment before finding a half-buried LEGO manual. It’s open to a page, and she points to an illustration of a long, 8x1 red brick. “There’s supposed to be four, but there’s only three!” Her eyes are wide and her face is red and angry. “Now I can’t finish it!” She throws the manual at the wall.

“Well, maybe if you use a bunch of smaller bricks—”

“I thought of that!”

“Does it have to be red?”

“Of  _ course _ it has to be red!” She kicks at a pile of bricks, which still has resemblance to chunks of an earlier project, strewing them across the floor.

_ Woah _ , Sombra thinks. She takes a deep breath, watching Satya screw up her face in an attempt to rage the piece into existence.

“Alright, Satya, why don’t you come with me for a second?”

“Why?”

“Just come on.”

Sombra leads her out of the room. Satya’s breath is low, quick, and ragged.

She pours her a glass of cold water. “Drink.”

Satya stares at her, not taking the glass.

“Do it, you’ll feel better.”

“That’s stupid.”

“So?”

Satya stares at her for a few more seconds, and Sombra gazes back. She gives, and takes the glass, gulping it down.

“Didn’t work,” she insists, even though she’s starting to breathe normally.

_ Mistake number one _ , Sombra thinks. “Well, we’ll just have to try something else.”

“No, just let me go back to looking.”

“Why? You’re not gonna find it.”

“I will!” she insists. Her hand quivers as she drags it through her hair.

“Satya, you’ve torn your room apart. If you haven’t found it yet, you’re not going to.”

“But—”

“No but. You can either use another piece, or get dad to take you to the store to see if you can get the right one. Destroying your room isn’t going to get it back.”

“I’m not destroying my room, I’m just  _ looking _ —”

“And how’d that work for you?”

She just glares.

“Come on, you need to eat something.”

“I  _ don’t _ !”

“When was the last time you ate?”

“Breakfast.”

She checks the clock. “That was six hours ago.”

“I don’t want anything to eat.”

“Well, you’re not going anywhere until you do.” Adrenaline’s pumping, but she does her best to appear calm.

Satya sits defiantly at the table. Sombra just sighs, readying herself for a long afternoon.

 

A few hours later, Hana and Satya sit on the couch together, Bastion laying across them. The tension that Satya felt through her earlier, ready to snap her in half, has completely diffused, and now she looks about ready to fall asleep on her sister.

Hana’s phone vibrates, and she takes a look.

_ Amelie: Day 4 finished _

She sends a picture of the Wolfenstein 2 credits

_ Amelie: God I love killing Nazis _

_ Amelie: You’re up next Hana _

_ Hana: I’m ready. _

 

Angela prepares herself for another sleepless night, pulling up a soothing music playlist on her phone. She spends about 20 minutes trying to go to sleep, trying to forget about the kid, but he haunts her.

When there’s a tapping on her window, she jolts upright. Her heart’s still pounding when she sees Fareeha’s grinning face behind the glass.

She opens it up, letting her climb in. “Fareeha, what the hell?”

“Jesse told me something was upsetting you, I wanted to come keep you company.”

“You couldn’t have called?”

“That’s not very romantic.”

Angela sighs.

“Come on, I don’t want to see you feel bad. Let me stay with you for a bit.” She was hoping Angela was going to be happy to see her, but she did interrupt her when she was trying to sleep, so she guesses she understands.

“Fine, get in,” Angela sighs, moving over to let her under the covers.

Fareeha happily gets in next to her, cuddling up next to her. She feels nice, and Angela rests her head in her shoulder.

“Wanna talk?”

“Not really,” she sighs. “I’m sorry, I know I should be open with you but—”

“Angela, it’s okay,” she assures her. “Jesse didn’t tell me anything specific, but I guess it was pretty intense.”

“Mhm. I’ll tell you soon, I—”

“Whenever you’re ready. I’ll be here.” She presses her lips to her girlfriend’s forehead, sending a little flush of warmth through her.

“Thank you,” she says, not just for the promise to be there, but for not pushing. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” she reciprocates, kissing her again on the cheek.

“Thanks for coming. Sorry I got annoyed.”

“You can get annoyed all you want, can’t scare me away.”

Angela smiles, and kisses where her shoulder meets her neck. Fareeha tangles her fingers into her blonde hair.

“Fareeha?”

“Mhm?”

“It took me five hours to go to sleep last night, and… I’m not sure if tonight’s gonna be better.”

“I’ll stay up with you,” Fareeha promises.

“Well… you remember on Thanksgiving night? After we finished, I was ready to pass out?”

“Yeah?” she asks, her mind shifting gears. “You want to try it?”

“It couldn’t hurt,” she says. “Even if it doesn’t work… you made me feel so warm and happy and good. I need that now.”

“I’d love to,” she says, and angles her face so their lips meet and lock together. Angela immediately starts to feel better, Fareeha’s love brightening her mind and pushing complex thoughts away, leaving only ideas of love and light and intimacy.

She feels Fareeha’s hands sneak up the back of her shirt, fingers dancing up her spine. Her heart dances with anticipation, it’s been close to a month since they’d last done this, she can hardly wait to—

The door opens, and they both freeze, their hearts simultaneously dropping to their stomachs. Angela’s mother’s voice pierces the still air. “Oh my God!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm liking this "each chapter is 1 day" thing, I might keep it up until they have to go back to school, unless I run out of ideas  
> now I haven't been consistently working on this since the summer, so I'm sure there's a couple arcs I'm forgetting about, so if there's stuff i've touched on that you want to see again, just let me know  
> and because I probably owe you longtime readers a bit, here's some transparency on my current "plans"
> 
> -the play. I want you all to let me know how much of this you want to see, I've got stuff planned for it so there's definitely going to be a bit of stuff, but tell me if you want to see drama-department-drama or if I should focus more on outside of school stuff  
> -romance. I wanted to include a lot of great romance arcs in this, but the one that only felt natural was the Angela/Fareeha pairing. You've probably noticed that Hana/Lucio and Jesse/Hanzo hasn't been appearing as much, to me neither pairing felt natural and like I was trying to shoehorn it in because I wanted romance arcs, as opposed to two characters falling in love organically. I'm still going to try and expand them, but they'll probably continue to not feature. Sorry.  
> -Satya was getting screened for ASD back in late October, and her parents probably would've gotten her diagnosis by now. Naturally, that arc got lost in the cracks, and it's kind of a bit late for Jack and Gabe to have a scene where they receive her diagnosis. I'll still probably have a scene with something similar later  
> -Moira. I wrote Moira in as a classmate of Satya's at her new school and didn't have anything planned for her. Oops. Let me know if you have any ideas.
> 
> I thiiiiink that's everything probably not? Efi, Lena, and Emily are gonna feature in the next chapter or 2 (I kinda neglected the latter 2 for a bit but they're coming back). I might also do stuff with Amelie's extended family, or maybe not. Let me know what you think.


	37. movin' on along

_ 12/27/2017 _

Angela’s incredibly disoriented as her mother drags both her and her girlfriend outside into the winter air. She winces as her barefoot toes hit the cold pavement, and her mom opens the door to the car and almost tosses her in.

“Mom, where are we—”

A single glare from the rearview mirror is enough to quiet her. Fareeha gets in after her, too confused and disoriented to be angry or defiant. The car squeals out of the driveway and roars onto the street, disrupting the otherwise silent night.

“I  _ cannot _ believe the two of you!” she begins her rant, and Fareeha begins to check out. “Angela, I don’t know what has gotten into you recently, but it’s going to turn around  _ right now _ . Fareeha, you most CERTAINLY will not be allowed into my house again, assuming your mother even lets you leave yours. What were you thinking? What’s the matter with you? I cannot imagine what could bring you to try and do that  _ under my roof _ !”

This goes on a bit, until she slams on the breaks and parks sloppily in front of the Amaris’ driveway. “Out, both of you. Come on.” The girls get out of the car. The light and happiness Fareeha brought into Angela’s mind is long gone, and the dark feelings that’ve been haunting her for the past few days come back in full force. Her mom’s anger starts to fade, covered by an intense awareness of her own mortality.

Mrs. Ziegler starts pounding on the door.

“They went to bed two hours ago, can we not—”

She cuts off Fareeha with another glare.

After a few minutes, a very tired old woman comes to the door. “Evelyn, hello. What’s so important?”

Fareeha takes the open door as an invitation to get out of the cold, and Ana steps aside to let her pass.

“Do you have any idea where your daughter was tonight?”

“Well, I assume she snuck out to visit Angela. Would you like to come in?”

Without otherwise acknowledging her offer, she steps inside, and Angela slinks in behind her. Ana shuts the door, closing out the frigid night. Fareeha already has a blanket pulled around her, and beckons Angela to sit next to her. She tries to approach, but her mother grabs her shoulder and keeps her nearby.

“Now please,” Ana starts calmly. “Tell me why you needed to wake me up in the middle of the night?”

“Well, it seems that your daughter snuck out of your house in the middle of the night, and broke into my daughter’s room.”

“It’s not breaking in if—”

“Not now, Fareeha,” Ana stops her. “And in the future, if you don’t want her in your house, you can just kick her out. She’s a big girl, she can get herself home.”

“In the future? You’re just going to let her keep doing this?”

“She’s almost eighteen. When I was her age, I was preparing to enlist in the military. If I was allowed to go to a battlefield in a foreign country, I think she’s allowed to go on a midnight walk.”

Evelyn seems oddly frustrated at this, like she tattled on someone she wanted to get in trouble, only to feel like she herself was in the wrong.

“Alright. Fine. But that’s not the point. I heard them talking, and when I went to investigate, Fareeha was… on top of my daughter.”

“Now that’s a little bit—”

“Fareeha, it is  _ far _ too late for this,” Ana says sternly. Fareeha shrinks back. “Evelyn, I’m sorry if anything my daughter did made you uncomfortable, but in the future, please just send her on her way. I’m an old woman now, I have a hard enough time falling asleep as it is.”

“So that’s it? You’re going to let her roam around and do whatever she likes?”

“What do you want me to say, Evelyn?” Ana asks, rubbing her eyes. “Do you want to see me ground her? Because I’m not grounding my seventeen year old daughter just because she wanted to visit her girlfriend.”

“They were about to have sex in my house!”

Ana sighs. “Angela, Fareeha. You’re both sober?”

“Mhm.”

“I’m drunk on—” her mom glares at her. “I’m sober.”

“Both of you consented?”

They both confirm.

“It’s not  _ about _ —”

“It’s not about  _ what _ ? Two teenagers doing what teenagers do? No one’s being taken advantage of. It’s not like they’re going to get each other pregnant.”

“But I don’t want it in my house!”

“Would you prefer they go sneaking off somewhere? Maybe borrow a car to go get caught in?”

“No, I don’t want them doing  _ that _ at all!” she shouts back.

Ana rubs her temples. “Look,” she groans. “I’d rather they didn’t either. No one likes thinking about their children as sexual beings. But unless you want to monitor them 24 hours a day, there’s nothing I can do about it. And if they’re going to be having sex, I’d rather them do it in a warm house with privacy and comfort.”

“You’re really not going to help?”

“My responsibility is to my daughter. You have full rights to raise your daughter as you see fit, but you cannot expect me to have the same morals.”

She lets out a rattling breath, exhaling the hot anger she’d felt. “I see,” she says, voice suddenly cold. “Angela, come on.”

“Can Angie sleep over?”

“Fareeha, go to bed,” Ana says, shaking her head and starting to go up the stairs.

“You,” Evelyn narrows her eyes at Fareeha. “You are  _ not _ allowed on my property. Angela, you’re grounded until further notice.”

Fareeha watches sadly as Angela’s mom pulls her away from her.

 

Efi wakes up early the next morning, cold light shining in from the window. They blink a few times, trying to clear the tiredness from their eyes, and sit up. They feel like a cloud sits within them, making a sort of aura about them that only they can feel.  _ It’s gonna be one of those days _ , they think.

 

Hana wakes up early the next morning, way earlier than she’d like to. With a groan, she puts on her headphones, opens up her audio files, and plays back the recording of her reciting the accident. She’s heard it so many times she’s almost bored of it, but when she gets to the bad parts, her mouth still dries and her heart still races.

A week ago, when she listened to it right after waking up, it felt like it did weird things to her. She’d begin to disassociate, half spacing out or forgetting what she just heard or starting to feel like she was floating out of her body.

Now, though? She doesn’t like it, but it doesn’t wreak havoc on her mind like it used to. It’s almost familiar, in a way that terrifies her, but it’s familiar enough to help her wake up.

It’s barely light out by the time she turns on regular music and leaves her room, and her dad’s sitting on the couch sipping coffee. “Morning,” he greets her. “How’d you sleep?”

“Fine,” she says, mostly not lying. “Can I use this?” she gestures to the TV.

“Go ahead.”

She turns on the wii and points the remote to the cell with the Gamecube logo on it, and waits for it to load. The comfortably familiar drum and bass intro kicks in, but doesn’t get very far before she exits the main menu to select her file.  _ Here we go _ , she thinks, and flicks over to the Last story.

She’d left off right before the final boss fight, and triggers it immediately. The guitar riff for the final boss fight begins, and she prepares herself for the battle. She feels an odd weight on her shoulders, remembering that she’s been playing this game since she was a child, the past eight years have been building up to this.

She mouths along to the lyrics as they start, the fight basic enough that she can still listen to the music. Her toes twitch with energy as she gets into it, both from the music and the anxiety about wanting to get this in one try.

_ “Try’na reach inside of me _ ”, she whisper-sings along. “ _ Try’na get my energy. Let me show you just what! I’m! Made! Of! _ ” Jack smiles to himself when he hears her.

The song lends her resolve with the last line of the chorus. “ _ Let me show you just what I’m made of now! _ ”

 

A few minutes later, Efi and Amelie get a text from Hana.

_ Hana: Day 4 done _

She sends a picture of the Sonic Heroes credits.

_ Hana: I give it both a 4 and also a 7 out of 10 _

_ Hana: what’s next for you guys? _

_ Amelie: I’m gonna spend the next three days binging Mother 1 _

_ Amelie: Or until someone tells me to stop singing Pollyanna over and over. _

_ Amelie: So I’m gonna spend the next 5 minutes binging Mother 1 _

_ Efi: Why Mother 1 lmao _

_ Efi: Just do Earthbound or M3 _

_ Amelie: Because I like it when NES games make me their bitch, okay? _

_ Hana: what lmao _

_ Amelie: I mean _

_ Amelie: what are you working on next? _

 

Fareeha wakes up late, the white winter sky pouring light into her room. She’s a bit nervous going downstairs, the snarky facade she put on too tired to come out. Judging from the time, her dad’s already gone to work, but her mother wouldn’t return to lecturing until the spring semester starts in January. As she expected, she’s sitting in the living room with her third cup of coffee.

“Hi,” she says, a bit cautious.

“Good morning,” she answers. “Sleep well?”

“Not really.”

“Shame, usually a nice brisk walk is usually exactly what I need to get to sleep.”

“Well having a crazy woman throw you in her car gets the blood pumping a bit, not easy to come down from that.”

“Good point.”

They’re quiet for a few seconds, fixating their eyes on the weather report. “I’m not in trouble, am I?” she finally asks.

“Fareeha, you’ve been in this family for almost eighteen years. If you were in trouble, you’d know it.”

She nods.

“You remember our deal. If you want to leave the house in the middle of the night, you’re more than welcome to do so, just don’t expect a ride home or break the law. No rules were broken, so no consequences are necessary.” Fareeha nods, relaxing. “However.” Fareeha stops relaxing. “Keep in mind that mine aren’t the only rules you follow. Evelyn has disallowed you from her house, and I don’t imagine sneaking in is going to get you back in her good graces. Remember that.”

“But…” she starts, looking for some hole in her mother’s argument. If there is one, she can’t find it.

“But?”

“Um… I left my shoes there,” she admits.

A dry smile appears on her mother’s face, and a small chuckle escapes her lips. “Well,” she says, starting to stand up. “I hope you have another pair.” She tousles her daughter’s hair before disappearing into the kitchen.

 

Jesse and Lena had come over to Emily’s house to practice for auditions. They had no intention of watching the Super Mario Brothers Movie, but less than ten minutes after Jesse finished his fifth run through of  _ It Takes Two _ , they found the movie on YouTube and put it on.

“A fucking four out of ten on IMDb,” Jesse says. “This is at  _ least _ an eleven!”

“I’m so glad we decided to watch this,” Emily grins.

“Apparently the guy who played Mario didn’t realize this was a Mario Brothers movie,” Lena says.

“I don’t blame him,” Jesse says. “It’s like someone the some Mario characters into a B-list sci-fi movie.”

“I think that’s exactly what happened.” 

They watch in disbelief as a slicked-hair reptilian Bowser de-evolves a “toad” into a “goomba”, a tiny-headed man with razor sharp teeth.

“I think I’m dreaming,” Emily says. “I don’t believe this is real.”

“This is actually the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.”

They hear footsteps coming from down the stairs, but are too captivated to look who it is. It turns out to be Emily’s dad, who picks up the remote and switches it to a soccer game.

“Dad, we were watching that,” Emily says.

“The game’s on, you know that.”

“But—”

“It’s fine, Em,” Lena says. “We can just watch on the computer.”

“Long as you’re not too loud,” her dad commands.

“Alright,” Emily says, indignant. “We’ll just go outside then.” Jesse sighs and pulls himself up after Emily and Lena. Her dad doesn’t look up when they go.

“Emily, where are we going?” Jesse asks. She walks a few paces ahead of them, head down against the wind.

“Don’t know,” she says, bitterness in her throat.

“Can we turn left, then?”

Wordlessly, she crosses the street and goes down the next block.

“Is she alright?” Jesse quietly asks Lena. Lena just nods.

Emily turns around, and for a second Jesse thought she overheard, but she’s just waiting for him to give her directions.

“Keep going, turn right in two blocks.”

“Angela’s house?” Lena asks.

“Yep.”

They take long strides to keep up with Emily’s angry pace, and end up in front of Angela’s house in the next few minutes. Jesse hops up her stairs and knocks on her door.

Her mother answers the door. “Hi, Mrs. Ziegler, is Angela there?”

“Yes, but she’s grounded.”

“Grounded?” Jesse asks. “For what?”

“That’s really not your business.” Her voice is terse and frigid.

“Alright then,” he answers, the cold in her voice infecting his. He stands up straighter, speaks more measured. “Have a nice day.”

 

The cloud Efi felt this morning started to leave her alone, which was a welcome surprise, mostly. Usually it comes and goes in her sleep, either staying or staying away for a few days.

It gives her an odd sense of longing, when it’s there, for… something. She doesn’t know what. “A reverse euphoria” is how she described it, instead of a floaty feeling where she’s barely aware of her physical form, it feels like she’s sinking and shackled to her body.

Fortunately, it’s gone now, and instead of scavenging for leftovers like she’d planned, she feels up to going outside for pizza. Bundling herself up, she faces the winds to walk the three blocks to the pizzeria.

To her surprise, three of her friends are already there. Jesse waves her over, and they offer her a slice from their pie.

“What’s up?” she asks.

“Parents,” Emily says.

“What about them?”

“She doesn’t like them,” Jesse says.

“Well,” she shrugs empathetically. She can’t really sympathize, she doesn’t really have issues with her parents, but she understands how some can be.

“Just a few more months,” Lena offers. “Get to go to college in September.”

Emily shakes her head. “Horizon rejected me.”

“Wait, what?” Jesse asks. He’d been doing his best to pick his chill and friendly demeanor back up, but Emily breaks it again.

“They had their lowest acceptance rate in years, most people got rejected. I’m not going.” She’s speaking like she’s half asleep, the anger that had fueled her minutes-long rant against her dad suddenly dried up.

“You’ve still got Oasis, right?” Efi asks.

“Haven’t heard yet, but… I wanted to go out there, see the country. Oasis is right here. I might be commuting, stuck at home.”

They’re all quiet for a few minutes. Jesse bites back a joke that’d probably just be cruel at the moment. Lena rubs her back. Efi becomes vaguely uncomfortable at the situation.

“Well,” Jesse starts. “A bunch of us are going to Oasis. We’ll have our squad there. A few of us are gonna end up dorming, you’ll definitely be able to stay with someone if you need. And if you want to get out, spend a year at Oasis with us and apply somewhere else next year.”

“Think they’ll take me?” Emily asks.

“I’m sure they will,” Lena says.

“My dorm will always be open,” Jesse promises. “Or, you know. My house.”

“Jesse, can your dads adopt me?”

“I’ll ask them,” he smiles. “But really, come over whenever. We haven’t housed enough kids who are angry at their parents over break yet.”

 

_ Brigitte: Sombra _

_ Brigitte: Are you home? _

_ Brigitte: I’m so fucking angry at my dad I need to talk & not be around here right now _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3 for 3! How much longer will this last? Probably not much longer, but I'll do my best.
> 
> I think I was gonna say something here, but now I don't remember. Oh well. Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe, hit the little bell so all my videos will go straight to your inbox, follow me on twitter, subscribe to my 2nd channel, and buy my merch


	38. Midnight chats

_ 12/28/2017 _

Sombra waits for Brigitte by the window, and opens the door when she sees her approaching. The sun set hours ago, as it does in winter, so it’s incredibly dark for 8 PM. Despite how dark it is, she can see the hurt and anger on her friend’s face.

“Everything alright?” she asks.

“I dunno,” she answers, stepping inside. Her voice is wavery, mixed with anger and sadness. “Do you have something to drink?”

“Yeah, I can make tea, or—”

“I mean  _ drink _ drink,” she specifies.

“Thought so. Um…” she thinks for a second. “Dad’s beer, but he’d kill me. What’s going on?”

“Well, I was helping dad around the store, and I told him that I didn’t think I’d want to work during once I started college, focus on classes and clubs. He says he wants me to stay and work. Tries to guilt me into staying, says he doesn’t know what he’d to without me.”

Sombra doesn’t think he’s necessarily trying to guilt her there, that’s just how parents talk to their kids. Regardless, she lets her continue.

“I’ve been wanting to tell him I don’t want to grow up to work the store, and this seemed like a good enough time, so I did. He got upset and defensive, asking me what the problem was with the store, why wouldn’t I want to work there…”

“Oh  _ yikes _ ,” Sombra answers.

“And I didn’t even really know what to say! It’s not that I hate working there, I just don’t want to spend my life doing it. I try to tell him that, but I end up stumbling all over myself, and it doesn’t feel like I can get my point across, then while I’m trying to find words he asks me what I  _ do _ want to do with my life if not the store.”

She’s cut off by a door opening. Satya emerges from her room and leans into the doorway to investigate.

“Hi,” Sombra says. Brigitte falls quiet, not wanting to subject a 7 year old to her ranting.

“What’s going on?” she asks.

“Nothing, we just wanted to talk.”

“Okay,” she nods, and retreats back into her room.

“So what’d you say?”

“I told him I didn’t know, and to him that means I should stay and work with him while I figure it out, never mind that I  _ can’t _ figure it out when I’m stuck at the store! Then we kept going in circles for a bit, and we got madder and madder at each other until I left.”

“Well, you can stay here for a bit if you want. Need anything?”

“Food, if you’ve got any.”

Sombra nods, and heads to the kitchen. “Did you skip dinner?”

“Well, I ate a bit a little before 6, but I get hungry when I’m stressed.”

She grabs some of the chicken they’d had for dinner from the kitchen, and tosses it in the microwave. “So what are you gonna do?”

“Go home later and pretend it never happened?” she guesses.

“Well, as tempting as that may sound, you’re pretty much just asking for it to happen again.”

“But what else can I do?”

“Well… hm.” She thinks. “Are you going to keep working there until college?”

“I guess.” The microwave goes off, and Sombra opens it and passes the food to her friend. “I just don’t want to devote time to it while I’m working on school. And I tried to tell him that, but he didn’t listen.”

“So you’ve got a bit of time to figure something out. For now I think you should stay on his good side, find the right words, and then a month or so before school you try and bring it up again.”

“I think I can do that.” She takes large, hungry bites. “This is really good.”

“Well, I’ve always been good at microwaving. Wanna watch a movie?”

 

Angela hasn’t left her house all day, spending most of her time in her room, not doing much of anything. She refuses to speak to her mom, which she knows is immature, but if she’s being treated like a child anyway then there’s no reason not to act like one. She wants to talk to her dad, but he’s been out all day, she’s not sure where.

The sun is long gone, and the sky’s too cloudy to show stars, only reflecting back an eerie echo of the lights of the surrounding cities. Eventually she decides it’s time to go to sleep, and hops into bed, pulling the blankets over her. The dark cave of her room starts to melt away to the scene she saw only a few nights ago, her pounding heartbeat twisting as the sound travels through her body and reaches her ears sounding like a horribly distorted, desperate coughing.

Gentle knocking comes from her door, but she doesn’t hear it. Her breath fills her ears, no matter how hard she tries, she can’t pull in enough oxygen. A wave of nausea hits her, and for a brief second she’s certain she’s having a heart attack.

Her door opens, and a man walks in. “Angela,” he whispers.

“Dad?” Her voice is strained, like she’s being strangled.

“Are you alright?”

“I don’t…” she forces clarity into her head. “I’m…”  _ be rational _ , she tries to convince herself.  _ You know what’s going on _ . “I’m having a panic attack.”

He sits down next to her. “Can I get you anything?”

She tries to think back to her training. She  _ knows _ what to do when someone’s having a panic attack, but she can’t possibly remember. “I… I don’t….”

“Um… deep breaths. Breathe with me,” he improvises. She nods. That sounds like something that would work.

“Inhale…” he takes a slow, deep breath from his diaphragm for five seconds. She tries to mirror him, but she can’t get enough air. She pushes her middle out as far as it’ll go, trying to free up space, but no more flows in. It feels like she’s suffocating as he has her hold it for three seconds, and it’s all she can do not to cough it all up when he slowly exhales.

“Again,” he instructs. Five, three, five. Five, three, five. She does her best to control her breathing, focusing on counting, making sure she doesn’t speed up or slow down.

“Can we go somewhere?” she asks. “I don’t think I’m ready to sleep yet.”

“Of course. Where?”

“Um… for a drive. Anywhere.”

They leave the house quietly and start the car. “Did mom tell you what happened?”

“She did.” Extensively.

“And?” She doesn’t want to admit it, but she cares quite a bit more what he thinks than what she thinks.

“I’d rather you didn’t, but… you’re not going to get pregnant or anything.”

“So when she punishes me for it, do you not have a say?”

“It’s more complicated than that,” he answers.

“How? Neither of you  _ tell _ me anything!”

“Alright,” he sighs. “You’re right. You deserve to know. Just… give me a few minutes to think about how to say this.”

She nods. Her insides still feel too tight, but she’s starting to calm down, watching the lights on all the buildings pass by through the window.

He starts to pull into a parking lot, and she’s confused before she looks out the other window and sees Dunkin Donuts right next to them.

“Figured you’d want something sweet.”

“Thanks.”

He orders half a dozen glazed munchkins, and she gets a hot chocolate. Not wanting to waste their surplus, he gives them an even dozen.

“So,” Angela prompts, taking the lid off her hot chocolate to let it cool.

He takes a deep breath, preparing herself. His voice is low and monotone. “I cheated on your mother, Angela.”

“Oh.” She wasn’t expecting that. Then she wrinkles her nose. “I don’t blame you.”

“Angela, please, do  _ not _ do that. She did not deserve this.”

“What happened?” she asks.

“I was out of the country for a long time, and so was one of my coworkers. Neither of us had seen our family for a long time, and for a month, we started to depend on each other emotionally. We joked about her being my work-wife, and then they started to feel less and less like jokes. I imagine I don’t have to tell you how things developed from there.”

Angela nods, taking a sip from her hot chocolate. “When did she find out?”

“A few days after Thanksgiving.”

Things start to fall into place for her. They’d fought on Thanksgiving, then a few days after, she fights with her husband. No wonder December had been so frigid.

“So what are you going to do now?”

“I want couple’s therapy. She wants a divorce.” Angela nods again, taking a bite of a munchkin. It doesn’t taste like much, and she can’t tell how much of that is or isn’t Dunkin’s fault. “How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know,” she sighs. Everything feels like mush, so many different thoughts and feelings blending together until she can’t tell what’s what. “I want to talk to Fareeha.”

“I’ll make sure you will,” he promises. “Ready to go home?”

 

Lena’s phone starts vibrating well after midnight, but it’s Emily, so she picks up.

“Hello?” she whispers, not doing a very good job of whispering.

“I think I’m dying,” she answers. She doesn’t sound remotely close to dying, but she doesn’t sound good either, her voice strained and scratchy.

“What’s the matter?”

“I checked my admissions again before I went to bed. Rialto rejected me.”

“Aw, babe—”

“I’ve been throwing up for the past hour.”

She feels like she used the “aw, babe” too early, because now’s a much more appropriate time to use it.

“I’m not sure how related those things are, but oh my god this  _ sucks _ .”

“Anything I can do?”

“Just… talk to me. It feels like today’s just been beating the crap out of me, I need to hear you.”

“Well… I can’t really think of anything to say.”

“Anything. Talk about the weather, read me something. Do your audition monologue.”

She runs through the whole thing, surprised she can remember it.

“Sound more…” she pauses, and Lena winces as she hears Emily gag on something. “Sound more upset. You’re not just angry, you’re disappointed. Also a little… wistful.”

“I’m not sure I can really do that while I’m trying to whisper.”

“Of course you can. Your character would.”

She tries again, but Emily cuts her off in the middle. She goes on mute for a few minutes, and when she comes back it feels like she got punched in the stomach.

“Jeez, Emily, are you alright?”

“I’ll be fine. Keep going.”

She runs through it a second time, then a third where she runs through it slower, and a fourth when she goes “not that much slower”.

“Alright, we’ve made some good work tonight,” Emily says, trying her best to sound like she hasn’t coughed her throat into the toilet. “We’ll try again tomorrow.”

“Feeling better?”

“Better enough to sleep, anyway. Love you.”

Lena smiles a little. “Love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had a bit of a shorter chapter this time because I actually had to leave the house today, and finals are getting dangerously close though. Still gonna try to do one-a-day before the story hits new year's, though.  
> Also, we're getting very close to the big 100K! Only 2 or 3 chapters left.  
> As usual, let me know of any arcs you want me to focus on or pick back up, I probably forgot about them by now.


	39. I'm too braindead to think of a chapter title

_ 12/29/2017 _

It takes Brigitte a few seconds to realize where she is when she wakes up. She has a purple comforter pulled over herself, and the pillows smell vaguely of mango.

“Morning,” Sombra says when she sees her sitting up. She’s already at work on her computer, lines of HTML covering her screen.

“Hey.”

“Hungry?”

“A little bit, I guess. Do your dads know I’m here?”

“Yeah, I told them. You’re fine.”

She blinks a few times and stretches out her legs, fully intending to get out of Sombra’s bed. Her body doesn’t want to. “Is it alright if I stay here for a bit?”

“Whatever you need,” she answers. She won’t be needing it for a while anyway, she might as well let Brigitte hang around.

Her eyes start to fall shut again, and she falls back asleep for another half hour. She feels a little more well rested when she wakes up, and has less trouble getting up.

“Breakfast?” Sombra offers. She sounds hopeful, she’s starting to get hungry.

“Sounds perfect,” Brigitte answers.

The kitchen’s empty when they get downstairs, and Sombra takes a look through the fridge. Bastion runs up to wish them a good morning, and Brigitte lets him lick her legs through the holes in her jeans for a bit.

“We’ve got some leftovers, but doesn’t look like we have anything in the way of breakfast food…”

“Hm…” she answers, not quite sure what to say.

“It’s kind of cold, but we could go somewhere if you want. There’s a diner not too far.”

“Sounds good to me!”

 

_ Amelie: Both of you _

_ Amelie: Meet at Hana’s dad’s bakery at noon _

_ Efi: Why not just your house lol _

_ Amelie: I need sugar _

_ Amelie: We’ll go back to mine later _

 

The hostess leads Sombra and Brigitte to a table, and leaves them each a menu.

“What’s good here?”

“I usually get waffles, but I haven’t really heard people complaining about anything.”

While Brigitte looks over the menu, Sombra admires the new paintings they have lining the walls, most of them done by local artists.

A tall guy with silvery hair in a waiter’s apron walks up to them.

“H’lo, I’m Ashe.” Sombra notes his voice sounding a lot like her brother’s, a low tenor with a southern drawl to it. “I’ll be your waitress today. Can I start y’all out with any drinks?”

Sombra smiles at her, and Brigitte looks confused for an instant before clicking.

“Can I get a hot chocolate?”

“I’ll just have water.”

“Sure thing,” she answers. “Ready to order, or you need a few more minutes?”

Sombra looks to Brigitte. “Oh, um, I’m ready, yeah. Can I get bacon, egg, and cheese on a bagel?”

“I’ll have waffles.”

“Alright, I’ll get that out soon.” She puts her ordering pad in her pocket and walks away.”

“So she’s…” Brigitte asks.

“Guess so!”

“Cool,” she says, figuring that’s a good enough response.

Sombra nods fondly. “Anyway. I assume you don’t wanna talk more about your dad?”

She shakes her head. “What about you? I don’t know much about your family.”

“Well, if you haven’t guessed yet, I’m adopted.”

“Whaaaaaaat?” she feigns utter shock. “Crazy.”

Sombra gives her a wry smile. “Anyway, they were friends with my mom, and when she realized she wouldn’t be able to raise me, she trusted them to raise me. She used to come visit every year or two, but she moved out of the country and it’s been a long time since we talked.”

“Aww, that—”

Sombra cuts her off before she can finish pitying her. “It’s fine. My dads are my real family.”

She nods.

“Jesse was adopted a few months after me, so I’m a little older but we’re basically twins. We didn’t really get along too well growing up.”

“Really?” Brigitte asks, having only seen the last month of their interactions. Ashe returns with their beverages, and they thank her.

“We’ve chilled out a lot since then. I think part of it was just us being kids and then us being teenagers, and then after we turned 15 we liked each other better. Although I also chalk a bit of it up to me being pre-transition, which was really stressful especially before I could express it, and I guess I ended up taking it out a bit on Jesse and Hana. So me being able to transition definitely helped a bit.”

“Were you like, different? Pre-transition?”

“It’s hard to say, I guess. I started when I was about 15, so I was pretty different then anyway. I wouldn’t say I was a different person completely, but… I was a 15 year old. I grew up, and transitioning certainly had an impact, but I’m not sure it had any more of an impact than anything else going on.”

“Alright, makes sense,” Brigitte answers. “Sorry if I’m asking you stuff that’s too personal.”

“No, it’s fine.” She pours some milk into her hot chocolate to cool it down. “If you get too personal I’ll let you know.”

“What about Hana and Satya?”

“I was about 3 when we adopted Hana, she was a few months old, but I can’t really remember too much. For whatever reason I hated Jesse a lot more when we were kids than her, but we all love each other now. I think she was just more introverted even when she was young, so we didn’t get in each other’s way too much. We still fought, but never as much.

“We adopted Satya over the summer—”

“Really? That recently?”

“Yeah, she was seven. Her biological family was abusive, so she was taken from them and we got her. It was a bit rough at first, she had a lot of trouble trusting us, but she’s an angel and we love her.”

“Oh, that’s really sweet!”

She smiles and nods serenely. “You have siblings too, right?”

“Six of them, all younger. Same story, I guess, they were annoying growing up and I get along with the older ones now. The kids are still alright, but the tweens are in their sucky tween phase.”

Sombra nods.

“I guess I haven’t known you guys long enough to really say, but I guess you guys just feel more… connected. Like I see you and Jesse and Hana hanging out at school and I can’t imagine spending time with my siblings like that. Like, I like some of them, but if we weren’t related we’d probably never talk.”

“I think that’s normal. Dad says he and Uncle Rein fought a whole lot before they went into the military and didn’t have to see each other all the time. Now they love each other. Maybe you’ll start liking them more when you move out.”

Ashe returns with their food. “Ooh, fast,” Brigitte comments.

“That’s how we do it,” she answers, and heads back into the kitchen.

“Well, I hope it works out.” Sombra can tell she’s not just talking about with her siblings.

“I’m sure it will.”

 

Hana, Efi, and Amelie sit at the counter of the bakery, eating cookies Gabe had given to them for free.

“So what’s today?” Efi asks.

“Just want to run through the songs a few more times, then I’ve got a Mario 3D World file that’s on world 8 we could finish.”

“Sounds awesome,” Hana nods. “Ready to go?”

Amelie nods, and the girls stand up, wave goodbye to Gabe, and head outside. It’s not too windy today, so they walk through the icy air with little issue.

“So are you guys doing anything for new years?” Efi asks.

“I wanna have something at my house,” Amelie says. “I might try to have some people over.”

“Are we invited?” Hana asks.

“Nah.”

“I can’t believe Amelie hates us,” Efi grins.

“I’m thinking—” her phone vibrates. “One sec.” She pulls it out, and checks her messages. The name on the other end tells her there’s no need to answer, so she rolls her eyes and puts it back in her pocket.

“Who was it?” Hana asks.

“Melissa.”

“The girl who’s trying to use you to get into drama?” Efi asks.

“That’s her.”

“Just ignore her,” Hana suggests.

“I can’t help it.”

“What’s she saying?” she asks.

She groans. A gust blows her hair into her face. “She’s trying to set me up with some guy, but I’m  _ really _ not interested.”

“Well maybe she’d find you a nice girl, if you asked,” Hana jokes.

“No, not girls either.”

“Enbies?” Efi asks.

“Tempting, but still no.”

“No one?”

“That’s what it’s looking like,” she confesses.

Her friends nod for a second, and Amelie feels like a load’s taken off her shoulders.

“Anyway, holiday party?” Efi asks. Amelie grins and they start concocting a guest list.

 

Around one, Lena knocks on Emily’s door with a tupperware of chicken noodle soup. Her mom answers.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is Emily here?” she knows she’s here, she texted her a few minutes ago but didn’t tell her she was coming over as a surprise.

“She’s in the living room.” She steps aside so she can come in.

She quickly walks into the living room, where Emily’s lying on the couch with a blanket pulled over her. There’s a box of tissues on the floor next to her, and her face is pale and grayish.

“Hi,” she tries to smile when she sees her.

“I brought you something,” she says, presenting the soup. “Microwaved it and everything.”

“I love you,” she starts to sit up.

“Should I stay and keep you company, or do you want to sleep?”

“I don’t want to get you sick.”

“It’ll be worth it.”

“Auditions are less than a week away,” she protests.

“I recover quick.”

She’d go on to regret those words, but for the next hour, she happily sits and watches movies with her sick girlfriend.

 

Fareeha’s had a lonely day. Even though she had the freedom to go and spend time with almost anyone, the only person she wanted to see was stuck in her room.

She goes to bed feeling like she’d wasted the day. She’s not at all tired, now’s usually exactly when she goes for a walk, but she doesn’t have anywhere she wants to go enough to face the cold. When she pulls the covers over herself, she knows she might not be going to sleep for a while.

Her phone bings, and she quickly opens it

_ Angela: Fareeha _

_ Angela: Open door _

She quickly hops out of bed, doing her best not to move too fast or too loudly. She skips the creaky steps as she practically bounces down the stairs, and slides across the floor. Seeing no one at the back door, she runs over to the front. Angela stands waiting for her.

“Hi.”

Fareeha smiles. “Want to come in?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Officially declaring no update tomorrow, I've already started to burn myself out because I've just been doing this and nothing else for the past couple days, so I'm gonna recover tomorrow and be back Thursday to hit 100K. Please give comments to motivate me.


	40. buildup

_ 12/30/2017 _

The ringing of a phone wakes both Fareeha and Angela from their sleep. Fareeha looks around for hers, eyes only half open, and Angela blinks a few times before finding her phone on the floor.

“It’s my mom,” she says flatly. She rejects the call and tosses her phone back on the floor.

It rings again a few seconds later. The ringtone even sounds angry. Angela just shakes her head and flops back onto her pillow.

“Think you’ll be staying the day?” Fareeha asks.

“That’s the plan, if you don’t mind.”

“I certainly don’t mind,” she snuggles up to her. “I missed you.” She kisses her girlfriend, and pulls the blanket back over them so they can rest longer.

 

_ Efi: boop _

_ Sombra: BOP _

_ Sombra: *boop _

_ Sombra: hi _

_ Efi: You don’t cut hair, do you? _

_ Efi: Just dye? _

_ Sombra: well I’d give it a shot _

_ Sombra: odds are low on a good outcome, though, unless you’re after my style. _

_ Sombra: want a dye job, though? _

_ Efi: Idt so, I like the color _

_ Efi: I think I want it a lot shorter though. _

_ Sombra: well I’d love to help, but I can’t in good faith not recommend you go to a salon. _

_ Efi: Guess I will _

_ Efi: Thanks though _

_ Sombra: good luck _

 

“Hello again, Hana.”

“Hi, Dr. Zen,” she answers. She’s sitting cross-legged on the couch with her shoes off, as usual.

“How’s your break been going?”

“Fine. My friends and I have been playing a lot of games, just relaxing.”

He nods. “Ready for school again?”

“No,” she shakes her head.

“Understandable. Any major reason? Or just because it’s school?”

“Auditions start, like, the day after we get back. Amelie’s been drilling Efi and I, but I’m still really scared.”

“Scared? What of?”

“Well, it’s just a scary thing to do,” she says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, because it is.

“Can you elaborate?”

“No,” she says. “When I think about auditioning I get really sick and I don’t want to do it. That’s it.”

“I see. But where do you think the problem stems? Are you afraid of not getting the role? Are you afraid of being judged during your audition?”

“Yes,” she replies unhelpfully.

“When you envision yourself going on stage to audition, how does it go?”

“I go on the stage and when I try to audition nothing comes out, then I get nauseous and have to think about something else.”

“Have you tried pretending you’re auditioning while practicing?”

“Not really, I’m too focused on the song.”

“So when you’re actually singing, you don’t really focus on your surroundings?”

“I guess.”

“I believe that you’re scared of thinking too much and choking. However, I think that fear is misplaced. If you focus completely on the song, manage to discount the fact that you’re actually auditioning and pretend it’s just another practice, you’ll do perfectly fine.”

“But I  _ can’t _ ,” she protests. “I’m gonna go up and my legs are going to start shaking and when my legs start shaking like that I can’t take deep breaths and when I can’t take deep breaths I can’t hit the notes,” the words spill out of her mouth. “If I can just  _ stand still _ for two minutes and get through the song, I think I’d do fine, but it’s not going to happen.”

“How are you so sure?”

“When the sun sets every day, you can be pretty sure it’s going to set the next.”

“Perhaps. But this isn’t a force of nature.”

“Sure feels like it.”

“I’m sure it can. But it’s merely a physiological reaction to stress—” Hana rolls her eyes, and Dr. Zenyatta pretends not to notice. “And you can control it.”

“Let me guess, by taking deep breaths?”

“By taking care of yourself before the audition, being sure to stay relaxed in the hours leading up to it, preparing as well as possible, and yes, taking deep breaths.”

She doesn’t answer.

“Can you do that?”

“I guess.”

“Good. Now, how have you been doing with the exercises?”

“I’ve been listening to the recording three times a week. I’m pretty much used to it.”

“Doesn’t bother you anymore?”

“A little, but a lot less. I can do stuff while listening.”

“Very good.”

“Can I stop?”

“Not yet. How have you been doing with what I asked you to do?”

“Um…” she immediately looks at the floor. He wanted her to ride in a car at night with a driver other than her dad, as well as return again to the scene of the accident. When she’d first been there about a month and a half ago, she’d freaked herself out and started disassociating, which scared her away from returning.

“I’m not going to be mad if you didn’t do them,” he assures her. “But I do believe they’ll help you get better faster. As will, may I add, auditioning for that musical. No matter how scared you are, even if you feel like a wreck going in, I really want you to try out for it.”

“Okay,” she nods. “I will.”

 

“Alright,” Sombra says. “Geometry.”

“Geometry,” Brigitte repeats, staring at the computer screen. For her, this is the big one, the one that really screwed her up back in tenth grade.

“So we’re starting out with triangles,” she says, guiding her through the basic math and ratios.

Brigitte does her best to pay attention, but she finds herself paying attention more to the smooth tone and color of her voice, as if it’s drowning out her actual words. It sounds nice, smooth, a low alto that’s not too common and all the more special for it.

“Hey,” Sombra says, snapping her back. “You alright?”

She nods. “Tired,” she answers, trying to convince herself that’s what it is.

“Well, we need to get through this, then you can take a nap. Want coffee?”

“Yeah, sure, thanks.”

She watches her get up and turn on the Keurig, absentmindedly curling a lock of purple hair around her finger while she waits for it to heat up. When she turns to finish clicking through the lesson and start the assignment, she wishes Sombra was next to her, she likes it when she’s guiding her through the problems and encouraging her and just generally being near her.

“Here you go,” she says, offering her the coffee.

“Thanks,” she smiles at her, and takes a sip.

“Alright, let’s get back to work.”

Brigitte nods and returns to the problem she was working on. Her spacey daydreaming had gotten in the way of working, so she’d only completed one problem, and gotten the next one wrong.

“Write it out,” Sombra recommends, leaning in and letting Brigitte smell her mango-scented hair. “Don’t try to do it in your head.”

“Okay,” she nods. She takes one last glance at her soft, friendly face and gets to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter (not even putting us past 1K feelsbad) this time because I'm about to pass out, tomorrow's gonna be another day off because it's my last final then I'll hopefully be able to get another one up Saturday, Sunday, and maybe Monday.
> 
> Also, would you guys prefer shorter chapters more regularly (like this), or would you rather longer chapters that take a bit longer? The story moves along either way so it won't make a huge difference in the long run, it only really changes the individual chapter length, so if you have an opinion on the matter then let me know.


	41. New Year

_ 12/31/2017 _

Jesse and Amelie walk through the supermarket together, picking out bottles of soda and bags of chips.

“How many are we buying for again?” Jesse asks.

“You, me, Hana, Efi, Lena, Emily, Angela, Fareeha, Brig, Sombra, and like eight kids from drama and choir. Anyone else?”

“Hanzo and Genji are coming back at some point this evening, they’ll probably make it later on in the party. And I think Hana’s gonna bring Lucio, but I haven’t seen him in a while.”

“So that’s gonna be about two dozen,” Amelie says, counting on her fingers. She immediately grabs a few extra bags of chips and tosses them in the bag. “So, you’re finally getting to see your boy again. Excited?”

“Of course. They left so soon right after break started, I didn’t really even get to say bye.”

“Well, I’m sure he’ll be back to give you a big ol’ new years kiss,” she teases.

“That’s the plan.”

 

“I don’t wanna go back to school,” Satya says, which surprises Hana because she’s playing games and didn’t even realize that she’d appeared.

“Yeah?” Hana asks. “I thought you liked this one.”

“It’s better, I still don’t like it.”

“What’s the problem?”

“I don’t want to be gone for six hours and about forty five minutes for five days a week.”

“So it’s not the school, but school itself?” she asks.

“I guess. I’d rather stay home reading or doing LEGOs or help dad at the bakery though.”

“You really like the bakery that much?”

“Yeah, it’s fun. He doesn’t let me do a lot of stuff because I’m too young, but maybe soon I’ll get to do more.”

“You think you’re gonna take over for him when you’re older?”

“No, I’m gonna be an architect. But when I’m at college I could work there.”

“That’s a good plan.”

Satya nods. “Does Oasis have good architecture classes?”

“I don’t really know.”

“I don’t know if I’m going to go there, but it makes sense, it’s close by and I think it’s supposed to be a pretty good school, but there’s no point in going if their architecture classes aren’t good.”

“Makes sense.”

“Where are you gonna go?”

She shrugs. “Oasis, I guess.”

“For what?”

“No idea.”

“You like games, maybe you could study game design.”

She shakes her head. “No, not for me.”

“What job do you want, then?”

She wants to say “streamer”, but that’s all but gone, she’s still far too anxious to go back on camera. It’s not about being looked at anymore, her scars have faded and the only clearly visible one is easily covered by makeup, but the thought of getting back on camera is the same feeling she gets when she thinks about auditioning, only with different consequences while she chokes.

Now that she thinks about it… it’s exactly the same feeling.

“I guess I’ll find out,” she says. She pauses the game and pulls out her phone.

_ Hana: hey, Amelie? _

_ Hana: Is it alright if I don’t go to the party tonight? _

“Do you have any ideas?”

“Not really,” Hana answers. “I’ve still got time, though. I don’t even need to start applying for almost two years, and then I have a little while to figure out what I want.”

_ Amelie: Aww :( _

_ Amelie: Everything alright? _

“What if you go to a college and it’s all wrong?”

“Well you can transfer if you don’t like it.”

_ Hana: yeah mostly _

_ Hana: really introverted rn idk if I have the energy _

_ Amelie: alright, take care of yourself _

_ Amelie: We’ll miss you _

“But what if you wake up one morning and you’re about to graduate and you realize you picked the wrong thing?”

“Jesus, Satya, where’s this coming from?”

_ Hana: I’ll miss you too _

_ Hana: we’ll hang out tomorrow _

_ Hana: or just on Tuesday when we get back _

“I dunno,” she shrugs. “The book I was reading a few days ago had someone who did that.”

_ Amelie: Yee _

_ Amelie: Have a good night _

“I’d really rather not think about it,” she answers.

 

Amelie runs over to answer the door when it rings, expecting to see Efi on the other side. What she was not expecting to see was Efi with her hair cut short and spiked up.

“Woah!”

“Like it?”

“Hell yeah! Come on in.”

Efi closes the door behind them, and follows her inside.

“Alright, I’ve already cleaned up a bit, so we just need to put all the soda and stuff in a cooler, make sure there’s bowls for the snacks, and then finish one last game.”

“Works for me!”

Efi takes the ice trays out of the freezer and dumps them into the cooler, passing them over to be refilled once they’re dumb.

“Amelie, I don’t think we’re gonna have time to completely fill this up. You have four ice trays, so unless you want to just hold this up to the ice maker and empty it in…”

“Well, that was the plan,” she says sheepishly.

“Don’t they sell bags of ice at the supermarket?”

“Yeah, I forgot about that.”

Efi sighs. “Alright, let’s go.”

They put their jackets back on and head back to the store to get some ice.

“Have you heard from Hana today?” Amelie asks.

“No, not since last night.”

“She says she wasn’t feeling up to going tonight, I was wondering if she told you anything.”

Surprised, Efi shakes her head.

“I don’t blame her, I know she doesn’t really like the big parties, I’m just curious if there’s anything else going on.”

“I’m sure she’d tell us if she was up to anything.”

 

Jesse pulls up outside Emily’s house, and texts to let her know he’s here. The door opens a few seconds later, and she emerges wearing pajama pants and a big sweatshirt. Her face is grayish pale and she’s shivering despite the relatively mild weather.

“Afternoon,” Jesse says.

“Hey,” Emily answers. She’s noticeably stuffy, her clogged nose altering her voice.

“Feelin’ alright?”

“I’ll be fine,” she insists, and coughs a few times. “Just need a nap.”

“You gonna make it to the party tonight?”

“Probably.”

He’s not very sure that’s a good idea, considering there’s going to be a decent amount of people there, but on the other hand he’s pretty sure she’s not going to make it.

“It’s just a cold, right?” he asks. Emily sits on her hands to warm them up.

“Yeah, I don’t have the flu or anything.” She sniffs a few times. “I’ll be fine soon.”

She wouldn’t be fine soon.

“Well, hopefully we’ll see you tonight,” he says as he parks in front of Lena’s house. “Feel better.”

“Thanks.” She hops out the door and runs over to the house. Jesse waits to make sure she gets inside before driving to the next destination.

While alone on the drive, he hums along with the song. “I believe in friends and laughter and the wonders love can do…” and then quickly skips to the next one when he parks down the block from Angela, knowing she’d tease him for it. The drum fill opening the next song indicates that it’s the Green Forest theme, and he smiles and nods his had along.

He texts her that he arrived, and waits. Soon enough, he sees the back door slowly swing open and Angela take a few tentative steps outside, cautiously close it, then hop over the fence out of her yard. She powerwalks to his car and quickly hops in, and he can see her shivering with nerves.

“Let’s go,” she says, and he quickly peels away.

“Anyone know you’re leaving?” he asks.

“Told dad, I’m sure mom will find out soon.”

He slows down once they’re out of the immediate range of the house, despite the inspiration to go faster from the speedy music.

“What if she comes to get you?”   
“She doesn’t know where I am. She’ll probably check Fareeha’s house and your house and then give up.”

“What if my dads tell her that I’m at Amelie’s and you might be there too?”

She thinks for a second. “Can you ask them not to?”

“I can try.”

The LaCroix’s live on the richer edge of town by the city, so it’s a bit of a longer drive. Angela gazes out the window at the gray clouds covering the sky. She and Jesse talk for a bit about not much at all.

“Here we are,” he parks in front of her house, and they head inside. Efi and Amelie are playing a split-screen FPS in the living room.

“Hey,” Amelie greets them, barely taking her eyes off the screen. “Glad to see you escaped alive.”

“We’ll see how long that lasts.”

 

The sun sets, the clock ticks on, and eventually Amelie has close to two dozen people in her house. There’s a few different groups, with some watching a movie and some playing Cards Against Humanity and some eating and drinking, but the groups are fluid and people flow between them easily.

“What’s going on, guys?” Amelie asks as she approaches a group of the Men’s Choir hanging out on the living room. In order to fit the four of them on a three person couch, one of them is laying down across it and the others are sitting on him.

“We’re trying to convince Mark to give  _ everyone _ a New Year’s kiss,” Luke says.

“By sitting on him?”

“No, I wanted this.”

“It’s a breathing exercise, you see,” Sam explains.

“I’m pretty sure it’s just kinky.”

“That too,” he admits.

“You ready for auditions, Amelie?” Mark asks.

“ _ Hell _ yes. You’re all trying out too, right?”

“Of course.”

“I’ve always wanted to be a background dancer.”

“Getting rejected from things always makes me feel so alive.”

“That’s the spirit,” she says.

One of the other choir boys comes over with two cans, offers one to Mark, and then motions for the other boys to scoot over to let him sit.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” she asks.

“Never better.” His voice is a little strained and his face is red, but he seems to be enjoying himself.

“If you say so.”

Jesse, Angela, and Fareeha stand in the kitchen, drinking the definitely-not-beer Fareeha brought with her.

“Hey, I just realized it’s almost a month before we get senioritis,” Fareeha says.

“Why a month?” Jesse asks.

“The last day of midterms is the 31st, so the first of February is officially second semester. We get to stop caring.”

“Colleges still look at your transcript after they accept, you know,” Angela reminds her.

“Eh,” she shrugs. “I’m not gonna fail or anything. Just chill for a bit.”

“I’m so ready for second semester,” Jesse says. “Rounded out my schedule with the easiest electives I could find.”

“See, I think that’s the way to do it,” Angela says. “Don’t stop trying on the work you get, just make it so you get less work.”

“Who says I can’t do both?”

Brigitte comes over for two cans of the definitely-not-beer, and goes back to the living room to give one to Sombra.

“Thank you,” she says as she opens it. They tap their cans together before each taking a sip.

“So,” Brigitte asks. “Gonna kiss anyone at midnight?”

“Wasn’t planning on it, no.”

“Would you want to? Because I don’t have any plans, so I figured maybe—”

She smiles a little. “Don’t think so, but thanks.”

She’s mildly crushed, and tries not to show it. “Really? Why not?”

“I’m your tutor.”

“Aw, it’s just one kiss…” she’s pouty in a way she hopes is coming across as joking.

“You seem to really want it,” she smirks.

“I’ve never had a new year’s kiss, and this is my last chance before college.”

“I think they let you in without one.”

“I just… I wanted to…” she sighs, trying to find the words. “I never really did anything crazy or romantic in high school, and it feels like I sort of missed out.”

“You’re really not missing too much,” she says. “But if you really want, I’ll kiss you.”

Brigitte smiles at her.

Efi’s phone buzzes, and she’s surprised at the notification. “Amelie, check this out,” she runs to find her. “Hana’s live on Twitch.”

 

A few minutes earlier, Hana’s in her room, trying to psyche herself up. Jack and Gabe went out to dinner with Satya, so it’s only her and Bastion for the next few hours. She has her stream setup back out, dusted off after two months of disuse, her makeup’s on, and OBS is updated. For all intents and purposes, she’s ready to start.

Regardless, she paces nervously around her room, not at all ready. She hums along with the song blasting in her headphones, hoping the energy of it will pass into her. “ _ Let me show you who I am and what I’m here for… _ ” She’s not at all ready to show anyone who she is or what she’s here for. Bastion sits on her bed, lazily watching her walk back and forth. Her fingers tap against the side of her legs.

“This is dumb, isn’t it?” she thinks out loud. “I should just go to the party.”

Bastion tilts his head unhelpfully. She kneels down to face him. “What do you think. Can I do it?”

He flicks his tongue out at her, trying to lick her face. “Not now, puppy, don’t mess up my makeup.” She lets him lick her hand a bit instead, and wipes it on his fur. “Is that a yes?” she asks. He opens his mouth very wide to yawn.

She takes it as a yes, and sits down in front of her setup.

_ D.Va _ , she reminds herself.  _ You’re not Hana, you’re D.Va. And D.Va never gets nervous. _

“Let’s do this.” Before she can change her mind, she hits the buttons to turn on the stream.

A few seconds into the stream, and Amelie and Efi are already teasing her in the chat.

“Amelie, I’m 16, I’m not allowed to do that. No, that’s not the only thing stopping me.”

She checks the view count on her second monitor, and she’s sitting comfortably at a solid 6 viewers. That’s fine. She can handle 6.

 

Efi types into the chat that she’s gonna get back to the party but she’ll keep it open to keep her view count up, and then gets back to the party. Midnight is fast approaching, and the last few stragglers are starting to trickle in. Jesse sits by the window, drinking his second can of definitely-not-beer, gazing at the dark streets.

“Hey, Jesse,” Efi says, sitting next to him. “What’s up?”

“Keep hoping Hanzo and Genji are gonna drive in before midnight,” he says. “Everytime a car drives by, I hope it’s them, but,” he shrugs. His voice betrays tipsiness, but not intoxication.

“Aw,” she rubs his back a little. “I’m sure they’ll make it.”

“I hope so,” he takes another sip.

“Hey, Jesse? How are you getting home?”

“Gonna ask Sombra to drive the car.”

“Yeah, she’s drinking too.” She gestures to her and Brigitte sitting on the couch with their cans of definitely-not-beer.

“Uuugh,” he groans, and rests his forehead on the windowsill. She gives him a few gentle pats on the back and moves on.

“Hey, weirdos,” she greets the choir kids. Mark is still lying face-up on the couch, but a completely new roster of choir kids are sitting on him.

“Hey, Efi,” he says. “Wanna join the pile?”

“I’ll pass. I’m pretty sure I’d break you.”

“You’re like, 20 pounds.”

She rolls her eyes. “Can you even breathe?”

“He doesn’t need to breathe,” Lucas says. “Only to feel the love and closeness of his brothers.”

“I live off pure homoerotic energy now.”

“Join us, Efi,” Andy says. “Be one of the boys.”

“Yeah, I’m not gonna do that.”

“Fine. We’ll be waiting for you.”

She shakes her head and goes off to find someone else.

_ Efi: Boop _

_ Efi: You two doing alright? _

_ Lena: blegh _

_ Lena: Emily’s already asleep _

_ Efi: oof _

_ Lena: I’m not gonna make it to midnight either _

_ Lena: Just waiting for the decongestant to kick in at this point _

_ Lena: So I can breathe _

_ Efi: Aww _

_ Lena: how’s everything going over there? _

_ Efi: pretty good! _

_ Efi: The choir kids are weird as hell, but they’re just hurting themselves. _

_ Lena: They do the “oh yeah” thing yet? _

_ Efi: No _

_ Efi: I still haven’t seen it and I don’t want to _

_ Lena: It’s life changing _

_ Lena: A little scarring, but life changing _

_ Lena: I’m gonna try to get to sleep _

_ Lena: See you in school on Tuesday _

_ Efi: Feel better! _

The door opens, and Jesse bolts over. A familiar Japanese boy is immediately wrapped in a bear hug, which he happily returns.

“Isn’t anyone excited to see me?” his brother asks, his familiar joking grin on his still-scarred face.

“Hey, Genji,” Efi smiles at him and offers him a hug, which he happily accepts. “Happy new year, guys.”

“Efi,” Amelie walks up to her as she ends the hug. “Check this out.” She shows her her phone, which is open to Hana’s stream. She’s covering her mouth and breathing heavily, her eyes wide open. The chat is moving way too fast, and the viewer count has rocketed to the 100s and is steadily climbing.

“Holy shit.”

“She’s trying to hide it but she’s freaking out.”

“I’ll message her.”

_ Efi: Deep breaths, Hana _

_ Hana: WHAT’S GOING ON?? _

_ Efi: It looks like you’re getting raided. _

_ Hana: WHY? _

_ Efi: Got lucky, I guess. _

_ Efi: Just take deep breaths and play for another half an hour or so. _

_ Efi: Remember, you’re *D.Va* _

_ Efi: No fear. _

_ Hana: No fear _

_ Hana: some fear. _

_ Efi: No fear! _

“Sorry, guys,” she says into the microphone, talking a few pitches higher and a few shades brighter than normal. “Someone was so thirsty they tried to DM me, I told them they’d have to go somewhere else.”

“D.Va always makes me a little thankful we have Hana around,” Amelie smirks. “She’s entertaining, though.”

“I’m glad she’s back,” Efi agrees. “Come on, it’s almost midnight.”

 

“Five, four, three, two, one—” the chanting only comes from the TV, most of the residents of Amelie’s living room too busy talking to each other to bother with counting down. They all join in for the “happy new year!”, though, before turning to celebrate amongst themselves.

Fareeha and Angela, both tipsy, knock their noses together before joining in a giggly kiss. “I love you,” Angela reminds her, and they kiss again.

Jesse and Hanzo kiss long and deep, letting out the frustration of the two weeks they’d gone without seeing each other. “Welcome back,” Jesse says, hugging him and resting his head on his chest. They’re both overly aware of the “for now” caveat, but neither of them wants to acknowledge it.

“Ready?” Brigitte asks. Sombra nods, and they press their lips together. Sombra feels the pleasant closeness of another person against her. Brigitte feels sparkling heat flow into her head and heart, turning her face pink when she pulls away.

A few blocks away, despite being overcome by drowsiness, Lena turns to her sleeping girlfriend next to her and presses a kiss to her lips. “Happy new year,” she murmurs. “Love you.”

“Happy new year, everyone!” Hana shouts into the microphone, blowing kisses at the screen. She takes the opportunity to end the stream, linking everyone to the community discord server she operates from, and promising to stream again soon.

She wipes the makeup off her face and sinks to her bed, exhausted. She lets Bastion lick her for a bit, letting her tired haze overtake her. Talking to so many people for so long is exhausting, but… she did it. She made it through, no breaking down, no giving up, and she thinks she was pretty entertaining.  _ I can do it again _ , she tells herself.  _ I can perform again. _

 

Jesse and Sombra walk through the cool night back to their houses. There’s no wind, fortunately, so they don’t mind the cold too much, and a decent chunk of houses still have their lights on to guide them home.

“So, you and Brigitte?” Jesse asks. He’s got three cans of definitely-not-beer in him, enough to affect his speech but not enough to really mess with him.

“She just wanted someone to kiss on New Year’s,” she says. “We’re not going to date or anything.”

“Well, that’s a shame. Could’ve been a cute couple.”

She shrugs. “Even if I was into her, I’m tutoring her. Wouldn’t be appropriate.”

“Ooh,  _ forbidden _ love.”

“Well, you’re gonna have to save your love stories for another day. I’m not into her and she’s not into me.”

“She asked you for the kiss, don’t you think that means anything?”

“Yeah, that I’m hot. Also, she knows me better than pretty much anyone else there.”

Jesse shrugs. “I dunno. I think she might catch feeeeeelings.”

“No one’s catching feelings, Jesse.”

 

Brigitte’s already at home, drifting off to sleep, hugging a pillow up against her and smiling. She plays the kiss again and again in her head, longing to see her again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey nerds, I haven't written fantasy for a while so from now on I'm gonna alternate updating this story with a fantasy story on wattpad. First chapter's already done, it's gonna go live as soon as the cover for it's done (ideally within the next day or two). Check it out here if you want: https://www.wattpad.com/user/NuclearSummer, or not if you don't really like fantasy. Don't worry too much about what it means for updates here, if anything they'll be more consistent because I won't get burnt out by writing the same genre over and over.
> 
> Also, the in-universe break's finally over! (I'm not doing a chapter on the last day because I honestly can't think of anything). Almost time for long chapters of drama-club drama.


	42. Audition day

_ 1/3/2018 _

Unable to wait for the bell to ring, Amelie asked permission to skip gym and spend the last period of the day in the choir room. Ms. Chung isn’t there, but it seems like she wasn’t the only one who had the idea, because three other choir kids are there. One is a boy from men’s choir doodling on one of the whiteboards, one is a younger boy who’s in regular choir pacing around the room, and the third is a girl sitting on the beaten-up couch doing homework.

The pacing boy jerks his head to the door when she walks in, but quickly looks back to the floor. The boy at the whiteboard doesn’t even seem to notice her, and the girl doing homework waves hello.

She opens the closet to make sure no one’s hiding in it, then walks up to the whiteboard.

“What’cha drawing?”

“Ms. Chung,” he says.

“Why does it say ‘mom’ over her?”

“Because she’s our mom. We decided it during lunch today. This drawing is gonna be the big reveal.”

“Does she know about this?”

“She’s gonna.” He stands on his toes to start shading her hair.

She shakes her head and walks over the the risers to finish up her homework.

Two other kids trickle in during last period, another boy from men’s choir and a girl who’s not in choir but hangs out there anyway. Five minutes before the bell is supposed to ring, Ms. Chung returns to her room.

“What are you all doing here?” she asks. “You’re not supposed to be in here when I’m not here!”

“We were waiting for you to get back.”

“Yeah, we missed you.”

“Besides, we had an adult,” he points to the senior doing homework on the couch.

“Yes, that’s me, an adult,” she says, knowing full well that everyone knows she’s 17. “Don’t worry, I was keeping an eye on them.”

She sighs a little and walks into her office.

Another troupe of kids walk in before the bell rings. “Stop skipping class to come here!” she protests.

“But we love it here.”

“We asked permission.”

“But if you ask to leave enough times, then eventually they won’t let you go when I actually need you.”

“You know us, we’ll come anyway.”

She sighs again. “Please don’t get me in trouble.”

Jesse comes in a few seconds before the bell rings, and sits next to Amelie.

“Emily and Lena weren’t in school today.”

She looks alarmed. “Really?”

He nods. “They’re still sick.”

“Well… maybe they’ll come anyway.”

“Technically, they’re not allowed to. You’re not allowed to go to any extracurriculars on days you miss school.”

“Will that stop them?”

“Probably not,” he shrugs. “But if they get caught on the way in, they’ll probably get removed. Is there a later day they can audition?”

She shakes her head. “I don’t think so.”

At 2:45, Ms. Chung starts leading everyone in warmups. Most of their friends find their way in over the next few minutes, but Emily and Lena remain absent.

“What time are you going on?” Amelie asks. It’s 3:10, and the first audition starts now. “Hana?” she asks when she doesn’t answer.

“Huh?” Her eyelids are half-closed, and her body feels like it’s falling asleep without her brain. Everything feels far away, shut off from her, like a dream had on the border of waking and sleep.

“What time is your audition?”

“Four.” At least, she’s pretty sure it’s at four, she can’t remember. Her mind decides it’s had enough of her anxiety-ridden body for the moment, and starts to float out of her again, which only makes her panic more. Something happens, she’s not sure what, because because the next thing she remembers is sitting out in the hallway with Efi and Amelie next to her.

“—be okay,” Efi says. Hana nods, whatever it was she said locked somewhere in her subconscious. 

“Can you stand up?” Amelie asks. She shakes her head, feeling blood slosh around in her. Her heart’s beating way too hard and way too fast, and she believes those beats are the last cry for help before it stops forever.

_ It’s just a panic attack _ , a too-sane voice in her head tells her. The parts of her brain holding themselves together are sure that’s right, but the rest of her is falling apart, and the idea that she’s dying seems much more rational to those parts.

“Come here,” Efi says. She pulls Hana into a tight hug, squeezing as tight as possible without hurting her. Amelie joins too, trying to love Hana back to sanity.

She panics at first, her heart ready to fly off the handle, but the warmth and pressure slowly brings her back down to Earth.

“Better?” Efi asks.

“Mostly.” Her voice is weak, and Amelie guides her to the water fountain.

The door opens, and Jesse hurries out, but stops when he sees the girls. “What’s going on, are you okay?”

“She had a panic attack,” Efi explains. “She’s fine now but we’re going to keep an eye on her until her audition.”

“I—” Jesse starts. “One second.” He bolts down the hallway and bursts into the cafeteria. The girls stare after him, then turn their attention back to Hana.

“I can’t do this,” she says. “I can barely breathe or stand up.”

“You’ve still got,” Efi checks her phone, “Thirty five minutes to recover.”

She shakes her head. “It’s going to get worse.”

“How do you know?” Amelie asks.

“I can feel it.”

“Does it usually get worse?” Efi asks.

“Sometimes.” It usually doesn’t, but this one could be different, maybe, she thinks.

Jesse returns to the hallway, Emily and Lena in tow. “You alright?” he asks.

She nods. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” She forces her voice to sound relatively normal, but it’s still quiet and high.

He doesn’t quite believe her, but he returns to the choir room anyway.

“What’s going on?” Lena asks. She sounds incredibly stuffy.

“She—” Efi starts.

“Nothing,” she insists. “Go back inside.”

Lena feels a little weird about being brushed off like that, but obeys her wishes.

“What usually helps?” Amelie asks.

“I don’t know. Bastion, sometimes.”

“He’s not here. Anything else?”

The only advice Efi can think of is “take deep breaths,” which she offers.

“I  _ can’t _ .” Her lungs reject anything more than what feels like a spoonful of oxygen, resisting when she tries to take in any more.

“Come with me,” Amelie says, offering her hand. Hana takes it, and Amelie starts to lead her down the hall. Efi follows.

“Where are we going?”

“For a walk.” The trio heads towards the cafeteria, passes it, and takes a left to head down a staircase.

“What if we’re late?”

“We’ve got over 40 minutes, we could do five laps around the school and you’d still have time.”

Amelie tries to think of something to talk about other than the audition, but it’s the only thing on her mind.

“Oh, hey,” Efi says, apparently finding something. “You know how we never ended up playing D&D over break?”

Hana nods. Amelie makes a noise of disappointment.

“Well, it’s not D&D but a friend of mine found a system that’s being beta tested right now, and he’s starting up a session of it soon if you guys want to join in.”

“Does it seem fun?”

“Suitably ridiculous. I’ll send you the rulebook.”

“Are we gonna have time?” Hana asks. “With the play and all?”

“It’s all online, and the players are generally separated in the beginning, so we can just play from our phones and computers whenever we have time.”

“M-maybe,” she says. Her face is still pale, and her eyes border on wild.

“We’re not starting for a week or so, so you’ll have time to make up your mind.”

Amelie insists on racing up the staircase, leaving Hana slightly winded at the top, forcing her to try and breathe a little deeper. The staircase leads them to a hallway lined with science classrooms, and Amelie leads them past. Efi takes Hana’s other hand, and swings her arm a little in a soft rhythm.

“You know,” Amelie snickers a little when they pass the chemistry room. “Someone in my class fell asleep during a test, and when they woke up they only had 15 minutes left to finish.”

“Did they pass?” Hana asks.

“I dunno.”

“Isn’t it a little rude to—” Efi starts.

“It was Noah C.”

“Mmm,” she nods. She’d never had a problem with that Noah in particular, but she knows he’d harassed her on and off through middle school.

They trek onwards, Amelie doing her best to tell stories about whatever shenanigans she’d seen in each classroom. “Ohh, remember when Kyle and John were screwing around with a frisbee in there and it went out the window?” Hana nods and smiles a little. “They didn’t even mean to, it just happened.” Amelie seems to be enjoying the story a bit more than Hana, giggling at the memory of John’s face when the disc had just sailed out the two-inch gap beneath the window.

It only takes a few minutes to traverse the second floor, and in a matter of seconds they’re going down another flight of stairs. It takes them past the library and drops them outside the teen center, which Amelie enters.

A sweet old lady sits at the desk, and smiles when they walk in. “Afternoon.”

“Hi, Ms. Ravassa!” Amelie says.

“What brings you here?”

“Hana’s nervous about auditions, and we were thinking some snacks might cheer her up?” She smiles sweetly at her.

Ms. Ravassa shakes her head in the way mothers and schoolteachers do when they know they probably should say no to the kids but they’re just too cute. She procures three packs of peanut butter cups and hands them out. Amelie smiles again, and the girls all thank her.

They eat them as they head back down the hallway, tossing the wrappers in the trash by the entrance. Hana casts a nervous glance into the empty auditorium, where she’d either be spending all her time for the next few months, or be casting sad glances towards it as her friends go to rehearsal while she has to go home. One hallway later, they’re back in front of the choir room.

“Feeling better?” Amelie asks.

“I guess.” She’s not really sure if she’s feeling better or not, even though she no longer feels like she’s on the verge of death, the thought of going up and auditioning still makes her sick.

They walk back inside. The room’s filled with varying energies, some of the newcomers are a lot more nervous, while most of the veterans are a lot more relaxed. A bunch of them do stretches and vocal warmups, others run through their songs and monologues quietly to themselves, and some snack or do homework. One of the men’s choir boys sits on a railing and swings his legs, aggressively nodding his head to a song that probably isn’t from Hairspray that blasts through his headphones.

Emily exits the side room, fresh from her audition, slightly shaken but generally confident. “Maya, you’re up,” Mrs. Chung says, and a sophomore hops up to meet her challenge. “Andy, you’re on deck.” Another men’s choir boy looks up at the mention of his name, and bolts from the room immediately.

“Where’s he going?” Efi asks.

“Pull-ups,” his friend Luke answers. “He gets stressed out during rehearsals and auditions, so he burns off energy by doing pull ups.”

“Isn’t there some kind of sports practice going on in the gym? Does he just barge in and use the pull-up bars?”

“Not the gym,” he says. “Come on.”

They follow him back out of the room and down a side passage near the auditorium. They look up to see a few square feet of ceiling is about a foot or so higher than the rest, and blocked off with plywood. The bottom two rungs of a metal ladder hang down, connected to the wall, and from the ladder, Andy rhythmically lifting himself up and down. He manages a dozen before dropping to the floor.

“Hey, Luke.” He’s a bit breathy and his brow’s sweaty, but he seems a lot more composed than he did when he’d bolted from the choir room. “You want a go?”

Luke shrugs. “Might as well.” He leaps up, grabbing the bottom of the ladder, and starts his reps.

“That’s  _ weird _ ,” Amelie comments. “You’re all  _ weird _ .”

“Maybe so. But I got in some exercise and now I’m all ready to go. I think more people should try it.” The girls watch him skeptically as he jogs back to the choir room.

“What do you think, Hana? Worth a try?” Amelie asks, almost as a joke. Efi watches Luke struggle to complete his sixth pull-up, then drop to the floor.

“Probably not.”

“Come on,” Luke takes a deep breath. “Give it a try. It’s the kind of thing that gets you good tired.”

“I’ll go for it if you do,” Amelie says.

Luke steps back to let them approach. Hana hops up the steps, looks up to the bar, and jumps. Her fingers catch around it, and it’s cool against her warm hands. She tries not to grunt as she drags herself up once, and lowers back down.  _ One _ . The second one’s harder, and she can feel her arms and core already complaining. She doesn’t weigh much, but she’s not especially muscular either.  _ Two _ , she grips the bar harder. She lets out an “ugh” as she forces out the third, feeling like she weighs twice as much.  _ Three _ . Despite her fingers, arms, shoulders, abs all aching, she forces out a fourth, slowly managing to raise her chin above the bar before dropping to the floor, landing on her feet and almost completely collapsing before catching herself.

“Feel alright?” Luke asks, offering her his hand. She takes it, and he helps her back to her feet.

She nods. She’s fatigued, but not in a straining, breathless way. It almost feels like she’s under a pressure blanket, where she can still move around freely but everything’s weighed down, making her feel almost relaxed. Her heart’s thumping with exertion, but it’s hard and rhythmic, not panicky and fast.

“Awesome,” he says. “No one ever comes back here, so it’s pretty much always open, unless someone else is already on it. But no one’s gonna just walk by and see you.”

She nods again. “Cool.” He walks back to the choir room, his audition approaching.

Amelie hops up to do her reps.

“Do you really feel better?” Efi asks.

“Well… kinda, yeah. Whenever I try to read about how to get over panic attacks, they always say stuff like “do some exercise”, but running never helps and there’s not much else I could think to do. I guess this might be more what they were talking about.”

“Alright! Maybe you should ask your dads for a pull up bar at home.”

“Maybe.” Amelie’s form is quite a bit better than Hana’s, and she manages seven before dropping.

“You wanna go, Efi?”

“I’m good.” They return once again to the choir room, where Jesse finds them.

“How much longer ‘til you go?” he asks.

“About 20 more minutes. You?”

“I’m already done, just hanging around to give rides home. I’m gonna drive Mark and Ellie now, and then I can get you and probably someone else when you’re done?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” She’s only half paying attention.

“Alright, see you soon.” He runs off.

 

Fareeha sits in detention, waiting for the clock to hit 4 so she can leave. Her homework sits largely unfinished before her, the window next to her causing consistent distractions despite absolutely nothing happening outside. The sky’s mostly clear, with a few white clouds over it, and bare trees sway in the wind. Every once in a while, she forces her attention back to her homework, but her head drifts back to the side, and she can’t seem to stop gazing out the window.

 

Around the same time, Angela arrives home. The door’s unlocked, and she wraps her gloved hand around the cold doorknob, doing her best to open it quietly. It’s cold, like her parents had forgotten to turn up the heater when they got home. A quick look around tells her that neither of them are actually there, and probably haven’t been all day. A stroke of luck, she thinks. She’d expected to get grilled about coming home late, but it seems like no one has to know. A quick look in the fridge reveals leftovers from the previous night, and she heats it up in the microwave and turns on a movie.

 

Lena unlocks her car, and Emily hops in shotgun. Her stomach’s churning, and she closes her eyes and leans her head back as Lena starts the car.

“How’d you do?” Lena asks.

“Ugh,” she groans, feeling a sickly sensation creep into her throat. “I think it went okay. Hopefully they were a little understanding because we were congested.”

“I cleared up a bit for mine, but I don’t think I was on top of my game.”

“That’s good.”

They pull out of the parking lot, the street ahead almost completely empty. “I got another rejection,” Emily said.

“Oh hon,” Lena sympathizes. “Where now?”

“Hanamura.”

“Did Oasis get back to you yet?”

“Nope. Applied late, so who knows when they’ll reject me.”

“They’re not gonna reject you,” she insists. “You applied to mostly stretch schools, just because Horizon and Hanamura think they’re too good for you doesn’t mean Oasis will too.”

“Maybe,” she shrugs.

 

_ Brigitte: Hey! _

_ Brigitte: You’re in tech, right? _

_ Sombra: Sound and lighting, but I help out some of the other crews. _

_ Brigitte: Is there a meeting for that if I want to join? _

_ Sombra: Yep! Monday after school. _

 

“Hana Reyes-Morrison,” Ms. Chung calls. Hana’s heart leaps into her throat, and her legs shake when she tries to stand.

“Go get ‘em,” Amelie whispers. Hana nods, only half-hearing her over her heart pounding through her ears. She strides over to the audition room, walking way too fast, seemingly not in control of her legs.

“Good afternoon, Hana.” Ms. Chung greets her. Also in the room are the two directors, and a friendly looking student. “How are you?”

“Fine,” she says. Ms. Chung thinks she looks a little pale, but doesn’t mention it.

“We’ll start as soon as you’re ready.” Her words start to get echo-y, and when Hana blinks it feels like her eyes don’t focus.  _ Oh no… _ she thinks.

She takes a deep breath, her lungs filling with oxygen, trying to keep herself grounded. “Ready,” she lies, and the piano starts.

 

Efi waits right outside the audition room for Hana. She half-stumbles out, and she looks half confused.

“How’d it go?” she asks, pretending that she wasn’t trying to listen in.

“I don’t know. I can’t feel my legs.”

Efi helps Hana put her arm over her shoulders and walks her back to the couch.

“I don’t remember most of it. I think I dissociated.” Try as she might, she can’t call up any memory of the three minutes she spent singing and monologuing.

“Crap, really?”

She nods.

“Well… they didn’t stop you, you got through the whole thing.”

“I guess so.”

“So maybe you did it just fine!”

“Yeah… maybe,” she says, mood picking up a little. She could be right, as far as she knows. She’s doesn’t stop functioning when she dissociates, and since she didn’t have a panic attack, maybe she went through everything just fine. “I just wish I could remember.”

Efi doesn’t really know what to say to that. Fortunately, Amelie returns just in time. “You finished?”

“Apparently,” she says. “Now we just wait, right?”

She nods. “Now we just wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what it is, but something about this chapter felt kind of... off? Maybe I'm just paranoid, but even putting aside the pacing weirdness, something about it feels different and not good different.
> 
> I was going to add another segment at the end, but it was taking long enough as-is, so if it feels a little rushed that's why.
> 
> The fantasy thing I've been working on is up, I said I was gonna try alternating between updating this one and that one so we'll see how it goes, feel free to take a look here: https://www.wattpad.com/story/173538306-historical-inaccuracies  
> I'm not gonna promote it too much, but I'm looking for feedback for both this and that story so I am hoping to get a few readers.
> 
> I'll try and get the next chapter out faster but no promises


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